


someday soon verse

by deansdandelionedhair



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Absent John Winchester, Artist Dean Winchester, Bad Parent John Winchester, Belly Kink, Belly Rubs, Bobby Singer is Dean Winchester's Parent, Boy King of Hell Sam Winchester, Castiel Has PTSD (Supernatural), Castiel Has a Crush on Dean Winchester, Chubby Dean Winchester, Chuck Shurley is God, Cute Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester Has Self-Worth Issues, Dean Winchester Has a Crush on Castiel, Dean Winchester Sings, Depressed Dean Winchester, F/F, F/M, Hunter Castiel (Supernatural), Hunter Gabriel (Supernatural), Hunter Lucifer (Supernatural), Insomniac Dean Winchester, John Winchester Being an Asshole, Lucifer Being an Asshole (Supernatural), M/M, Magical Pregnancy, Married Castiel/Dean Winchester, Multi, Nerd Dean Winchester, Parental Jody Mills, Pregnant Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester Being an Asshole, Sam Winchester is Older Than Dean Winchester, Selectively Mute Dean Winchester, Serial Killer John Winchester, Serial Killer Sam Winchester, Sick Dean Winchester, Skinny Dean Winchester, Stomach Ache, Tummy kisses, Witch Dean Winchester, Younger Dean Winchester/Older Sam Winchester, castiel went to hell, castiel/dean winchester kids, dean talks to ghosts, dean winchester has a cat, dean winchester has claustrophia, dean winchester likes bugs, dean winchester likes flowers, dean winchester likes music, dean winchester sucks his thumb, dean winchester takes photos
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-04-21 14:13:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 65
Words: 155,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22082278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deansdandelionedhair/pseuds/deansdandelionedhair
Summary: au verse - with a family this crazy, it just needed to be told.at age 15, dean winchester was a mute son and brother to serial killers, who cut him open, shot him and left him for dead. that was until uncle bobby, aunt jody and aunt donna got wind of it all.now, at age 19, bound to live forever, thanks to aunt rowena teaching witchcraft, dean was living his best life. married to castiel, with eight kids, living in the family farmhouse and dealing with bratty brother-in-laws, life really couldnt be sweeter.crazy things happen in sioux falls, south dakota. dontchaknow?🌼 verse chapter🌸 au within the au chapter🥀 the sad boys club chapter(requests are always open)× MAJOR UPDATE CHAPTER 65 ×
Relationships: Abaddon/Chuck Shurley, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Donna Hanscum/Jody Mills, Gabriel/Rowena MacLeod
Comments: 311
Kudos: 201





	1. 🌼 mother's day gift

**Author's Note:**

> not sure wtf im doing yet? have had this idea in my head for weeks. enjoy the first little ... whatever this is.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> words: 1,607
> 
> posted on january 3rd 2020.
> 
> ** edited on april 22nd 2020 **

the back door leading into the grubby looking kitchen of bobby's house was always the second-last clue anyone would hear as someone walked into the old house.

the porch outside, recently updated with a fresh coat of blinding white paint, still creaked under the weight of even the lightest person. the old back door still squeaked when pushed. and finally the floor boards, _ah the floor boards_. always the last clue.

but still fun to dance on to piss someone off. and usually, that happened to be dean whenever castiel's family stopped by during a hunt. the noise of the old floor boards would drive everyone up the walls until they too, were dancing or throwing crumpled papers at the boy.

bobby looked up as the kitchen floor boards squealed by the back door. the noise continued before revealing an 18 year old dean winchester, a stressed but thoughtful look upon his young freckled face. dean gnawed on his thumb nail quietly before slightly sucking on the edge of it as he dropped his dirty art bag on the floor, sitting on the spot on bobby's couch that had lovingly been dubbed "dean's spot".

bobby had spent enough time with the boy to note that whenever dean chewed or sucked on his thumb it could mean two things that usually connected. most of all it was a pure comfort thing. an old habit he had hid well from john and sam as he got older but still needed to do.

bobby smiled a little to himself remembering when jody and donna had first adopted dean. he had tried so hard not to suck his thumb, but had done so anyhow, and without so much as a blink of an eye, jody had held him close and whispered _"you're safe now, do what you need. there's no judgement here."_

"d-dad?"

bobby shifted his view over to dean, who had his hands playing with the twisted strap of his art bag. "what's on yer mind, boy?" dean's bright green eyes, still lowered on his bag, squinted with thought before they faced bobby's aged face.

"u-uh, ... mother's day is c-coming up and," he stopped to sigh, one hand gripped his bag, the other went to drag through his hair "i dont know, i have this idea, because i really want it to be special this year, but i dont ..." he trailed off, shrugging, his teeth tugged his soft bottom lip. bobby's eyebrow lifted in a confused state, the rest of his face followed the brow seconds later.

"so, ya have an idea but, but what? anything ya buy or make ya'know they'll like, dean"

the boy nodded slowly, opening his bag and producing a tattered notebook. 

_his idea book? ,_bobby thought.

dean stood, the bag lifted and left behind on the old couch, the notebook placed on a stack of books bobby had sitting beside him on the desk. "i have two-ish weeks still, if .. if i go through with it. but i would need help with the wood and designing of everything, i can do the art stuff" the aged hunter picked up the fat notebook, leaned back in his chair and looked over the scribbled page.

the page itself was hardly presentable. covered in pencil and thick black pen lines. the pencil, obvious the outline of the idea. the pen, clearly the finished idea layout. the basic idea was to take photos that dean had taken over the years, during birthdays, holidays, hunts. didn't matter much, dean always had some kind of art supply in his hands. was usually a camera, much to the pain of bobby. he wondered how many damn photos the kid had taken of him sitting in this exact spot, over the years. he'd have to ask later.

"oh, and i have this scribble, i guess. doodle? uh, i have this .. thing of them that i drew while we were watching tv awhile back and i want to draw it on nicer paper. maybe colour or paint it. not sure yet. but i want that in the middle, if, if i can" dean stuttered over himself as he pulled his sketchbook out while flipping to the page and pointing to both the doodle and notebook in bobby's hands.

"well kid. i can help, if ya'd like. meet me here tomorrow morning"

"r-really?"

"yes, ya idgit"

_"......awesome!"_

**~~~~**

over the next two weeks dean and bobby worked outside in the yard.

dean had told both jody and donna he was helping bobby on a project, neither had questioned it, dean did usually help bobby with projects. although towards the end of this project it was getting harder to explain why he came home covered in sawdust, rather than motor oil or grease.

the day before mothers day, the gift had been polished and wrapped with the promise that bobby was to bring it over to the house during lunch tomorrow. with bobby's help, his word and an honest pinkie promise dean had nodded, hugged bobby as a thank you and left the scrap yard.

he was nervous but in the back of his mind he knew it was beyond crazy to worry. his mom and mama would notice the hard work he and bobby had done. _they would love it._ he knew that. but still, that night was filled with restless sleep of nerves and excitement.

**~~~~**

mothers day morning had gone smoothly.

dean was up early to make breakfast. the hugs and kisses he'd gotten were more than enough of a thanks. he'd smiled so wide he thought his face could've broken in half and he wouldn't have cared. the three of them ate at the breakfast nook in their pjs, laughing over old and new jokes, sharing stories and memories.

after breakfast was cleaned up and the trio had dressed for the day, castiel had phoned. wishing everyone a happy mothers day and an update as to where him and his family were that week. their hunts the last few weeks had been longer, tougher, but had gone well.

just as dean had thought he would die over the fear he had, the doorbell had rung during the call.

he all but ran to the front door. bobby's old truck parked on the long driveway behind dean's beloved baby. bobby himself was dressed normally, dean smiled, _dad will always be dad._

the large gift was carried inside the house, placed beside the dinner table and bobby was seated next to donna, a cup of coffee handed to him by jody. once off the phone, jody turned before sitting next to bobby. sharing a look with donna, the words were finally said, "what the hell is that?"

the laugh that escaped dean was loud, and made everyone laugh too.

"our kid came to the yard, scared shitless 'bout this idea. agreed to help him make it, 'n not that my opinion matters,but this is a damn fine piece of work ya gals got yer'selves here" bobby proudly nodded towards dean, clapping his hand on the boy's shoulder. dean grinned wider, if possible before excitedly pushing the gift on the table with bobby.

donna and jody pulled white and purple paper off the large, square, but flat object. the joined gasp was heard.

the handmade and hand carved wooden frame, painted and polished bared both their names and their wedding date. the edges of the glass just beside the frame, stained, much like the stain glass windows both jody and dean shared the love for. the stain glass in the frame was of dandelions, the shared love between donna and dean.

the left side of the piece was four photos. the top left photo of jody and donna sitting on the back porch of their house, having a drink while eating. to the right of that, a photo of donna and dean fishing. the next, a photo of jody and dean in front of the sheriff office. dean was wearing jody's sheriff windbreaker, a favourite jacket of his. the last photo in that row, another photo of jody and donna, of them sitting in the trunk of baby, the false bottom open, clearly showing the stored weapons behind their heads. that had more than likely been before a hunt.

the bottom of the gift was close to the same as the top, four photos in a row. two photos of the two of them, one of dean and donna and one of jody and dean. but the middle of the gift is what dean was mostly over the moon for. to which he leaned down beside donna, as he was closer to her, and in no higher than a whisper, "we were watching tv, and i was just goofing around, but awhile ago you got me that new ink pen. i figured since both of you like my ink pieces a lot, i dunno, i could be wrong, i just kinda wan-"

he was cut off as donna pushed her chair back and her arms were wrapped tightly around him. dean was never one to turn done a cuddle from his mama. within seconds, a second pair of arms were wrapped around them. dean turned between the two women, one arm around each.

bobby looked down, smiling at the ink piece in the middle of the frame. donna and jody sitting on the couch, snuggled together. picking up dean's camera he snapped a few photos of the three people that mattered most to him, while the hug continued. dean softly kissed both donna and jody's heads.

_"happy mothers day moms"_


	2. 🌼 just a bad day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning: depression, abuse mention, mute character {is that a trigger?}
> 
> also, i cant write donnas accent? i also made sam kinda an ass? whoopsie ...
> 
> words: 1,657  
ps - this is ... sickly cute? im tired, i want the comfort. its past 3 AM. i hate insomnia.
> 
> posted on January 5th 2020.
> 
> ** edited on april 23rd 2020 **

the yellow and brown plaid, vintage kitchen was eerily quiet as a dressed-and-ready-for-work jody drank the remains of her coffee while standing beside her still-in-her-warm-pjs wife donna who put dirty breakfast plates in the sink.

"dean must not be up yet, if he didnt run down the hall this early in the morning for bacon" jody mumbled to donna as she added her now empty coffee mug to the dirty dish cemetery growing in the sink. donna quietly laughed, nudging jody's arm.

"was wonderin' that myself. heard his music through the door when i went to knock, though" jody nodded, turning to face her blonde wife. donna looked tired. it had been a rough few months at the office, earlier mornings and later nights had taken a toll on both women. donna had been lucky enough to score a few days off, but jody wasnt. it wasnt a massive deal but it still sucked. 

"two more days. two more days then two whole weeks of holidays" jody whispered with a lazy smile, leaning and resting her forehead against donna's. "mm, the beach sounds nice. we need a roadtrip soon." donna hummed her reply.

jody broke away from the comfort, nodding towards the hallway, "hes been quiet the last few days, maybe the weather change has gotten to him too?" she questioned, slipping on her gloves.

"maybe, i was goin' to check in on 'im after ya left" donna followed the half nod, before handing jody her keys "you be safe out there, okay?"

jody smiled, "yeah, no worries there"

after a small kiss was shared jody was at the front door in a flash pulling on her winter lowcut boots while donna was ready to lock the door behind her. "alright, im off. i'll see you after work. check in with me about dean. im worried, its reminded me to kick someones ass at the office for giving me the left over paperwork, useless newbie" she sneered quietly, giving donna another quick kiss, leaving the warm house into the light snowy world outside. 

donna washed the dishes in silence while thinking of how the gloomy day had washed over sioux falls. the snow was on time in late november, later than usual but before december, again, as usual. jody's two weeks of holidays would be until the middle of december. a week of work and then another two weeks of holidays. with the addition of new deputies and officers the station had weirder than usual schedules.

in the six years donna and jody had been together the early holidays had been more than enough for either jody to be in minnesota for christmas, or donna to be in south dakota. after dating for more than a year, the wedding was small, but then the holidays were spent together in sioux falls.

the last four years with dean were different once more. the holidays had different meanings now. dean may had been 15 at the time, _but christmas meant santa was coming. and the lights and presents and christmas joy was pure happiness._ with a soft smile, donna finished in the kitchen, dried her hands, and was down the short hallway, knocking on dean's bedroom door once again.

still, with no reply, donna frowned and as quietly as she could, opened the bedroom door.

four years ago the bedroom had been used as a guest room, not that people stayed often with them. but once dean moved in the window was covered in black out curtains, the walls were covered in posters, framed family photos dean wanted, a few art pieces, street art posters and flags.

the ceiling light never worked, which was fine by dean, he and castiel's older brother gabriel had spent an entire afternoon unhooking old christmas lights they got from a yard sale someplace, and strung them around the ceiling and walls. the dark room lit up in warmth whenever someone plugged them in.

donna squinted in the dark, turning to her right while standing in the doorway.

the old work bench bobby didnt need anymore was given to dean as a tv and dvd stand for his bedroom. the tv was an old small box one, but it was perfect fit. beside that was the ceiling to floor old bookshelf, also made and donated by bobby, that had all of dean's books. across the room from the door was dean's thick mattress that rested on four wood pallets. dean's phone was plugged in, laying on the top of the latest book, next to his sketchbook and art bag, tossed on and around the small two drawer table. _led zeppelin?_ donna raised an eyebrow at the quiet music.

before she frowned deeper at dean's still sleeping form. while it was early in the morning, it was still unnerving at how the teen was still asleep. even as an insomniac, the 18 year old was awake for an early breakfast before either one or both women were off to work. 

dean had rolled over, facing the wall as the small amount of light from the hall made its known presence in the dark bedroom. donna shut the door leaving only a small crack between the wall and the door as she tiptoed and got down to her knees beside dean's bed.

"dean?" she whispered, reaching out to gently touch his arm. once skin touched skin dean shot up, grabbed his blanket and had his back to the wall with his knees drawn up, gasping for air. "hey, hey, its just me mister, didnt mean to scare ya, c'mere its okay, its only me" donna whispered in a hurried breath, laying her hand where dean had been laying "its just me, im sorry baby, its just me"

with a few more hushed words dean relaxed and crawled over the warm bed and into donna's arms. "_oh sweetheart, its okay. mama's got you._" donna let her hands rub along dean's sleep-warm back, avoiding his deep scars she knows would cause more pain.

after awhile she took the chance at another whisper "bad dreams again?" when dean simply nodded a few minutes after the question donna took a hold of his blankets, wrapped them around him the best she could do while holding him, "lets take you to the big bed, we can cuddle more there, we can even make hot coco later, does that sound like a good idea?" dean just gently tugged donna's shirt at the back.

_yes_.

**~~~~**

  
through the day donna had texted updates to jody.

it was another bad day, but it didnt matter. because both donna and jody knew they wouldnt end, so they did what they could to help dean. if he couldnt talk, they didnt make him. if he wanted to sleep, they cuddled him as close as they could. if he wanted to be left alone they let him have his space, but bugged him just enough to let him know they were there if he needed them.

thats how they worked. thats what dean needed. it wasnt like with john or sam anymore. john wasnt around to ignore the signs, or him himself. sam wasnt around anymore to tell him to suck it up. jody and donna cared for him. and cared enough to _show him and made it well known they cared for him_ and wasnt that just the bee's knees?

it was for dean.

**~~~~**

when jody got home towards dinner time she was confused at how there were no lights on peaking through the curtains and lighting up the snow outside on the ground.

once inside the house, she took off her winter gear, heading to the kitchen to hang the keys she noticed the slight mess around different areas. next, came the soft sound of music being played somewhere else in the house.

seeing deans bedroom door open but nobody in the room was odd, down the hall the shared master bedroom door was open too. a few light steps found her in the doorway. dean was asleep, snuggled against donna's chest, head tucked under her chin, right thumb popped in his mouth, right index finder resting on the bridge of his nose. daphne, deans old fat black and white cat curled up beside them.

donna set down the book she held in her hand, while her left hand still rested on dean's belly, "hey. sorry supper isnt even started" she murmured. jody smiled, walking towards the bed, "oh please, you enjoyed this all day, we can order pizza or something"

donna smiled back, nodding at the cups on the side table "i got him up for hot coco. i was proud of him" jody layed on the bed just beside daphne, beginning to wrap her arms around the three of them, "thats good. he looks so tired" she whispered as one hand went to work, dragging through his hair. deans eyes fluttered open as jody's short nails scratched along the back of his head. she leaned down and softly kissed his cheek. dean's eyes closed as a soft, content, sleepy sigh was heard.

daphne purred quietly, nesting up beside dean. both jody and donna smiled.

**~~~~**

  
hours later pizza was almost all eaten, half a season of some tv show had been watched, jody was in her pajamas and the three were snuggled together in bed. dean had mostly slept, only waking up at the shifting and moving around the bed and the loud doorbell ringing throughout the house.

that night as dean had moved from donna over to jody, donna had slipped her phone out. jody was holding dean, while whispering what was happening on the tv show, even if dean was sleeping, the old cat curled up on dean. donna got in close beside them, secretly filming the three.

_sometimes bad days happen. but when they did, family was always there. and that's what mattered most_.


	3. 🌼 a mid-summer's carnival

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i recently rewatched a few dozen of my favourite supernatural episodes and that kinda inspired some new ideas for these ... what are we calling these ...? moments? snip-its? 
> 
> but i made this a sorta "hunter kids getaway" piece. it seemed fitting? im still trying to figure out how i want to write everyone, as well as get some more background info for everyone. stories are hard.
> 
> warnings: swearing, and horribly shitty references to the tv show 'Justified'.  
(ps, yes i did just finish rewatching Justified because i missed it. so i wrote about it.)
> 
> words: 1,443
> 
> posted on January 6th 2020
> 
> ** edited on april 23rd 2020 **

the large and steady growing patch of hot and sticky sweat on dean's lower back had him cursing out the insanely hot sun in southern kentucky at the beginning of june.

castiel and his family had been on a hunt here for almost two weeks when they called their sioux fall hunters for the extra backup when the pack had grown twice as large in the span of the two weeks the shurleys' had been there.

bobby took his truck and lead the way while dean, jody and donna piled into the impala. sixteen hours with no stopping had taken its toll but the hunt had been done and cleaned up within another few hours afterwards.

pulling into the motel bobby ordered the room next door and the sioux falls family dumped their duffel bags before joining the shurleys' in their room. after cleaning weapons and showering the best they could everyone went to a small diner close by. halfway into the meal gabriel decided silence was too painful for him to stand anymore 

"so i was thinkin-" 

"shocking" 

"shut up luci, anyways, i saw that harlan's yearly carnival was here. how 'bout we all go tomorrow or somethin' while we're here?"

chuck rested his fork against his plate, deeply thinking over his middle son's thoughts. "why don't you boys go? us adults could use a break, could we not?" he looked towards bobby and the two women across the table. they shared a laugh.

"i dont see why not, it sounds like fun" jody smiled at the young men. donna twinned her wife's smile "oh yah!"

dean laughed quietly, "im in, havent been to a carnival ... ever?" the 18 year old shrugged.

gabriel's eyes widened "for reals?" once dean nodded gabriel leaned over castiel's chest and mumbled to dean "i'll show you how to kick luci and cassie's asses at all the games. deal?" both of them cracked a devilish smile

"deal" "

hells yeah!"

lucifer rolled his eyes "shut your face, eat supper, we'll go tomorrow"

**~~~~**

they left towards noon in chuck's old rusting jeep that castiel mostly drove. lucifer and gabriel had been shoved in the back while dean was up front with his boyfriend.

"so, you've never been to a carnival before? not even like ... a parade? or a fair?" lucifer leaned forward, resting his chin on his right arm that was pushed on the back of the bench seat.

dean shook his head before making a face "i mean, i may have. but it was probably when i was a baby or something." he cracked a small smile that dropped before he spoke again "john actually took a photo of sam at what looks like one. so, maybe. there's no date and sam never talked about it."

gabriel frowned, catching castiel's eyes in the rear-view mirror "new memories are being made, dean-o! even if its the horror of seeing luci's pale legs in those shorts" when castiel and dean burst out laughing nobody could hear the sharp slap sound of lucifer's hand against gabriel's chest.

"o-oh, speaking of cameras, you have yours?" castiel questioned, wiping his eyes while trying to catch his breath and staring out at the road.

dean pulled his camera off from the seat beside him, "always. and just to prove so" he turned and blinded the two older boys in the back with the flash.

the car was knocked around the road with castiel's howling laughter.

**~~~~**

mid-afternoon sweat had pooled anywhere it could on the boys while walking around. after a few dozen rides and games they decided to rest and grab some snacks and some soda. dean's blue jeans were stuck to his thighs as he tried to sit down again. he pulled off his cowboy hat, resting it on the table beside his left elbow and cracked open his soda can.

gabriel picked up the light brown cowboy hat, plunked it on his head. "how's it look?"

lucifer rolled his eyes, "like a fuckin moron tryna fit in"

castiel laughed around his bite of burger. he swallowed, pointing to gabe "like a knock off tv character" dean laughed quietly, setting down his soda. gabe smirked, before pulling out his fake fbi badge, flashing it out to the table "im u.s marshal raylan givens and im here to shoot you"

dean spat some soda down his chin before falling sideways towards cas, doubling over with laughter. once he sobered up slightly he couldnt help but join "lucifer would be tim"

gabriel's eyes lit up "YOU WATCH JUSTIFIED TOO?"

"quiet the fuck up shithead, kids are around" lucifer slapped gabriel down as cas looked around, cringing as he waved to passing mothers giving death glares their way.

dean nodded "yeah dude, it was awesome. boyd is truly one of the best tv villains ive seen in ages. the writing was great too. i just kinda hated raylan's ex-wife, she was annoying." he cringed before continuing, "and just me, no hate though, but i thought the ending to the show was lame ... i was disappointed"

lucifer raised an eyebrow, "wait. that the show with the man whore dude who _did_ whatever chick was walking?"castiel laughed for what seemed like the millionth time that day.

gabriel nodded "yup, but he still got laid more than you luci" 

dean pulled his camera out as gabriel posed a few times with dean's hat on. "ya wanna head to the haunted house after?" castiel hooked his thumb over his shoulder. lucifer tossed his garbage in a pile, waiting for the others to finished "yeah, just wanna see the lame shit they got in there. love how it makes people piss themselves" the smirk plastered on his face was proof enough.

"is that it, the thing with the ugly clown in front of it?" gabriel pointed his burger greased finger to where everyone had turned to look at. dean's laughter bubbled out of him. cas turned with a humored raised eyebrow "what? the clown? he _is_ creepy, dean"

"oh c'mon cassie. clowns are creepy with a purpose." castiel rolled his eyes, turning towards dean and taking his garbage to add to the pile at the corner of the table. "you afraid of clowns?" he asked dean.

dean shook his head "no .. but-" he stopped to shrug, another small smile ghosted on his face "that photo i mentioned earlier? the one of sam?"

the other three nodded.

"after ... after everything that happened, i took .. i took as much of that stuff as i could. and the few photos i have of him and i growing up, theres more than that one photo from either that same year or the same day. the one that makes me laugh is one of him standing next to a clown and hes just bawling his ass off"

gabriel and lucifers loud laughter caused more annoyed mother glares to be cast their way. "really?" castiel smiled. "he was scared of them?"

"oh yeah" dean hummed.

"ah shit, now we have to go!" lucifer grabbed the garbage as they ran with each other towards the haunted house.

**~~~~**

as the clock knocked its hands to the 12 the four tired boys pushed themselves into the old jeep. "fuck, midnight. a whole 12 hours here" lucifer muttered, laying his hand on dean's shoulder "how was your first carnival, kid?"

deans wide smile told the story with no words "i loved it, i always felt like i was missing out on something when other kids were talking about going. i understand that now. i ... i needed that, i think. a day out was what i needed. thank you again."

"ah you're welcome dean-o. im more worried you have blackmail material from today" gabriel shivered at the thought. cas rolled his eyes "not his fault you happened to hurl cotton candy over the side of the ferris wheel"

_"DID NOT!"_

"shut your big loud face-hole, fuckface, its after midnight" lucifer's hand slapped the back of gabriel's head. dean smirked, "these photos are mine forever"

castiel chuckled loudly "we'll get them made tomorrow before we leave, sound good" dean smiled lightly as a reply as the jeep pulled out of the parking lot, out onto the dark dirt road and headed back towards the motel.

_the photos were made the day after. some copies were taped into different hunter journals, some were used as lockscreens for months, some were framed. but dean's favourites would remain to be the strip of photo-booth photos that had the four of them squished in the small booth, making stupidly happy dumb faces. _

_now that, was a perfect mid-summer's carnival. _


	4. 🌼 the story of dean and castiel and the small hiding spaces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have writers block? im out of ideas on how to make these read-able? i still cant believe people read my shitty writing? wow. also, yes, the title is sorta inspiried by my favourite david bowie album. you're welcome nerds.
> 
> this is ... sickly cute again? im so sorry, i guess insomnia over a few nights makes me grossly cute? eh ... forgive me punkrock gods. anyways. enjoy more cas !! ps - i totally based dean after little pieces of myself, i have no shame. still wish i was dean winchester tho.
> 
> words: 1,481  
trigger warnings: abuse mention, claustrophobia mention, death mention.
> 
> posted on January 11th 2020
> 
> ** edited on april 23rd 2020 **

over the two years dean and castiel had been dating, castiel had learned most of dean's little ticks and mostly every little hiding place he had, but he would never tire of learning new ones.

of course, if one had been seen or been found too many times for dean's liking, he'd change them and let everyone get a cheap mystery for themselves.

when castiel had met dean four years ago the youngest winchester had been a short, sickly skinny, mute, wide eyed scared little 15 year old boy who, at any loud sound, would run and hide behind either bobby, jody or donna.

he remembered lucifer and chuck sharing their little side eye look as if to say _this is a hunter's kid? ha._

after learning that dean understood sign language from jody, castiel and gabriel had spent days teaching each other a few signs to try to get to know dean. it seemed like it had taken forever, but the look of confusion-turned-shock would forever make castiel smile once dean had slightly pulled himself out of a small, tight hiding space under the kitchen sink cupboard to sign back.

the signing was too much to handle at once for him and gabriel, who had only learned to sign _hello_ and a few rude gestures once they had gotten bored.

they had figured pretty quickly that dean liked to draw, also information provided by jody, so they had grabbed some paper and a small pencil for the boy to 'talk' with them. and he had.

it wasnt much but it was enough to get dean to stay out of the cupboard whenever the shurley boys would turn up. lucifer had started joining them whenever chuck needed to have a word with the older hunters. it had taken some time again for dean to warm up towards lucifer but dean had found out he was pretty much as fun and cool as his younger brothers were.

over time the shurley's would leave town for hunts and come back for a week or two. it never seemed like enough time to learn things about someone new, but it wasnt until lucifer had gotten hurt on hunt that everything had changed between them. 

they were staying at bobby's place since it was bigger to hold the four hunters as guests, better than jody and donna's two bedroom farmhouse. both houses and yards were outside of sioux falls and only about four to five miles apart, so it didnt really surprise donna or jody when castiel started showing up more and more at their house.

castiel would hunt out wherever dean's new little hiding spot he had found for himself and had nested in was, and the two of them would write notes to each other, or sit and read together, or listen to music together. cas didnt really mind the silence dean had with him. it was comforting. much easier to read and focus in, rather than gabriel on some sugar rush in the background.

just before the shurley's were ready to start hunting again and leave sioux falls is when dean had started talking to castiel with his voice. to say cas was obsessed with hearing dean whisper or quietly and softly laugh was the biggest understatement told to any man. cas would lean as close as dean could handle and _listened so intently_ to whatever the small freckled face, wide eyed boy had to say.

they told each other just about everything about themselves. the death of castiel's mother and younger sister. the death of dean's mother. castiel's horrid aunt and cousins. dean's abusive father and uncaring older brother. castiel's hunting stories. dean's scars. their music tastes. their dreams, their nightmares, their hopes and fears.

_anything they could think of were told to each-other in different hiding places throughout the one story old farm house._

the day castiel and his family packed and were ready to go, cas had run down the road, telling his father to drive over to pick him up later, castiel had found dean hidden in donna's small garden. he had run over, picked the younger boy up and hugged him as if dean would somehow vanish into thin air.

after that day the two of them hadnt seen sioux falls or each-other for months. castiel always drove with a heavy foot and a firm grip on the jeep's steering wheel, hoping in some strange way that every hunt would end with a break so that they could drive up to sioux falls. it wasnt home just yet, but it would be in the coming years.

because they were family in their own strange way. _that was the hunters code._

and finally, finally after nearly a year. or, exactly 302 days after they left, not that cas had been counting, every hunt was either being covered by another hunter or there just wasnt one, the shurley boys went back up to south dakota for a rest.

nobody had to know that castiel cried himself to sleep from happiness the night chuck had announced they needed the rest.

that old jeep drove up closer and closer to the farmhouse on the worlds longest dirt driveway, it seemed.

the sky was a powerful deep blue without a single cloud in the sky. a well aged man opened the creaky front door and walked out towards the driveway as the jeep parked behind the newest car parked there. a younger woman with jet black hair cut short followed him.

a fat black and white cat followed behind them as well. _"her name is daphne, after jack lemon's woman character in Some Like It Hot, cuz thats my favourite marilyn monroe movie. plus i really like scooby-doo, so its like a two for one name"_ castiel remembered dean mumbling months before.

he smiled even wider at the sight of them.

a few quick hugs and cheek kisses had the tired hunters walking into the house for a huge family sized home-cooked supper. donna was at work but would be home soon, as jody had said, and the new car was a long story, but was dean's.

_dean_.

gabriel had snickered at how castiel had perked up upon hearing the younger boy's name. jody smiled, pulling the tallest shurley boy behind her. castiel followed her slender finger as it pointed towards the large broom closet that was beside the shared master bedroom. with a soft knock the shuffling behind the door had castiel bouncing on his feet. 

_and there he was._

a taller, more filled out freckled face wide eyed kid castiel had had on his mind for months. the kiss was rushed, sloppy and a heat-of-the-moment type of kiss, but it didnt matter much. castiel found that he was still taller than dean, as cas was 6'4 and dean had grown to 5'10, which wasnt bad for him now being 16. hence the broom closet as a hiding space.

the closet door was closed behind him as the two of them sat on the floor, to talk, to laugh, to catch up. dean showed castiel new artwork, new photos, told him new fears, which included claustrophobia. _ah, okay. the broom closet with the window in the back made even more sense. _

but the fear was worse because he couldnt hide in the sink cupboard anymore. so, his hiding spaces had to be more open now, much to his dismay.

castiel showed new scars, told new hunting stories. jody knocked on the door later to hand them their supper plates. as castiel was getting ready to stand jody had lovingly told him to sit his ass back down and to enjoy himself there with dean, to which cas didnt need to be told twice.

afterwards bobby came to take the plates and handed castiel his sleeping bag. both boys stayed the night squished together in the small hiding space, whispering and laughing through the darkness.

"dean?"

"hmm?"

"can i .. can i ask something of you?"

"di'nt yah just ask sum'thin?"

"pfft, i hate you winchester"

"wont let yah ask, shurley"

"fine"

"fine"

"...dean?"

"ask already, please, i need my beauty rest"

"well fine then, will the prince who needs beauty rest please be my boyfriend?"

"thought we were already."

"what?"

"before yah left. that hug ... wasnt that yah askin?"

".. n-no. but i was thinking of asking sooner if we had gotten back sooner"

"fine then. castiel - you're my favourite loser."

"i hate you dean"

"know yah do, thats why yah picked me to date"

"boyfriends?"

"losers. dreamers. and hunters. yeah."

"that means?"

"boyfriends, cas. ......loser"

"loser"

_and since that night the shurley's were never gone for too long. and even if they were, castiel and dean were closer than ever before. thats just how they worked together. in small hiding spaces in the old farmhouse._


	5. 🌼 diner art, or the art of diners

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi. so. i recently rewatched my favourite movie. which is ten inch hero. which totally inspired this horrid piece of shit that is ugly and gross and sucks mega ass. why do yall read my shit? it sucks yaknow ... 
> 
> i made an oc? eh. excuse whatever the fuck this shit is. 
> 
> ps - i still cant write donnas accent ... chuck, help me. 
> 
> words: 1,228
> 
> posted on January 17th 2020
> 
> ** edited on april 24th 2020 **

18 year old dean winchester pulled himself out of the drivers seat of his beloved classic impala and let his old, ratty boots hit the slush that covered the ground in the middle of january.

it was winter, having tons of snow in south dakota came as no surprise, but the warmer weather lately, _was_. it was actually warm enough to start melting the horrid white shit and turn everything to slush, which made driving even harder. every moron that knew how to even remotely drive were out and acting ten times crazier behind a steering wheel.

normally dean would never drive baby in this type of weather but since jody and bobby were out of town as backup to other hunters, donna had taken their other car to work for the day, dean had no choice _but_ to take baby. it was either _that_, or walk. and that was just ... _wrong. and cold._

dean shivered as his body was so rudely pulled into the cold wind again after he had grabbed his art bag that had been quickly shoved on the seat beside him. with a quick door shut, keys rammed into his front pocket, and soft tap on baby's hood, dean found himself slopping through thick, dirty and wet slush as he walked onto the sidewalk and towards the diner's front doors.

it wasnt uncommon to find him at the diner around lunch hour when both jody and donna were working. they always met there, it was actually the first place bobby had taken him and sam when the winchester brothers had first met and stayed with bobby. afterwards it had become a staple in their lives. even if sam wasnt around. dean liked it here. 

once the front doors were pushed open and closed just as fast, dean knocked his boots off the best he could, frowning slightly when he noticed the bottom of his pant legs were beginning to rip, and were soaking wet. a loud _snap_ was heard throughout the small diner, over the quiet light jazz playing, causing a few heads - including dean's, to look up.

rosie, a short plump redheaded woman, covered in tattoos and piercings, who seemed to always wear the same thing - a rolled up denim shirt, with tight jeans and red highheels, was standing behind the counter. rosie's husband had been a hunter while he was alive, and a friend of bobby's.

dean was reminded of rosie the riveter whenever he saw her. he smiled shyly when she smirked at him "hiya cute stuff"

dean's face went red as he made his way to the family's usual booth.

rosie followed with a pad and pencil in hand, another loud _snap_ of a bubblegum bubble breaking she tapped the eraser end of the pencil against the pad. "the usual?" she questioned.

dean rolled his shoulders before slowly shaking his head. rosie looked around at the other few people around the diner, with a quiet huff she turned back to dean, "just a root-beer?" he shifted under her gaze, gripping the strap to his bag.

he slowly nodded, _please. thank you._ he signed.

she smiled, turning away while slipping the pencil behind her ear, her high heels clacking away on the tiled floor. dean sighed pulling out his phone and earbuds, pushing them in his ears to block out everything around. just as he opened his thick, heavy sketchbook and set it in front of him, rosie returned to the table with a tall slim glass filled to the brim with soda.

dean tugged out his left earbud before signing, _thank you,_ again.

she smiled, her red lips framing her bright white teeth. "gettin a little shaggy there, cutie" she layed her right hand in dean's mop of hair, he smiled while shaking her hand off, she smirked before walking away once more.

dean sat in his spot, music rattling his earbuds as he dug through a small stack of photos he had in his art bag. once he found one he liked he taped it to the top left of a fresh page and began drawing. he hadnt been sitting there long when donna walked through the front doors. she waved excitedly at rosie before bouncing her way over and sat across from dean.

pausing his music and putting away the phone and earbuds he smiled up at donna. _hey._

donna grinned "how goes it, sweetheart?" she patted the untouched page of the thick sketchbook.

dean nodded,_ okay, i think._

donna nodded back.

within minutes rosie had a plate of steaming hot french fries placed on their table. the couple that were sat behind dean had finished and were leaving. once they paid and left, dean shifted in his seat, picked up a fry and mumbled, "so, hows work today?"

donna softly smiled at him, eating her own fries "oh yah know. new deputy" both donna and dean rolled their eyes at that.

"oh! so yah finish that drawin' from last night?" donna grinned wider, dean nodded, wiped his hands and flipped through his now closed book, opening to a nearly completely covered page. "i kinda like how simple, yet how detailed, the entire thing turned out" dean slightly shrugged.

the drawing had been one of jody, done in a black fine liner pen. with a thick black outline to block it from the crosshatched boxes that covered a small amount of the page behind it. 

donna tapped the top of the page, laying the open book down in front of both of them. just as she had began to say something, rosie was suddenly back at the table, her pencil tucked under her red headband, beside her ear. she turned to dean, hands on her wide hips "got a question for ya, scooby"

dean snorted, "you mean shaggy?" his quirked eyebrow pushed his longer hair into his eyes, donna leaned over the table and pushed the stray pieces away, dean giggled quietly while squirming away. rosie smirked, leaning down on her elbows she stole a fry from the plate on the table, "yea, shaggy. got a job for ya if ya want" 

"a job?" dean stalled his movements "w-what .. kind of job?"

"doesnt have peeps, all good. it would be for art, and id pay ya"

"w-what?"

donna held onto deans hand that laid on the table. rosie turned and pointed behind the counter, "that wall has always been covered in shit. would like ya to deck it out for me if ya want." when dean continued to stare, donna slapped his hand lightly before he squinted and came back, "u-uh. i mean .. u-uh"

rosie laughed "walls all yours dude. paint whatever."

dean smirked, "scooby gang?"

rosie smirked back, "make me daphne. fred's a hottie"

dean's eyebrow quirked again, "_no_, fred's a wad"

donna slapped dean's hand again, _"dean!"_

dean laughed "mama, its _true!"_

rosie shrugged "yeah, that _is_ true. so .. you want the job?"

dean and donna stared at each other for a few seconds.

_"sure?"_

"great! i'll clean it off. ya can start whenever, see ya 'round lil shaggy"

after lunch as dean and donna left the diner, donna pulled dean into a hug. 

_people stared at them as they walked by, but neither noticed. if there was something to see, it was a proud mama hugging her son. that was love. _


	6. 🌼 seeing sam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have much anger in me. i found this draft today. i write angry when im angry. hmm. anyways. oh, and sam is a real dick. kinda. i dont think i wrote much with him. more poorly written action than actual speaking. but anyways.
> 
> trigger warning: violence, blood, swearing, spitting, fistfight.
> 
> words: 1,310.
> 
> posted on January 18th 2020
> 
> ** edited on april 24th 2020 **

the strong, sickening feeling of _pure dread_ overflowed through castiel's body as he sat at the small, rounded, tipsy table that was placed near the _what colour was that? brown? yellow? puke? babyshit?_ half kitchen in the motel room. 

castiel's right leg bounced up and down, thumping the bottom of the table, foot hitting the worn down tile flowing into equally worn, ripped up carpet. his left hand letting his fingers create a rhythm not quite matching his foot and knee. gabriel grumbled as the already drunk table was knocked around once again by cas' knee.

lucifer rolled his eyes, slapping his arm across cas' wide shoulders, "listen. i already told you. if dean wanted you to go with him - _you would be there._ he needed to do this on his own. and so help me, if _anything_ happens to him you fucking know i will be down there so goddamn fast the world will spin faster, m'kay? try to relax kid brother"

but it _didnt_ help, nor relax the youngest shurley brother.

the hunt had been simple. a vampire nest in palo alto. gabriel had made the mistake of suggesting the hunt around dean, who had stared at them with a strong headed glare that just _dared_ them to go without him.

chuck had opted to stay in sioux falls while dean packed and went along as hunting backup instead. once the hunt was finished and all four boys were back at the motel dean had cleaned himself up, grabbed his sunglasses and walked out of the motel room, heading towards stanford. 

"i _know_, okay? you dont think i know that? its just .." castiel heavily sighed, throwing his head into his hands once again "he trusted me with his backstory, and all these stories and i dont ... i dont trust sam" his teeth gritted tightly when he mentioned the name.

gabriel looked up from his lollipop "think he'll do something if he sees dean?"

castiel sat up perfectly straight, stared directly at gabriel _"i know so"_

gabriel gulped, shoved his lollipop back in mouth and moved out of his chair. lucifer gripped castiel's shoulder, "how long has it been?"

castiel checked his phone "almost two hours" he mumbled tiredly. lucifer nodded.

gabe shifted the bright purple lollipop in his mouth, lisping around it "ho' lo'n' 'in'c he'z zee'n 'immm?"

castiel turned, biting his bottom lip. "sam left after his birthday in may. dean was 15. we met dean in early july. left in late august, by the time we got back in late june, sam was gone for a year already, yaknow? i felt so shitty we were almost gone for a whole year after he told me that."

both lucifer and gabriel gripped cas' shoulders. "not your fault. dad was on a roll with hunts." lucifer reminded him, cas nodded slowly. just as gabe pulled his lollipop out of his mouth again the motel door swung open.

castiel nearly knocked over both the chair and lucifer trying to get up and make his way to dean. "hey, howd it go? he see you?" dean turned, face lowered to the floor, "mm .. oh yeah. he saw me" dean whispered.

castiel's eyebrows flew up, "so? you talk to him?" his eyes roamed dean's slightly shorter person.

his eyes widened "shit you got blood on your shirt, lemme see" castiels hands found deans chin, his thumbs brushed along deans jawline, his eyes widened further.

deans nose was starting to bruise, the drying blood flooded from both nostrils and down over his lips, making thick trails dipping down towards his neck line. his left eye was red, swollen shut, the dark bruise settling in.

"THE FUCK?" lucifer roared from behind castiel.

dean flinched, hiding under castiel's chin, bringing his hands up to hide away. the soft whimper was heard by all. "i shouldve listened to you, i knew it, i-i, i k-knew it" dean whispered against cas' neck.

gabriel frowned, he pushed his cheek against castiel's strong arm, his forehead bumping lightly against dean's hand. 

everyone turned at the loud shuffling sounds behind them. lucifer grabbed his leather jacket, shoving his pack of smokes out, along with the car keys. "everyone grab their shit. gabe, grab ice, you're in the back with dean. cas, up front with me. i'm checkin our asses out of this dump and we're gunna kick some dickless ass"

in a raging blur, lucifer was out the door with his black duffel bag behind him. gabriel stood still for a few minutes before shrugging, grabbing his bag and running out the door too.

**~~~~**

castiel turned his gaze to the rear view mirror from the passenger window. "you okay?" he questioned dean, who was pushed in the small backseat with gabriel, and had a stolen bathroom rag filled with melting ice pressed up against dean's swelling face. dean slowly nodded.

"whats he look like, de?" lucifer squinted out the window, watching as the passing students walked around each-other on the neatly trimmed grass on the campus.

"hes tall, dickless, short hair, looks like an ass" gabriel grinned at his older brother

"gabe, i know that shit, but i want details on the fucker"

dean pushed gabriel's hands away slightly, sitting up to look out the tinted back window. his finger tapped the window a few minutes later, castiel moved closer to the window "that him?" he asked.

gabriel sat up on his knees behind dean. "gotta be, looks like dean, but _uglier" _

"you two stay there" within seconds, both castiel and lucifer were out of the jeep and walking across the parking lot towards the closest brick building.

_"hey, winchester"_ lucifer called out.

castiel found that he and sam were the same 6'4 height, lucifer being around dean's 6'2 height. the tall, cleancut, short haired man turned toward the two hunters.

"uh, can i help you tw-" sam was cut off and knocked on the ground. lucifer was stood over him after throwing the first punch. sam was quick to recover, trying to sit up on his elbows.

lucifer had the front of his shirt bunched up under one fist, the other fist was in the air and connected to sam's face in no time. the other students stopped and stared. when sam had sobered up after a few punches he threw lucifer off, only to be replaced by castiel. once castiel had thrown a punch dean had to turn away. even if far away, it was hard to watch. gabriel held the bathroom rag up again.

once noticing the campus security would be nearing soon castiel lightly jabbed lucifer's arm. after sharing a quick nod and spitting on the older winchester's shirt both the shurley boys backed off.

castiel threw in one last leg kick before raising his middle finger, walking away towards the jeep. lucifer spit a bigger gob on sam's face, panting as he stood up, "thats what a douche-bag like you gets when he hurts my little brother, fucker. stay away from dean. you ever do fucking shit like that again you'll be seeing me again."

with that he was following castiel to the jeep.

once both of them where back in the old jeep they drove out of the student parking lot and were on their way home just as a young blonde girl was helping sam up off the ground.

"you two were like, badass Bond villains. but like, bad knockoffs"

"shut up gabe"

".......thank you."

"no problem dean, nobody messes with us and lives to see another day"

"you didnt kill him, did you?"

"nah, but i wouldve if you wanted"

" ........ cool"

_after that day, 18 year old dean had some new heroes. and they were almost cooler than batman. if he could only get gabriel to stop leaving wet lollipops on his jeans when they sat next to each-other. _


	7. 🌼 night moves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have insomnia for the third night again, and i just finished correcting this draft. so. im blurry eyed and im listening to bob seger so this was perfect to post, heh. its after 2 in the morning. plesse kill me. 
> 
> im tired and had a bad day. i need a castiel to my dean. yeah, i totally based dean off of myself - yall notice that yet? eh. im just not as cool as him.
> 
> (takes place just after 'the story of dean and castiel and the small hiding spaces')  
trigger warnings: insomnia, vomit mention, abuse mention, scars. 
> 
> words: 1,288.
> 
> posted on January 20th 2020
> 
> ** edited on april 24th 2020 **

the late june heat was seeping into everything as early july was around the corner. sleeping with the windows open, sleeping in thin cotton boxers, sleeping with no blankets, it seemed unbearable, but kinda perfect. it was the sweet, sweet summertime.

the old box spring bed bounced once again as 16 year old dean winchester rolled over for what seemed like the millionth time. he was staying at bobby's place to give jody and donna a few nights to themselves, not that he minded, castiel and his family were also staying at bobby's.

not to mention he and cas had just started dating a few days ago and tonight was one of the first nights they had gotten the chance to share a real bed together. but dean's insomnia was acting up again, as it did once or twice a week usually, and he was wearing a thin t-shirt that he was pretty sure had soaken directly _into_ his skin.

he had also been incredibly nervous to tell castiel about the scar, the thumb sucking, the insomnia .... lets face it - dean was nervous to just _sleep_ in the same bed as castiel. this wasnt special at all. 

dean knew he shouldve just told castiel that _yes_, he needed to suck his thumb. that _yes_, when donna and jody first got onto dean's insomnia they started rubbing his belly and now he was totally hooked on that shit to help him sleep. that _yes_, he had bad nightmares where his scar hurt so bad he'd throw up. and_ yes, oh my god_ \- dean rolled off the bed as quick as he could, threw open the door to his bedroom and jogged down to the bathroom.

castiel's eyes squinted open when he felt the bed bounce quite hard. he sat up on his elbows, turned to the side table, clicked on his plugged in phone _2:21 a.m._ he flinched when he heard strangled coughs coming from down the hall. he turned back around, noticing that the bed bounce was from dean running out. just when cas' feet hit the creaky floorboard did he finally hear the telltale sounds of dean throwing up.

"de?" castiel whispered into the darkness of the cold bathroom.

his left hand was searching the wall for the light switch when a quiet little "no, please n-no lights" was whispered in a high pitched panic. cas squinted again until his eyes adjusted to the moonlight shining in through the small window near the plaster ceiling.

he lowered himself down to the floor, his hands roaming until they found dean's sweaty back. "hey, you still feelin icky?" he murmured as he pulled dean closer. dean crawled into cas' arms, tucking his head under cas' chin while lightly shrugging.

"your shirt is soaked" castiel pointed out quietly as one of his hands combed through dean's growing hair. "y-yeah" dean shivered at the touch. "b-but, i ... i need it"

cas squinted once again while wrapping his arms around dean, pulling him onto his lap. "what do you mean?"

dean wiped his nose on his hand slightly, mumbling lowly "i ..." there was no point in lying, nor was there a point to keep holding it in, he _did_ just begin to tell cas. "i have ... an ugly scar ... that ... that i didnt want you to see." he squirmed in cas' lap before pushing off of him to throw up again. 

the clock ticked 3 a.m. when castiel finally carried dean back to his room that was slowly going to be their room. nobody in the house had woken up the entire time both of them were up. which was probably a blessing. dean may have been taller and more filled out since cas had last seen him but _shit, that skinny kid could throw up._

"so .. you have insomnia, nightmares and you hardly do sleep when you do _actually_ sleep. you sleep on the couch at home and either read, draw, or watch tv. you need music playing when you sleep. you like soft 40s-50s, led zeppelin, bob seger or old folk songs for that. you need to suck your thumb, and you like having your tummy rubbed but you have a scar from john and sam that you refuse to show me so you wore a shirt to bed on one of the hottest nights. so far, im correct?" castiel touched deans bare knees once he had sat next to him on the edge of the bed.

dean nodded. "im sorry" he whispered.

cas shook his head, rubbed deans back "dont be. i understand, de" dean felt his face flush fire hot, a deep red almost shining more than the moonlight.

castiel reached over, unplugged dean's phone and pressed the device into dean's hands, "here, you play whatever you need. i dont mind, it'll be a nice change from gabriel's loud snoring." he grinned, kissing dean's jaw softly.

"i am however, quite worried you'll overheat in this shirt again, but i completely understand if you cant take it off. i can go sleep downstairs, as well"

the sound of bob seger flowed into the dark room when dean shook his head "no, i wanna take it off. but .. j-just. dont. just dont .. " dean bit his lip, squeezed his eyes shut. "they did bad things to me, please just"

castiel held his hands. _"its okay dean, i got you" _

with the help of cas, dean was layed on the bed, both of their hands worked on pulling dean's sweat soaked shirt off, his boxers pushed low on his sharp hipbones, a deep red and white scar was slowly shown.

the scar ran from an inch left of his navel up towards his neck. castiel felt like punching something, or gagging at the thought of someone torturing dean. around the long scar revealed round burn scars, a few stretchmarks and small needle marks. the most gag worthy were the large bullet wounds that sat along the long scar itself. it seemed all the bullet wounds and the scar itself had been infected for a long while at some point.

dean shivered, suddenly feeling exposed. cas leaned down, softly kissing him. when dean smiled a small, tired smile, castiel got bolder. leaning over his skinny boyfriend, he leaned down, slowly kissed down dean's scars.

he felt dean squirm under him. "are you ticklish?" cas questioned with an amused smirk. dean giggled quietly "round my hips n belly" he mumbled. cas smirked, kissing down dean's freckled and scared skin. he dipped the tip of his nose in dean's navel, peppering kisses everywhere.

once dean was more relaxed, castiel crawled up beside him. "you're beautiful, yaknow that?"

dean snorted "loser"

cas grinned "mm, maybe so. but i dont care. i could get used to kissing you like that" he rolled dean over, wrapping his arm around him, laying his hand on dean's stomach, his finger tips resting on the hilled scar tissue. dean hummed lowly, sighing in the comfort.

"goodnight beautiful"

"goodnight loser"

" ..... isnt that a bob seger song?"

_"mmhmm"_

".....is everything a bob seger lyric to you?"

_"mmhmm"_

castiel quietly laughed, dropping another kiss to the top of dean's head. his chest pressed into dean's back. his left leg hooked over dean's legs. cas smiled as he saw the outline of deans hand tucked close to his face, his thumb popped in his mouth, softly sucking.

_maybe bob was right, maybe they werent in love when they were working on their night moves, but castiel could tell you one thing for sure - there would more chances to work on their real night moves in the sweet summertime, because he was falling for dean winchester. and he didnt really mind._


	8. 🌼 mom talks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh so its almost 3 in the morning but i wanted to post this draft i just finished touching up, sorry if any mistakes again. im half asleep again. oof. this is also the longest thing ive ever written? i just had to keep going cuz i kept faling more and more in love with this concept.
> 
> and yall finally get to know why i named this little verse of mine someday soon. kinda, maybe. its like a little window to the whole picture? either way. just some cute little dean and jody junk cuz they coot. they too coot. 
> 
> (takes place a few weeks after 'seeing sam')  
warnings: black eyes, rude old people, mentions of death.  
words: 1,845
> 
> posted on January 26th 2020
> 
> ** edited on april 24th 2020 **

the hot mid-afternoon sun of south louisiana beat down and shone off the glossy black hood of the classic 67 chevy impala that was currently rolling along the nearly bare highway. 

18 year old dean sat in the drivers seat, his thick rimmed, black, kurt cobain looking sunglasses sat on the bridge of his now-healed but now-slightly crooked nose. his left eye still bruised and throbbing when open for too long. he continued to curse himself for ever wanting to see sam again.

jody sat in the passenger seat, map pulled open, laying across her lap and the dash. deans art bag also layed open between the two as jody pulled highlighters out and marked their route. she shifted her gaze up towards her left, leaving her right hand to search the map as her left hand gently touched dean's clothed thigh.

dean's thigh bounced, relaxing under his adopted mom's warm touch, his eyes found hers under his glasses for a half second before turning back to the road.

_ask away_, they said.

"theres a rest stop about three miles ahead. we can stop for lunch, stretch out a little too. sound good?" she asked. dean smiled with a small nod.

the impala sped up, eating up the three miles in record time before the classic car pulled off onto a dirt bowl shaped rest stop, parking near another car also there. with a heavy sigh dean leaned back in his seat, letting his neck rest against the top of the hot leather. the door creaked as jody opened it, pulling herself out and into the hot sun. dean squinted, tugging at the keys before getting out himself.

the sun seemed even hotter without the windshield as a barrier. his short sleeve shirt stuck to his body as if it was painted on. his shorts stuck to the insides of his thighs. he cringed at the feeling as he opened the back door, leaning down inside the slightly cooler car to pull out the green cooler.

dean had successfully gotten the cooler out, shut the door with his hip and was passing the cooler to jody, just as the other couple had walked out of the restroom building.

an older couple,_ probably snotty ones too,_ dean smirked to himself at the thought.

rolling down the windows in the impala he grabbed his art bag and made his way towards where jody had set up lunch at the rickety picnic bench.

thinking that the older couple had gotten into their van dean pushed his sunglasses up, his shaggy hair getting pushed back as the glasses slid up. jody studied his face, before placing a cold soda in front of him and cracking open a tupperware container. dean laid a finger around the ridge of the container, pulled it closer to him.

donna had made a thick lumberjack sandwich for them. he smiled.

"im not a fan of fighting, but i _am_ glad the boys were with you when you got that" jody nodded towards dean, quietly gulping a mouthful of ice cold beer down. dean poked at the bread before taking a bite, nodding at his mom, he swallowed.

"still my fault. wouldnt have gotten it if i didnt see sam" he mumbled lowly, looking broken. jody frowned, opened her mouth to talk before the older couple were suddenly standing beside where dean was seated. 

dean flinched, scooting over to the other side of the bench.

the old lady stared at him, her eyes raked over his body, up and down, landing on his bruised eye, making a face. jody's slim eyebrows crunched together "can i help you?"

the man held a map up to her, explaining how they wanted to get to the closest city with the quickest route. jody was pointing at the map when dean finally glared back at the older woman. he was shy, and quiet, had gotten used to people staring at him in public, but it still bothered him, made his skin crawl.

_"sometimes you just need to say something to them. they may not even know they're staring at you" lucifer had told him once, a few years back."_

"ma'am, is there a problem?" dean gritted out. _god, he hated talking to random people._

the lady's eyes widened. she backed up towards her husband, "yes, there is, young ... man, is it. young men, and i use that term loosely, should not have long hair, nor dyed, nor be wearing nail polish. no wonder you have a black eye, your father probably had a heart attack seeing you like that"

she turned to jody "and you, his mother, should not let your son go out in public like that. its dreadful."

jody had stood up, but dean was faster. he got close to the woman, gritted his teeth.

"ma'am, and i use that term loosely, its not _any_ of your damn business what i look like. i like my hair longer, i like my frosted tips, i like the nail polish. my father_ is proud of me,_ and do not, _ever_, and i mean _ever_, get up in mother's face and bitch. _or so help me."_

the couple grabbed their things and left in their van within a few minutes.

as they ate dean quietly hummed while jody tried guessing what songs were being hummed. deans soda had been finished and tossed in the garbage can, his massive sandwich piece polished off and the container stashed away.

jody had a handful of grapes, chewing slowly at them as her body was turned facing away from the sun, looking at the landscape around when a soft _click_ made her turn. dean was grinning, turning his camera piece to load another blank film piece in place. jody shook her head with a smile.

dean hummed quietly as they packed up.

once they were opening the front doors jody asked "okay, you got me. what song?" dean's face flushed, smiling down at his lap, twirling the keys around his right index finger, "jody girl, bob seger" jody leaned over, kissed his cheek.

she placed his art bag on her lap, shifting her body until she was sitting beside him, his art bag in her previous seat. dean grinned, moving closer to the door so he could rest his cheek on her shoulder.

"yaknow, my husband never sang to me. wasnt much of a fan of music, i guess. owen was, though. like you." she trailed off, brushing back his hair, taking his sunglasses off to lightly kiss his head.

"i miss them sometimes. you remember owen? god, you mustve been .. what, 8? he was 7. think the last time you saw him was just before ..." she stopped. dean laid his hand over hers in her lap.

she squeezed his soft hand, continuing "then you went back to bobby's. never saw you again after. few months later husband died ... met donna few months after that. five years later we got married. then two years later i get the call from bobby saying you were in the hospital in town." she smiled, squeezed his hand again "and then you were ours. all three of ours. playing music, making art. the songs from the past never played though. i miss those too."

dean reached over jodys lap, opened his dirty art bag, dug around before he had his hands on his overly stuffed full book. untied the knot, flipped the cover as the book relaxed itself to open stuffed state. he flipped more pages, finally sitting up and layed the book in jody's lap, over her hands.

" 'zit's my hunter's journal" he swallowed, as jody leaned into his body, he pointed to the page "started when i was 7. not very good, but" his finger ran down the old page, the black ink almost grey from age, the words pressed so hard into the paper it rippled as his finger ran down

"here, 'saw owen again. had on my eagles shirt. played him 'take it easy'. he liked it. had to go back uncle bobby's after. aunt jody gave me this picture from the last visit. im hiding it in here so sammy or dad cant take it away from me. cant wait to be back' .. excuse the poor spelling, but here" dean smiled, flipped the page again. 

the photo was of dean and owen hugging each-other on the couch in jody's old house. "you uh, you can have it back. ... might, i dunno, might be hard, been glued in there for like .. what, 11 years now or something."

jody smiled widely "no no babyboy, its yours. im just so glad you still have that."

she looked over the photo as dean broke inches away, starting the impala and beginning to pull out of the rest stop. "so, he liked the eagles, huh?" jody raised an eyebrow.

dean grinned lazily "i done real good." he laughed quietly.

just as jody slipped dean's hunters journal back in the art bag dean was leaning over towards the floor on the passenger side. she pushed him back up, once both hands were back on the wheel she questioned what he was reaching for.

"uh, the uh, tape box, this ones done. you wanna pick?" dean squinted, picked up his sunglasses from the seat, slid them back on his face, jody took the tape from the deck, picked up the beat up box, dug through it.

"judy collins?" she asked, holding up the cassette, deans lips pouted "o-oh. uh ... y-yeah. uh, john used to play it, c-cuz ... _she_ used to like that album. would only play one song though"

_'she' meant mary_, jody figured out quickly.

she was about to put the cassette back in the box when dean stopped her, "g-go, uh go ahead. i .. havent actually heard it in a long time, i .. uh, unless, 'less you wanna pick somethin' else. dont mind" jody smiled, handed dean the tape. 

"make a deal with you"

dean's eyebrow twitched "hmm?"

"play this, then play me the eagles?"

he smiled, "can do"

jody smiled back "play some zeppelin after, too. you deserve it, you stood up for yourself and me. _im very proud of you" _

dean's face flushed red once again, "only if i get to play eddie money for you"

jody smirked, "cant pass that up, but only if you wear the glasses and do your dance that you do when you make fun of the old music videos"

"walk on water?"

"mm .... yes"

"deal"

"deal"

"....love you, mom"

"love you too babyboy"

_for the next few hours both dean and jody sang loudly along with old music, dancing, holding fake mics up to their mouths, going through a few dozen cassettes. but for night now, both were perfectly content leaning against each-other driving down the old highway, windows open with judy collins playing through the speakers. mom's were a wonderful thing and dean loved his._

_I would follow him right down the toughest road I know_

_Someday soon goin' with him someday soon_


	9. 🌼 some gross shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so just recently i was updating my own person hunter's research journal - because yaknow, im a nerd - when i came across this piece about the romans, and just .... i just finished rewatching old crappy horror movies and this just flew outta me...
> 
> so... yeah ... yeah sorry ... but i kinda really like this kinda shit so .. uh, thoughts on this would be really good ... maybe? 
> 
> triggers: extreme use of vomit, gross stuff, blood, violence, scar mention and swearing.
> 
> words: 1,820
> 
> posted on January 27th 2020
> 
> ** edited on april 24th 2020 **

chuck had sent his sons on a hunt in ohio while he and bobby were tied up with another hunt one state over. _"take dean, i'm sure he's probably got your research already done for you" he'd joked over the phone._

he sent them what little research he did have and suddenly the shurley's, plus dean, were now currently in toledo, ohio.

gabriel tossed his latest candy wrapper in his pocket while lucifer popped another bubblegum bubble. castiel was leaning against the passenger side door of their rusted jeep, standing beside his older brothers. dean had his hunter's journal and his research journal open across the hood, tossing page after page over and over, rereading the info chuck had sent to him as his bright green eyes scanned over his scribbled writing.

after a few more quiet minutes he retied his hunters journal, shoving it back into his art bag at his feet, turned the thick research journal towards the others. the three older boys all turned to the 17 year old. 

basically, over the past two weeks there had been a foul smell hanging in the air around town. nothing anybody had placed correctly. it had come about a day after several members of a large roman family had gotten to town for a family reunion.

several town folk had gone missing over the past two weeks as well. it had happened every year around the same time the old roman families got together for the reunion.

"so, im pretty sure its not anything supernatural. and i think im missing a piece to my theory but im pretty sure its the romans" dean pointed out.

the others looked over the page dean had left open.

"a Vomitorium?" lucifer cringed, "thats .."

_"gross"_ gabriel finished for him.

dean nodded at them "but the stuff chuck sent me adds up with that. they're upper class _now_, and im sure the town records would probably tell me their ancestors were the same. generations of upper class romans." dean grinned.

castiel still looked uneasy, "so... how does this 'vomitorium' add up with upper class romans?"

dean wet his lips "sorry, forgot to explain. basically in pop culture a vomitorium is a room where ancient romans went to throw up rich meals so they could come back to the table and eat more. that theory is 'proven' by aldous huxley since he wrote it as a literal place to puke, in his 1923 novel "Antic Hay.". but in real life even the most wealthiest romans didnt have such rooms. plus real rooms like that were less gross." 

all three older boys stared at dean.

"dont think ive ever heard you talk that much" gabriel smirked, "such a good little research nerd" he added.

dean grinned back with an eye roll "yeah well, when youve been forced into hunting at the age of one or two, sometimes just reading about it is nicer. kinda my own way to prove to sam and john im not just their stupid little brother or some useless, stupid kid." he explained to them.

castiel proudly smiled at dean before turning back to the book.

"they used to eat meat stuffed inside other meat" lucifer questioned, looking back up at dean.

dean nodded, "and if you saw, there was a massive sign for a newly opened Biggerson's here in town somewhere. i thought of their turducken slammer right away"

castiel's eyebrow raised "what about the missing people?" he turned to his older but shorter brothers.

lucifer knocked his knuckles on the hood "we'll go interview them. you go with dean to the library or town hall and look into the roman family. meet you there later."

**~~~~**

it was nearing 11 pm when lucifer and gabriel walked up towards where castiel and dean were sat on the stone stairs leading to the library's front doors. "thank god, we've been here almost two hours" cas rolled his eyes.

lucifer copied it, gabe chewed some candy. dean stood on the step behind cas, now a few inches taller than his 6'4 boyfriend. "you get anything?"

lucifer nodded, pulled his short notebook out to a new page "talked to families from older missing people cases, never saw them again. just gone one day n that was it. yaknow?"

"ya get anything?" gabe asked around a new piece of candy shoved against his inner cheek.

"roman family are upper class" cas explained.

"they changed over time. still upper class, but now have a room. explains the smell around town. the smell of puke, added with 10 or more people, thats a lot of puke, really. and i think the smell is worse because of the missing people. think the family got 'em" dean added.

gabriel spat his candy in his hand, eyes wide "they _jeffrey dahmer'd_ them?!" he screeched loudly.

lucifer slapped a hand over his mouth "shut the _fuck_ up! do you want them to hear us in hawaii, asshole"

_"actually, we heard you just fine"_

**~~~~**

dean was the first to wake up, heavy coughs shaking him awake. he gagged within a second from the strong telltale of vomit surrounding him.

he found himself in an old basement with his hands tied together. he looked around the basement. cas, luci, and gabe were tied to the same pole together a few meters away.

all four of them were in some kinda pool like object. the water around their knees and lower legs was a gross shade of brown, white and red.

dean quickly untied his hands with the small pocket knife he carried in his front jean pocket. he cringed at the pain in the back of his head, when he noticed some floating little pieces of _something_ nearby.

his hand wrapped around it, pulling it just past the surface when it revealed itself as half an eyeball and piece of _what the FUCK was that? a finger? a toe?_

out of shock dean slipped backwards, sending a wave of the gross smelling water towards the shurley boys. dean was quickly on his hands and knees coughing hard again when he finally figured out the water they were in was _vomit. _

_watery vomit, but vomit non-the-less. _

he had just gotten back on his feet when castiel and lucifer groaned awake. once he had helped untie them and explained where they were gabriel had woken up. "we're really in fucking shit, piss and puke right now" lucifer gagged.

cas cringed, lucifer had the strongest stomach out of everyone castiel knew. it was rough.

dean coughed harshly again, going green around his upper cheeks. "anyone still have their guns?" gabriel asked as he checked his lower back "i got mine"

lucifer and castiel checked their lower backs too "us too" they nodded.

dean pulled his long knife out of the holder on the inside of his pants leg "only backup i got"

lucifer's eyes darkened "oh we got a little badass over there, sneaky. i can dig that shit"

dean laughed quietly. "okay, now .. how do we get out of this shit?" cas questioned.

nobody had replied when the basement door was swung open and a large heavy man was walking down the stairs with a sick smirk plastered on his face. he was only halfway down the old steps when lucifer pulled his backup gun out from under his wet clothes, pulled the trigger, and let the bullet fly.

turns out, when pissed off, lucifer is a _great_ shot.

the man had fallen down the stairs and into the pool between gabe and dean with a gaping hole in his forehead.

dean gagged again, turning his head to throw up. castiel waved his way threw the water, holding dean up as he sunk to his knees.

at the loud noises the rest of the family were down the stairs. the only good part was that the old staircase was so narrow that their large bodies couldnt fit more than one of them.

it was like shooting fish in a barrel. _literally_.

the family fell into the pool, the water rising to the boys waists. they held their breath and swam to the stairs, stumbling out the door and onto the ground floor of the old house.

gabriel quickly found the kitchen. nothing was out of the place.

"they kidnapped people, ate them, puked em back up. i mean, they fucking actually _cooked_ them in this very kitchen and nobody found out." lucifer muttered as he toweled his face off.

"lets burn this place" castiel murmured.

luci tossed the towel to gabe and dean as he and cas lit different places up in the house.

they stole more towels and ran out the back door, running down dirt roads towards the motel as the place started going up in high, hot flames. they stopped outside the motel room, panting and beginning to pull their ruined clothes off. castiel's phone rang, everybody stared as he slowly tugged the wet device from his pocket. "its dad" he informed.

while cas was on the phone, lucifer opened the door, dean and gabe pulled cas in after them.

with some help from a one handed cas dean got his ruined short sleeve shirt off. gabriel stopped dead in his tracks while lucifer stared for a few minutes. dean froze, pulling his wet shirt over his entire front. "s-sorry. i .. i forgot. i, i uh.. um"

lucifer nodded at dean's expossed upper half. "john n sam?" when dean nodded, lucifer got close to him, "then i dont care, it wasnt your fault." the wet shirt was dropped, dean's long scar was seen to the inside of the ugly motel room. gabriel frowned, handing dean a piece of red candy.

castiel snapped his phone shut "dad and bobby need our help on their hunt, just told him we finished ours. we have to shower now so we can leave within half n hour."

lucifer groaned "dude, that would mean we all shower together, then run down to the library to the jeep."

gabriel grinned "last one in the shower has to drive all night and buy the snacks ... NOT IT" with that he pulled his wet pants off and ran towards the bathroom.

dean grinned "im in .. NOT IT EITHER" he ran after gabriel.

cas smiled at their giggles as the shower turned on, he faced lucifer. the two stared at each other for a few seconds before they pulled off their own clothes and raced each other to the bathroom.

"i hate all three of you fuckers"

"shut up and drive lucifer"

"fine"

"your fault you were so slow"

"okay, cas, gabe, shut the fuck up"

"what about me?"

"you're a good boy, dean"

"hmm, thank you"

_cas and gabriel laughed from the backseat. "just never tell anyone outside of this jeep we showered together" lucifer grumbled._

_"you have a nice ass"_

_"gabe, i will turn this car around."_


	10. 🌼 caught

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is weird? was written with real entires from my journal as dean's thoughts. and real feelings towards my estranged 'father'. but its more like an idea more than a well written piece of work. oof.
> 
> i cant write john either? wow i suck, heh, forgive me. i want a bobby singer to my dean winchester. i had a rough day yall. 
> 
> trigger warnings: swearing, mention of killing.  
words: 1,529.
> 
> posted on January 29th 2020
> 
> ** edited on april 24th 2020 **

grease and motor oil coated the tight, light blue coveralls that hugged dean's growing, skinny frame. he'd just turned 16 nearly two weeks ago and for his birthday bobby had found a broken down old 56' chevy truck for them to restore together.

it wasnt baby, but it was more than enough. dean was over the moon.

bobby had left the scrap yard almost an hour ago to head into town to pick up some groceries and the newest part for the truck. dean was perfectly content to stay and hang out in the warm garage.

it was early febuary, too nippy to be outside for long, but nearing spring. dean had early on-set spring fever. _big time._

a shiver ran through his body when he wiped his hand under his nose. okay, so maybe touching cold metal in a warm garage in south dakota wasnt great for a skinny kid who had just started gaining weight again. he rolled his eyes at his inner thoughts.

wasnt his fault.

he cringed when he realized he was thinking about _john_. that hadnt happened since around the time he ran away, nearly an entire year ago. since then he'd moved in with aunt jody and donna. he liked them, and had began to call them 'mom'.

he shrugged to himself as he grabbed a dirty rag from the work bench. was it okay to call them that? he never had a mom, and well, they treated him like he figured a mom would. so. yeah, he figured it was okay. he had also recently slipped up by calling bobby 'dad' one day, but he just smiled and ruffled his hair. neither minded.

was nice.

dean pulled back the garage door, taking the dirty rag with him. he zipped his coveralls up closer to his chin after he closed the heavy wooden panel door. wiping the grease off his hands the best he could he started his way across the muddy, wet, snow slop junkyard.

bobby's back porch was more or less everyone's front porch if they pulled into the scrap yard instead of the short driveway up at the front. the wear and tear of everyday life had broken off pieces of the porch, as well as flaking off paint in large chunks. _hmm, i should paint it_, dean grinned to himself. _blue? like that cute boy's eyes?_ he snorted, shaking his head.

he really was whipped for castiel shurley, wasnt he? heh. _oh well_. 

the low growl of a car pulling up closer to the house made dean's thoughts break up. he had just kicked off his boots, shoving the even dirtier rag in the coverall's pockets he walked down the porch steps, thinking it was possibly bobby back from town.

his eyes widened in shock and fear as the beautiful, black 67 chevy impala drove in. _fuck, oh fuck_.

dean was about to run into the house when the driver pulled the keys and made eye contact with him from inside the car. _ooooh, fuuuuuuck_.

dean gulped loudly, leaning his arms down on the half busted porch railing. john winchester, leather bound, bearded, tired looking, tall as ever, got out of the car, moved around to the hood, nodded his head at dean. "hey kid. bobby singer around?"

dean's eyebrow raised. _kid? what? oh fuck, uh, shit. fake it till you make it, dean. c'mon, man up a little._ "sorry man, just me. can i help ya with anything?" dean smirked down at john. _why the fuck did you tell him you were alone? oh jesus. wait, theres a shotgun hidden in the kitchen... but am i fast enough to grab it?_

john's eyes raked dean's body. dean swallowed, hoping he didnt see.

sure, dean was taller, possibly older looking. his hair was longer, he _did_ have grease, oil and other shit marking his face right now. maybe that helped.

"so, you new 'round here. never seen you before." john remarked. dean's eyebrow raised again "yeah man. help out in the garage."

john made a knowing face, nodded, pointed at the door "am i able to grab a beer? bobby'll be back soon, right?" dean threw open the door after walking backwards toward it "go in, dude. beer's in the fridge"

once john and dean shared another little stare john was in the house and dean was doubled over ready to toss his cookies. _oh fuck, please tell me he really doesnt know who i am. oh my god, im a dead, dead, DEAD bastard right now._

after a few more panic filled minutes, dean put on his best game face and casually strolled into the kitchen, finding john at the kitchen table, beer in hand.

"you got a name?" john asked, lifting the beer, knocking his front teeth as the bottle made the connection. dean grinned coolly, "alec mcdowell" _oh nice one dean. go ahead, ruin another good show. oh fuck sake, kill me now_.

john swallowed, nodded, ran his eyes over dean again "new around here?"_ shit, backstory, um. uh .. uuuhh_

"yeah, my old man got transferred here with his job" _im a smooth bastard, nice one dean_

"....hunter?" john squinted, trying to figure him out.

"u.s. marshal." _....real smooth, fuck sake._

"oh, heh. you come across as a young man who listens to his old man"

dean smirked, shrugged lazily, leaned up against the kitchen counter, eyed john up with a cold glare "try my best"

john smirked back, nodded. "can respect that. you remind me of someone, you sure we never met before?" _fuck i knew it! i knew it! he knows, just back away NOW._

"think i'd remember that, man. why, who i remind ya of?"

john laughed, sloshing beer around the table from his bottle. probably even more on his way to being drunk. when he turned away for a second dean took the chance to roll his nose up at the growing smell of booze. still made him sick to his stomach. guess growing up around a drunk did that to you, didnt it?

at least when bobby drank it was always when dean wasnt around. john turned back around, faced dean halfly.

"got two boys. oldest one is in college. youngest one is gone" he got real quiet after that, dean relaxed his fake cocky self for a second, "gone?" he questioned, raised his eyebrow again

"yeah .. lost him on a hunt. never listened to me much."

dean gritted his teeth.

"say, how old are you, mcdowell" _dont say 16, moron. too close._

"just turned 17 in december" _a year older, a month younger. yeah thats not close at all ... my god i suck at this shit. movies lied to me hardcore man!_

john made a noise from the back of his throat, ready to talk again when the door opened, with bobby walking in. everyone stared at each-other, dean had turned looking even more scared at being caught with john, even if just lying through his teeth. "hey'ya johnny boy"

"hey singer, nice new worker ya got yourself here"

bobby handed the keys to dean, "yah. theres stuff in truck, why dont ya just-" dean flicked his wrist, out the door in a flash to stomp on his boots outside. he breathed hard through his nose, slopping through the yard towards bobby's rusting truck.

he gripped the tailgate, spitting beside the back tire. he wrapped his arms around the bags and calmly forced himself back into the house.

**~~~~**

bobby and dean were back working in the garage a few days after john had shown up. "so ... so he's still here?" dean asked confused, putting away now clean tools. bobby shook his head "nah, boy, left at the crack of dawn"

dean pointed out the open garage door, "but baby's still here. he'd never part with her."

bobby clasped his hand on dean's upper back, grinning. "well he would if i hid the keys, gave 'im 'nother car with very little gas" he held up the impala's keys. dean's mouth dropped open.

"yah held yer'self well, past few days 'round him. when he comes back i'll tell 'im someone took her. she's all yer's boy." dean's breathing slowed as bobby layed the impala keys in his palm. he gripped them tightly, biting his lip.

before he knew it he had thrown himself at bobby, held on as tight as he could.

"thank you dad, just ... thank you"

"no problem, son"

dean broke the hug. bobby wrapped his arm around the back of his neck, ruffled his growing hair. they walked towards the house with _dean's baby_ parked by. 

"can i .. be honest for a second?"

"hm?"

"i mean .... s-scary honest"

bobby sat on the porch's top step. cracked open a soda and beer. dean sat beside him.

"i think if i ever saw him again, i'd shoot him dead."

bobby slowly nodded, "and sam?"

dean looked down at his feet, "i'd give him at least one more chance, i think"

"just one?"

_"...yeah."_

bobby nodded again, they knocked their drink cans together, taking a drink together.

_"it'll be our secret, boy. revenge is for fools, but this is justified."_


	11. 🌼 autumn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i lost my folder of drafts because my tablet updated and its old .. so .. yeah, im kinda t'd off about it. ugh. so, any ideas for stuff i could re-write? tell away, frens. yall the best.
> 
> also i was out in town today and this cute girl told me she liked my drawing of jared and it ... was nice and im stressed cuz cute girls dont ever talk to me, heh oof.
> 
> im also sick of winter and this is the newest draft i had and the only one that didnt get lost with the update. i need spring asap. this story is almost a month old .. ooh !!
> 
> (takes place kinda after 'some gross shit')  
trigger warnings: swearing, scar mention, bugs.  
words: 1, 436.
> 
> posted on January 31st 2020
> 
> ** edited on april 24th 2020 **

it was mid-october. the air was cool and crisp, the ground covered in millions of leaves. the heat had died earlier in september, being replaced by rain, a cool wind and the smell of autumn hung in the air. 

the shurley's were staying over at bobby's again, chuck had been looking around town to possibly buy a house for them, considering how much time they spent in sioux falls.

dean had been raking leaf piles in the farm's massive backyard with castiel's help when gabe and lucifer came over, and thats how, almost two hours later, the four of them had found themselves laying on a blanket of leaves, head to head, in the early afternoon sun.

dean had daphne laying on his upper chest, quietly sleeping with her head tucked under his chin, her soft purring warming him. cas layed to his right, his jet black lazy curls pressed against his forehead as his blue beanie was pushed forward from laying down. he held an old paperback book in his hands, knees pushed up, wrists on his kneecaps, the paperback looking small in his hands.

the pages ripped at the edges, curled and creased._ a well loved book,_ dean smiled.

behind dean, and to cas' right, layed lucifer. the low grumble of his snoring told everyone he was having a little catnap after raking and bagging leaves for almost two hours. finally to dean's left was gabriel, and judging by the strange slurping noises and moans he was hearing, dean could only hope and assume gabriel was snacking on ... _something_. 

the left over leaves had been made into a half-assed looking blanket they had all thrown themselves down on to rest.

dean's portable music speaker was between dean and castiel's feet. _'Lawyers in Love'_ had been on repeat the entire 15 to 20 minutes they had been laying there, but nobody had made a move to change it. dean's artbag was beside gabriel's candy-bag, the thick sketchbook on a patch of dying grass, a few stray leaves landed around the top.

daphne stretched out, rolling to her side on dean's chest, his right arm cradling her fat, fluffy body, her paws touching his left shoulder. "hey, dean-o?" gabriel mumbled, turning his head as he tried to look over. dean shifted slightly, not trying to disturb his cat.

"you ever draw clouds?" gabe questioned, returning to his previous place of rest, his hazel eyes glued to the sky again. dean returned too, humming quietly before replying "tried it once. take more photos of that kinda thing, i think. find that too many people already draw that type of shit, yaknow? i draw people, take photos of animals and landscapes"

castiel quietly laughed, his head turned to watch dean's profile.

gabe chewed a new piece of candy "cassie, tell us a story" he demanded.

cas rolled his eyes, closed his book, layed it on his chest "what kind of story?"

gabe shrugged, "one that wakes up luci"

when dean laughed quietly daphne jiggled from his chest rocking. she stood up causing a hiss from dean, her heavy body waddled down his own skinny body. cas sat up to take her off of him, smiling when dean rubbed at the sore tissue where she was. "hey ol' gal" he murmured at her fluffy multicoloured ear tips.

he continued to sit up once she had comfortably nested in his lap, turning to face the other two, book layed beside the speaker pulled closer to his person, finally changing the music to a stevie nicks album he shrugged down at this brother and boyfriend, "what story would wake luce?"

dean sat up, spinning around to face everyone just as cas had. "shouldnt we let him sleep?" his cheeks pushed up as he made a face.

gabriel snorted "mm, how bout that gross place we were at awhile ago with the people eating the other pe-" he squealed loudly, getting up as fast as he could, running towards donna's garden that she and dean had just pulled for the year.

lucifer was up, rubbing at his eyes, dean and cas made confused faces at each-other.

"theres something moving there!" gabe squealed, pointing at the ground where he had been just second before.

lucifer rolled his eyes, "fuck sake, probably a bug. .... was a good sleep too, asshole" he sat down beside cas, rubbing at his eyes. cas smiled sadly at him. 

"ooh! a spider!" dean grinned, leaning down as the long legged spider made its way up the side of dean's sketchbook and over to gabriel's bag of candy.

"ew, ew EW NO NO NO GET IT AWAY DEAN" gabe whined loudly, pouting when dean just watched the spider move. finally when cas tapped at his shoulder, dean backed away, scooping the spider into his hands and got to his feet. "see, nothing to be afraid of" he smirked, opening his hands to show gabriel the spider.

gabe paled as dean got his hands closer. lucifer couldnt stop his laughter when he took off running and hid behind castiel's tall body, leaving dean standing with the spider. "cassie, why couldnt your boyfriend like something different. _anything_ different. why did it have to be _bugs_." he whined.

castiel laughed, shrugging "why did my _big, older,_ brother have to afraid of bugs?"

lucifer smirked "ooh. burn"

dean wiped his hands, sitting back down, pulled his sketchbook on his lap. lucifer nodded towards dean, "hey, draw scaredy pants here running from big bugs" he cackled. dean grinned, laughing himself. gabriel pouted, sitting behind cas and lucifer.

"gunna hate livin here with the friggin bugs eatin my candy" he pouted more, crossing his arms. dean grinned lazily at how childish he could be. 

lucifer rolled his eyes "we've lived in places with bugs, rats, and other gross shit but you're worried about a nice clean house with maybe a spider in the tub? pfft"

dean cringed. _rats_.

he looked down at his hands, little white scars lined both hands, nearly all his fingers, around his nails, his knuckles, going almost as low as his wrists in a few places. _fuckin, john_. he shivered, gripping his pencil tightly and beginning to draw on a fresh sketchbook page.

castiel watched him while listening to his older brothers bitch about nearly everything. he watched as dean's grip began to loosen on the pencil, his body sagging as he relaxed into his craft.

it had become dean's second nature, and cas would sit for hours watching him draw, if he allowed him too of course. there were days where he either didnt draw at all, which was rare, or days where he didnt want anyone to watch him. castiel always respected whatever he wished. _that_ was castiel's second nature.

while continuing to bitch and moan with his younger brother lucifer had reached over and petted daphne, who hadnt been fazed by gabriel's whiny outburst from before. daphne was already old when dean rescued her, but now she was a _really_ old fat cat who loved the attention she'd get when the boys stopped by. even chuck, who, like lucifer, most definitely, _was not_, a cat person. _yeah right_. 

after a while longer dean shifted his sketchbook in his lap, castiel turned, smiling down at the newest drawing. he leaned over and kissed the 18 year old lazily. the other two hadnt seen them, busy yapping, trying to be better than the other.

it was always in good fun.

dean and cas were hip to hip and knee to knee as cas pointed out little details as dean drew. daphne laying in their laps, purring quietly. finally the older two joined them, joking over the new drawings.

when the autumn chill got down to their bones they noticed they had been sitting in the backyard nearly all afternoon. jody walked out into the back porch, waving at the four, yelling that supper and pie were on the table.

the four gathered their things, lucifer walking with dean's cat as they laughed their way across the huge yard towards the house. 

_later that night, as jody and donna cleaned up supper, donna found dean's sketchbook laying open on the counter. both women smiled at the new sketch of cas with daphne in his lap, his smile as bright and wide as ever. the other page filled with bug doodles, a large spider with gabriel's head. and a few leaves from the pile they were layed out on._

_the top of the page had dean's writing scribbled across it, reading "Outside the Rain - Stevie Nicks, the perfect autumn day."_


	12. 🌼 birthdays are a drag

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uuuuuuggghhh ..... 
> 
> i have tonsillitis again, and suffering from insomnia again. so. this was requested !! im sorry if its so friggen shit. i wrote most of it over a few nights, doped up on my meds. god im tired, i just stayed up three hours correcting mistakes on this bitch. 
> 
> this is also the longest thing ive ever written and if i wasnt so dead from tossing my own cookies and wishing i could rip out my throat, id party. and by party, i mean watch tv and drink soda. so, 
> 
> i also think im comfortable to start taking requests? this was my first ever one, so ill let yall read and tell me. 
> 
> warnings: uh, scar mention, abuse mention, sammy and john are assholes, this is filled with tv and music references because yall gotta remember i based dean sorta off of myself, and i think thats it? cant remember? i need sleep.
> 
> words: 5,301.
> 
> posted on February 3rd 2020
> 
> ** edited on april 26th 2020 **

_january 24th. dean was 15 today. this would be his last birthday with john and sam._

little did the youngest winchester know sam would be leaving in may, after his 19th birthday. john would leave a week later, and finally dean would pack two bags and run away two days later.

normally, the winchester's never celebrated birthdays.

correction, they never celebrated _dean's_ birthday.

because dean was unwanted, of that they made sure he was reminded of every chance they got. sam may not be as good of a hunter as dean has come to be, nor did he always listen to john, but sam was the golden child, the oldest, the one who had massive parties with tons of friends, every single year.

dean had learned not to care, not to mind, not to be jealous. he didnt like the attention anyways, attention on him usually meant a beating or such was coming his way, and he didnt care for that shit at all.

but it still sucked hard balls that sammy got all the presents, the triple layer cake, the friends, the party, everything, including john's love, while dean got nothing.

to be honest, dean didnt even _know_ when his birthday was until one of his teachers had told him when filling out some form for something a few years ago.

it was a cold winter day in eastern wisconsin.

the snow was thick, piled high, up to the thighs of the youngest and shortest winchester boy. sam had roughly pulled dean out of his uncomfy bedroll and onto the cold floor early in the morning, before the late sunrise for training with john.

the bitter freezing air nipped at his exposed face and ears, the sweat making his skinny body shiver violently, his hard cough making it even harder to breathe in the wind as he ran as fast as he could, trying to outrun his well shaped, taller, older brother.

after a few hours dean was shoved into the half done motel kitchen to wash up for school while sam got the hot water and the shower in the bathroom. lucky for dean, this time john had opted to stay and warm up the impala for the school run, so dean had some sort of privacy while washing himself.

when sam was changing behind the bathroom door dean snuck his crappy tape player into his backpack. today was his birthday, and damn it all to hell if he wasnt going to _finally_ enjoy himself, somehow, someway.

he slipped on his ripped _that 70's show_ shirt, tugged on his thin, ripped blue jeans and his sneakers, dragging his backpack behind him as he reached out for his jacket. sam glared at him, shoving the coat at him before throwing open the motel door and bouncing his way to the impala, with that, john drove out of the parking lot.

dean watched the black beauty drive off before he slowly made his way across the lot, across the highway and down into the woods.

dean walked for miles, feeling content in the comforting sounds of his soaking wet sneakers crunching fresh snow, his legs getting just as soaked and cold. he could barely feel his toes anymore but goddamn was he happy right now.

his busted, but fixed with tape, headphones hung around his neck, playing Blue Öyster Cult while he walked, birds flew from branch to branch watching dean before flying off again. ice cold fingers reached up to scratch at a cut he'd gotten across his cheek and around his eyebrow, from sam a few days ago during training. he cringed when the cut stung.

dean's throat felt stiff and raw from hardly talking again. he couldnt help it. there was nobody to talk too. he didnt have anybody, so why talk?

he'd walked further into the woods, grinning as he fell backwards into the deep snow. the afternoon sun shining down on him. "HELLO WISCONSIN!" he'd screamed, panting after coughing for the sudden use of his vocal cords.he closed his eyes, his heavy breathing, low music, a few bird chirps were the only sounds heard.

his stomach growled. dean'd winced, his bruised knuckles sliding under his coat and shirt to rub at the sunken skin of his soft belly. his whine sounded like a broken toy as he dug his cold knuckle in too hard. he should head back soon, he'd skipped school and really hadnt thought the rest through. he was cold, and soaked to the bone. john and sam were sure to notice that. and yet, dean just didnt really care.

maybe he could go hide at mrs. boyce's house? _hey, yeah, okay. _

mrs. boyce was an old granny like woman. her husband had passed a month before the winchester's had gotten to town. taken by the thing john was hunting. the hunt wasnt finished yet but once john figured out that it wasnt a demon, he didnt care anymore. _that was what john winchester was about. _

mrs boyce had seen dean running from school in a panic one lunch hour, away from older kids. she took him for the rest of the afternoon, had fed him, drew a few little pictures with him. she never gave him the pity look he usually got when he was unable to talk. she _understood_ him, and he was grateful.

once out of the woods, dean walked towards her small house near the motel, rang the doorbell before coughing into his elbow.

the yellow door opened, a soft voice replied "oh my sweet, come in, come in. i got something for the birthday boy" she'd smiled at him.

dean pulled off his wet socks, his sneakers layed next to them on the heat vent. his jeans handed to mrs. boyce to warm up and dry in the dryer. his coat hung up. his baggy shirt hiding new bruises and his skinny body. a thick blanket wrapped up around him to snuggle into.

dean tried to quiet down his coughs, but mrs boyce cuddled up beside him, handed him a small box. "its no birthday cake, or anything special, but i found this in a box i was cleaning out and i knew you'd enjoy. happy birthday, my sweet dean"

the box was opened, dean's giggles filled the silence as the box was tipped to the side, a few dozen _that 70's show_ pins fell out. mrs boyce smiled wider, picking up and holding the _"well, damn jackie!"_ pin up. the two ate lunch while watching their show.

that night dean pushed the filled box down in his backpack. nobody found it. nobody touched it.

john and sam found out dean had skipped school, found out about mrs. boyce. once sam had cornered him, tied him down, the beatings lasted twice as long.

hours later the winchester's were in the impala, driving out of the small wisconsin town.

still, nobody had found the box. dean never got to say goodbye. god, dean hated his birthday. he bit his bruised lips to stop from making noise when john hit a pothole on purpose. 

**~~~~**

_january 24th. dean was 16 today. this would be the first birthday living with jody and donna._

he had met the shurley family in july the year before, just after moving in. he thought about them a lot. he'd spent quite a bit of time with the youngest boy, but he _liked_ him.

and nobody judged him about it.

they didnt judge him for anything. he could peacefully suck his thumb when he needed, or just wanted too. he could cuddle up to either jody, donna or both of them and stay there for hours. he could be mute for hours or days and they let him sign or write.

he was happy.

it was after 9 in the morning when dean rubbed his eyes lazily. he yawned. daphne had curled herself against his side, under the covers. he had grown a few inches in the past few months, had gained some weight back, he felt good.

he shivered when the covers were pushed down as he sat up. dean picked his cat up, curling her against his neck while wrapping his sleep warm blanket around the two. with that he opened his bedroom door and made his way down the hallway, heading towards open plaid kitchen.

donna saw them first. she had turned with a plate in hand, she smiled wildly. she closed the space between them, a long kissed pressed against his cheek. dean closed his eyes, his face scrunched up, a soft giggle passing his lips. donna held him close, the plate digging into the blanket, daphne meowing quietly between them.

"theres the birthday boy!" jody called out. donna pulled away walking back around the kitchen island, jody pecked dean's lips, hugging him like donna had.

"mooooom" dean whined quietly when she pulled away. that got a laugh from both women.

"hey now mister, its your birthday!" donna grinned.

jody ran her hand through dean's growing hair. still short but starting to brush the top of his eyebrows. dean's eyes closed again, his body sagging down into her touch, lazy smile on his face. "warm shower first, big breakfast next, then off to dads, okay? we can do whatever you want all day, thats how birthdays work around here."

dean's eyes snapped open. "really?" he mumbled.

donna nodded before holding up a frying pan "bacon and m&m pancakes!"

dean grinned.

jody turned his body so he was facing back down the hallway "you and daphne hit the showers, we'll be out here waiting!"

dean's laughter bounced off the walls.

the warm water ran down his body, rolling in trails before touching the shower floor. daphne sat on the sink near dean's clean clothes. the shower curtain blocking them from eachother. she may be allowed into the bathroom but seeing dean was off limits._"because she's a lady. and no lady needs to see that" he had explained once._

"alright girl, turn away please" he murmured over the sound before the water shut off. the curtain was still closed when dean's hand reached out, grabbing a towel.

the curtain was finally pulled back once he was covered. daphne sat up, bumping her head against his wet, scarred chest when he was close enough to her. he smiled, drying his hands to pet her with one hand while the other pulled his boxers up under the towel.

it was hung up on the shower rod to air-dry, a ripped black shirt that read _i really need a nap_ was pulled over his chest, his blue jeans pulled on after. dean rubbed at his scar through his shirt. it was nearing a year old and it still ached like hell some-days.

daphne was taken off the sink and set on the floor, her fat fluffy self waddled out of the bathroom after dean. the pair found the other pair still in the kitchen, breakfast sat out on the table.

after some more hugs and a quick kiss or two jody and donna were at the table while dean set out daphne's food dish, now full, before sitting down beside jody to eat.

after breakfast the three of them had sat around for a while, laughing, telling jokes and stories before donna had gotten up, grabbed a big bag from the broom closet and announced they were walking over to bobby's place. it had just been a goofy thought but after a few minutes of talking over the idea dean decided daphne was coming with them.

it was _his_ birthday and _his_ cat anyhow, plus daphne did like long walks with him. finally he had strapped her in the old baby carrier with donna snapping the clips closed on deans back.

it had taken some time in the beginning to get daphne to actually like the baby carrier, old cat, new tricks after all, but soon enough she had learned how to sit and relax in it. jody had given it to him, left over from owen's baby days, after dean had tried leashes and a harness, to which daphne liked neither.

donna always got a laugh at their son, wearing a baby carrier, _but with a cat_.

daphne had held her paw in dean's hand as they walked, batting at the air and a few snowflakes that flew by. it was still winter, but it was dying fast. spring would be here soon. but now it was nice enough to work outside without a coat, but still with a long sleeved shirt on.

jody took photos, donna carried the bag behind them. once at bobby's, the cat was taken out of the carrier, and had jumped up to dean's place on the couch.

"dad, whats that old beauty doing outside, she new?" dean questioned, throwing his thumb over his shoulder.

there was an old 56' chevy truck sitting out by the other old broken down cars bobby had in the yard. bobby nodded his head, layed his hands on dean's shoulder and walked back outside with him towards it.

"this ol' gal is yours, boy. got 'er cheap. we'll fix 'er up as a project first." he smiled, handed dean the keys. the hug caught bobby off guard, but it was the only thing dean could think of doing to thank him.

"thank you" he'd whispered.

the bag, it turned out, had been filled with gifts. _real birthday presents_.

bobby had picked up a cake from town earlier. dean had cried, his moms hugging him as he did. it was his first _real_ birthday. and it had finally been for him, and nobody but him.

some new art supplies, a new camera, some shirts, a damn car to fix up! dean was over the moon. he smiled as he cuddled into the three people he called family, when they sat around the couch to watch old movies.

dean was finally happy.

**~~~~**

_january 24th. dean was 17 today. this would be his first birthday with the shurley boys in town, while also 'dating' castiel._

the plan was to eat breakfast here, meet the rest of the shurley's and bobby at bobby's place, then drive to town, have lunch at rosie's diner, then hang out at home. simple. dean liked that. 

the 6'2 tall teen woke up in his equally tall boyfriend's arms that morning. daphne curled up between their legs. it was cold today. colder than ever, it seemed.

cas was out of bed first, dean held daphne to his chest, the two cuddled under the blankets.

cas walked back into the bedroom shaking dean awake, the shower ready for both of them, jody and donna making breakfast for everyone since everyone at bobby's were coming over later.

daphne sat on the sink as dean and cas shared a warm shower together. he held dean close to his own body, his hands running down his scar, washing it with care. dean pawed castiel's thick black hair, cas washed dean's growing shaggy mop. his hair brushed across his beautiful shiny green eyes, covering them when he looked down. cas smiled, swaying their hips slowly as he quietly began to sing 'Help Me Make It Through The Night', dean joining in for the duet.

once dried off cas pulled on his jeans, brushing teeth while dean petted daphne, taking his shirt out from under her. cas grinned once he noticed dean's white 'Gilmore Boy' shirt he had on.

donna _really knew him_, didnt she?

everybody was at the table when the two made their way in the room. they decided to skip rosie's until dinner time instead of lunch.

breakfast was huge, stacks of thick pancakes, bacon, waffles, eggs. dean threw his head back with laughter when gabriel dropped a massive glob of ketchup on his clean shirt and down onto his pants. castiel took a photo once lucifer jumped in the frame behind gabe, laughing.

donna, jody and bobby took turns with the camera throughout the day for the most part, castiel and his brothers taking the chance when they had it. the plan was to take as many as they could today, make it a habit for every birthday, have tons of memories.

it had gotten colder over the time they had breakfast to when they all relaxed in the living-room. jody turned up the heat before sitting beside dean on the couch. he smiled lazily leaning down to tuck his head under her chin, cas laughed quietly while wrapping both of them in his arms.

jody held dean's right hand in hers before handing him a small box, with a confused look he started to open it with her, everyone watching them quietly. it was a silver ring, double wide, a few old symbols craved into the band, dean looked at in awe, turning to look up at jody face to face.

she smiled "i know you have mary's wedding ring ... but, but you dont want to wear it. and .. how you said wearing a purity ring would be wrong for you. so, one of bobby's hunting buddies made that for you. its a protection ring. you have to get it blessed for it to _really_ work, its pretty powerful, but .. but i feel better with you having it already"

dean slipped it on his right ring finger, it sitting perfectly. he kissed jody's cheek, held her close.

a storm had rolled in, the wind crashing branches into windows, beating the glass with all its power. even with the heat on, everyone still put on another layer to stay warm.

rosie came over, food and presents in hand. the power in town had shut down so she hightailed it out here quickly.

everyone shared a look, yet nobody said a word. dean smiled widely, hugging rosie, handing donna the boxes of warm food and helping rosie sit down with everyone else, before walking over to bobby. his smile fell then, leaning closer to him to whisper under his breath, "dad. lets tape and salt up the windows, get us all down to the panic room. i have a bad feeling, this isnt _just a storm_. its a goddamn demon warning storm."

bobby agreed, facing the weather to grab supplies from the truck while dean stayed in the house to get everyone on a job.

since moving into this farm house when they first got married, jody and donna kept huge bags of salt in the garage, only moving it to the cast iron panic room bobby built them, just like his. this one may even be better than his. underground, huge fan bringing in fresh air, big enough for at least a medium sized family.

chuck went outside to help bobby pull in the cars to the garage, blowing snow off them as they drove them.

lucifer and gabriel opened the panic room, starting the backup generator, making sure the fridge was packed full.

castiel and dean made sure there were enough blankets, places to sleep on or in, making beds up while the three women made sure the doors and windows were shut tight and locked, beginning to tape and salt them. 

castiel had pulled the dozens of presents into the panic room with gabriel, dean gave them a confused look, "how are those life saving supplies?" he questioned, lazily smirking.

cas laughed "my boyfriend's birthday is about to be crashed by a demon storm. im making sure he opens all his presents before they run in and take us all." with a laugh, nearly everything was in the panic room.

they pulled the couches from the living-room in, making it feel smaller but now everyone had a place to relax or sleep. dean packed daphne's food dishes and her toy-box, picking her up too along the way, and once back in the room, bobby shut and locked the door.

the storm outside had gotten worse while stocking the room. the panic room's lights flickered as the snow whirled around.

lucifer sighed loudly "well ... happy birthday dean"

when dean laughed everyone smiled weakly. that was truly smiling in the face of danger.

dean watched everyones faces before standing up "okay, i know this is bad. but we're used to it, we're hunters for christ sake. can we maybe try to enjoy ourselves? for me?"

rosie stood up, wrapped her arm around his bony waist, "you're on kid. lets party! who's first at karaoke?" gabriel jumped up.

later that night dean found himself laying on the couch, head on castiel's chest. the two layed out, legs tangled together, daphne sitting on his lap, sleeping. "so .. besides the demons basically ruining today, how was your birthday?" cas mumbled quietly.

dean laughed lowly. "demons didnt ruin anything. ive had worse birthdays."

the two shared another quiet laugh, "actually, even in this tight room thats kinda setting off my claustrophobia ... pretty damn good birthday"

cas layed his hand on dean's forehead "hmm, no fever. _yet_. okay, so not crazy .... _yet_."

dean rolled his eyes. "im being serious, loser."

they laughed again.

"but really, i have had worse birthdays. this crazy ass storm just kinda brought my family together in one place. i like it. was a good birthday" dean smiled sleepily.

cas leaned down, the two of them kissing slowly.

once cas covered them with the blanket and dean had snuggled in and was nibbling on his thumb nail before quietly sucking on his thumb, did cas take dean's new camera. once seeing it dean pulled cas' hand over his face just as he took the photo.

"oh wonderful, heres me and my boyfriend, my hand"

dean stayed quiet before snorting loudly

"that sounded so wrong" he lifted the blanket to smoother his laughter.

cas laughed against dean's neck. yeah, a pretty good birthday.

**~~~~**

_january 24th. dean was 18 today. this would be dean's favourite birthday of all._

it hadnt snowed since christmas eve. the weather was warming up, snow turning to mush. it wasnt cold as it been other years around this time, but you needed a light jacket on to be comfortable outside.

he had had insomnia the night before, made himself a hot chocolate, and was sitting on the couch watching tv. it was quiet. his moms werent up yet, neither was cas, who had stayed the night. daphne was curled up on her pillow, also watching tv.

jody was usually the first person up in the house, always up at 6. it was nearing 4:30 now. dean figured if he had an hour long shower he could be washed, more awake and making breakfast before she was up.

he drained the last of his warm drink down his throat, getting up and putting the nerdy star wars mug in the sink. he was going to leave daphne in front of the tv but when he turned back around she was waddling her way down towards the bathroom.

he smiled, she knew him so well. he paused his _2 broke girls_ marathon, tiptoed into his bedroom, grabbed his towel and clean clothes, and was in the bathroom within seconds. 

it was still early. he shrugged and made himself a warm bath. ah, what the hell, it was his birthday, he could have a bath if he wanted.

he made sure daphne wasnt looking when he stripped, covering her eyes until he was sat in the huge tub. she jumped down from the sink and down onto the closed toilet lid. dean smacked his teeth against his lips when he saw her poking her head over the edge. _"naughty, naughty girl_" he mumbled with a sly smile. she mewed as a reply.

he relaxed against the back of the white tub, soaking in the warm water, staying in there for almost forty minutes. he drained the water, pushed his wet hair back out of his face as he dried off.

the towel was hung up, his hair toweled dried and a mess, his ripped jeans clung to his still wet thighs and ass, his shirt sticking to his scar. he rolled his eyes. his cat trotting after him back into the kitchen.

he found cas in the living-room, dressed and laying on the couch. "hey" he murmured, kissing cas' head.

_"mm, you smell nice"_ cas mumbled.

dean snickered "and you're still half asleep. what are you doing up?"

cas rolled over, sitting up and petting daphne when she brushed by his bare-feet. "was gunna take a shower. maybe make breakfast. saw the light on, saw you had been here nearly all night, was gunna get you but fell back asleep" he laughed, rubbing his eyes, standing up and popping his back into place.

dean ran his cold hands under cas' shirt. he shivered, wrapped his arms around dean once he finished stretching. dean closed his eyes, was almost back to sleep himself when cas pulled away.

dean grinned lazily, fixing his shirt since he had dried better. castiel rolled his eyes playfully when he saw dean wearing the white and green baseball shirt gabriel had gotten him that read _i sell crack for the cia_. jody had screamed with laughter, and as a joke he had boldly worn it to the police station once when he picked up donna and jody.

daphne was sitting on the island behind dean, who had began cooking when castiel came up behind them with the video camera in hand, filming. 

last summer dean had gotten a cheap old film camera at a pawn shop somewhere on a hunt. he had made family movies since then and was loving it. once he had shown the shurley boys how to use it they too had started to film everything.

dean had laughed when he made a new roll a few months ago, showed castiel the piece of film that gabriel had filmed. lucifer was sitting the bathroom, singing to himself before he saw gabriel, screamed and slammed the door shut. castiel had spat his soda out down his shirt, had promised dean never to tell his brothers he saw that, nor did he laugh. the promise was made before the two of them watched it again.

there was no real plan for how today was _'supposed'_ to go. the plan last year had been tossed out the window more than once, had tried to be pulled back on track, failed, than tossed out again. so, no plan this year.

cas layed the camera on the island beside daphne, standing beside dean as he fried bacon. they kissed before cas quietly turned on dean's speaker 'Sweet Baby James' floating in the room. dean snorted, shaking his head but sang along.

the moment only ruined when daphne stuck her head in front, blocking the frame of dean. dean only laughed, leaning down to the camera sticking his tongue out wholly before kissing his cat, cas groaned. "stop, be nice for once" he pouted. dean laughed again.

jody and donna walked into the kitchen, into the frame of the camera, cas changed the song to 'Have A Nice Day', the four of them singing into cooking supplies, dancing around as they plated food. 

everyone had met each-other at rosie's later in the day. the camera was handed to bobby after a late lunch.

after breakfast jody and donna had cleaned up while dean and castiel had crashed on the couch for a nap. it was after noon when they headed into town for lunch, and now at 2 in the afternoon everyone was back at the farmhouse. dean had opened presents then.

he had quickly learned how _freakin awkward_ it really was to open gifts in front of people. bobby filming them, jody smiled when she noticed.

movies, popcorn and snacks where tossed in bowls and handed around the room after wrapping paper was thrown out, presents in a pile and everyone was comfortable in their own little places in the livingroom.

donna and jody on their own loveseat, bobby in the lazy-boy chair, dean and cas layed out of the couch, gabriel seated in his beanbag chair and lucifer sitting against the loveseat with daphne beside his knee. chuck was out on a hunt, but had called the house to talk to dean. _it was nice, dean figured, he liked to think chuck thought of him as a son._ which he did, or so lucifer had said. 

it was nearing 9 in the evening when bobby placed the birthday cake on the table in the middle of the living-room for dean to cut. candles were blown out, the cake cut and handed out. everyone was laughing, the tv was still on, movie credits playing over the screen as it ended, cas replaced the movie with the show they had been watching during their nap earlier in the day.

dean popped open a bottle of wine, poured some for jody, donna and bobby. bobby eyed it, looking over at his son.

"i .. rosie gave it to me. i didnt steal it!" he protested, raising his hands. bobby chuckled, taking a sip.

lucifer had taken the camera, filming as he thumbed through the record collection that was under the record player, sitting next to the tv. he played a record on, laying down the needle and waiting for reactions.

castiel stood up, set down his soda can, held dean's hands "you wanna slow dance?" he grinned.

dean _loved_ to dance, often slow dancing with daphne in his arms when he thought nobody was watching. he didnt dance in public, figured people would just judge how bowlegged he was, which they did, but besides the point.

dean stood in cas' hold, lifting his eyebrow at the song "What A Drag'? really? is it really a drag to dance with me?" he snickered.

cas laughed, swaying with dean to the tune. "nah, i just know you like the song. so shut up, and enjoy yourself"

gabriel thumbed through the records next, the rest of everyone smiling softly as the couple danced around the room. the song seemed to go by too fast, and never end at the same time, but it finally did both dean and cas bowed playfully.

lucifer smacked gabriel's cake sticky fingers out of the records, handing him the camera before laying down another record, "alright, alright. i wanna see a mother and son dance over here! jodes, donna, dean. places please!" he called, clapping his hands as he adjusted the record needle.

gabriel jiggled the camera on purpose, castiel handed him a lollipop, trading the camera for the candy. he filmed gabe while he happily unwrapped the top, his hands covered in cake icing.

donna and dean danced to Dream a Little Dream of Me, while jody and dean danced to Hold On.

bobby didnt dance, but he and dean played games throughout the night, trying to beat each-others high scores from the last round.

gabriel ate most of the leftover cake, lucifer was officially record jockey while castiel filmed, bobby only taking over when cas danced with dean.

"this birthday better than last years?" cas whispered as they spun around, Like Someone In Love surrounding them.

dean was tucked under his chin, their bodies pushed against each other, their hands holding the others. "i think so, didnt think my birthday could top the demon storm" he snickered quietly.

"think next year will be better than this one?"

"i dont think so"

"oh, really?"

"yeah. this is pretty nice."

"are you happy?" cas whispered

"the happiest" dean whispered back

_january 23rd. dean will be 19 tomorrow. castiel ran over his speech again and again in his head, his hands sweating as he held the ring box tightly. tomorrow, cas was ready to make dean's 19th better than his 18th. _


	13. 🌼 feelin kinda witchy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey-yaaaa. so, im nearing the second week mark with my second round of tonsillitis, but i finally feel good enough to stay awake long enough to edit some new drafts i did. also, the overload of amazing comments on the last part really did me in ... yall just too awesome !! plus the amount of love this month old 'story' has gotten has really filled my soul with much needed glee 🖤
> 
> i've really been playing with the idea of dean being a healing witch, but so lowkey nobody knows it until he actually uses the power, which resulted in this .. so .. i kinda really like it !! plus, i tried writing another slightly longer than normal piece because i just loved this idea and wanted to go wild with it.
> 
> (takes place a few weeks after 'autumn')  
trigger warnings: lots of blood, violence, scar mention, killing mention, abuse mention, swearing, poorly written witch powers and i think thats it?
> 
> anyways, enjoy yall !!
> 
> words: 2, 430
> 
> posted on February 6th 2020.
> 
> ** edited on april 26th 2020 **

it was nearing the middle of december, the snow storm beating aggressively, the roads thick with ice and very little salt as dean winchester's beloved car fought its way down the deserted highway just outside of Hopkins Hollow, Rhode Island, on the way home from a finished hunt.

you see, the shurley brothers had taken a case on their own, their family tradition as brothers, to take on an easy hunt before christmas, then to start again in the new year. after digging up town newspaper reports and records the hunt had taken a turn for the worse.

the three of them had fought over the information, finally deciding to text dean all the details, to which the winchester had laughed over the phone _"you three idjits are hunting bigfoot"_

the shurley's had rolled into town on december 4th, had called dean on the 6th. after another two days of trying to lure _friggin bigfoot himself_, with little to no luck, they caved again and had called for dean to pack the impala and meet them.

it took dean almost a day and a half to get there, with the storms rolling in, and without too many breaks. it took another few days of waiting around while dean cracked open lore books, took notes, dug through old town records. on december 13th the brothers had set a trap and waited out in the bush for hours while the winchester stayed at the motel to offer help over the phone.

after hours of sitting in the cold snow freezing everything important off, while listening to gabriel whine, piss, bitch and moan did they finally cave once more and phoned dean to grab them some food while they waited.

dean found them easily handing them take out bags with the warning, "it sucks, but try to eat fast? bigfoot is pulled in by the smell of 'human' food" he joked quietly, turning to leave the wooded area once castiel had kissed him goodbye. he smiled to himself as he walked back to his car, _those three were crazy. nobody had ever really seen bigfoot. but i suppose a hunt is a hunt._

once his keys were pushed into the driver's side door lock did he hear yelling and a piercing scream, birds flew off the tops of trees, flying out from the noise, growling and yelling getting louder as the bowlegged 18 year old ran back through heavy snow.

gabriel layed on the ground, bleeding out and screaming, castiel holding his face as lucifer ran after a tall creature further away from the crime scene. dean dug his knees deeply in the cold fluff, leaning over gabriel, pulling back his shirt while checking the wounds, "what happened?" he wheezed out.

castiel shook his head, "i dont .. i dunno, that .. that _thing_ just came right out and took a piece outta him and .. and .. and"

dean looked up, snapping now bloody fingers in front of cas' face "hey, HEY, HEY, you're in shock, okay? its normal. just hold his head in your lap"

castiel did as told cringing when gabriel screamed louder once dean pushed his cold hands down on his bleeding stomach. "_shit_, okay, he got you pretty deep buddy" dean murmured, tugging his coat and flannel sleeves up with his teeth, his hands and wrists getting covered with gushing, warm dark red blood.

lucifer came running back, gun in hand, panting hard before he announced "got away"

dean raised a bloodied hand "you, and you -" he pointed between lucifer and cas, "i got my medic bag in the impala. cas you got his head, lucifer get his feet, i have to keep the pressure on this before he bleeds out more. lift him carefully"

lucifer quickly stowed his gun down the back of his pants, his coat getting bunched around it as it rested in the waist band. gabriel cried out again once he was lifted, dean pushed his hands in harder, causing another loud scream, cas and lucifer stopped, sharing a panicked look.

"dont stop, get going... NOW. gabe, if you can hear me, you gotta bite down on my sleeve okay? your brothers are gunna put you in my car, and im gunna patch you up real good okay? you're gunna be back eating _far too much candy_ again real soon, okay" dean muttered while checking gabe's neck for a pulse over and over, his hands now thickly coated in blood.

lucifer took the keys from deans pocket, the brothers carefully got gabriel in the backseat while dean kneeled over him. castiel jumped in the front seat, lucifer running to their jeep to follow.

dean ripped off his coat shoving it behind gabriel's head, his bloody red hands dug through his bag, unrolling clean white bandages with his teeth while holding it in one hand, the other pushed gabriel's shirt up coating the wound in anti-septic.

gabriel's scream rattled castiel enough to swerve the car, dean sat up his head hitting baby's roof "cas, i know its hard but you gotta keep her still. itll hurt gabe more"

with that deans hands were washed half assed in cleaner, pushing down as more blood pooled out, the bandages soaking it up as it was layed tightly.

"dean .. he .. he needs a hospital" castiel took the chance to glance in the rear-view mirror, seeing as gabriel was biting down on a coat sleeve, dean wiped the back of his hand across his face, far too consumed to realize he had gotten blood smeared across his freckled cheeks and forehead.

"no, cas. i .." dean bit his lip "i can help him, just .. get us back to the motel"

cas' eyebrows dropped as he frowned hard. "w-what? dean he..."

dean glared at cas in the mirror "NOT NOW CAS, I CAN FIX HIM. GET US TO THE MOTEL ... _NOW_" he yelled, his eyes dark before he leaned back down over gabriel.

gabe was wheezing quietly, his hands weakly gripping dean's shirt "i dont ... w-wanna die ..." dean frowned, they stared at each-other. gabriel's eyes shining with tears, pain swimming, dean patted his cheek "i wont let you. you gotta trust me."

when gabriel nodded castiel slammed the car into park, the car rocking from the pressure.

the jeep pulled in behind, lucifer jumping out while looking pissed "the fuck? he needs the hospital!"

dean climbed out, his bag in hand as he ran his way into the room, the door slamming the wall. lucifer followed, grabbing deans shirt from behind, slamming the winchester into the wall "the fuck winchester? do you _even know what you're doing?_"

dean's eyes darkened further, pushing lucifer back with force.

_"back off"_ he spat.

castiel carried his older brother in, layed him out on the bed before dean jumped beside him, hands holding an old book.

lucifer, in a rage, made the move to pull dean away once again, castiel's arm grabbed him, holding him back. still stronger, he broke the grasp, his hands nearly on dean's shirt when dean threw his hand up, lucifer was tossed against the wall on the other side of the room, castiel's jaw dropped.

dean's beautiful green eyes now a bright purple, his shaggy light brown hair flying around his face, the tips turning a nice red shade, "i _said_, back off" he repeated.

lucifer was dropped to the floor as dean turned back to gabriel.

castiel, still in shock was frozen before he ran over to lucifer, helping him to his feet.

the lights burnt out as dean chanted, the flame from a now lit candle was growing steadily. cas stared in shock and awe as a bright purple glow shone over gabriel, his whines dying as the glow dyed. the lights flickered back on, dean blew out the candle.

he crawled off the bed, grabbing a rag from one of his bags trying to rub off the drying blood.

everyone was silent.

lucifer took a few steps closer, dean growing stiff as he got closer. castiel held him back.

finally, dean tossed the rag down, his hands too covered to remove much "he'll be asleep for awhile. sure, he'll be confused when he wakes up, just make sure you're there when he does. i'll pack my crap and go." he whispered, walking past the older two, taking his large candle and old spell book from the table and bed.

"you're a witch ...." castiel stated the now obvious.

dean continued packing "...yeah. guess so" he muttered lowly, swinging his packed bag over his shoulder.

he turned to face the shurley brothers, castiel standing in the middle of the room while lucifer had moved to sit next to the bed. "i just need my keys, and i'll be gone."

lucifer threw him the keys, his body not turning away from his younger brother, dean catching the keys with grace, swung them around his index finger, saluting cas with his left index and middle fingers before turning to leave.

"wait" cas called after him. "...w-why? ...why did you lie?"

dean bit his bottom lip, turning his head enough to barely look at cas "didnt lie. just never said." he turned again, his foot almost out the door when lucifer stood up, his chair scraping the thin carpet,

"not even gunna tell us the whole story? i kinda feel like you owe us at least that."

dean dropped his bags, faced the two, his cheeks getting red under the blood stains, his lip beginning to shake.

"i was forced into this life, no questions asked. john was an old drunk and sammy, oh fuckin sammy - the golden older brother with the brains." he swore, the bitter words being spat as if they were poison.

"i was the stupid little brother. i was _ALWAYS_ the stupid little brother. never too smart in school, but pretty enough to charm my way through. once john realized i wasnt good in school he started pulling me back, forced me to train for hours on end. took me out on hunts more and more. _I WAS 7_. _IT WASNT FAIR_" he began yelling, a few kitchen cupboard doors slamming open as his eyes started to change again, hair beginning to rise.

"john started doing things to me. i lost _everything_. i knew how to kill without a blink of an eye. but it wasnt just monsters. john killed people, and he made me a partner in his kills. i threw fits until he pushed me away. by then i was so far behind in school it was pointless" dean's lips were shaking, the tip of his crooked nose red, the edges of his eyes the same red, brimming with hot tears.

"i taught myself to read and write. dad taught me everything about monsters. john's final blow was before i left. so drunk he thought i was a demon, made sam hold me down as he craved me open like a fuckin christmas turkey. saw me moving, got freaked out, shot me .... they left me there for days. the wounds got infected. sam left for s-stanford .. john .. left ... i c-could finally walk again .. m-made my way to sioux falls." dean was openly crying, his green eyes shining with hints of purple floating, wanting to use their power.

"i couldnt tell the doctors about them. mom couldnt adopt me if i did. dad .. dad contacted a w-witch we knew. b-but .. but we're broke. so as payment for h-healing me .. s-she would teach me in case something happened to her."

castiel got closer, reaching out for dean.

he backed out of the doorway, cas grabbed a hold of his arm, pulled him against his chest. "i w-was just supposed to know h-how to heal. b-but i .. i wanted to k-know more." he sobbed into cas' shirt.

lucifer had lowered his squared shoulders, moved closer to the hugging couple. gabriel still asleep on the bed. "instead of _real_ school, you learned hunting and magic ..." lucifer mumbled, dean slowly nodded.

he sighed, pulled dean out of castiel's arms, wiped his face before looking directly into his eyes "....im sorry. i know .. i know that means nothing ... but im sorry"

a short smile tugged at dean's soft lips before dropping, he nodded.

"i want to thank you, too. you healed gabriel, saved his life. ... thank you"

dean wiped his face, nodded again.

the three boys broke away from each other, lucifer sitting back in his chair, dean grabbing his dropped bag and castiel left leaning again the wall.

"my boyfriend's a witch" castiel smirked.

dean stared at him, another weak smile tugged at his lips. "i was scared. i know hunters hate witches. b-but .. rowena taught me good. and .. and i promised i would never use my power for evil." dean babbled.

cas' eyes found one of dean's rings, his head nodded at it "that healing ring jody got you for your 17th ... _you're_ the powerful witch to make it work ... _arent you?_"

dean's face got heated, he looked at the floor "i didnt ... i didnt make it work until after sam punched me, okay? its a protection ring, i figured if i saw them after that i would need it more" he added. cas snorted, smiling.

"you can stay yaknow. its nearly midnight, dont want you driving home in this storm." castiel stated as dean loaded baby's truck with his bags.

he looked in the back window, "and .. uh. should help you clean the backseat up" dean closed the truck, snapped his fingers. cas raised his eyebrow, looked back into the window. the backseat was now cleaned flawlessly.

he rolled his eyes, smiling. "not used to that yet."

"oh, you never will be ... t-thanks ... for, understanding ..." dean rubbed his neck. castiel pulled him into a kiss.

"love you, little witchy poo"

  
dean snorted, his nose bumping against cas'.

  
"i love you too"

  
"just wondering .. did you ever put a spell on me?"

  
dean smiled, shaking his head, "actually, no. i didnt. but .. i uh, i did just put a quiet one on lucifer"

  
castiel's eyes widened _"what?"_

  
dean shrugged "just a small karma one, nothing bad. but karma .. for slamming me against the wall. ive lived through too much pain to stand with that shit"

cas smirked. 

_"just wait here, i'm gunna grab my bag, i'm going home with you." _

_and if dean used his power to play little tricks on castiel the entire ride home, nobody had to know but them. that's what made them special. _


	14. 🌼 stress and ice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooooo .... this was written when i had a high fever from my tonsillitis .... soooooo ..... im really damn sorry if this really makes no damn sense 😂 i didnt want to correct any drafts i had {which there is maybe two of at this current moment in time} which made me write this because i wanted a sickly cute dean and donna piece ...
> 
> this is honestly a shitshow, im so sorry. i may even delete this but as its 3:31 AM and im on an insomnia high .. LETS POST IT 😂
> 
> also, this is longer than usual again. think im getting better at writing more .. or maybe not.
> 
> i may have also made dean suffer a little more because i sorta made this verse as a counterpart of myself and dean is just the cooler version of me. because dean is cool, and im not. 
> 
> warnings: swearing, vomit, uh stress sick mention, panic attack details, {well, kinda} gun mention {is that a warning thats needed?} and i think thats it?  
words: 1,941
> 
> posted on February 8th 2020.
> 
> ** edited on april 26th 2020 **

dean walked uncomfortably behind his moms.

the 17 year old who'd just finished growing into his 6 foot 2 tall frame, still underweight and looking pale today, stuck out like a sore thumb among the crowd of police folk around them. 

a few days ago both jody and donna were called to attend their annual sheriff convention, but this year was a bit more special as jody was to give the usual speech about firearms on the second day of the convention.

once everyone was packed and the impala was gassed up, dean drove them to Hibbing, Minnesota. donna had been more than excited seeing as how they had moved the retreat back to her home state, much better than last years which had been in Maine. dean was grateful too, not that he minded driving for long periods of time but every year around May he had come down with his usual stress sickness, and this years dose somehow seemed worse than times before.

he'd gotten used to it when he lived with john and sam. he added it to his body just reminding him what he'd been through, but just having stress sickness once a year instead of almost everyday really took a toll on him.

checking into the motel after driving for hours had calmed his itchy and jumpy nerves, and he survived the entire first day of the convention simply walking closely behind jody and donna, trying to ignore other people without being _too_ rude, keeping his eyes down and his earbuds shoved in his ears but when he got up earlier this morning he realized it could all go down hill today.

dean reached out in front of him, slipping his hand in donna's to keep himself steady. his legs felt like rubber, every small step feeling like a marathon.

he had gotten dressed in the small bathroom in the morning, keeping his jeans low on his bony hips, unbuttoned and his belt two notches looser than usual so that he could walk slightly more comfortable with a bloating belly. his shirt felt tight, biting into his sides. he zipped up donna's sioux falls sheriff windbreaker, it loose and baggy enough to hide nearly everything.

he'd tried to keep the groaning low and quiet as every moment pulled at his scar, stretched far too tight as his belly pushed out more. the need to pick and scratch at it until it bled was strong, his fingers ghosted over the hilled skin, just _itching_ to rip it apart. he was thankful when donna knocked on the door, asking if he was ready to go. both jody and donna eyed him curiously, smiling before he noticed.

an older man had seen jody, called the three over and began talking. dean had shifted foot to foot awkwardly behind them. he smothered a dry cough in his throat before his shaky hands pulled donna to the side, "i.. u-uh, i n-need, i need to sit down" he mumbled, eyes darting around the room, his breathing began to speed up, hands shaking harder, fingers twitching.

donna frowned, reaching up and letting her cool hands touch dean's face. he growled a low moan, leaning down into her touch.

"ya got quite the fever there kiddo" she informed him, watching as dean's jaw clenched before relaxing again. donna told a hold of dean's arm, frowning more when she felt how stiff he was, pulling him further away from where jody was talking. "okay, ya get your butt outside, mister. i'll tell mom for ya."

dean swallowed weakly, his sweaty hands taking the keys from donna, pushing them down into his art bag. "i'll be with you soon." she smiled, kissing his red fevered cheek, and made her way back to where more people had joined to talk.

dean weakly pushed his way out of the crowded building, dodging people and avoiding being touched, he slipped on his sunglasses once outside, taking a few deep breaths and jogged his way to his car.

he leaned over the trunk, his hands pushed against his baby's cool black metal, he gasped for air, his knees finally gave out. he whined loudly as he shifted to sit on his ass, his belt buckle digging into his rounded belly.

dean was moaning to himself when he forced his hands under the windbreaker and his tight shirt, his stomach swirling, making sickly gurgling sounds when the shirt was lifted. tears rose and finally fell down his freckled cheeks.

_"f-fuck"_ he winced, trying to crawl onto his hands and knees as he gagged. 

donna was quick to find dean about five to ten minutes later.

she had caught jody up with what was happening, promising to watch over dean before coming back over to the hall after jody's speech to pick her up.

_"oh dear, oh dear, oh dear"_ she repeated under her breath as she crossed over the hill leading to the parking lot, finding dean grasping for gravel with his hands, his body praying down to the ground.

donna quickly pulled him up so that he was sitting, taking off his sunglasses he didnt dare look at her in the eye.

_he couldnt_.

she took the keys back from him, throwing open baby's creaky doors, grabbing a plastic bag from under the backseat and the box of kleenex before returning to dean's side. donna wiped his chin, removing watery bile away, dean sagged against her chest, his pounding head nuzzled in close, blocking the bright sun out.

"mm sorry mama" he whimpered, crawling closer trying to sit in her lap. donna helped him the rest of the way, his long bowed legs wrapped around her waist, his back awkwardly curled inward, his tall body trying to hide in the comfort of his mom.

donna's fingers brushed the bleached pieces of dean's hair away from his eyes, them sticking to his forehead from the fever, she slowly rocked him, letting him relax against her, his eyes closing.

after a quiet moment donna peeled off his art bag from his side, unzipped her windbreaker on him. "c'mon babyboy, lets get ya back to the motel. you need an ice bath to lower this fever"

dean whined tiredly as donna got him to his feet. once in the passenger seat, he slept the entire way to the motel.

the tub was filled slowly with cold water, two small buckets of ice poured in and melting, the bucket refilled with ice a third time for donna to rub on dean's skin. the boy was removed from his clothes, his plaid boxers remaining.

his body was laid in the tub, his fevered head gently knocked against the rim of the tub and poorly tiled bathroom wall. dean's left arm hung out over the edge groping at donna's jean clad thigh and hip as she kneeled over the tub.

a few melting cubes were drug across boiling skin, dean freely moaning as his body reacted, knees clapping the tub and wall, his hips lifting and dropping, his breathing quickened before slowing again.

donna frowned running her hand through his hair "what hurts the worst?" she whispered.

dean whined loudly, trying to turn in the ice water, his face pinched in pain, tears steadily streaming, his nose bright red, almost matching the fever red.

"don' 'eel go'd" he slurred, drunk with pain.

donna shook her head when a few of her own tears began to show themselves, she pulled dean's upper body out of the water, his head rolled against her neck, his hysterical crying echoed out into the motel room behind them.

she rocked him as best she could, trying to calm him, a few more cubes slid down his legs, finally when he slumped heavier she layed him back in the tub, beginning to replace the ice water with warm water when his body started to shiver. 

warmer water ran down dean's neck as donna washed his hair carefully, her soap covered hands bumped against his distended belly, causing a low grunt to be heard. donna washed her hands before patting the spot she'd hit, dean weakly pawed at her hand, keeping it close by his scar, the cramps and gurgles bubbling under the skin.

she quietly laughed as his bright eyes were half opened and watching her hands run up, down and side to side. "such a sucker for tummy rubs, huh?"

a small smile started to break out on him, she smiled back, kissing his head.

after another few minutes donna helped pull dean out of the tub, wrapping him in every towel she could find before covering the towels in their fuzzy travel blankets.

"ma'?" dean called out quietly from where he was buried under towels, blankets and sheets.

donna walked back over to the bed with a bottle of water, she sat beside him, he rolled over, resting his warm head on her thigh. "w-w'en's m'm's s-sp-spee?" he swallowed thickly, licking his dry lips before taking a tiny sip of water through the bottle's straw.

donna's fingers carded through his bleached hair again, eyes looking up at the moving tv screen before returning to dean's paled face, "bout two hours, or so" she smiled sadly.

dean's tongue poked his lips again "w-wa'e m-me 'h'n, 'l-le'se?"

donna looked confused

"i-is's im-po'nnt" he sleepily murmured, eyes beginning to drop closed again, donna softly laughed, nodding

"okay... okay, i'll wake you"

an hour and a half later dean was woken up and had slowly made his way back to the washroom with donna's arm as support.

he walked back out in his favourite fuzzy pj pant bottoms and one of donna's shirt, he lazily shoved his feet into his boots, letting donna tie them up and zip him back into her windbreaker.

once donna also had a coat on the two of them made their way to the impala parked outside the motel door.

jody was walking next to the older man from earlier, a large stack of papers and a laptop in her hands.

the couple sitting near the far right edge of the stage catching her eye, making a large smile appear and the papers and laptop to be placed on the table. her legs carried her down the side steps and across to where dean and donna were sat in a growing crowd of police officers.

she kissed donna before pulling dean into a hug

"hi!" she cheered softly "what are you two doing here?"

donna laughed "sick or not, our son is very vocal and pouty when he wants something" she joked.

jody kissed the top of his head from where it was pressed into her chest, he hummed lowly, sighing quietly. when he pulled away he weakly smiled up at his mom

"try n stay awake" he murmured, jody held his face in her hands, smiling as wide as before

"even if you dont, _thank yo_u" she kissed his forehead before the man called her back on stage. 

_as jody held the newest firearm in her hands, she let her eyes roam the crowd, the man explaining to the room what new styles could be used. _

_she smiled again when she saw dean was cuddled into donna's side, blanket covering him. donna looked as beautiful as ever. she smiled more, setting down the object she held._

_ stress sick or not dean was usually always right, when he said it when he first started living with them, repeating it almost everyday as a sort of reminder,_

_"love is love, and without love, we're just worth 83 cents"_


	15. 🌼 i'm a wanted man - part one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally. i feel like EVERYONE was dying for this !! maybe even me .. i feel yall.
> 
> i began writing this while i was still sick with a high fever, and now that im slightly better i began editing the draft and just kinda ended up rewriting this nearly a few dozen times. i also ended up breaking this up into two pieces because i liked this part and i wanted a lot more of heavier shit for a second piece, yaknow ... built up before it all ends up getting knocked down when dean motherf*ckin winchester rolls into town with the intent to DAMAGE. 
> 
> can we all just hug this boy ... he a real hero aint he?  
also i kinda time traveled this a little ... WHAT WE THINK OF THE FUTURE?!? AND A NEW CHARACTER?!? 'Feelin Kinda Witchy' was sorta a window i wanted to try out with this idea, and since it went over kinda well i went down this road with this. feels pretty good.
> 
> im actually so nervous for yall to read this 😂 yall really need to give me so many thoughts before i post the second part. the second part is burning a hole in my body .... 
> 
> warning: killing mention, serial killer mention, bugs mention.  
words: 1,455.
> 
> posted on February 9th 2020.
> 
> ** edited on april 26th 2020 **

dean held open the front door of the farmhouse, waiting for castiel to make his way through it, carrying a heavy milk crate they loaded up at the grocery store in town.

it was nearing jody and donna's wedding anniversary again so the two of them had decided to plan a small party for the two women.

once inside dean shut the screen door, leaving the wooden door wide open, the july heat following him as he walked further in the house.

castiel dropped the crate on the kitchen floor with a huff, he panted before leaning up against the wall, wiping sweat from his face with the back of his hand, his silver handmade wedding ring the only thing cooling him down.

dean stayed on the other side of the island flicking through the mail they picked up while in town, daphne still on the couch behind him, a few small butterflies and dragonflies creating a halo around his bleached hair half hidden by his cowboy hat.

cas quietly laughed around a mouthful of water, layed his left hand on the island while still holding the water-bottle in his right, he swallowed before pointing at the bugs "still not _completely_ used to that yet." he laughed.

dean's hands stalled with the mail, his green and light purple eyes looked up at castiel's blue ones, his eyebrows raised in a confused state before relaxing, "oh the bugs? im sorry, its summer, i just .. i forget" he grinned lazily.

cas grinned back at the 19 year old "leave 'em, is nice to know my husband can create an army of evil bugs" he joked, making dean laugh, their laughter only breaking when the wall phone rang.

the newly wed couple shared a look before castiel shrugged, walking over to the wall and taking the call.

once his husbands back was turned, dean dropped his smile and head, narrowing his eyebrows at the top letter addressed to him.

_"aunt rowena?"_ he whispered quietly, eyes rolling up to see cas still talking on the phone.

well shit.

secretly hoping whoever was on the phone needed cas for something, dean shoved the letter under the waistband of his board-shorts. he'd have to open it when nobody was around.

he looked up again to see castiel away from the wall, his hands digging in his pockets "that was your mom. a pipe busted in the office"

dean winced, cas nodded "im goin to fix it now, that okay?"

"course, no worries"

cas nodded again, pulled the jeep keys from his pocket, he walked around the island, leaning down to kiss dean.

they laughed when his forehead hit the brim of dean's cowboy hat, cas pulled it off, dean's wild hair was set free, a few dozen pieces floating with the bugs.

"my tools still in the jeep?" cas asked once both were outside.

"no, they're in new york on a hunt" dean sassed, it took a minute before cas laughed. "but they should be, mine are in baby if you need, too" 

when the jeep was out of sight on the mile long dirt driveway dean ripped the letter open, his hands shaking as he mumbled to himself, _"congrats on recently getting married, i hear-"_

he grumbled as he read the rest of the line, eyes scanning lower and lower on the page before flipping it, his eyes widened _"-recent intel on john and samuel has come to light, please contact me when you open this. with love, aunt rowena"_

dean dropped the papers.

he ran into his bedroom, eyes roaming the room _just in case_ before opening the closet door and digging out his hidden duffel bag out from under the false bottom he had installed back when he had a few hours alone in the house.

he really never hid anything from his moms, or even bobby, but he figured one little secret that could kill him was needed to be hidden.

he dialed rowena's number after closing the door, changing and throwing the hidden duffle in baby's trunk.

"hello deary" her thick accent floating through his ear, dean cracked a small smile, "h-hey aunt rowena. u-uh, thanks .. thanks for the letter"

he sat on his car's hood, looking at the farmhouse he called home.

he frowned, thinking it could be the last time he saw it.

"where shall we meet?" rowena replied.

_was the farmhouse safe? was the busted pipe a long enough problem to keep everyone away? no, maybe jody or donna could come home. bobby was on a hunt, if he went there nobody would really notice. would they?_

"dean, love. can still read thoughts. meet me at mr. singer's then. see you"

dean blinked when the dial-tone was heard. he rolled his eyes, a sly smile grazing his lips as he got into the drivers seat.

aunt rowena would never change her ways, and he liked that.

rowena sat on the passenger side of the bench seat. her long red hair pulled up, her sparkly purple dress lighting up whenever the impala drove past a stray lamp post along the highway.

dean nervously chewed his lip before rowena smacked her lips in annoyance, dean frowned

"i _know_, but ..." he trailed off, hands gripping the wheel tighter.

after confessing to bobby after seeing john again when he was 16, dean had confided in rowena in wanting to hurt john and giving sam another chance.

john was a serial killer posing as a hunter. sam was simply an asshole.

rowena could see how bobby said it was justified, although after sam punched dean nearly an entire year ago, what had once been a bad thought had turned to a firey passion for revenge.

revenge was for fools, john was proof.

he was never a hunter, looking to get his revenge for his wife. john was a crazy psycho bastard on the hunt to kill. the revenge angle was added once other hunters had called him to join hunts.

john winchester was on the hunt for revenge, even if revenge on a demon was a crazy thought, because mary died at the hands of a demon.

dean had written to his witch aunt in secret after the black eye.

sam had lost his chance and dean was feeling scared, fearing that he may do something stupid if not stopped. a few days passed before rowena sent a letter with a list of names, the names turned out to be a small handful of victims.

dean didnt sleep well for weeks after listening to their cries and stories.

after that rowena sat down with dean, making a plan with him. he was to plant a bag full of weapons, somewhere only he would know, and whenever new news jumped up over hunter chatter or spirits heard first, rowena and dean would get justice for not only the victims, but dean himself.

"dean, i told you. samuel has joined in the crimes. im sorry, deary. but this was the plan, it was _always_ the plan. and you are going to stop them. for others, and _yourself._"

"...b-but. if mom, or mama ... _if they find out i swear to god, aunt rowena, i will never be forgiven."_

rowena frowned "i promised, love. i'll wipe and replace memories, nobody will know."

light flickered on dean's wedding band, his tears shining. "oh my god, cas ... cas"

the impala slowed, dean was confused before lifting his hands and staring at rowena.

her purple eyes dyed, returning to hazel. green stared at hazel.

the moonlight lighting the inside of the car. rowena's hands found dean's. they squeezed them together.

"you know when the prince kills the dragon and saves the princess so that they can live happily ever after?" rowena whispered.

dean sniffled, nodding. "you, my boy, are the very brave prince. and john and samuel are the dragons you must slay to save the princess"

dean's bottom lip pouted slightly "whats the princess?"

rowena laughed quietly "whatever you want it to be"

_"c-cas?"_ he whispered.

rowena's hands squeezed dean's again.

"but .. but fairy-tales arent real"

"just because you were told that, doesnt mean its the truth."

"like us?"

"us?"

"..y-yeah. people say witches arent real all the time"

"then exactly. now, there is two monsters to put down in california with a prince's name written on them. and with a bit of love and magic, nobody will remember when my wee handsome prince slayed them"

"..... aunt rowena?"

"yes, deary?"

"...... has .... has anyone ever told you, you .. you might be a tiny bit crazy?"

"of course dear, but thats what makes a good witch _great_"

_baby pulled back onto the highway, heading towards california. there was work to do._


	16. 🌼 i'm a wanted man - part two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i finished editing this. first off, i suck at heavy writing and fight scenes but i really love horror action movies and i kinda .. "borrowed" a few ideas from a few really badass movie scenes to write this ... heh ..
> 
> dean gets revenge, yall. please dont hate me if this isnt what you had hoped for .. but .. but i feel like if dean had the chance, and knowing it could be the right choice ... i feel like he'd do it, yaknow? at least in my verse. so ... im really nervous about posting this ... uuuhh ...
> 
> enjoy?  
warnings: serial killer mention, killing happens, blood ... like ... lots of blood .., some douchebag talk because douchebags !! and swearing. 
> 
> words: 2,214.
> 
> posted on february 10th 2020.
> 
> ** edited on april 26th 2020 **

the heavy rain was pelting down as the impala slowly revved through thick mud, making its way to the abandoned, broken down warehouse.

it didnt feel like july in california, it felt like hell was beginning to freeze over and every demon in every corner of the globe had somehow moved their way to california and were letting all hell break loose.

dean's teeth gritted as baby began to stall again, her wheels spinning with mud flying up everywhere. rowena placed her hand on the steering wheel, beside dean's fisted one.

"one more thing, deary"

you could barely see a thing in front of yourself, thick fog and the heavy rain blocking the view.

rowena's eyes flickered to bright purple, the weather not letting up any but the car was pushed forward out of the mud pothole and parked. "i want to take away your magic"

dean's head snapped toward her _"w-what?"_

his voice pitched higher, eyes wide with panic. "n-no .. no aunt rowena no, i .. i watched too much _Anger Management_ once to think this is _actually_ justified without magic ... i .. i .. I'M GUNNA DIE IN THERE WITHOUT MAGIC"

dean pushed the seat back and threw his head down between his knees, his breathing speeding up to a rapid pace.

rowena rubbed her slender hand down his back "no deary. i .. i need to explain"

helping with breathing through a panic attack and a half chugged water bottle later dean was sagged against the driver side door and rowena was holding a glass jar, twisting the cap off.

"every .. every witch has a butterfly in them, my dear. they first grow when a new witch begins learning the power. the magic. and .. a large blue butterfly means a good witch where as a dead butterfly replaced by a large black moth means an evil one"

dean's eyes filled with panic again.

"yours is a butterfly. but what you're about to do .. would .. well, it would change it. so i want to take it out and keep it safe while you're away" rowena finished, laying her hand on dean's chest.

"will it .. change anything? besides no magic?"

the short scottish woman frowned "you wont remember anything from the life with the butterfly, just from what your hurting soul will remind you of. but you'll remember everything you did without it. " 

"just john and sam?"

rowena nodded slowly.

"john seeing me after i left, and .. sam punching me? even when both happened _after?"_

rowena nodded again, "because they hurt your soul, my boy"

dean looked down at his left hand, "no castiel" he whispered to himself.

the two shared a few minutes of silence, the rain knocking against the metal of the impala, a shadowy figure ghosted past by the windowless door of the building.

dean reached out and held rowena close in a tight hug before he pulled off his coat, balling it up and tossing it in the backseat.

the duffel-bag was pulled to the front and placed on his lap. it took another quiet minute before he finally pulled off his wedding and engagement rings, them clanking together as they were dropped in the jar rowena held.

"dont tell cas ..."

a deep breath

"please aunt rowena .. be quick, please. take the butterfly ... and ... if it dies before im back ... _promise me you'll fix this so it never happens"_

_"i promise, love"_

**~~~~**

sam and john stood around the desk that was against a half broken wall.

"so, that weird kid you saw at bobby's ... _that was dean?"_ sam questioned again, eyes squinted with his eyebrows pinched low.

john took another swing from his booze bottle "think so. sounds like the twink yah were talkin bout, that yah knocked out"

sam laughed "that was fun"

both of them laughing, the sound being replaced by guns being pulled when a light was busted out behind them. a figure stepped forward before another light was busted out.

"WHO'S THERE?" john yelled, gun raised on his wrist, trigger ready to be pulled.

a duffel-bag was tossed out into the remaining light.

sam and john looked at eachother, nodding towards the bag before sam took a few steps closer, "full'a weapons" he muttered.

john was about to step closer to sam when a loud _bang_ rang out, john fell down, his knees pulled to his chest, hands gripping at his shins.

sam turned, ran closer "dad! shit, dad, what happened?"

his hands pushed john's away

"what happened?"

john gasped "something hit my legs from behind"

sam got his feet, turning back to the bag just as another loud _bang_ caused him to fall on his ass, tumbling over john's body.

_"an old drunk serial killer and an asshole law student walk into an old building ..."_

sam and john looked around, sharing a confused look before sam tried to help john up

_"they think they're better than everyone. they kill thousands of people, credit card scams, money fraud ... and yet the cops just arent smart enough to figure them out" _

sam squinted into the darkness

_ "but what they didnt know, was that the kid they pushed around, beat to a pulp, nearly killed .. was pretty good with a weapon - just like them" _

nobody moved. nobody made a sound.

"and i gotta say .. i think i figured out _why_ you kill people ... _it's a real rush, aint it?"_ dean smirked as he walked into the light, leaning down on his baseball bat, his foot kicking the duffel-bag

_ "hiya douche-bags ... dean winchester at your service." _

sam stood still, too stunned to move before he reached out for his gun again. his hands reached the handle, ready to grab it just as the baseball bat swung down, crushing his hand.

sam yelled out, dean kicked the gun away.

"aw c'mon sammy, man up. didnt hurt it, now did it?" dean snarled, quoting what sam told him so many times before.

the end of another gun pressed against the back of dean's head

"get away, dean" john's low voice growled.

sam smirked, getting to his knees and pulling the baseball bat away from dean.

"heres a lesson i learnt for you, old man. ya never, and i mean never _ever_, press the gun fully against the object or person you want to hurt. cuz then its too easy"

john raised his eyebrow, "too easy?"

dean's elbow flew backwards knocking john in the gut, he doubled over, gun dropping from his hand. dean caught the gun, kicked sam's arm as he tried to swing the bat. 

"and poor little golden child sammy ... you never really got the training i had to suffer, so this is kinda hurtful" he sassed, pulled the end of the bat towards him, sam never letting go.

once closer together dean shoved the bat back, it sacking sam between the legs as it was pushed down from the force, the other end hitting his chin.

john grabbed a hold of dean from behind, shoving his against the wall with his stronger arm "now listen here, boy"

dean gritted his teeth "dont get to fucking call me that"

john pushed his arm in harder "ya know how to fight real good"

dean smirked "just cuz i know it, dont mean i like to do it"

he kicked his legs out, knocking john's legs out from under him again, just as sam came out from the side with the bat again. the two brothers fought around with it, it blocking nearly every move they threw at each-other.

"dont got your pretty boy fags to help you now, do ya, pussy?" sam spit, twisting dean's arm behind him, shoving his front against the wall.

dean panted, closed his eyes when john got closer "fight like a girl, sammy."

"could always cut you open like before, finish the job." john growled.

he threw dean down on the floor, dust rising as the 19 year old's back hit the cement. sam held his legs as john began ripping dean's shirt, his knife laying beside his legs. dean's arms were pushed above his head in the dark, he felt around his hands just hitting the edge of his duffel-bag. 

john had dean's black shirt ripped open ready to plunge his knife down into the old scar he and sam had given him years before.

dean grabbed the handle of the axe that was sticking out from the duffel-bag, once john started to drive the knife into the old scar tissue dean swung the axe, the sharp blade hitting sam's shoulder where it was pushed against john's back.

both of them screamed out, dean crawled out from under them, wiping the slight blood that ran out from where the scar had rudely gotten opened.

both men were huddled together, trying to cover where the axe had entered. with some trouble dean pulled the axe out, pulled sam by his hair away from john, kicked him in the stomach a few times before he swung the axe above his head.

"dean .. dean dont. dont do this. this isnt right"

dean was panting, his face blank of anything before anger filled the blank slate

"neither was _anything_ you did to me. all the beatings, all the stupid names, letting me starve, leaving me alone for days"

sam's head was bashed in slowly by the axe, john pulled dean off of him when sam's breathing was labored.

dean wiped the now bloody axe, his knuckles turning a dark wet red. john turned in a rage ready to shout when dean lifted the axe again "never gunna let you hurt anyone _ever again"_

** _~~~~_ **

rowena calmly walked into the building, her heels clicking as she stepped.

dean's head turned at the noise, rowena quietly gasped in shock.

dean was on his knees, his body and freckled face covered in blood. his hair and skin darker in places where the blood began to stain.

john winchester's body layed dismembered next to dean, sam's headless one on the other side.

_"...i killed them. i was just going to hurt them .. b-but .. but i got so angry ...."_ dean whispered, his broken little boy voice cracking.

rowena stepped around pools of blood "no, no love. you killed monsters. you saved the world of bad, bad monsters. ... now, lets clean you up. we'll get rid of the monsters and i'll put your butterfly back, okay deary?"

dean sadly looked up at her, nodding slowly. 

it felt like it took forever. maybe it did. maybe it didnt. who really knew to be sure.

dean was healed of any wounds he'd gotten from the fight, cleaned of blood, his clothes had been changed, his rings were placed back on his finger.

the dufflebag was filled with case files that were around the desk sam and john were at.

the truck parked outside by the impala was riffled through, shit got shoved in the duffel-bag before it was tossed back into the backseat.

the rain and fogged had finally lifted as rowena and dean cleaned up the scene.

dean lit the final match, watching as his bloodied clothes began to burn with the bodies of the older winchesters.

it took another painful hour for rowena to successfully get dean's butterfly back in his body, growing with his soul. dean passed out from the pain.

the car was driving itself down a nearly bare road when dean woke up, he cleared his eyes the best he could, rowena filing her nails quietly.

it took a few snaps before baby landed in the driveway in front of the farmhouse. dean grunted before he pushed open the door.

"no time passed, but the winchesters are dead. nobody but us knows, love. you'd better hide the bag again, try to relax before your husband gets back home now" rowena smiled, leaning on her tiptoes, pulling dean down to hug him and kiss his cheek.

dean weakly smiled back.

the bag was tossed in the hidden bottom again. the tv was turned on.

rowena looked around, giving dean one last kiss, snapping her fingers. the gust of wind as she left replaced with the smell of sweat when castiel walked into the room.

"hey handsome" cas greeted, kissing dean when dean stood up, bundles of corn in his hands.

they shared a quiet laugh.

"sorry, groceries are being put away finally. got sidetracked" dean laughed.

castiel shrugged "ah no worries! the pipe has been fixed. im headin for a shower, and jodes n donna arent s'ppos'd to be back til after supper ... party plans can be made and still remain a secret"

dean grinned "awesome"

_dean's bleached hair was back hiding under his cowboy hat when castiel walked out from the shower. the july heat stronger than ever. the newly wed couple shared another kiss, dean sat on the couch with his cat as castiel walked into their bedroom to get dressed. _

_maybe dean would never be the same knowing he killed john and sam. maybe it was the wrong thing to do. but he couldnt help but smile that much wider when he saw his family that night, knowing nobody would never hurt any one of them again._

_life would be okay from now on again, just like when he was 15. life would be safe in sioux falls, south dakota._


	17. 🌼 soft

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im finally not sick anymore but my depression is really bad again and i just wanted some comfort within my own little verse again. but this ended up like some kinda soft-core porn. but im not sorry. the other day when i was reading, people were either saying dean was like "washboard ab model" or it just wasnt written in a way where i could see it ... so.
> 
> since my version of dean has bleached hair, like frosted tips, and a bit more, is based off of early 90s jensen in real life, i kinda added his body figure to it. because jensen is built but he's also soft. so if you want, just picture 90s jensen with some 2005-06 soft tummy jensen action happenin here.
> 
> this really, seriously has 'tummy kink' written everywhere, so really, if it offends or bothers you .. please move on. this isnt to shame anyone, this is just some lovin between my two nerds and some body positivity vibes. or such.
> 
> the whole future-ness of 19 year old dean and 20 year cas is excitin yall. this verse is taking over my life and im totally chill with it. im loving every second of it. 
> 
> (takes place before 'im a wanted man - both parts)  
warnings: belly kink stuff, light porn stuff, scar mention, swearing  
words: 1,787.
> 
> posted on February 12th 2020.
> 
> ** edited on april 26th 2020 **

the late march spring breeze chilled the farmhouse through the open windows and screen-doors.

19 year old dean walked from the kitchen towards the couch with a handful of multicoloured gummy-bears, loose cotton boxers low on his hips, his light hair still wet from his shower. his beloved frosted tips freshly bleached and almost pure snow white.

the tv was on low, daphne layed on her bed in front of it, dean quietly chewed a few bears when strong tanned arms snaked their way around his waist.

castiel's naked body pressed against dean's from behind, his hands wormed down his sides slowly, his chin came to rest on his left shoulder as he kissed and nipped at his ear, his hands finally stopping when his fingertips reached the top of dean's loose boxers.

cas was going to push his hands down to grope at dean's hips better when his fingers started to sink in. confused he lifted his hand returning to the scene and began squeezing at the skin, excitement suddenly flooding in when his hand filled with a newly discovered roll of soft, scarred, freckled skin.

dean giggled around a half chewed gummy-bear, rolling his hips his belly was pushed into cas' hand more. unable to stop himself cas moved his other hand, both of them cradled dean's lower belly roll completely, with playful glee cas whispered "you're getting soft" a wide smile breaking out on his face.

dean squirmed, his ticklish spots being touched, his own smile wide, he ate this last gummy "and you're getting turned on" he mused, squirming his way out of his arms before laying out on the couch.

he wasnt embarrassed by the new roll, why should he be?

dean was always skinny, never by his own choice per say, but he'd never really had something that made him _soft_ before. it was hard to gain weight for him, his body was still skinny looking at his 6'2 height but it was filled out alright.

he looked like a big guy, somewhat.

but dean always loved to eat, now that he could snack on whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. he didnt do it often but he mostly did a lot of it when he did, so it was really no surprise when he found himself getting a little extra fat under his navel just before his birthday.

he'd laughed when he first saw it, it was like having baby-fat for the first time in his life, but at 18. he wasnt bothered by it in anyway.

the best part of it, probably, he figured, was that it was fun to poke at, or rub. he really was a sucker for belly rubs, he became a mess when donna started to rub his overly full stomach one night, his soft underbelly still ticklish but even more sensitive.

_it was heaven, really._

early afternoon light drifted in from open windows, lighting up tangled legs and the perfect roundness of castiel's ass as he made his way kissing and sucking at dean's chest.

soft moans fueled passion as his hot wet tongue swooped across hard pebbled nipples, freckled skin with light curly chest hairs, over the rough hilled skin of the evil scar that would forever be there.

after a few minutes castiel grazed his upper teeth down dean's belly, dean bit his lips, tossed his head back with some quiet panting as castiel's tongue dipped in his navel, his stubble brushing dean's ticklish underbelly.

dean rolled his hips up again, wrapped his legs around cas' upper back, pulled him in closer as his tongue swirled around the small indent, his hands dug into thick jet black hair, moaning when he felt teeth press into his soft skin.

the bottom of the scar was kissed, the tip of a strong nose rubbed against it, stubble following as the kisses moved back upwards. the belly was groped at, bouncing as dean panted, rolling as deep breaths were taken in, a gurgle was heard in the almost quiet room.

dean gasped sharply when cas growled, his face buried deep, sucking at the skin after the sound.

castiel could feel dean's growing hard on against his own chest, he moved against it whenever he moved to access his new favourite spots of dean's body. his own hard on pushed against his bare stomach, brushing against the couch arm and the inside of dean's legs.

"c-cas ... cas ..." dean panted, hands pushing on tanned skin.

cas pulled away from the belly he was worshiping, looking up at his lover. 

the two of them panted, eyes dark with lust. he moved up, bodies pressed together as they kissed, hands tangled in hair, dean's engagement ring dug in his broad chest as he pulled away. "w-wow" he panted, cas grinned "yeah, wow."

they kissed again, cas found his one hand back on dean's belly, running it across, back and forth, dean laughed lazily "who knew you had quite the belly kink ...?"

it was quiet before castiel's face reddened "shut up" he muttered, hiding his face against dean's neck, kissing it slowly.

dean's eyes were closed, softly humming, relaxing under his lovers touch. "hey, mm not complainin' ... keep rubbin'." he murmured. his face relaxed and dazed, cas kept grinning.

his hand grabbed dean's pooch in a handful, jiggling it halfly, earning dean's tired laughter as his reward. "this tummy's .. _mine_" cas whispered, his body moving down again dropping a final kiss on his navel

"now ... i call bathroom" with that, castiel lifted himself off dean's body and couch, before jogging towards the bathroom. dean was slower to get up, but jogged into their shared bedroom, both doors were closed at the same time.

the two of them had had supper at rosie's, meeting both jody and donna, who were still working until even later.

the entire day had been spent on the couch, dean snacking on nearly everything, castiel's hands never leaving the soft belly alone. neither minded.

currently they sat on the couch again, dean on cas' lap, belly stuffed to the brim with an indulgence he hardly ever did, but had wanted too. his belt undone, jeans unbuttoned and unzipped, pulled wide open, boxers pushed low, shirt rolled up and over the swell of his _almost_ too full stomach.

castiel slowed rocked him, hands rubbing, cupping and lightly patting as digestion settled in, the few hiccups and burps rewarded with a smile and a kiss, embarrassed laughs and groans smothered by lips meeting over and over.

"you really do, dont you?" dean whispered, tired and lazy eyes watching castiel's large tanned hands roam the bowling ball span of his tummy.

"i do, what?" castiel murmured from above him, chin resting in the bleached hair.

"have a belly kink"

his hands stopped, dean pulled away as the two stared at eachother in a shared silence.

dean shrugged halfly, falling back into cas' arms, pulling his hands back to his gurgly belly. "again .. not complainin'. guess, ' kinda got one myself" he explained, eyes closed in bliss as large warm hands rubbed down the tight sides of his middle.

his scar hurt, but the pain was dulled compared to the feeling of being _this_ full. with the added belly rub the pain was hardly noticeable anymore.

"never saw it as a _kink_, before. just .. more'a .. thought, or .. an idea"

dean raised his eyebrow "what?"

castiel's quiet laugh broke the sound from the tv.

"my mom" he whispered, nuzzled closer into dean's body. "she was .. kinda wild, kinda out there. but she always used to say that when people were happy .. like, truly, utterly _happy_, their body would change. like how the summertime changes you. your smile gets wider, you laugh more, your hair is blinding from the bleach..."

he paused to laugh "people's bodies change because they dont need to please anyone but themselves, or .. or maybe a partner, but .. i always thought why change for a partner, yaknow? _if you, yourself were happy as a person, you were happy because you were yourself_."

dean smiled, turned to him. "i like that" he whispered.

cas looked at him, face blushing, they laughed quietly at each-other.

"i guess, i guess when i saw you were softer, i thought of that. i love you, and i will always love whatever way you look but to see you werent shy about it ... just made me really happy. knowing your past, and knowing you for a few years now ... _it just suits you. and i like it" _

dean smiled more "its my body tellin' you im happy, cas"

"....or to maybe _not_ eat almost the entire bag of gummies." cas smirked, dean smirked back

"watch it, loser. i know where you hide the snacks"

their laughter mixed together like a song.

"you ever think of kids?" cas asked while they layed in bed later that night, jody and donna now home and in their own bed together.

dean looked over from his pillow "like ... to have 'em, or -?"

castiel shrugged. dean shrugged back.

"dunno then. dont think i'd be good with em, like im okay with kids, but they also kinda annoy the fuck outta me cuz the parents suck ass or somethin"

cas lowered his head to dean's upper back, snorting before laughing, trying to stay quiet.

"what? its the truth!" dean laughed, lightly kicking at cas' legs with his own feet.

cas wrapped his arms around dean more, the two of them cuddling closer.

"i'd bet you'd be awesome with kids. read em to bed, sing to em. maybe carry em how you carry daph' 'round the house ..." castiel's thick voice trailed off, his hands laying on dean's belly again.

dean turned, the two looked at each-other "....maybe some day" he whispered.

cas' eyes widened "r-really?"

dean nodded.

"i'll think about it. if .. if thats what you really want. and .. i trust myself to not raise them how i was raised, yaknow?"

"like hunters?"

"kinda. i think the self defense part of hunting is nice to know, keeps you safe."

castiel laughed quietly. dean raised an eyebrow lazily.

"just pictured you makin a lil salt circle around a baby while you needed both hands for somethin"

dean was quiet. his eyes beginning to close. "....i'd do that"

castiel laughed. "i know you would"

dean snuggled in, castiel's warm hands rubbed at his belly "if our kid is a witch i could see us playin tricks on you, yaknow"

castiel was quiet now. ".....yeah, i can see it."

dean smirked "oh yeah, baby"

_the two laughed. "i'll think about it. maybe aunt rowena has some spells or something. we'll see later." dean murmured. cas smiled. _

_"i love you."_

_"love you too."_


	18. 🌼 where you lead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when you still feel like shit so you watch a crapton of gilmore girls again, have the theme song on repeat and go "holy shit ... that could work for that request" so yeah .. more fluff. fluff people wanted since i posted the birthday piece 😂
> 
> this bounces around a lot, so im sorry. also though, if anybody has requests now - im open !! hit me, hit me, hit me. please be gentle though, i may be tough but i like to comfy when i relax, hahaha. yeah im tired, leave me alone. i need sleep. 
> 
> takes place after Brithdays Are Drag. before and after Feelin Kinda Witchy, and before Soft. {thats just a lot now, aha}
> 
> warnings: swearing, death mention, fighting, stealing. cuteness overload?
> 
> words: 2,194.
> 
> posted on February 13th 2020
> 
> ** edited on april 26th 2020 **

it had been halloween night, the first time castiel told himself he was going to marry dean winchester someday.

the 19 year old had been watching the 18 year old, playfully dancing with his moms around the police station that night, passing out candy to the dozens of trick or treaters.

he had wanted to be dressed to the nines, costume over the top before he decided on being Luke from Gilmore Girls. it felt lazy but it was enough of a costume for him to still enjoy being in after an entire night of being around people. they stressed him out too much. castiel understood.

dean played Where You Lead over the speakers as the last song of the night when everyone was done cleaning. they danced to it, dean's lazy smile pulled his sleepy face. castiel had never felt so in love.

that night as castiel tucked dean in bed he couldnt help it as he leaned down to kiss his head did he finally whisper _"im gunna marry you"_.

dean grumbled, too far gone to fully hear what cas had confessed. the smile tattooed on cas' face was enough, he had some people to talk too first though.

it was mid november when castiel finally took his father to the side, the two on a hunt together somewhere in who-the-hell-really-cares.

he sat chuck down, twirled his thumbs awkwardly before muttering his confession, "i .. love dean. i think i sort of did when i first met him. and we've been together now, for a few years .. and .. i'd .. i'd like to marry him"

he didnt dare look at his father.

chuck slowly nodded, to castiel's surprise, held his hands atop his held ones. "have you asked his family yet?"

castiel shook his head "n-no, god no, i .. i wanted to talk to you n .. luce, and gabe, first. u-uh, jody a-and donna first though, right?"

chuck smiled, nodding at his youngest son again.

"i'll .. im gunna ask the other two u-uh ... maybe later this week? next week?"

"castiel. they're your brothers. i'm quite sure they're going to understand. the sooner the better, i find."

cas nodded, wet his lips, swallowed. _yeah, okay. he'd tell them soon. and oh, how he wished he had._

the day before the shurley brothers left in late november for the brothers annual hunting trip was when castiel took jody and donna to the side.

donna had the night shift, jody the early morning shift.

the plan was layed out and seemed simple enough. castiel would pick up and drive jody to work and before he picked up donna to take her home, he would ask both women then. afterwards, if all went well, he'd stop at rosie's and ask her too, since rosie was family to dean. _simple, right?_

he'd knocked on the front door, before he walked in the farmhouse that morning.

jody smiled, lifting her finger to her lips as she did up her jacket, pointing over the the couch. cas was confused, took the few extra steps past the wall to see what she had been pointing at.

dean was curled up, tightly wound up in his favourite blanket, daphne asleep on top of him.

cas grinned when he heard Where You Lead playing over the tv. dean always watched gilmore girls when he thought he was alone. _damn guilty pleasures_. his chipped painted nails tucked around his nose as he sucked his thumb, his painted toes barely sticking out from under the blanket.

cas leaned over and kissed his head before jody did herself, the two of them leaving the house after.

both women kissed when they saw each-other.

donna rubbed at her tired face, jody smiled halfly while signing in for the shift.

before they broke apart cas stepped in between them awkwardly, waved his hand slightly "u-uh. uh i need to talk to both of you"

jody pushed donna and castiel into her office. donna sat in the chair, almost asleep, cas shifted his weight from foot to foot before he clearly blurted out "i wanna marry dean"

donna's eyes snapped open, jody stood still with wide eyes, cas bit his lip "i mean, god i know we're young b-but .. but i'm willing to give up hunting and a-and to work to be stable for h-him and -" he was cut off by jody hugging him.

"unless you _both_ want that. im perfectly happy with you two in the house" she grinned, holding castiel's face in her hands.

donna laughed, nodding. "im tired, but just know im real proud right now" she grinned.

cas grinned back "im .. im getting the ring s-soon. and, uh, i wanna ask rosie too, right, right now if donna doesnt mind"

donna laughed again "i'll probably be asleep in the car, cas. mm sorry"

cas shrugged with a crooked smile. his smile grew after talking with a now excited rosie, Where You Are played on the radio while on the road back to the farmhouse. today was a good day.

december 23rd is when castiel asked bobby.

gabriel, still in bandages and resting from being hurt and healed by dean within the last week, nearing two, and dean were hanging out together on the couch, quietly giggling at the tv and snacking.

they were at bobby's place for christmas.

lucifer and cas still at odds after finding out dean was a witch. lucifer may had told dean he was okay with it, but he was _far_ from okay with it.

neither gabriel nor lucifer knew about castiel wanting to marry dean. he had chickened out from asking on the hunt after gabriel had gotten attacked, and now that he and lucifer were always on top of each-other with fighting ... it never seemed like a good topic to bring up.

dean had packed up his bag, hugged gabriel carefully, hugged bobby, kissed cas before he waved and drove off back to the farmhouse for the night.

right now seemed better than any other time.

castiel grunted at himself. bobby cracked open beers now that dean was gone, the three clinked their long bottles together, taking a sip. bobby sat behind his desk in the living-room/den area, castiel stood in front of the tv, gabriel sat upright on the couch.

cas sighed, begged silently at the ceiling before looking down at the older men in the room. "i want to marry dean" he muttered the same words again.

bobby's aged face watched castiel's body tremble under the pressure of the weight from the statement.

castiel looked back at him "dad is okay with it. jody, donna and rosie have been asked and are all excited and okay with it. you're the last to ask" he explained, pointing to bobby.

he pointed to gabriel next, hand shaking "and you .. you're a long story. im sorry" he murmured, drowning the words with a long gulp of cold beer.

"long story?" bobby asked finally breaking the painful silence.

"bigfoot hunt. this one got attacked, dean .. dean healed him. we all found out he was a witch that day. i .. i forgave him. he even .. he even explained himself for me. it was a lie, i was hurt at first. i love him too much to be mad, i forgave him once i knew why he felt the need to hide and lie. lucifer said he was okay. he's not .. he .. he-" cas cut himself off, hands were thrown in his hair, beer swirling in the bottle.

"lucifer hates witches" gabriel whispered.

castiel was nearly in tears when bobby sat him down in the chair beside the couch. they talked for hours.

it was nearing 3 in the morning.

bobby moved from where he was sitting on the edge of his desk, uncrossed his arms. "why did yah ask me, 'bout marryin dean?" he questioned castiel.

cas rubbed his eyes, "you're his dad. his father figure ... always have been. just seemed like the right thing to do." he sighed, stood up and looked directly into bobby's own tired eyes.

"mr. singer, i'd like permission to marry your son" he confidently said.

bobby nodded with a smirk "yah got yer'self a good lad."

cas tiredly smiled, turned to gabriel with a hopeful nod

"my little bro is gunna be with my best friend even longer. sure" he smiled.

castiel went to bed after that with a smile on his face.

lucifer was the last to find out, aside from dean of course.

gabriel had joined castiel on the roadtrip to pick up the ring. with a stack of forged papers and a forged check, _thanks to the help of bobby,_ castiel had bought _read: stolen_, marilyn monroe's real wedding ring to joe dimaggio.

months ago dean had seen the for sale ad, laughing at how he had the poster of '_that exact photo_' on the wall of his bedroom. marilyn was his favourite.

the ring, castiel figured, would possibly mean more to dean than to some rich fuddy-duddy who'd simply put it away. dean would be careful with it, that cas knew.

it was crazy, but castiel was really about to steal marilyn friggen monroe's real wedding ring for the love of his life. dean was making him crazy. and yet - castiel didnt mind.

lucifer found the papers in the back, him and cas beginning to yell and fight at _each-other_ until the jeep was pulled to the side of the road and gabriel was left to carefully get himself out of the car and break the two up.

castiel was on top, choking lucifer to the broken pavement under him. lucifer throwing weak punches. gabriel pulled castiel off, the two brothers glared at each-other.

"what the UTTER FUCK CASTIEL? you're still going to MARRY THAT SON OF A BITCH" lucifer screamed, throwing a punch at his youngest brother.

the punch didnt land, castiel was on his feet, trying to throw his own punch but gabriel had thrown himself between the two, hands pushing against their chests to hold them apart. "stop it... please stop it!" he whined quietly.

"why the fuck do you care? its not any of your business anyway" castiel spat.

lucifer's eyes darkened, grabbed a fistful of castiel's shirt, pulled him close, their noses touching "must i fuckin remind you our mother and sister are DEAD because of a male witch? huh, or did little cassie forget? huh? c'mon little brother, i know you remember"

gabriel shoved the two apart again, threw his own punch at lucifer's face, tears streaming down his face when cas pulled him away "SHUT UP" gabriel cried, he kicked at lucifer

"i-im alive because of dean. he saved me, not you, okay? he's still dean, even with the known fact of his power. just .. j-just shut up luci. either get back in the car or start walking"

castiel stared at gabriel. lucifer glared. he pushed himself up, past his younger brothers, slamming the back door shut. 

it was january 24th when castiel proposed to dean.

dean's 19th birthday was ending. castiel went over the speech repeatably, before deciding he hated all his versions and would just wing it. _what could go wrong?_

gabriel slipped on another record as everyone watched the two boys slow dance, just like the year before.

everyone had been together all day, except lucifer, who nobody had seen for the last few days. chuck said he phoned the day before though. he was on a hunt somewhere. _yeah, right_.

Where You Lead began to play, dean's bubbly laughter mixed with everyone else's. castiel held his hands before dropping to his one knee, dean's lip was bit, his face in shock as cas pulled the ring box, held dean's hand again.

his eyes bugged out when the box was opened "t-th-thats .. thats"

castiel laughed "oh, i know"

"b-but .. but... but what? WHAT?" castiel laughed again, shaking dean's hand.

"just. hold on, please" he laughed, dean laughed, his thumb nail being gnawed as he watched cas.

"i .. i love you dean, and i .. heh, i always have. and i, i want to spend forever with you, if i'm allowed. it's selfish to want you all to myself, but i'll share you with the rest of these wonderfully messed up bunch of people we call family. heh, i didnt .. i didnt plan this well, but .. i was maybe .. kinda .. hoping you'd maybe just say yes and i wouldnt be forced to .. make .. some half assed thing in front of everyone and .. like" 

"oh my god, loser, shut up ... YES, OKAY? YES, YES I'LL MARRY YOU" dean giggled, yelling as he pushed himself down to hold castiel close.

everyone was laughing, cheering around them as they held each-other, and the moment to themselves. castiel slipped the ring on dean's finger, the ring fit perfectly "im wearing marilyn monroe's wedding ring" dean gasped, staring at it.

castiel laughed "yes, yes you are"

"god, i love you"

"i love you too dean"

_"where you lead..."_

_"i will follow"_

_dean smiled. castiel smiled back._

_"my little gilmore boy"_


	19. 🌼 love is for losers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy day after unattached drifter christmas. 
> 
> i wasnt going to post a stupid valentines day post because i hate valentines day with a passion. i just do. but then this sorta happened to me today and because this verse dean is sorta based on me .. i just .. yaknow. 
> 
> just dean chillin with his awesome dad and cas :) cuz they make me happy and i love them so much okay. im sad. 
> 
> i went into town today and this cute girl was there again but i think she mostly just noticed me cuz of my priestly mohawk. heh. shit guys, being a lesbian is hard. send help. 😂
> 
> anyways ... enjoy this half assed written thing done in less than three hours 😂 these are getting longer as time goes on because i just love this little verse so much okay.
> 
> ALSO - requests are open !! i have a few drafts being edited and penned as we speak now but request away :)
> 
> takes place before Mothers Day Gift  
warnings: dudes with painted nails, cas stares at deans bum a lil - cuz yaknow, ITS GAY, swearing and that should be it? 
> 
> words: 2,099
> 
> posted on February 15th 2020
> 
> ** edited on april 26th 2020 **

a growing tower of movies was layed out next to bobby's small box tv in the living-room of his house.

dean and cas were standing in the kitchen making massive bowls of popcorn, melting butter, grabbing the six packs of bottled soda and beer and making mini bowls of different snacks for popcorn toppings.

it was valentines day.

the boys always headed to bobby's for a movie and snack night while jody and donna had a night to themselves. was always perfect.

since dean highly _hated_ valentines day cas never suggested they go out for the night. always taking dean on dates whenever either one felt like they wanted one.

valentines was stupid, for stupid people who forgot. if you truly loved the person valentines day wasnt anything special.

it was fun to mess around or have a good time of course, jody and donna were still madly in love, dean was cool with that, but there was something that still rubbed him the wrong way about valentines day.

thats why, since dean was 16, every february 14th you would find him and bobby in front of the tv. last year was the first time cas joined them. 

dean was the first one to meet bobby in the living-room, a bowl overfilled with popcorn, melted butter and peanut m&ms tossed around, in hand. the other held a beer for bobby, that once handed over, a bottle of soda was pulled from his back pocket and was cracked open.

castiel finally entered the room, bowl also in hand but with a frown on his face. he set his popcorn bowl on the table across from the coach dean was sat on and pulled his shirt away from his body, eyeing the middle of it.

bobby raised an eyebrow.

"got melted butter on my shirt" cas grumbled, pulling at his shirt still.

dean sucked down a mouthful of soda while waving his hand at the 19 year old, "here. got an extra shirt in my art-bag"

castiel squinted at dean, taking a hold of his soda bottle "am i gunna look like i raided a thrift store?" he teased. bobby laughed.

dean rolled his eyes with a smirk plastered on his face when he re-entered the living-room. castiel pulled off his shirt while dean unclasped his art-bag, he took a moment to examine what dean was wearing, again. 

the weather had begun to warm up again, which caused the younger teen to get the urge to start wearing his summer clothes for the year.

within another month or so cas figured he'd be running around in his board-shorts and cowboy hat again.

right now the view was possibly even better.

dean was wearing his thin white wife-beater, tucked into his impossibly tight light blue bell bottoms with patches sewn all over them, a tie dye crop-top over the wife-beater with _Disco Is From Hell, Loser_ scribbled across the front.

castiel found his eyes traveling towards the view of dean's well toned ass, squeezed tightly in his pants. his belt and huge belt buckle pushed to his hip probably help make the pants tighter. bright pink letters making the word _Troublemaker_ ran across the plain of the ass of the bell bottom jeans.

castiel bit his lip, looking up at the ceiling just as dean stood up straight and handed castiel a shirt.

bobby laughed again, taking a hold of the tv remote "just like an old lady with that art bag" he shook his head, drinking his beer.

dean laughed along with him, went back to sitting on the couch and eating his popcorn. his chipped nail-polished finger nails digging around for m&ms in the bowl.

castiel pulled on the shirt, looking down at it after it was on. he smiled when he saw it was dean's favourite ripped up black shirt with the photo of Kurt Cobain wearing a dress while talking on the phone, on it.

he sat beside dean on the coach, joining the laughter "actually, now that you've said that ... do you even know what's all in there anymore?" he questioned dean.

it was quiet.

"shit gets added all the time, im not sure" dean laughed. bobby shook his head with a smile.

"okay! i must know! bobby, do you mind?" castiel grinned, replacing his popcorn bowl with dean's art bag on his lap.

bobby raised his hands "this i gotta see, move over boys"

castiel shifted to the end of the couch, pulling dean with him, taking his food bowl and plonking the art bag on his lap as bobby sat in dean's spot on the other side of the 18 year old.

"well, the extra shirt. in case someone spills s'mthin'.. so" dean shrugged, pointing his thumb over to cas.

he pushed his hands in the art bag, it moved on his lap before a plastic bag was pulled out. bobby laughed and held the bottom of it as dean ripped it open. "uh, toothbrush, toothpaste, pit stick .... kitty treats .. uh, think thats a pack of gum? and .. three bottles of nail polish"

castiel snorted, curling his head behind dean's shoulder to laugh. the other two joined in.

the plastic bag was closed and layed on castiel's lap. "car keys, my house keys, garage keys, and i think that may be a motel key i stole?" dean muttered, holding up the ring of keys with a purple lollipop key-chain on it that gabriel had given him.

"um. what else? OH! this, is a little toy car that dad found on a hunt and gave me" he smiled widely while he took out a toy race-car and handed it to bobby.

bobby laughed, holding the car up closer to his face "surprised yah still got this" his deep but soft voice rolled.

dean watched bobby's fingers curl around the toy, his smile lazy and happy "cuz i like it. n it makes me think of you"

castiel watched them with a smile.

"phone, film camera, video camera, cords for everything ... oh hey, found my earbuds. nice one! and extra batteries." dean muttered, pulling the devices from a felt bag within his art bag, castiel's eyes widened as it was layed on bobby's lap "holy shit, how _massive_ is that bag? its a bottomless pit!" he said in awe.

dean laughed, nodding.

"pack of photos for my sketchbook and journal .. erm, heres the photo-album i always carry with me." he pulled it out to the top, smiled at the cover before opening it.

bobby and cas leaned in closer as dean flipped through photos.

_one of jody and donna at work, one of bobby fixing a car, one of castiel reading, one of cas and his brothers while on a hunt, one of rosie on roller-skates laughing so hard her face is as red as her red lipstick, one of dean and a tall black man making stupid faces._

castiel lifted an eyebrow once bobby snorted at the photo. he looked over at bobby, before noticing dean laughing too.

okay, so he was out of the loop.

"ooookay, whats so funny?" he asked, pointing at the photo.

dean smirked lazily "thats rufus, he was an old hunting buddy of dads. ... dad kinda really hated him but i liked him, he was funny" dean laughed, cas joining in quietly.

bobby pointed at the photo after taking a swing of beer "ol' jackass there, liked dean fine, cause after a few hunts ya never knew who was more crazy" he pointed out.

castiel stared at dean "you went on hunts with bobby and rufus?" 

dean fell back on the couch with a laugh, eyes crinkled at the ceiling before he turned to his boyfriend "i was 16. i had just seen john here. i was ... feelin off. i went for a few hunts, i was mostly just research backup but ... i hunted, and it ... it was kinda nice cuz .. i wasnt forced too. i didnt have too if i didnt want"

castiel nodded, understanding. bobby patted dean's chest, looking up at castiel "better let that one do the huntin. you stick with books." dean laughed, cas looked lost again.

bobby pointed at the open photo "dean's got the crazy in 'im. wendigo case."

dean waved his arms, his left hand rested on castiel's upper chest "okay, okay wait, wait .. i was 16" he repeated, eyes widening as he got ready to tell cas a story "i was almost 6 foot."

bobby snorted, muttering _"barely"_ under his breath.

dean snorted out a laugh "i was short, okay. and .. and i was in the middle of the forest with my flare gun. and i was feelin kinda pissed off so, i just .. i started yelling at this thing. just like .. _HEY ASSHOLE, HEY SHITFACE_ ... just .. just to kinda tease it and i climbed in this tree. and dad came to pull me down cuz it started to go after rufus but i had a clear shot on it, or so i thought. but i needed to tease it more to flush the sucker out, right? so i started yelling more but i fell out of the tree, and dad caught me by accident but the thing heard us so he just started runnin with me hangin upside down by my waist."

castiel burst out laughing.

bobby shook his head with an amused smile. "rufus there sure liked the boy after that" he snarled playfully. 

dean giggled. "so yeah, thats rufus ... i miss him, actually. he let me drive" dean grinned.

bobby nodded "shit, thats right. i was even floored, never let anyone drive, old sonuvabitch"

castiel laughed again.

"you got an entire bed in there?" castiel teased, patting dean's art bag again.

after a few more funny hunting stories cas was curious as to what was left in the bag.

dean blew on his freshly painted left hand. "i should! but i think its just books now" he laughed, shaking his hand to try and dry it faster.

castiel took the bag of his lap and pulled it onto his own "sketchbook, from what i know of it. this is a ... hunters journal?" he questioned, pulling out books.

dean nodded at the thick book atop his sketchbook. "research journal, seen that tons before. and thats a creature book, right?"

dean nodded again, castiel grinned "hell yeah, see .. i know my stuff" he pointed to his temple before beginning to repack his boyfriend's bag.

"is your first aid kit in baby?" bobby asked, dean blew on his nails again with a nod "yeah i gotta bring it in to restock the band-aids"

bobby snapped his fingers "right, thats what you asked for. on it, son"

castiel looked at the untouched tv and movie tower.

this may have been the best anti-valentines day yet.

dean grumbled while he tried moving his polish bottle around to paint his other hand. cas smiled, "want me to do it?"

dean stopped and squinted at him "you .. want to paint my nails?"

castiel shrugged "ive watched you enough to know how, kinda. forgive me if its not great."

dean smiled, handed castiel the dark purple glitter nail polish bottle. bobby walked in the room just as castiel was finishing up dean's pinkie.

"nice job" he commented. 

castiel looked up "really?"

dean eyed his hand _"really nice!"_ he smiled. "better than i do, even!"

"okay. my turn." castiel deadpanned. 

dean raised an eyebrow "what?"

"do my nails. i want ... _hmm_, how about, your plain black?"

dean stared, "for real?"

castiel nodded "yeah. for real. paint my nails, please. i'll try anything once. might enjoy it, who knows."

bobby smiled at the two as dean started to paint castiel's fingernails. he picked up the plastic bag, he eyed the nail polish bottles.

"yah know what boys? ah what the hell, count me in too."

dean paled slightly "w-what?" he squeaked. bobby sat back down on the couch where dean had been. he looked down at him on the floor. 

"im next, son" he smiled.

dean's eyes bugged out "what? you .. _you, YOU, want your nails painted?"_

bobby nodded. "not just my thumb either, cuz then the others are gunna be sad they got left out, now"

castiel laughed which caused dean to awkwardly laugh. "uh.. okay? uh, colour?"

bobby eyed the bottles again. "that bright pink. that'll work"

_dean laughed, wiping his nose when soda started to tickle and fizz up. _

_"i didnt ... i didnt think movie night would be this girly ... but i like it"_

_bobby and castiel laughed._

_"happy valentines day, boys"_


	20. 🌼 tell me a story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this was sorta requested by a few people to clear some info up about the shurley family. i still got one more trick up my sleeve with the shurley family but im not gunna play that card just yet ... uh, so hopefully this kinda fixed it? i dunno, im really, really tired today.
> 
> im sorry if i havent fully edited this piece just yet. i write in the dead of night with insomnia so editing drafts while writing new pieces is just really hard some times. life is rough right now again. i have packed my bags and moved into my little verse because its the only comfort i have at this time. its nice here yaknow. 
> 
> takes place right after Im A Wanted Man - both parts.  
warnings: swearing, throw up mention, panic attack mention, belly stuff again, cas totally has a crush on dean's lil belly and i cant help it, fighting, serial killer mention, character death mention, killing mention and a strange ass kiss ....
> 
> part two?
> 
> words: 1,669
> 
> posted on February 16th 2020
> 
> ** edited on april 28th 2020 **

no couple all through history _ever_ took one of their older brothers on their honeymoon.

they just didnt, that was a proven _fact_. but the young couple werent normal, so while strange and weird, nobody really batted an eye when gabriel bounced around dean and cas while on their camping trip for their honeymoon.

the couple had been married for almost three weeks.

lucifer had still been a thorn in everyones sides and had not shown up at the wedding. while it hadnt bothered dean or castiel much, it had really ruined gabriel.

after getting hurt in december of the year before he had stayed off hunting for the most part, only going as backup or if he felt like it. he'd basically moved into bobby's guest room, staying on the couch at the farmhouse when chuck and lucifer showed up at bobby's.

it was rough for him, and everyone kinda took pity on him.

after jody and donna's anniversary party castiel packed up Baby and announced dean and he were going to Oregon for a camping trip.

a few short talks later gabriel was also packed and shoved in the backseat as castiel drove, against dean's best wishes, while dean sat in the front seat next to cas with the maps.

late july sweat began to create a rank smell in the closed up car, just as her beautiful sleak body rolled past the _Welcome To Winchester Bay_ sign. dean rolled his eyes at castiel.

the three boys had checked into their campground place, gabriel and castiel started pitching their tents while dean flipped through the town map.

"so yall never actually stayed in a place longer than a year?" dean made a face after some extra thought, watching as his husband and brother-in-law fought to stomp tent pegs in the ground.

they'd been sharing family secrets and shit in general that should bother a person about family.

castiel nodded, wiping his hands of dirt. "oh yeah, was mostly dads fault, but .. live n learn"

dean chewed his gum, nodding back.

just recently he had learned chuck had been a preacher before becoming a hunter because, well, he _had_ married dean and castiel. was rather shocking, but it wasnt at the same time.

dean shook his head once gabriel sat down on the bench beside him. "im confused now .. explain again, please?"

castiel popped open soda bottles handing one to his family in front of him, leaning his elbow down on the top of the now pitched tent.

"so our dad, chuck, who was a pastor, married this lady named abbadon. rosie and you remind me of her a lot actually. she was really awesome ... and kinda far too good for dad" he trailed off, gabriel sadly nodded.

"but back in los angeles, _back in the day_, your pastor was allowed to be married and have kids, but only three kids. all born differently, like no twins, triplets .. whatever. and lucifer .... is a triplet."

dean's eyes shifted side to side "you're the fifth kid in the family?" he whispered in shock. cas nodded.

"michael and raphael are 'aunt amara's' kids ... they arent, _but okay._ then gabe here was born a year later in nashville and i was born a year _after_ in boston."

gabriel elbowed dean lightly, leaning down to whisper "aunt amara's kids are all mean"

dean quietly laughed.

"hannah was born when i was 8. both her n ma died from a witch by accident .. story for a different day. dad was off hunting the next day .. lucifer was 10. never really had a home until sioux falls after that." castiel trailed off again, coughing quietly before setting down his empty soda bottle.

"uh, anyways ... head into town for supper then hit the sack?"

dean and gabriel eyed eachother, nodding.

later that night dean was out of the shared tent and sat back outside at the picnic table.

they had no wifi, phones, power, running water, tv ... which was fine. dean had lived through it all before but he had no other choice at the time.

right now however, dean had a sick feeling pulsing through his entire body, he thickly swallowed, started palming at his swollen belly under his shirt.

the morning of his wedding day rowena had pulled him to the side as he dressed, had told him castiel's DNA had matched well and that the spell had worked.

which meant dean was officially pregnant, which prompted dean to harshly hurl in the kitchen sink for about ten minutes before he finished getting dressed and married the love of his life.

that was almost a month ago, and dean had yet to tell castiel. he knew he'd be thrilled, hell, _he_ was the one who mentioned kids first. both of them had talked about this since march .. and yet, there was just something wrong about it all.

he rolled his eyes, god, there was _a lot_ actually wrong with this but beside the point. dean shivered and grabbed for his knife when he heard noise from behind him, only relaxing when he saw gabriel stumble from his tent and towards him.

"hey" gabriel murmured, sitting next to dean, layed his head down on his shoulder.

dean smiled lazily "hey"

gabriel yawned, snuggled closer to the taller boy "why yah up?"

dean shrugged "cant sleep. the usual"

gabe giggled tiredly. dean shifted from beside him.

he'd been thinking about telling cas about john and sam before the news of the little brat he was carrying, it seemed like the right thing to do. he knew he didnt really have too, since nobody but aunt rowena knew but the public was picking up on the fact that _the infamous winchester killings_ had slowed down in the past two weeks.

fuck, dean felt the need to puke his guts up again.

"dean?"

dean snapped out of it again "w-what?"

gabriel raised an eyebrow "i just said i was sorry for third-wheeling your special trip" he muttered sadly.

dean smiled halfly, patted his thigh "you didnt. you're sorta like the testing phase of a kid. like we have you so we know what its like to have a real one some da-"

dean was cut off when lips pressed against his.

smooth, soft lips moved before his eyes widened and he backed up, hand pushed on gabriel's chest, pushing him away.

"_whoa_. ..... what the hell, gabriel?" he growled lowly.

"you cant do that! im married to castiel for christ sake" he whispered-yelled

"im carrying his child ... you cant do that!"

castiel's hands were suddenly pulling his older brother off the bench.

the two stared at eachother before castiel kneeled by dean, hand cupping his face "did he hurt you? are you okay?" he mumbled quietly, checking over dean.

he nodded, wiped his mouth "im .. im fine, just ... just shocked"

gabriel's eyes moved from castiel to dean, back and forth before he sat up and pointed at dean "you got a bun in the oven?" he asked, shocked.

castiel squinted at him, turning back to dean.

dean swallowed heavily again "i killed john and sam" he blurted, castiel wrapped his arms around dean's waist. "

what?"

dean was on the edge of a panic attack, his chest heaved. castiel sat on the bench, held dean close to his body, he narrowed his eyes at gabriel, who still sat on the wet grass. "you're in _deep_ shit" he muttered darkly.

dean began coughing roughly against cas' bare chest, shifted his body away so he could hurl watery bile onto the grass beside the table. gabriel moved and layed a hand on dean's back. castiel glared at him, but allowed his hand to stay.

after a few minutes dean was cleaned up and tucked up closely to castiel's warm body, his thumbs wiping away slow tears.

"nobody but aunt rowena knows, okay? she took my butterfly away .. i didnt .. i didnt know you anymore" dean hiccuped loudly, wincing with a soft whine when his tired body was jerked.

cas' hand ran through dean's hair "you put down monsters, babyboy. just like i do with hunting. you and me, we save the world."

dean sniffled, tucked himself closer to his husband, hiding away from the world.

"c'mon, lets put you to bed, its just been too long of a day for you" castiel whispered, he held dean close as he carried him into their shared tent. gabriel followed quietly, handing his younger brother the extra blankets that were wrapped around dean.

"you two havent even had sex yet. how does dean have a baby?" gabriel asked, chewing on his thumb.

castiel glared at him, pushed him towards his own tent "you caused enough trouble tonight. _we'll talk in the morning. goodnight"_ castiel growled, shaking his head.

gabriel pouted, cas was _angry_. 

castiel held dean to his chest, both of them in their shared sleeping bag. dean softly sucked his thumb, tired and stressed face finally relaxed in sleep.

cas softly kissed him, his warm hand slipping down dean's body, finally stopping as it reached dean's soft belly.

his belly was more rounded, more fat had gathered under his navel, creating a slightly bigger roll.

castiel had noticed it just after their wedding, his hands barely left it. he'd gotten more handsy after discovering dean's pudge in late march. he couldnt help it, really. it wasnt so much the belly itself, as much as it was _dean with the belly_ that really turned cas on.

he smiled lazily as he pictured dean growing with their baby. 

dean sleepily sighed, nuzzling closer to cas' warmth, his other hand met cas' on his belly. their fingers joined. castiel smiled more, pressing another kiss on his husband.

_there was a lot of shit to deal with in the morning. but that would be dealt with in time. right now castiel intended to enjoy his time with dean and his soft belly. he was ready for the bump that would soon be replacing it._


	21. 🌼 first time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please dont hate me. this was actually written around the same time as Soft was, but i felt like i was already 'ruining' this with posting Soft so i shoved this really deep down in my drafts. but i kept working on it cuz i just ... i love it. so .. yaknow what ... fuck it.
> 
> either read it or leave, okay? im gunna post this. cause cas being possessive over dean's soft belly is what im making and be damned. fuck yall if yall dont like it, im sorry but im tired of the stupid messages ive had to delete from Soft. 
> 
> i like my dean soft, i like my cas possessive, here we are. also ... someone new is here. she gay, she a queen. she and dean need a gilmore girl marathon and eat popcorn n candy and maybe gabe needs to hang out on this girlfriend weekend because he needs friends.
> 
> takes place before Tell Me A Story
> 
> warnings: okay listen, i dont need to put these, but i do. i legit WARN you whats written, so shut the fuck up about what you dont like okay dickless wonder ... anyways.
> 
> warnings 2.0: swearing, belly kink stuff, cas just REALLY loves dean's belly okay?, porn stuff happens, i mean this is about having sex for the first time .. so ... abuse mention, should be all.
> 
> just bask in dean finally feeling comfy enough to want to have sex with cas after all their years together. although dean tries too hard to turn cas on. but cas loves him any which way. so shut up. 
> 
> words: 2,398 (i just love them i went overboard. thank me later, maybe)
> 
> posted on February 18th 2020
> 
> ** edited on april 28th 2020 **

castiel and gabriel walked into the farmhouse together, the hot early july sun beating down hard.

the two brothers had dropped jody and donna off at work, while dean had stayed home to pack up the food. the plan was to take the food over to rosie's diner, make it there, since it was bigger than the kitchen here, while the brothers and their friend charlie helped get the backyard ready for the anniversary party.

gabriel's sunglasses slid down his nose from the sweat that had began to cool on his face.

castiel's black tank-top was sticking to his well toned body while his shorts had been rolled up higher to prevent thigh sweat.

the brothers squinted at the loud music muffled by the closed bathroom door, cas held open the screen-door as gabriel stepped further into the house.

the bathroom door was swung open, a short redhead with a blinding pink shirt and blue shorts bounced out while carrying a purple speaker, followed by dean, who was wearing his dirty sneakers, tight bell-bottoms with a short sleeveless vest buttoned up, the two danced in perfect order as _Walking On Sunshine_ got louder as they danced closer to the shurley boys.

cas raised an eyebrow. dean stopped in his tracks looking slightly shell-shocked, smirking lazily at him before he and charlie continued to dance together.

gabriel bounced in to join them. 

the newly married shurley had no choice but to laugh as his older brother, old friend and now-husband rolled their hips, shaking their shoulders and fists before they shuffled their way across the farmhouse's living-room floor.

finally as the song ended and everyone was laughing castiel pressed the _pause_ button on the speaker.

"okay. so. mom's are at work. we have the van. rosie is waiting for dean. i see you have a new friend"

dean grinned at his husband, loving it that castiel now called jody and donna _his mom's_.

he wrapped his arm around charlie's shoulder, pulling her smaller and shorter body against his.

"thank you. yes we do, but im taking _my car._ i know that. yes i do, thank you, where have you been hiding her my entire life? i love her" dean replied to all of cas' statements in rapid speed.

cas and gabriel blinked slowly.

charlie burst out laughing "life's short, talk fast" she giggled.

dean's eyes widened "oh my god, _you're a gilmore girl"_ he gasped.

charlie smirked _"who isnt?"_

dean nodded "i know right!"

castiel groaned "_oh my god theres two of them._ okay, gabriel - ass outside. charlie, ass outside. dean, with me" he pointed everyone in a direction before tugging dean away and towards the front door.

charlie had lead gabriel outside to the backyard before she pushed open the screen-door and stared the young married couple, "oh uh dean."

dean turned to look at her.

she smirked again "bare chest with the vest? be a shame if cas _didnt tap that"_ she quickly shut the door and jogged down the porch steps, running down the yard to meet gabriel, dean's laughter bounced around the living-room while castiel rubbed at his forehead.

he smothered his laughter as he pulled out his keys from his vest pocket, and with a quiet giggle before a deep kiss, dean turned while twirling his keys. "im going to see rosie now. all the food is probably heating up in the car"

castiel's arms reached out and pulled dean back into his grip, his hands pawing at dean's belly, his fingers trying to worm under the tight fabric, digging between the buttons.

they had been married for two weeks and cas _still_ had no idea about the baby, but dean was ready to tell him. ready to tell him he was ready to share their first time, and about the baby. but it was still scary.

castiel's low growl vibrated against the back of dean's neck, pulling him out of his thoughts.

"you're wearing _them_" cas' deep voice rolled against his bare skin.

dean shivered, smirked "_so?_ thought you liked them"

castiel's hands traveled to dean's ass, cupping it. dean groaned quietly, pushing it into cas' hands more.

castiel loved seeing dean in his skin tight light blue bell-bottoms, plus if dean was ready to show castiel he was ready for their first time, getting cas turned on and kinda horny was part of the bigger plan he had working.

"i'll have you know i dont need a belt no more, you've softened me up so much they're even tighter than before" dean gasped out as cas dug his hands in more.

cas' warm breath blew across dean's neck and bare shoulder, his hands full of straining denim and ass, he whined quietly when dean turned in his hold.

dean's wide green eyes met castiel's dark lust filled ones.

"tonight. i promise" dean whispered, winking at his husband before he turned on his sneaker covered foot and bounced out the front door.

**~~~~**

he had snacked all day, and right now, he didnt _dare_ sit down.

his jeans were painfully pinched tight, basically painted on at this point. his vest was tight, the buttons straining. he swallowed thickly, trying so hard not to breath in too hard.

he had made it through cooking and snacking with rosie all day, the rides back to the house, to the station and back home again, and now had made it through most of the party.

castiel had been giving him strange side glances all night.

jody and donna cut the massive cake that had been made, dean's smiled forced as he huddled in around his moms.

when nobody had an eye on him, he snuck back into the house and quickly gulped down an entire fizzy soda to keep his nausea at bay. he gasped loudly in the quiet house when his stomach gurgled and cramped up.

he wrapped his arm tightly around himself, biting into his arm to keep his deep moan as quiet as possible. he lowly burped, his eyes crossing slightly in pain, he moaned before he muttered to himself "note to self, dumbfuck ... pregnancy and over stuffing dont mix... _ooooooh fuck me"_ a low hiccup jostled his belly, he whined out in pain.

dean began deep breathing through his nose, swallowing repeatably and trying to stay calm when the back screen door opened.

castiel walked in before dean could straighten his body and plaster on his fake smile. he frowned, coming in close and wrapping his arms around his husbands body. dean had light tears on the edges of his eyes.

"de? what .. whats wrong?" he whispered.

"i .. i .. im _ready_, for our first time and i .. tried to .. make it special and .. i .. i over did it and i think .. i think im dying" dean muttered, his face buried under castiel's chin, his breathing hard.

castiel's face crunched in confusion before it relaxed

"a-all day?" he asked, when dean nodded castiel pulled him away "lets .. lets maybe get you into somethin more comfy, huh?"

dean nodded eagerly and tiredly.

cas had turned before picking dean up "uh, just, stay here"

dean's eyes widened when cas went to set him down on the counter "no cas, no no no no n-"

castiel's eyes widened themselves when a loud, long burp pushed itself out of dean, his jean button busted off, his hands threw themselves up to cover his mouth, his face bright flame red.

cas couldnt help the laugh that escaped, his body leaned over the counter laughing at the floor, he pushed back up and gently pulled dean's hands away from his mouth.

"im so, so sorry" dean squeaked.

cas smiled "feelin kinda better?" he whispered.

dean swallowed, shook his head.

castiel's long fingers helped gently pull dean's rounded distended belly from his insanely tight jeans, now busted open and unzipped. he unbuttoned the vest's buttons, leaving it open and exposing dean's chest.

cas' eyes darkened as he drank in his husbands body, dean's scar was an angry red, as was his navel, his skin stretched too tight for his body to handle.

dean's face blushed harder as he pulled castiel in closer, their noses touching. "cas .. i need you" he whispered.

cas raised an eyebrow slowly "but you're .."

dean shook his head "i am, but .. please? can .. can we try?"

they kissed soft and slow. their noses bumped before cas whispered against dean's lips "okay babyboy." 

slowly but surely cas sucked and kissed down dean's body, dean's bowlegs opened wider, his full belly layed on the countertop between his thighs as he leaned down to kiss castiel.

he couldnt have stopped his loudly growing moans if he tried as castiel palmed at his belly. sickly gurgles rumbled across his lower tummy, a few burps rolled out of him as cas pressed down, dean softly moaned, rocking against the counter and cas as he was touched.

his head was layed against the kitchen wall behind him, his hands roamed his overly full belly as castiel flicked his wet, hot tongue in dean's navel. his loud, needy moans nearly turning to screams as cas nipped and bit at his stretched tight skin. he began to pant and whine as cas nuzzled into his belly.

cas growled, leaving open mouthed kisses along the swell and scar, his lovers tummy jiggling slightly, shifting and making yummy sounds as it bounced from dean's own yummy sounds.

dean whimpered loudly when his fingers suddenly dug in too deep, cas lifted his head, a light string of spit dropped from his lip onto dean's belly, above his navel and near the edge of his scar.

he swallowed thickly, nodding _"c-cas, please. oh god, please"_ he whispered.

castiel helped pull dean's skin tight bell-bottoms low enough before he jumped up on the counter beside him. 

**~~~~**

"how's your tummy?" castiel whispered, dean stood between his arms.

the party had gone for a few more hours, but was now broken up. everyone had gone home, jody and donna had hugged and kissed the two boys before stumbling to bed.

dean had changed into a baggy shirt and fuzzy pj pants, nobody had noticed, he grumbled quietly as cas slipped his index finger into dean's mouth, covered in cake frosting.

_"too full"_ he whined when cas' finger was pulled out, now sucked and licked clean.

cas softly laughed, kissed under dean's ear as his wet finger dipped into dean's navel. he softly moaned, bit his lip and rolled his hips.

his shirt was lifted, pulled up towards his nipples, he whined lowly as his husbands palms drug themselves down the sides of his belly. _holy fuck he was round._

his tummy had grown over the last few hours after sex, as digestion had settled in and castiel made the point of keeping him stuffed long enough to enjoy another belly rub after the party.

dean didnt mind too much, sure it hurt like a bitch but castiel's warm, large rough hands roaming his round, sick, stuffed belly was enough to make him drool from simply thinking about it. his eyes opened halfy when cas laughed near his ear again.

"someones enjoying themselves" he whispered. his already wet hand came up to dean's chin to wipe at the drool. dean blushed again. _he wasnt really lying about drooling for belly rubs then. _

dean began moaning loudly again when castiel cupped his hands under his belly. he squirmed when cas' wet finger dipped into his navel again. wow, cas really knew all his sweet spots, didnt he? _damn, dean was lucky._

"snackin all day, probably half a dozen or so sodas, a bunch of cake ... cum ... what all else is in this lil tummy?" cas murmured, eyes dark with lust all over again as his hands circled dean's taut belly.

_well, a baby._ dean shrugged before he smirked "you ... mmmmaybe" he hummed, moaning when cas poked his finger into his side.

he panted, pushing his hips foreward to push his belly into his husband's hands for the billionth time that night "reminder - i wasnt _this fuckin full_ until you _fed me_"

cas smirked, nibbled dean's neck, patted the swell once again "oh, you were on your way to being. without me" he growled. dean moaned.

castiel pulled dean closer to him, hands groping and squeezing at the over stuffed tummy he helped create _"you're my little soft babyboy."_

dean moaned, rolled his tummy again. he leaned closer into castiel, kissed at his chin _"god, yes. i'm yours"_ he whispered. a wet burp escaped when cas squeezed too hard, a rough hiccup followed, another long burp rang out after that. dean didnt have time to process anything before his lips were attacked by cas'. 

_"next time, dont.. dont try n turn me on like this"_ castiel muttered, lips parting to attack dean's tongue. dean clawed at castiel's back, whining as he nodded._ "but i gotta admit, fuck, i love you like this"_

their kisses got rougher, dean was pushed into the living-room wall as cas' mouth made its back down his body again. dean smirked tiredly _"like what?"_ he whispered lowly.

castiel's eyes were dark. their noses touched again as he growled "so fucking soft, and all mine"

dean smiled, lifted his shirt slowly. his belly covered in bite marks, spit, light bruises and cake frosting.

castiel backed up, eyes wide _"fuck dean, i never ... fuck, are you okay i didnt mean to do that .. fuck!"_

dean softly laughed, hand cupping his chin. "cas, its okay. its from you loving me. not like john and sam, okay? im not fucked in the head either, im okay with this. because its from you. its love."

they stared at eachother before cas' hands here back on his belly, slowly rubbing as dean's neck was covered in soft kisses.

_"what if we take the rest of the cake to bed with us?" dean whispered. castiel laughed._

_"what about your tummy-ache?"_

_".... still there, but ... you got two hands?"_

_"...what?"_

_"one hands for rubbing, the other is for feeding"_

_castiel laughed, following dean into the kitchen, helping him take the cake from the fridge. _

_"you're so strange."_

_"says the weirdo who gets off on seeing his new husband look like he could burst open from being so fuckin full"_

_"...true"_

_"now, shut up. and kiss me. and feed me."_

_"... deal"_

_dean smiled and kissed castiel. _

_"deal, loser"_


	22. 🌼 late night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i thought id gotten my depression back into check but my insomnia has really f*cked that shit up again. so, shit ... here we are.
> 
> i wanted some kinda off beat, cute bobby and dean shit, so i wrote this in the middle of night a few days ago. just kinda finished editing it .. with insomnia, at nearly 3 AM. yup. real awesome. dean is tired because im tired. 
> 
> takes place after Tell Me A Story  
warnings: blood, scar mention, should i start adding male pregnancy as a warning? yall tell me ...
> 
> words: 1,416.
> 
> posted on February 20th 2020 
> 
> ** edited on april 28th 2020 **

the early november weather had turned to a bitter cold, a shocking twist from the slightly warmer temperatures that fell over sioux falls at this time of year. things had been changing rapidly, in more than one sense of the word.

19 year old dean sat on bobby's couch, his heavy eyelids trying to fall over his blurry and tired eyes repeatably over the past hour, growing more amusing for bobby himself as he watched his four month pregnant son desperately try to stay awake.

it was nearing an entire year that lucifer hadnt been around much, and castiel, gabriel and chuck were out on what had once been called an _easy hunt._ it was nearing a week for them. easy hunts were turning out to be bigger, and harder to finish in recent months.

same with monsters, the packs were growing, single monsters getting stronger. it was all getting to be just a little _too strange_ for hunters to accept. something big was coming ... and soon.

when both jody and donna were called into work bobby went over to the farmhouse to pick up dean and daphne, both of them had been at the house almost all day. it turned out to be a good thing as usual, dean was smart, which helped a great deal when bobby needed to crack open the books and journals for research.

a loud sneaky yawn cracked dean's jaw as it was released, his head lolled to the side causing his hands to loosen further on a heavy book he had open on his knees.

the book crashed to the floor with a loud _bam_, daphne jumped up from her bed, strolled out and over to dean's feet, mewing in concern.

dean cried out tiredly at the loud noise, his hands grasping at his shaggy hair at the back of his head, trying to bury his face and cover his ears with his arms. bobby frowned as he pushed himself out from his seat behind his desk before he crouched down in front of his son, gently pulling his arms away.

"hey. hey now, c'mon lets get yer butt in bed, been a long enough day"

dean was lazily shaking his head when bobby finished putting dean's work and books in a pile on the table so he could sit down across from him.

"wan .. wanna help, dad" dean whispered, his eyes almost completely shut.

bobby smiled, lifting dean's leg to his lap so he could pull off dean's tall, dirty and unlaced army boots.

"yah've helped out a lot today" bobby pointed out, placing the boot on the floor, beginning to re-roll dean's overall pants leg up again, his knee high pink socks covered his cold feet.

dean made a quiet sound, his hands made a weak fist that he shoved in his eye sockets to rub, bobby quietly laughed, patting dean's swollen ankle.

both boots were tucked under the table, both pant legs were rolled, and after some persuading on bobby's part, a make shift bed was created on the couch that dean was currently getting tucked into.

the older hunter had just fluffed the pillow that was layed under dean's back so that he could sleep sort of peacefully when he noticed a dark patch of red on dean's shirt under his front overall flap.

he raised an eyebrow before looking at his son's tired face "hows the scar?"

dean's face twisted up "hur's" he slurred, voice thick with sleep.

he and rowena had combined heavier magic after he and cas announced the pregnancy when they were back from their honeymoon. the new magic had warded off a lot of the morning sickness, and a lot of the pain and discomfort that came alone with _growing a human being_ in your body, but dean's scar and low blood pressure were the biggest problems.

his small white stretch marks that first appeared after growing into his 6'2 self were a darker red and getting deeper, dean didnt really care much, but the scar and bullet wounds had ripped open a few weeks ago causing the boy to scream out in pain and wake up the entire farmhouse.

rowena had made a 3 AM house call to help heal him, his old wounds had stretched due to the baby growing, and had busted open due from the self healing his body had done years before. rowena couldnt fix most of it, but had helped stitch him up.

bobby eyed the dark patch before he started to un-clip dean's overall straps "can i have a peak?" he asked quietly.

dean nodded slowly "hur's 'eal bad" he whispered sadly. bobby sighed with a half nod.

the overall flap was pulled away, dean's long sleeved green shirt was pushed over his rounding baby bump as bobby inspected the angry scar. dean whimpered when his dads cold fingers touched the hilled skin near his navel, bobby's fingertips were covered in bright red blood when he pulled his cold hand back.

"balls" he cursed, quickly wiping his hand on a spare napkin laying around before getting up, headed for the kitchen.

daphne meowed louder, jumping up on the couch next to dean's belly.

dean smiled lazily, his eyes shifted under his eyelids, his hand was clumsy before it landed gently on her fluffy back " 'ey girl" he murmured, bobby quietly laughed as he dug his medical box out, returning to sit next to dean's hip.

daphne was kneading her paws into dean's chest and was ready to lay down when bobby finished folding a clean bandage and had popped open the anti-septic bottle.

"gunna sting a little, boy" he reminded his son, dean sleepily nodded, scratching at his cat's chin.

dean whimpered and hissed out in pain when the cold stinging liquid touched his sore belly. daphne turned and glared at bobby.

"sorry, sorry, im done .. im done" bobby raised his hands to show the cat. dean weakly grinned.

the folded bandage was held to a shifting belly, the baby moving as the aged hand ripped surgery tape, placing it half on warm skin and half on the bandage.

dean's hands smacked against his eyes as he tried rubbing them again, his lower lip pushed out as he pouted tiredly, bobby laughed quietly, putting away his medical box.

"dad?" was whispered into the quiet house, bobby had heard it, although _barely_, he stepped into the living-room looking down at his son with a sad, soft smile.

"th'n' 'ou" dean mumbled, his eyes barely blinking, his eyelids too heavy with sleep.

bobby sat in the spot he'd just left, pulling down dean's green shirt before he frowned at the blood stain patch, he layed his hand over the bandage "how bout we change yer shirt?" he suggested, patting dean's belly as it shifted under the new weight.

"wan' off" dean's fingers tugged at the shirt's bottom seam. bobby gently moved daphne to his lap as he helped remove dean's long sleeved green shirt off his body, leaving him laying shirtless on the couch.

daphne saw her chance and slowly climbed on dean, curling up on his growing baby bump, carefully avoiding the newly added bandage, dean quietly giggled as bobby lifted his overall flap over the cat and re-clipped the straps.

"pregnant with cat _and baby_" dean giggled when daphne snuggled against his warm belly under the dark blue overalls.

bobby shook his head "little bugger's warmer than both of us"

dean giggled tiredly again.

another pillow was layed behind his son's head, his feet on top of two already, the one under his back fluffed just right.

bobby smiled as dean grumbled softly, already half asleep when he tucked him up tight in a heavy blanket. a sleepy smile was on dean's face when he slipped his thumb between his lips.

bobby's right index finger brushed across dean's cleanly shaved face "you, n that grand-baby of mine better sleep real good, ya hear me?"

dean grinned lazily "n daph?"

bobby laughed "and the cat"

"mmkay"

bobby watched dean's eyes finally close again, this hand pressed under and around his nose as his right thumb was softly sucked on. he leaned over and dropped a gentle kiss on his son's forehead.

_"da?"_

_bobby turned around_

_"fff'angks"_

_bobby smiled, turning on the tv quietly while he turned his desk lamp away from dean's sleeping body. _

_bobby proved himself wrong - he was a good dad .. and he was determined to be a damn good grandpa._


	23. 🌼 we thank the lord for james dean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all i have to say is that every really happy thing just needs a little bit of drama for yall to love the happiness when the happiness is there.
> 
> something big is coming. its past 4 AM right now, so thats all im going to say, but just keep that in mind. 
> 
> this is what happens when you have the epicness of the beginning of season 2 of preacher stuck in your head, but then you binge watch james dean movies .... enjoy?
> 
> takes place after Late Night
> 
> warnings: swearing ... and i think the rest would be spoilers? maybe im just too tired to remember right now. forgive me.
> 
> words: 2,442 (she a long one!)
> 
> Posted On February 23rd 2020
> 
> ** edited on may 23rd 2020 **

dean chewed a long stemmed yellow wildflower as he sat in the driver seat of baby.

he wiggled his red nose, snorted in the cold air, rubbed it with his right hand.

it was two weeks after he'd been peacefully sleeping at his dad's house. everyone had come home the next day, tired as hell and bringing bad news.

the apocalypse was on the rise, the gates to hell open, demons, ghosts, monsters and every little thing that went bump in the night were back, and back with a mind set on revenge.

the rough, needy sex everyone had had that night didnt numb any feelings or tears shed.

castiel and bobby had packed for the family the day after a demon had broken into the farmhouse and tried to kill dean. of course, dean's magic and own strength fought him off before killing him, but it scared castiel enough to become extra paranoid.

currently they were in illinois, a step closer to finding where lucifer had gone and why the apocalypse began.

more heat blew in through the vents after dean fiddled around with them. it was cold, he was tired, and achy and sore.

he was almost five months pregnant and felt like he'd somehow become lori from the walking dead. a stupid, dumb bitch ... but he would never cheat on castiel, not like lori had on rick.

and he also figured he had killed his serial killer father and older brother so he was a much stronger and a slightly smarter person than lori.

it also took cas telling him he was more like carl for him to finally relax some.

he grumbled when his slightly warm hands got stuck to the cold metal wire spiral. he'd been trying to decode this book for weeks now, when the apocalypse was a sorta funny idea, when monsters were just getting stronger, when demons were just a little scary. 

baby's backdoor swung open with a loud creak, gabriel panting as he shut the door behind him, blowing on his hands before he slid in, resting his chin on dean's shoulder.

dean raised an eyebrow at him, gabriel grinned tiredly

"i got tired, wanted to check in on you .... you watchin old movies?" he blabbed out at once, nodding towards where dean's phone was set up on the dash, dean blinked a few times before slightly shaking his head.

"my scar is fine .. dad bandaged it yesterday with cas" dean muttered lowly.

the scar had busted open a few more times, making it even darker red, along with an almost permanent bruise colouring the bullet wounds and knife cut. his stretch marks had deepened too, much to castiel's glee, around his lower belly and upper navel, next to the bottom of the newest folded bandage taped up.

gabriel peered further over dean's shoulder, taking in his young brother-in-law and the front seat.

dean was wearing a long sleeved plaid dress shirt that was tucked into his dark blue overalls. he mostly lived in them, they had been donna's but she let dean have them since they were roomy enough he could lounge in them with a growing bump.

a ratty blanket layed on his lap with a heavy book that layed open with a notebook beside it.

he smiled slightly seeing the bottom of a newly sewn patch on dean's right knee. dean's blood pressure was shit, growing worse and worse as he got more and more pregnant. standing up too fast caused him to crash to the floor, knocking him out for hours at a time, sometimes. 

he'd fallen a few days ago, castiel had caught him but he'd ripped the knee out of the overalls. rowena had cleaned up the bloody knee and sewn a led zeppelin patch jody had found. dean was sad he had '_ruined_' the overalls but was happy with the touch up.

gabriel found his eyes scanning dean's phone on the dash, his golden eyes widened "is that _east of eden?"_ he gasped.

dean looked up before turning to gabe, nodding slowly with a slightly shocked look upon his freckled face.

"dude! i _love_ james dean!"

the pregnant boy softly laughed, pushing the heavy book to the side "really?"

gabriel nodded excitedly "hells yeah. my mom .." he trailed off, closed his mouth.

"she liked him?" dean whispered, when gabe nodded dean leaned over and softly kissed his forehead with a small smile. 

"yeah. she liked him a _lot_. my middle name is actually Jamie, because of him." gabriel murmured, his body half leaning over the front seat, his hands pushing down on the seat to hold himself up.

dean playfully rolled his eyes to himself, folding the barely there blanket on his lap, putting his book and work in a pile on his lap halfly before patting the seat beside him.

the older shurley boy climbed over the seat, falling as gently as he could, laying down on the warm leather, his head pillowed on dean's moving belly. gabe softly laughed, his hand went out to touch it before he stopped, dean noticed and pulled his hand close.

gabriel cuddled in as close as he could, his cheek and ear pressed up where dean's bump started to jut out, his hand rubbing the soft underbelly. dean snorted softly again, leaning back and relaxing under his brother-in-law's touch

"jamie," he laughed quietly _"his name's jim. it's really james but he likes jim more. and people he really likes, let's them call him jamie."_ he quoted, gabe rolled his eyes up to the pregnant boy, wide smile in place with a small giggle.

"rebel without a cause" dean hummed, "i get it now. i'z a good name" his voice getting thicker as he fell closer to sleep.

the small black pools that had dyed themselves under dean's eyes stood out sharply on his lightly tanned freckled face. castiel had frowned seeing just _how tired_ his husband really was. 

dean's light snoring was starting to echo in the car when gabriel pulled the notebook and book over to himself, eyeing the title and the scribbled writing, his eyebrows knitted together "enochian? _what the ..."_ he muttered, dean's belly moved under his cheek, dean made a quiet sound.

gabe sat up, wrapped and tucked dean up in the blanket, moving the heat vent so the warm air was blowing towards him, lowering the volume on his phone before he opened the book to where dean was in the middle of the translation.

chuck had been a preacher, so of course he made all his kids learn the language of the angels ... gabe figured he could help dean out. 

the small amount of light from an early sunrise is what woke the pregnant teen. dean snorted, raising his hand to shield his eyes, groaning lowly.

gabe sat up from where he had layed down against his nephew or niece's little home

"oh! _oh good you're awake_, dean i love you dearly but i need to pee so bad but i didnt wanna freak you out by making noise"

dean's palms were pressed tightly and lazily against his eye sockets, he was barely awake when he squinted, the car door opening as gabriel jumped out, running down the side towards the back and further down.

he stretched out, his back popping as he did so. he yawned loudly, tossing the blanket in the back and digging in the cup-holders for his sunglasses. he squinted at his phone, now plugged in with _Giant_ playing across the screen.

he noticed gabriel's writing on his notebook page, most of the pages filled with translation he'd been stressing over was now done.

gabriel sighed contently as he closed the front door but crawled in the back behind dean once more "you missed the rebel" he smiled, dean looked confused before gabe pointed at the phone on the dash

"oh .. oh thats okay .. you enjoy?" dean half smiled, still waking up slowly. he pushed his sunglasses on his face.

"i did, thank you for that. oh! and i kinda helped out with your stuff, hope ya dont mind. i just .. wanted to help" gabriel unwrapped a grape sucker as he nodded at the notebook.

dean shrugged "no, no. god no i dont mind.. friggen .. _thank you._ for the .. for the help, _and the nap._ i uh, i know enochian but .. lack of sleep and the .. _the voices and visions_ kinda ... kinda make my brain too fucked up to read it for long" dean muttered, making another pile and handing the stuff to gabe to place in the back.

he nodded at dean "yeah .. no offense but ... wouldnt wanna be you"

"gee, thanks" dean muttered with a tired laugh.

gabriel grinned cheekily at the boy, unwrapping a large cherry sucker and handing it to him, dean smiled gratefully, popping it in his mouth with a low moan.

gabriel laughed, "theres more where thats from dean-o. cassie said you need sugar for your low blood pressure cuz my little friend is growin real good in yah, so i packed extra snackers and sodies for yah in the cooler"

dean's tired eyes shined under his thick black sunglasses "mmm thank you"

gabe patted dean on the head. dean pulled the sucker from his mouth, pushed gabriels to the side with his index finger and left a small peck of a kiss on his lips, gabriel looked confused when he pulled away "its nothing. my mom kisses me like that. _its nothing more than a friendly thank you._ like what me n rosie do" dean muttered, squinting at him before the cherry sucker was layed on his tongue.

gabe nodded "i like it. thank you"

dean nodded. 

"this, uh. this stuff i did for yah .. you, uh, you should read it dean-o. its ... its kinda a lot though" gabriel said quietly, lifting the notebook for dean to see in the rearview mirror, as the boy had turned back around to face the steering wheel.

dean pushed his glasses into his hair, squinting in the mirror "i, uh, i sure will gabe but i think thats cas, mom and chuck running towards us .. so.. so maybe later, huh?" he muttered lowly.

his phone was taken off the dash, tossed to the seat as the keys were turned, baby roared to life.

gabriel turned to look out the back window, dean revved the car just as chuck shoved himself in the backseat, jody and cas threw themselves in the front seat next to dean.

_"fuck, fuck FUCK GO DEAN, GO! GO NOW, GO FAST, GO NOW"_ castiel yelled, slamming his hands on the dash as the three new people looked out the windows, dean stomped the gas peddle down to the floor, baby ripped up the ground under her as she tore down the road.

"that bad?" dean asked, continuing to drive out of town but at a much slower speed than before.

cas sighed heavily, the three of them covered in dirt and blood, "lucifer... _is possessed by ACTUAL lucifer_, so .. so YEAH, that bad .. _AND .. john and sam ARE FUCKING ALIVE!"_ he yelled, throwing his hands in the air, jody and chuck layed their hands on him as he started to gear up for another fight.

baby stopped dead cold in the middle of the road, everyone but dean flew forward.

"what?" he deadpanned, eyes beginning to shine purple.

castiel leaned over jody, holding his husbands chin in his dirty hand "we're going to fix this dean, i promise ... _or so fucking help me"_

chuck raised the notebook in back seat, "whats this?"

gabriel looked at it "oh, bobby gave it to dean to translate but i helped him with some of it. just finished this morning ... why?"

chuck's eyes scanned it.

baby slowed again before she sped up down the bare road. jody and castiel were digging through the tape collection, the both of them trying to choose just one to play first. cas laughed lazily, jody grinning like a madman as she pushed the tape in, dean watched them with slight amusement before chuck spoke up

"because this is heavy stuff, boys. this is .. this" he stopped, reading it again _"this is the winchester gospel"_

dean looked at him in the rearview, "the _what?"_

"the winchester gospel. .... you're dean john winchester, arent you?"

dean looked angry and confused "i _was_. i changed it when i married cas. now im dean winchester shurley." 

chuck nodded "but you were born dean john winchester, correct?"

dean's teeth gritted "sadly, _yes_"

Come On Eileen started to play through the speakers. cas and jody giggled.

a cop car driving the other way turned on its lights and started to follow the impala. dean watched it before turning to everyone else in the car. jody, castiel and chuck were covered in dirt, brusies, cuts and blood.

_fuck_. 

jody touched dean's bump lightly, "we could do _the thing_, yaknow" she smirked.

dean eyed her before smirking himself before eyeing the cop car chasing after them.

gabriel looked back towards them "the thing?" he questioned, castiel raised an eyebrow in wonder.

dean's eyes traveled from the rear-view, to his side mirror to his dials "any of you ever watch _preacher_?" he asked.

cas squinted "yeah, with you. well, kinda, think i fell asleep most of the time."

jody laughed.

dean sat up straighter, licking his lips "season two, episode one. same thing thats happening here to us, same song even. only difference? i got a full tank of gas" he muttered darkly, pushing his sunglasses down.

castiel looked at dean, then to jody, then to gabriel. "whats happening?" he asked, still turned sideways in his seat.

jody grinned wider, meeting dean's equal wide and almost evil looking smirky grin.

"hold on to something, and tight" she said.

cas was about to ask why when dean turned up the radio, just as the chorus was about to play.

baby sped up, everyone gripped on to anything they could, the cop car sped up behind them.

gabriel's eyes widened _"i love a car chase"_ he grinned.

dean and jody's heads bobbed to the song, singing along as dean held the wheel tightly with both hands, speeding and shifting around the road to avoid on coming cars. castiel's eyes were wide in shock and fear.

_"DEAN SLOW DOWN, OH MY GOD YOU'RE PREGNANT AND OUT DRIVING THE COPS .. DEAN? DEAN ARE YOU HEARING ME? DEEEAAAAAN!"_

_Come on, Eileen, oh I swear (what he means)_

_At this moment, you mean everything_

_You in that dress, my thoughts I confess_

_Verge on dirty_

_Ah, come on, Eileen_


	24. 🌼 the gospel shall burn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *coughs awkwardly* i can only say this means good things are coming. i'll make the next one nice and fluffy before it gets back again. i promise, okay?
> 
> my new fren has been feeding my creative mind for the past month and its been so damn awesome. so many ideas swimming around. 
> 
> this is pretty shit, im sorry but i lost my first couple drafts of this due to another tablet update and i tried to put the pieces back together but .. eh, im not sure.
> 
> takes place after We Thank The Lord For James Dean
> 
> i feel like warnings is going to spoil this but,  
warnings: swearing, blood, fire and a seizure.
> 
> words: 1,361.
> 
> Posted On February 25th 2020
> 
> ** edited on may 23rd 2020 **

_the winchester gospel - according to god. _

_a man and woman, named john and mary will have a first born son. his name will be samual henry winchester, and will be born on the second of may. the second born son will be named dean john winchester, born on the twenty-fourth of january. _

_john winchester will be unhappy with the birth of the second son, the death of mary winchester will occur because of this a few short months after the birth. mary will be john's first victim. _

_over the years dean will begin to join the kills, unknowingly, only stopping before his 7th birthday. sam will replace him, aged 11. _

_room 676 of The Red Motel in Fenwick Island, Delaware at 12:57 AM is when a drunk john winchester will pull a 15 and 18 year old sam and dean winchester out of bed. upon thinking there is a demon or some sort of evil being possessing his unwanted son, john demands sam hold dean down. _

_then pulling a large hunting knife and plunging it into the stomach of the mute boy, the knife will travel upwards until reaching his collar bones. when seeing his son still moving, john will pull his gun, shooting twice. _

_both the father and older brother will leave the motel for several days. dean will remain on the floor, bleeding out. it will take two days for the boy to move._

_\- the end of the world will begin during dean's first pregnancy. _

_he will be tired from low blood pressure and lack of sleep. _

_the non sleeping is caused from the man who brought this book to the family. _

_the voices and visions of victims will continue. _

_a demon will break into his world and try to kill his unborn child, as this child is half human half angel._

_the_ _ winchester gospel cannot be stopped, nor changed._

castiel layed the notebook down on the motel table. the room was quiet.

it was early december, everyone stood in pjs and winter coats. the eastern wisconsin air and wind chilling the dirty and run down looking place.

"i left most of it out. but it explains a lot" castiel informed, breaking the silence.

dean's quiet sniffle was heard from behind jody.

gabriel sat down on the end of the bed, crawling over to his younger friend, nearly wrestling dean down into his arms as he wrapped them around the boy, trying to protect dean and his five month bump.

jody wiped her hand under her nose before looking back up at the tall young man in front of her "so what do we do? we're already trying to save the world here ... _how do we keep dean safe?"_

dean softly hiccuped, gabriel patted his back, quietly thanking bobby when he handed them the kleenex box.

"rosie and donna texted me awhile ago that the farmhouse is rewired and safer than ever. im thinking about leaving you guys with the job and taking dean back to the house, or at least let you take him back, stay here and finish this shit" cas said to jody, nodding over to where dean was leaning down against his older brothers chest.

bobby rubbed his face "end of the world, nothing we cant handle" he muttered.

castiel groaned lowly, shrugging tiredly.

jody frowned at them, _"theres an actual god - and he hates my son"_ she whispered. 

"dad" was muttered behind them, the three hunters turned.

cas raised an eyebrow as gabriel's eyes scanned the floor, moving side to side before gold met blue.

"_dad_. dad was the one who gave the book to bobby, who gave it to dean. PLUS, when we were hunting that entire year away from sioux falls remember dad saying we couldnt go back because there was _something_ bad coming?"

jody and bobby turned to castiel.

cas' eyes widened. _"holy fuck."_

gabriel gently layed dean down on the bed, kissing his forehead and tucking him half-assed into the blankets before he jogged over to the table, opening the book and thumbing through pages.

"and that deal he made you make ... _you died and went to hell._ he tried to make you stay dead so you couldnt come back and marry dean. if you stayed dead there'd be no babies ... _he got the real lucifer to possess his oldest son, because he didnt know dean was a witch who has protection on him and the baby"_ gabriel grinned up at his little brother.

castiel's shoulders dropped "thats why hes so tired. he's making dean slowly die, so his power burns out, but rowena has mixed magic in it ... its working _but slowly?"_

gabriel snapped his fingers, grin growing wider.

bobby shook his head "you made it out of hell alive and with a soul?"

cas slowly nodded. "only human to do that. never actually knew how. lucifer always said it was from something dad did. never believed him, dad was the one who said if i made the deal, that things would make sense. i only did it so that nobody would get hurt"

bobby frowned.

"dads a two-timer. he brought you back from hell _after_ making another deal. he sold lucifer to the devil. the deal was only settled last year ... goes full term this year." gabriel whispered, reading over a page in the back of the book.

castiel looked it over himself. "dad ... _dad is god"_ he whispered.

"dad knew who dean was when we first met. _he knew this would happen. the lucifer deal was backup. because this was the plan all along. its just a game to him_. we're fallen angels, cassie" gabriel muttered back.

castiel's eyes darkened. he grabbed the open book and written pages thrown around the table, slamming the book shut with the papers tucked within its pages he threw the book in the motel room trash can.

jody jumped from where she was sitting next to dean's body.

cas grabbed lighter fluid and a match book, the book went up in flames in seconds.

gabriel's eyes watched the flames dance before he muttered "what do we do now?"

castiel's shoulders were squared and stiff. "we get lucifer in the cage, you only get possessed by saying yes, which meant he knew about dad's stupid little plan. we re-kill john and sam. we off dad, i dont care, _he will die for this._ and most importantly, we get dean and the baby back home before anything else happens."

jody sniffled, watching as dean's face twitched in an unpeaceful sleep

"i thought we couldnt change the winchester .. whatever." bobby layed his hand on her shoulder.

gabriel looked over at them, "our mom always said fate was something you chose. not god. was rude of dad to kill her for that. let us think it was a male witch. but she was right."

jody gasped when dean's body shot up, his chest heaving for air, his eyes wide and glowing bright purple. "cas!" she cried, backing away from dean.

gabriel held her and bobby back as castiel stepped forward, he was about to wave his hand in front of dean's face when dean's eyes rolled back into his head, body dropping down to the horrid mattress and began shaking. 

"_SHIT_, gabe - he's seizing" castiel growled, throwing the pillows and blankets off the bed. gabriel ran past jody and bobby, helping castiel roll dean's pregnant body to its side, his long bow legs kicking harshly at nothing.

jody hid herself in bobby's arms as they watched. 

dean's body rocked the bed, castiel leaning against the wall while gabriel chewed his fingernails. the seizure continued for another minute before it slowed. castiel took the chance and slowly rolled dean onto his back, slipping in behind him and sitting him up against his body. 

gabriel quickly held up another motel trash can, placing it in castiel hands. dean coughed, started to choke before castiel leaned him down over the trash can. blood splattered against the sides. jody cried harder. 

_"everyone. get packed, and get your weapons. we're leaving tonight." castiel informed, holding dean against his chest. _

_"we're killing a bastard who's playing god"_


	25. 🌼 backseat serenade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like this one took forever because i kept falling asleep while writing this and this is the most early ive ever posted a piece to this story. its almost 9 AM and ive been working on this since 4:30 ... ah insomnia. 
> 
> anyways - this is a sorta feel good fluff piece to break up all the drama we've had. it really did feel awesome writing this, it may have taken forever and it kinda drags on for what seems like forever but i like it. i brought back a character who simply had a two second spot in Birthdays Are A Drag. i figure she'd be kinda cool to hang out with, plus she makes dean happy .... and we just all want our little dean shurley to be happy ... right?
> 
> takes place after The Gospel Shall Burn.
> 
> warnings: um, well ... swearing. they kinda get make-out-ish? shit i dunno, i wrote this over a few days ... dean gets his belly touched a lot, but i think he likes it. so. *pokes dean's soft tummy* it squishy. 
> 
> words: 3,513
> 
> Posted On February 27th 2020
> 
> ** edited on may 23rd 2020 **

the impala ran through winter slush as it drove down the highway, castiel at the wheel with dean's thick rimmed sunglasses on, dean himself laying across the bench seat, head pillowed on castiel's thigh. 

they'd been driving for a few hours now.

charlie had met up with jody, bobby and gabriel at the motel and had taken the place of cas.

the plan to get dean home to sioux falls was still _the master plan_ and was still the most important, but seeing how they were in wisconsin dean had sidetracked castiel and pointed him in the direction of a small town he wanted to pit-stop in.

cas saw no visible problems and had agreed, he had no idea _why_ dean wanted to stop but here they were anyways.

he shifted his shoulders, them hurting from trying to keep his husbands prized car steady on the road in rough winter weather. his thin winter coat collar kept pushing his blue beanie up his neck, causing his own shaggy hair to curl and tickle his neck.

he shifted again. dean whined quietly. cas stopped, only taping his fingers on the wheel in tune with the gilmore girls theme playing on dean's phone, he smiled.

dean, well, dean looked homeless. and cold.

and it made cas smile wider when he took a glance from under the sunglasses.

gabriel had stolen the motel pillows and heavier covers and set them up in baby. castiel was about to get mad but really couldnt when gabe pointed out that the ride back home would be even more uncomfortable for dean without everything. he simply just highfived him with a tired half nod.

dean's bleached hair had a slight curl to it, from his body changing. cas liked it, it was almost as if dean's hair was becoming more natural, if possible. his skin had tanned more, freckles popped, his red raw nose and cheeks blending in.

it wasnt summer by any means, it was early december, shifting its way into the middle of the month, but dean was changing like he was in his peak summer self.

he was wearing his overalls again, with one of cas' shirts tucked in, a thick flannel, and one of bobby's spare hunting coats. plus the blanket kept in the car and the stolen motel covers were on top of him.

his heavy cowboy boots sat in the foot space on the passenger side, dean's sock covered feet lost in the cave of blanket warmth.

his phone was propped up against his five month baby bump, his cold hands tucked into his sleeves.

"yaknow, they always treated dean like shit. sure, he _was_ jealous afterwards but he _was also_ honest in saying he loved rory. he even said it first! i liked him, he's my favourite" castiel mused, smirking lightly as his eyes rolled down to dean before flicking back to the road.

he felt dean's head move on his lap "i agree. but the actor who plays him kinda really looks like sam and that just ruins him. but he _did_ build a car for rory. and i mostly felt bad for him when she crashed it."

cas nodded along with dean.

"or maybe i like him because _i_ have my own dean" cas smirked, pushed his husbands sunglasses up towards his beanie's folded edge.

it was quiet before dean snorted softly, face twisting slightly in pain as he moved. castiel's eyebrow twitched. his left hand left the wheel and found its way into dean's gentle curls, "hey, how ya feelin?"

he traded left for right when his elbow knocked dean's forehead.

dean struggled to sit up, phone tumbling to his knees as he moved, gripping the back of the seat to help. the pillow was pushed to a new spot, legs were crossed and tucked under thick blankets, dean sighed as he pushed the pillow further up his back, panting quietly as he sat.

"u-uh, 'sides bein tired _from god?_" dean sassed, rubbing his eyes, pushing his hips out to relax his back and cradle his bump. cas looked at him with a lazy smile.

"feet are swollen _and hurt_, my legs _hurt_, my hips are getting wider _and hurt_, my back _hurts and could be killing me_, my sides are stretching _and hurt,_ but i gotta say my scar hasnt busted open in a few days, it hurts but i think thats just the bruise that keeps getting touched ... oh and my nipples friggen ache, which is _way creepy"_ dean muttered, green finger nails swirled along his covered round midsection.

cas eyed him from the corner of his eye, "sorry i asked?" he mumbled moving his hand from the wheel again for dean to take a hold of.

the boys quietly laughed, taking his time as he slid over to his taller husband. castiel jumped when the tip of dean's cold nose touched his warm neck, dean's breath ghosted across the skin as he giggled softly. 

"we're almost in town, and when we get there, im pulling over to kiss you silly" cas murmured, tilting his head slightly to touch the top of dean's as he nuzzled into his side.

dean hummed lowly, "i'd like that a lot"

cas grinned at him. his hand moved to the bump, hidden under layers of clothing but still wanting to touch, he layed his hand near the top, dean grunted, shifting his hips once again, "aw man, c'mon, i just got the lil shit to stop kicking"

cas quietly snickered while leaving his hand there.

the impala rolled past the town sign, the turn signal blinking with its soft white noise as cas stopped to turn off the highway. dean shifted again with another grunt "my stomach kinda hurts."

cas' eyebrow twitched again, his knuckle brushed at it "maybe you're hungry? i know i am"

dean tossed his thumb over his shoulder "theres snacks in the cooler"

cas looked in the rear-view for a second "_yes_, but gabriel packed. so, _no._"

dean threw his head in laughter.

**~~~~**

castiel walked out from the diner, the brown takeout bag by his thigh as he dug for the keys in his jeans pocket.

the wind blew causing him to squint and look down to where the impala was parked, dean had his head down from where he was sitting in the middle of the seat.

the black smudges and bags under his eyes hadnt gone away, and the seizure that he'd had only the night before still replayed in cas' head.

he shrugged himself out of thought, this was a good thing, he was taking dean to places he'd be comfortable in. being at home after being away for two months or so would be a good thing. for both of them.

dean was digging through the cassette box when cas opened the door, the takeout bag was passed from hand to hand, finally making its way to sitting on dean's right side, cas closed his door and turned to his husband

"well i was going to call you _my little bookworm_ but it appears you're not reading for once" he smirked.

dean raised an eyebrow and a tape "well im reading the band names and album names on old tapes, _does that count?"_ he smirked back. 

their eyes met before their lips.

cas held the back of the seat as he leaned over dean, the kisses started to get faster, the car windows started to steam over. small sounds were made between the two.

dean raised his hand, long fingers pulled off cas' blue beanie, tugging and loosely gripping at his thick black hair, making it messier than usual. cas groaned, biting on dean's bottom lip, his hand trying to push past the layers of clothes to get a hold of dean's freckled skin.

their noses crashed into each other, dean gasping when cas' hand confidently pushed itself against his hip, pulling him closer to his husband. he shivered. a low growl broke them apart, panting for air.

it was quiet before another growl sounded out. castiel laughed quietly, kissing dean again "guess we should eat" he whispered, patting dean's bump.

dean's face blushed pink with a crooked awkward smile.

"and .. _maybe_ move the car. these people dont deserve a good show" cas grinned out the windshield, where steam hadnt quite reached the top.

dean laughed. "do you mind a walk? i know a little get-away sorta place"

**~~~~**

dean walked further into the snow, his art bag swinging from his shoulder, takeout bag in hand. castiel followed, dean's camera swung on his neck, the video camera in his hand.

"should be ... past those trees, into this little ... clearing kinda thing. if - if i remember" dean panted, cas layed his hand on his back

"you okay, de?" he asked softly.

dean nodded "yeah just .. pfft, gimme a second. _your child is heavy"_

castiel's hands rubbed his back and hips, before dean's fingers patted them and he moved away to start walking again.

cas watched him walk for a minute, the sun was moving lower, bouncing off pure white crunchy untouched fluff and dean's bleached head.

a few flowers grew, popping out from under the snow, their bright colours following dean's cowboy boots. birds flew past, a few stopping to chirp as dean chirped back with a smile.

cas held the camera up, taking a photo when a dove flew out of nowhere, resting on dean's outstretched hand. he followed the trail of beauty, pushing away from the overgrown trees in the forest.

he stopped behind dean once more, as dean pointed out into the clearing. a picnic table sat, covered in soft snow "still there. thats crazy" he whispered, cas laughed.

snow was removed, spare blankets layed on the seats as they sat. they ate in a peaceful quietness. photos were taken, videos were made. dean nearly fell off the wooden seat when cas dropped mustard down his shirt, under his collar. cas could only laugh with him.

when wrappers and napkins were thrown back into the bag and the two were sitting on the table together, cas leaned over, the red tips of their noses touching again

"i've missed doing this with you" he whispered.

dean smiled, eyes closed "i've just missed _you_"

castiel moved from beside him, being careful of the old table they were on, and of dean himself, cas finally sat behind him, his legs open and on either side of his husbands hips.

dean softly laughed, lifting himself with some trouble and sitting back down on cas' lap.

the wind blew around them, their long hair tangled when cas bowed his head to kiss dean.

"cant laugh at my hair anymore, look like a hippy" dean whispered, hand pushing through cas' messy hair.

a deep but quiet laugh vibrated dean's neck. 

"so who are we going to see?" cas whispered after another few quiet minutes together.

dean was almost asleep leaning against his husband. his jacket and flannel had been opened, his overalls un-clipped and castiel food warmed hands were rubbing up and down movements along his pregnant and full belly under the shirt he had on. _dean was in heaven_.

"her name is mrs. boyce. when i lived here she kinda helped me out. figured since we were in the same state and only a few hours away, why not come see her. havent seen her in years" he murmured, face pressed against cas' neck.

castiel slowly rocked him, his hands almost sweating from how warm dean was. "she doesnt ... _know_, does she?" he asked.

dean shook his head. cas' hands slowed on the belly rub. dean whined.

"will she _understand?"_

dean nodded. cas nodded back, hands still stalled. dean's eyes fluttered open then, soft giggle escaping his mouth.

cas pulled his hands away from the bump, he frowned when dean laughed more

"hey, loser. its just the baby moving"

cas' eyebrow lifted "that felt so weird"

dean smiled with an eyeroll "no kidding, dont ask what _i _did when i first felt it"

dean held the video camera as cas sat on the seat between his legs, hands and fingers gently poking at his bare belly, slight movements following, dean's skin pushing up with each one.

dean laughed when the baby stopped, causing castiel to pout.

_ "aw, baby doesnt wanna play with dad anymore"_ cas pouted, resting his chin on the bump, his blue eyes looked up past the camera, staring straight into dean's shiny green ones

_"thats okay, maybe baby needs rest like mommy"_

dean's laughter shook the camera. when he stopped filming and the camera was tucked back into his art bag, cas slipped his finger tip in dean's navel, dean jumped before looking down at him.

"sorry, just .. its so deep now, and your new stretchmarks are ... beyond beautiful on you" cas whispered, eyes beginning to darken with lust. dean whimpered when castiel's mouth met his bruised navel, the warm, soft and loving kisses making him shiver.

another cold wind blew past them, snow swirling around, dean moaned quietly, gripping cas' hair "c-cas."

castiel pulled away, getting up and helping dean roll down his shirt, re-clipping his overalls and helping him off the table.

when he had the takeout bag in hand, he leaned down to whisper in dean's ear "just wait til we're home. _then you're all mine"_

** _~~~~_ **

a moving van was parked in front of the house when baby rolled up behind it, early evening now slipping into an early night. dean raised his eyebrows, the old house tugging on his heartstrings as he looked up at it.

castiel helped him out, his hand on dean's lower back as they walked up the cement steps.

dean grinned when he saw the old gnome out front, cas looked at it with a creeped out look

"shut up, its a zombie gnome" dean snickered, cas shook his head with a shudder as the doorbell was rung. dean laughed at him.

the front door swung open, a short old lady gasped in surprise, "dean winchester ... oh, my sweet, sweet boy look at you! look at you!" she gasped, dean softly laughed as he tried bending himself to her much shorter height with a growing baby bump in the way.

"oh!" she gasped again, her eyes on castiel.

cas smiled awkwardly, dean and the older lady let go of each-other, she held onto dean's arm and hand.

"o-oh, uh, mrs boyce, this .. is my husband, castiel shurley. cas, this is mrs boyce" dean said clearly.

cas held his smile, holding his hand out "its a pleasure, ma'am"

mrs boyce shook his hand with a smile "husband? oh, come in from the cold my sweets, come, come, come."

the two boys stepped in, castiel shutting the door behind them, his hand still on dean's lower back.

mrs boyce held dean's hand up "oh look at you, look how tall and handsome you've gotten, you're such a sweet young man!" dean leaned back down as she held his face between her hands, castiel softly laughed. 

cas smiled wildly as mrs boyce almost bullied dean into taking off his coat, and making him sit in her rocking chair. dean continued to tell her he was fine as he was but she was having none of it, cas sat on the edge of the couch, his coat neatly tucked across his lap.

the older lady sat beside dean, in an overfilled couch-like arm chair, she smiled as she ran her well aged fingers through dean's hair

"this is a surprise i think i needed" she murmured at him. dean smiled tiredly.

"you were once a small, skinny little freckled face boy in my house, and now you're a tall, handsome, married young man ... oh, how time has escaped."

castiel smiled to himself, this lady needed to be around more.

"to what do i owe this surprise visit?" she asked.

dean licked his lips, looking down at the floor across the room "i always felt bad i had to leave without saying goodbye. and then .. i settled into this new kinda life, and i .. _i always felt bad._ and i wanted to come see you before the wedding, but i didnt get much of a chance to get away for a few days. now, so much is happening .. i just said to myself i had to come _before it was too late."_ he trailed off, his speech almost a whisper near the end. 

the boys sat and talked with mrs boyce for nearly two and half hours. everything was explained and understood.

castiel clicked his lock-screen on, eyes blowing wide when _20:47_ blinked back at him.

he looked up, ready to tell dean it was probably time to saw goodbye when he saw the older lady gently rocking the chair back and forth, cas leaned forward. _"he's asleep"_ he whispered in shock.

mrs boyce smiled at him, her aged eyes took him in "judging by the bruises under his eyes, i take it he hasnt been?" she asked.

cas lightly frowned "y-yeah .. end of the world .. i can't believe it, he's out like a light"

mrs boyce smiled wider. 

"you two should spent the night"

castiel looked up from his phone, watching the text bubbles bounce as jody typed back. "oh no, no. dont worry about us, we'd be in your way"

mrs boyce layed her hand on castiel shoulder "sweet, you look like you need sleep just as much as him. both of you will be more comfortable here, in the spare bedroom. more than your car, and i wouldnt take him to the shabby motel here"

castiel looked down at his phone again, deep in thought before he nodded more to himself. he met the older woman's eyes once more "thank you"

she smiled.

"i just have some of de's things in the car i should get."

mrs boyce patted his messy hair "i'll get your bedroom ready"

castiel jogged out in the cold night, covering his face with his hair, blowing on his hands as grabbed dean's art bag, blankets and stolen motel pillows.

once back in the house everything was placed on the couch, mrs boyce held open the door as castiel carried dean's sleeping body to the bed, helping him remove his boots, flannel and overalls. 

**~~~~**

the grandfather clocked boomed as 4 AM was announced to the quiet house. dean used the wall to steady himself as he walked down the hallway. his other hand rubbing at his tired eyes.

the floorboard creaked under his weight, he jumped when he met mrs boyce in the kitchen "oh! oh sweet, sit down, i didnt mean to scare you!" she whispered, helping the tired pregnant boy sit in one of the remaining kitchen chairs.

dean groaned, tiredly rubbing at his face, he smiled weakly at her, his other hand went to cradle his bump, a new habit he'd taken to doing more and more.

"something to eat?" she asked, dean shook his head "_oh god no_. im good, im good. the cramps are enough, plus its kinda hard to stay sleeping all night" he grinned sheepishly.

mrs boyce laughed quietly, nodding towards the spare bedroom "you have a good man"

dean smiled down at his bump, then looked down the hall "guess i do, dont i ... i should keep him"

the two of them laughed. dean watched the old woman continue to wrap glass cups, packing them in cardboard boxes.

he frowned "you're _really_ moving?" he whispered.

she turned to look at him, cup in hand. "my husband passed a long while ago, my sweet, and the house .. its getting harder to keep up"

dean frowned deeper

"how big are the senior houses here?" he asked, slowly standing and walking over to the counters, mrs boyce packed the cup, watching as dean flawlessly took the next cup from the cupboard, without walking up and down the footstool she had.

she smiled. "maybe a little too small, but it .. it'll be nice" she whispered, sadness mixing with the quiet. dean chewed his lip, handing her another cup.

"why dont you come back with us? we're heading home to sioux falls. you might like it, its hunting but ... its also family" dean quietly said, moving himself around the kitchen to help pack "and you could keep all your things. the senior homes there are really nice. i have a friend who has her father there. ive been a few times."

mrs boyce nodded, smiling as dean helped her.

"i suppose i'd get to see my sweet boy grow up and be happier than he's ever been?" she winked at dean. he laughed quietly, a pink blush burning at his cheeks. 

"and the little bugger once i pop" he grinned. she patted his belly, causing a soft kick that nearly knocked the air out of dean. he shook his head, both his and her hands roamed his belly. 

_"i just might, you know that, dean. i just might take you up on that offer"_


	26. 🌼 take these broken wings and learn to fly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey yall. anyone miss me? 
> 
> this story is two months old now. i feel pretty proud, im sorry ive been away. i got my first art commissioned job that i just finished and then insomnia and depression kinda kicked my ass again. its past 3 AM as im posting this, my editing skills could use better eyes. insomnia is just my lifestyle though.
> 
> anyways, i thought of this idea a while back. this is poorly written, im tired im sorry but i wanted to post because this lil verse is an escape. i also wanted a little break from the on going story i got with god and lucifer. and i think the next piece should be fluffy. i'll get to editing that one soon enough tomorrow night. heh !!
> 
> warnings: swearing, abuse mention, scar mentions. hospitals, nurses ... think thats it?
> 
> another long piece ... i went wild.  
words: 2,655.
> 
> Posted On March 6th 2020
> 
> ** edited on may 24th 2020 **

it was may 12th. bobby closed the last book in his pile after pushing rufus out the door.

he yawned, beginning to gather their empty bottles and head up to bed for some sleep when one of the phones rang. he sighed, tossing the bottles in the kitchen sink before turning to face the phones lined up on the wall.

1:30 AM was getting a little old to be phoning for help, didnt it?

_"uh yuh, hello mr. singer?"_

bobby's eyebrows knitted together. "who the hell is this?" his rough voice dug deep into the speaker.

_"uh? oh, yuh this is uh, nurse picker, i work at the hospital in princess anne, maryland. and uh, we have a young boy here who's like, seen some stuff and he's got a card with your name on it for emergencies. he's refusing to speak and is starting to become like, uh, pretty violent." _

bobby grit his teeth at the monotone annoyance of her voice.

_young boy?_ he raised an eyebrow, last he heard from maryland it wasnt even maryland. the winchesters were in delaware, which was closest.

_dean_.

bobby gulped "his name's dean, and i'll be right there." he rasped out, getting ready to throw the phone and run out to his truck.

_"if yuh wanna transfer him to sioux falls you'll need another person to sign with you"_

the phone was hung up, bobby rushed around the house, with one swift motion he opened and dialed rufus' number while locking his desk and pulling on his hunting coat.

"rufus, how far out are ya? i need a quick ride to princess anne, maryland. my boy's in trouble. john winchester has officially fucked up"

it was may 14th when both the old hunters rolled into the parking lot in princess anne, maryland.

bobby pushed open the front doors with rufus following, both of them eyeing every exit and every window. a cranky looking nurse tossed a stack of papers down on the front desk with an eyeroll when a loud scream echoed out into the quiet hallways.

rufus lifted an eyebrow at her, pushed bobby's shoulders forward.

"please tell me you two are here for him" she bitched, her cold dead eyes glaring at the older men.

bobby was about to speak when a much louder scream made him wince.

"yeah, been like that since he got here. follow me." she smacked her gum around her mouth, pointing her finger down the hall as she lead the two men down the off-white, slightly grey-brown hallway.

a tall uniformed police officer stood outside the closed door. he saluted before opening the door.

rufus snickered to himself as he and bobby walked in.

bobby stopped dead in his tracks, rufus ran into his back.

the nurse pushed past them pointing towards the bed

"been quiet for a change. had to cuff him since he got a needle away from one of our doctors and tried stabbing him. probably a junkie judging by how dirty and skinny he is. you must be _so proud_" she snarled, shoving a clipboard at the end of the bed and pushed her way out of the room.

it took a few more minutes of bobby staring to really take in what was happening. 

15 year old dean layed in the hospital bed.

his feet and legs bare of clothing, covered in dirt, dried blood from cuts and small red bumps. his arms were the same. his wrists were cuffed to the side railings, starting to become raw from when he tugged at them. his hands had small cuts, like his feet and toes.

the hospital gown was short, a bright white that hid his skinny body, but bobby could see the outline of dean's sunken belly and the faint jut of his ribs.

dean's face, was the hardest to look at. his freckles hidden under dirt and thick mud, mixing with dried blood. his hair a tangled and matted mess. _a real rat's nest._

dean's eyes were sunken in, his shiny beautiful green eyes were dull and lifeless, opened just an inch under long eyelashes as he stared at bobby and rufus.

his chapped lips and dry tongue darted out, his mouth moved with no sound. 

the boy tried to struggle, flinching and brokenly whining when bobby got closer. rufus cringed at the noises, only stopping when bobby placed his hand on dean's chest, over where his heart is.

"its okay boy, its just me. its yer uncle bobby"

dean's hands rattled the cuffs, tear tracks broke up in trails along his dirty face. rufus knocked his knuckles on the end of the bed, dean flinched.

"i'll go sign for us if i can."

without another word, bobby and dean were now alone.

the handcuffs were picked at by bobby until both sets were undone and dean was sobbing and clinging to him.

"yer daddy do this?" he whispered, holding the skinny boy as close as he could. when dean sobbed harder, digging his broken and bloody nails deeper into bobby's back - he had his answer.

rufus and a doctor walked in minutes later.

**~~~~**

the first night together in a too-small motel room on the way back to sioux falls wasnt a piece of cake, not that bobby or rufus had thought that to begin with.

the drive out from the hospital had been harder than first planned out.

the doctors had informed the other hospital that dean was being transferred but it had stuck problems with social services in south dakota. bobby had cursed, dean had flinched, whined and tried to hide behind rufus while he was driving.

it was late by then anyhow, thats how they ended up at the motel.

the middle of the night was dark and quiet. the streetlamp lighting up the parking lot kept flickering. bobby's heavy snores echoed the thin walls.

rufus exited the washroom, shutting the light off after himself, wiped his hands on his thighs. dean was making strange sounds again, with a raised eyebrow he got closer to the small teenager that was almost hanging off the bed.

he was crying in his sleep, face twisted in pain and hurt, his hands weakly grasped at the sheets that lay under him and bobby. his lips curled, nostrils flared, wiggled and snorted softly at the air, his china-doll skin was shiny in the dusting of moonlight popping through the old curtains.

rufus layed his hand on dean's sharp hip bone and gently shook the boy awake. he shot up within seconds, hands pushed out before covering his head and face, his sobs starting to get harder. 

without a second thought rufus pulled dean up from the shared bed and held him in his arms, holding him in place against his chest. _it was like holding a rag-doll._

dean curled up in the warmth, his sobs turned to soft sniffles and hiccups as rufus walked around the room with him. _okay, maybe it was like holding a newborn._

bobby had turned onto his back, him and rufus shared a look before both nodded and bobby was out like a light once more.

"you should know that old man over there, loves ya a whole hell of a lot" rufus murmured down to dean as both of them resettled on rufus' now shared bed.

dean watched his hands move the covers, he chewed his sore bottom lip. bandaged hands tried to sign, but his fingers shook too much, it hurt, he frowned.

rufus layed a hand on them "i know you know, im just sayin" he whispered, patting the small bandaged shaky hands. 

dean's shaking fingers calmed down as rufus talked to him, the fingers pulled themselves out from under the older man's hands, beginning to draw swirling patterns on the back. rufus rolled his hands over, palms facing the ceiling now. dean's lips twitched, cold fingertips made a picture.

and another. and another, _and another._

finally dean layed his hands in rufus' open ones. dean watched in confusion as their connected hands folded together and were shaken.

rufus eyed him, eyebrow raised again "you dont know how to shake someones hand?" for the first time dean looked rufus in the eye.

he gulped, shrugging awkwardly, eyes sad as he looked back down.

rufus patted his head "how 'bout i teach you?"

a ghost of a smile appeared on dean's beaten face.

**~~~~**

this hospital's white walls made dean look even smaller. the white hospital gown didnt help either. the broken cry he let out when his ripped jeans and dirty shirt were once again taken away from him was something bobby didnt think he'd ever forget, even if he tried.

bobby did thank whatever god was listening that he had called rufus. not only had he been there as a friend, a driver and support but he had gotten dean to smile, and _giggle_.

after overhearing him talk to dean that night in the motel, bobby wasnt too surprised to find them sitting in the dirt beside the truck, drawing in the sand, around the rocks.

rufus was a shitty hunting partner at best - but _damn, he was loyal to his family until the very end. _

jody had been called.

sheriff of sioux falls and all, just made sense she be there when social services showed up.

dean was sat in bobby's lap, his right thumb tucked safely between his lips. bobby's hand layed on dean's belly, the heat coming off his infected wounds and scar was uncomfortable, dean squirmed when bobby's fingers jiggled.

rufus was sat on the bed across from them, an old canvas bag sat by his folded knee. the books and spare clothes from dean's busted, and dirty backpack were put in the canvas bag.

a sharp voice in the halls started to shout, dean covered his ears. 

"sheriff! sheriff! sheriff mills you cant go in there!"

"just try to stop me, missy"

the door was slammed shut.

jody turned on her heels, her badge was shoved back on her belt, rufus quietly laughed.

dean's eyes widened "aunt jody!" his voice squeaked, rough and chopped up.

"oh dean, c'mere" she ran towards the side of the bed, dean crawled from bobby's lap, jody's arms wrapped around his abused body. bobby moved, jody replaced where he was sat. both men left the room.

"so, yer sayin i aint able to adopt the boy?" bobby gruffed.

the lady's overdone eyelashes and eye makeup blocked a good expression "sir, you arent married. dean winchester has a father out there. we cant take him away just because of some bruises and the fact _you want him."_ she deadpanned.

_cold_.

bobby raised his voice "some bruises? that boy's got a cut in 'im that would make the grand canyon jealous. them bullet wounds werent done by 'im either."

she sighed. her pink eyelids closed, opened and dark brown eyes glared _"look, i dont care._ i have _zero_ school records for him, i have _zero_ reports of abuse. even _if_ his father gave him those, i cant let him out of the system. _john winchester needs to be contacted."_

_if his father gave him those._

bobby gritted his teeth.

rufus noticed, took charge. "what raises red flags over john winchester, other than _if he abused the boy"_ he half-ass quoted.

the young lady sighed, annoyed, and pulled out her folders._ "school records._ i could _maybe_ see about any of you adopting him legally if there were a way you could put him school or _find the old records._ dean winchester is 15, he should have them"

rufus was confused, looked over at bobby. "i know a teacher" he blurted.

the lady raised an eyebrow. "phone them, i'll be back in about two hours. we'll see then"

and with that, the folders were shoved back together, a briefcase snapped shut and high-heels annoyingly walked away.

dean was almost asleep.

his left index and middle fingers gently played with jody's wedding ring, his right thumb in his mouth, eyelids heavy. jody had covered him in her puffy windbreaker, it crinkled as she rocked him in her lap.

he sighed softly, nuzzling against her.

"well, what did the bitch say?" jody sassed, nodding at bobby as he walked into the room.

he pinched the bridge of his nose. rufus cracked his knuckles "needs school records. and who the hell is this teacher you know?" he asked, turning to bobby.

jody looked between them.

"i know a witch who owes me a favour. name's rowena. she's a good one, helped me more times than i can count."

jody's eyes widened _"a witch?"_

**~~~~**

rufus had gone to pick up donna at work. jody talked with bobby as dean napped.

a knock at the door broke them apart.

rowena walked in, her red hair done up tightly, black glasses perched on the tip of her pointy end of her nose, her clothes slim and well fitting. it looked like she could be a teacher from the 40s.

jody shook her hand with a smile. rowena was kind. jody liked her already.

dean woke to the sound of another voice, he squirmed and hid under jody's arms once he saw the new person in the room.

rowena sat beside him, gently layed her hand beside dean's bent leg. her soft smile made dean slowly lower jody's arm from his face.

bobby stood behind rowena, "dean, this is rowena. she's a witch. she's gunna help us get ya outta here, so ya can be with aunt jody and donna or me."

dean frowned, his hands twitched as he signed _'but hunters dont like witches'_

rowena softly laughed "oh i know deary, but you arent a hunter anymore, i'm going to teach you to heal yourself. if you like - you can be a witch, like myself." 

dean's eyebrows flew upwards. rowena understood his signing.

_whoa_.

donna entered the room with rufus next. dean whined, jody held him close. there was too many people in here for his liking.

rowena patted his leg, and left with bobby. donna stayed, smiled down at dean.

_what was happening anymore._

it was june 14th. rowena has erased everyones mind in the hospital and the social services lady of dean winchester. jody and donna had 'adopted' him and had moved him in with them. bobby lived down the road. 

dean was sat in the kitchen cupboard, hiding from loud noises happening outside. jody made lunch and slipped a plate towards him through the open door.

he smiled weakly.

"im sorry babyboy, the roofer is _almost_ done. a few hours more, maybe. okay?"

dean nodded sadly. donna opened the front door when the bell rang, dean nearly choked on his small sandwich piece, ready to close the doors to the cupboard, when jody laughed dean took the chance, leaning forward and peaking out past the door.

there rowena stood, spell books in hand, she smiled and gently waved.

"h-hi a-aunt 'wena" he whispered.

she smiled "hello deary"

he stayed in the cupboard, his lunch plate was placed on the floor next to the spell books. rowena sat across on the floor, an open book laying in front of her.

jody waved from the other side of the kitchen island "hey you two. classic movie night tonight. uncle bobby's comin over."

rowena looked up with a smile "count me in, if you could."

dean smiled softly "cool"

_while watching the first thin man movie that night, donna pointed to asta the dog, as nick and nora walked across the screen with the dog. _

_"we should get a dog!" _

_jody laughed "how about a cat?"_

_dean poked jody's elbow. "i like cats"_

_donna cheered while jody laughed._

_bobby layed dean in bed a few hours later, tucking him in. dean yawned, hands still holding onto bobby's arms. _

_"please dont go."_

_"i aint goin no place without you, boy"_


	27. 🌼 slow hands and cherry ringpops

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey there, look, i finally finished something again. my birthday is on saturday and im hoping to have some business taken care of and another piece put up before then. am hoping for that anyways.
> 
> anyhow, this one is kinda long ... and i love the ending so much 😂 yall have no clue. just enjoy whatever the f*ck this is, okay? almost four month old story and im just loving every new thing i write ... wild times yall.
> 
> speaking of, i use songs as inspiration, next to tv shows and movies, of course, this verse is filled with tons of pop culture shit. but would anybody enjoy a playlist for this verse? a playlist of songs i write into the pieces, like when the slow dancing happens in dean's birthday piece or the songs that play when they're driving some place? let me know.
> 
> warnings: sex is suggested... dean gets scared for life 😂 and a few swears.
> 
> words: 3,083.
> 
> Posted On March 10th 2020
> 
> ** edited on may 24th 2020 **

the first time gabriel met rowena was at dean and castiel's wedding, a boiling hot july afternoon in the backyard of the farmhouse.

the wedding itself wasnt fancy, that just wasnt castiel or dean, so not a single soul running around the yard were dressed up. 

gabriel was best man, his sneakers and knees stained with grass, his short sleeve shirt clung to his torso. his hair was messy from sweat, he nervously chewed another piece of candy he had shoved into his pocket.

as his golden eyes scanned the yard, ready to run behind cas and tell him he was going to chicken out but _suddenly there she was._

there stood a short, drop dead gorgeous redhead. her thin body was covered in a soft purple sundress, the wind and flower pedals blew around her. his eyes widened at her beauty.

he grabbed castiel's arm as he walked by, "w-who .. who is that?" he whispered, his candy piece half chewed and pushed to his cheek.

castiel turned, eyes scanning the yard too until he saw who gabriel was staring at that.

"oh! thats dean's aunt rowena. you're pretty lucky, because of her dean knew how to heal you in december." castiel smiled warmly, patting his older brother's shoulder.

gabriel blinked slowly "shes a witch?" he whispered again.

cas nodded. "she's a nice lady, you should go talk to her" cas smiled wider. gabriel gulped.

sure, he missed lucifer. that was his big brother, his best friend, his partner in crime ... but he still had castiel ... _didn't he?_

maybe not, because castiel had dean. but gabriel was friends with dean. dean was nice. they were almost sorta best friends ... _werent they? okay, so maybe gabriel was a third-wheel to the couple but he and dean were cuddle buddies. kinda. _

rowena was standing in the neatly trimmed grass, her tall purple heels digging into the soft soil.

gabriel gulped as he crab-walked his way towards the farmhouse, eyes darting around.

he bumped into castiel again as cas jogged out from the back door and down the porch.

"hey, whoa, isnt it bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding?" he rambled as he pulled castiel off the last few steps.

cas crunched his eyebrows together "w-what? i went to see jody, she's helping dean get ready but i knocked on the door." he explained.

gabriel licked his lips, the taste of grape mixed with slight raspberry.

castiel opened his mouth, confused look sported well on his face when a soft voice with an accent stopped his own deep voice, "hello tweetie pie!"

gabe watched his taller younger brother turn, giving him a side eye before he smiled down at the redhead.

"gabriel, this is dean's aunt rowena. ro, this is my big brother gabriel." castiel introduced, his gum rolling on his tongue as he spoke.

rowena smiled wide, her hand shook gabriel's shaky, sweaty one. cas stood tall between them.

"mm, all you shurley men are quite handsome" rowena smirked, nearly undressing gabe with her eyes.

cas watched as gabriel did the same to rowena. he smirked himself, chewing his gum.

donna and rosie waved castiel over, he waved back before laying his hand on his older brother's shoulder again, "hey, have fun you two." cas smirked between the two.

"is .. is that a scottish accent i heard earlier?" gabe asked, hands digging down in his pockets for another candy.

"aye" rowena's eyes were dark, shining under the sun. gabriel grinned, relaxing under her gaze for a minute or two.

he felt hands on his arms, jumping when he saw her holding onto him.

"relax my dear, you're too tense" she murmured lowly. his shoulder relaxed in an instant, rolling his body into her touch. _rowena was magic, in more ways than one._

"so, you're a .. a witch" he murmured, their bodies getting closer.

her hands traveled to his chest, smoothing his shirt down, fingers fumbled for a second before she popped open his v-neck buttons.

"aye" rowena whispered again.

he wanted to feel something again. he'd never tell castiel, or dean, or anybody. well, maybe lucifer, but lucifer wasnt around to be a brother or a friend anymore.

gabriel was alone, and he wanted comfort.

"inside?" he whispered, rowena's hands tugged on his short sleeves. they nearly ran each-other over trying to get into the farmhouse.

jody was in dean's bedroom with dean, gabriel checked the house before he was pushed against the living-room wall.

rowena was taller than him in her heels, he found himself liking that, _liking that a lot._

their lips crashed together, hard, fast, needy. gabriel didnt care, and neither did rowena. 

bobby walked dean towards castiel. their smiles were blinding. gabriel relaxed his shoulders as he stood behind his little brother.

dean stepped in front of rowena and rosie, castiel took his hands. chuck stood beside them, collar in place, bible in hand, ready to marry the happy couple. gabriel made eye contact with rowena, he winked with a light smirk. her glare made him smirk more.

maybe it was wrong - to have sex with your younger brother's now-husband's witch aunt who's over 300 years old on your younger brother's wedding day but _who cares? nobody knew but them. and for the first time in a long time, gabriel felt great. _

it was after the honeymoon. things were awkward. dean was pregnant. castiel was stressed. things were awkward because they were changing. gabriel _hated_ change. he felt alone again.

he'd kissed dean, hoping in some small way that would possibly push them into the same sort of comfort relationship him and lucifer had had. a brotherly cuddle and comfort kiss sort of one.

maybe he was confused. he didnt feel confused, all he wanted was comfort. sex was comfort, but sex with dean was cheating and very, very bad. castiel was protective which gabriel understood.

_hey, if gabriel had a dean to protect, he'd be castiel too. _

he'd moved in with bobby. he spent some much time here anyways. bobby went out for ... _something. gabriel wasnt listening._

a knock on the door washed away thoughts collecting on his mind's beach. he eyed the shotgun propped against the wall next to the door, pushed back the curtain slightly.

_rowena_.

he ripped open the door. she stood in heels again, black pants and a yellow shirt. her hair was down. he found himself staring. she laughed.

"what're you ..?" he trailed off confused when she pushed past him, the door was closed behind them.

her hands were in his hair, getting tangled in the back. he held her hips, her silky milk skin, her freckles, her eyes, her hair, he gasped for air when her hands traveled down his back.

"you called me, remember?" rowena purred in his ear.

gabriel was pushed to the couch, her hands worked his jean's zipper. it wasnt as rough, it wasnt as needy, but it wasnt slow either.

gabriel's arm was holding rowena on his lap. her naked body was against his. both of them panting for air, they repeatably kissed before they pulled away again.

rowena reached for her bra, sliding it on with gabriel's help.

"do you really gotta leave?" he murmured, his spirits were still in high standards, but were falling fast again. _some afterglow this was._

rowena smiled, kissing him. "you know i do, love. papa bear could be back anytime now."

gabriel grumbled when she pulled her warm self off of him. he smiled lazily when she made getting dressed a show. he pulled his jeans on, digging in the pockets for some candy.

he unwrapped an orange sucker, she smiled at him.

he dug a ring-pop out next, touched her shoulder before she left.

"ring-pop? it's cherry" he held it out for her.

she kissed him, taking the package "how did you know cherry's my favourite" she grinned.

he watched her leave. _suddenly, he felt empty again._

it had been a rough few weeks. rough few months, more like it.

he was an archangel with no grace. castiel, an angel. their dad was god. he sighed.

life was simple once upon a time.

simple. huh, that was such a stupid word.

gabriel sighed, watching the impala pull out of the motel parking lot in the dead of night. dean had had a seizure. everyone had teamed up and made a plan that everyone was pretty sure they were sticking too.

castiel was taking dean home.

which was kinda a crappy plan in gabriel's eyes, wasnt dean just about killed by a demon _at home?_ but what did gabriel know.

he knew dean liked james dean movies, it made him think of his mom.

he missed her. she wasnt simple, but she had made everything seem simple.

he needed simple. he needed rowena.

charlie replaced castiel on their hunts.

gabriel was walking with rowena, cherry ring-pop already handed to her. he turned to talk to jody, when he turned back, rowena was missing from his side. _was this a bad dream?_

he looked around, relaxing when he found she was just in the parking lot, her and charlie talking close. he watched them for a while.

jody and bobby walked back into their motel room, gabriel played with the motel room key, waiting on rowena. he felt his heart break violently when rowena and charlie kissed.

he felt sick, and overwhelmed with his own loneliness again.

without a second glance he ran to their shared room, locking the door behind him. he slid to the floor, his forehead touched his knees.

the candy he had earlier wasnt sitting so well anymore.

he jumped awake when a hand touched his shoulder.

rowena stood over him, he rolled to the side, his body now laying on a bare mattress. he looked around, confusion took over his face.

"you cried yourself to sleep on the floor, i unlocked the door and put you in bed ... care to explain?" rowena said, their hips touched, gabriel tried moving but rowena held his body in place.

gabriel looked down at her waist, he blinked tiredly before he closed his eyes.

"oh" he muttered. rowena's hands roamed gabe's chest, rubbing it in slow circles. it was relaxing.

"you kissed charlie." he said plainly.

it was rowena's turn to looked confused. "i what?"

"you kissed charlie, i's why i came in here" gabriel said, slightly stronger, he opened his eyes.

rowena frowned at the hurt and pain that swam within them. he was truly hurt. "she had an eyelash on her cheek, i didnt kiss her, love. i blew it away."

gabriel looked back down, "oh" he repeated.

"are you that worried?" rowena asked in the quiet motel room in the early afternoon.

gabriel rolled over to face her. she was dressed in one of his shirts, long enough to be a dress on her. her bare thighs stood out against the ugly colourful wallpaper.

it was a late day for everyone.

"worried about what?" he asked, he sat up, cringing when his stomach growled loudly.

"i dont get close to people, im too old for that. ive seen too many people leave as time went on and i stay the same, gabriel. i cant keep fixing the broken man every-time he calls" she said, voice strong and clear. gabriel fiddled with the blanket they shared that night.

he shivered before he looked up at rowena. "so what does that mean?"

rowena walked closer to the bed, "i find that we've become friends with benefits, but you seem to remain 'broken' afterwards. we've both seen evil, face to face, love. we've seen bad, bad things. and we're trying to fix that, all of us, together. _what would help glue you back together?" _

_"you"_ gabriel whispered.

rowena grinned lightly, their noses and foreheads met after their kiss.

"but - we'll all leave too. so .. so w-why?" gabriel confessed, fearing his death more than ever.

he and rowena just .. _became something._ death could happen at anytime, they were saving the world from god right now for christ sakes.

rowena shook her head, their hands were tangled on their laps. "i have an idea for when we get back _home for christmas"_ she smiled. gabriel returned it.

_home for christmas, huh? that sounded ... nice._

rowena placed a a small package on his lap. "its grape, i wasnt sure what you liked, while buying it castiel said any kind would work" she smiled.

gabriel leaned over and handed her a cherry one.

"ring-pops until the end?" he joked.

rowena laughed as they opened the packages.

it was december 22nd. everyone had gotten home late that night. home for christmas though. it was nice, and special. the world ending wasnt going to ruin this christmas.

the farmhouse was empty, except for daphne. gabriel petted her head as he walked into the open kitchen.

jody and donna went to the station. after christmas, they were switching shifts. donna would be on world saving duty while jody stayed in sioux falls with dean.

bobby was at his place, where gabriel was planning on staying the night but ended up asleep on the couch here.

charlie was in town, as were castiel and dean. rosie had the diner closed for them, so cas and dean went for breakfast with donna and jody.

gabriel raided the cupboards, eating his lazy man breakfast when rowena stopped in.

"finding god is still important, because of your magic. but mom's said the hunt was getting colder, as did bobby." castiel explained, rolling the impala down the mile long driveway.

dean rubbed at his eyes, yawning as he nodded. "few 'ays off 'en?" he yawned loudly, shaking his head to make it go faster.

castiel softly laughed at his husband.

dean was nearing six months, and his 20th birthday. the black smears under his eyes that made large bags made him look older.

chuck had widdled his magic down to basically nothing. his eyes barely flashed purple anymore. castiel was nervous, if dean's magic were to fully die off, rowena would be left trying to keep their baby growing, but that wasnt easy

. _dean could die._

"oi!"

castiel jumped.

dean snapped his fingers again "oi!" he repeated.

cas turned

"dont daydream while you're driving, loser" dean laughed.

cas snorted "jerk" he laughed

"bitch" dean sassed.

"wow. so romantic" castiel murmured, pulling the impala into the garage.

he pulled the keys out, stretching himself in the seat before relaxing. dean shrugged "eh well, im tired and sore" he laughed, cas hummed.

"lets hang out on the couch, watch some tv?" he suggested, leaning back to grab dean's art bag from the backseat.

dean smiled, "yeah, sounds good, not much else i can really do" he rubbed his bump.

castiel smiled, dean was .. _huge wasnt the right word. neither was massive. whatever the right word was though, dean looked as beautiful as ever to castiel._

"are you having mind sex with me _again_, right now?" dean pouted as castiel stared.

cas blinked "uh, what? uh, heh, pfft no" he muttered, dean laughed when cas pushed himself out of the car as if his ass was on fire.

castiel stopped in front of the front door, hand on the doorknob. he squinted leaning closer to the door.

dean frowned "what?" he whispered.

cas rolled his eyes down to dean, "did we leave the tv on?" he asked.

dean rolled his eyes towards the sky. the cold nipped at his nose, his cheeks and nose a bright red, blending with his freckled face. "uh, no, dont think so, gabe was asleep when we left" he whispered, his breath showing in the air.

castiel made a face, "uuuuuh....." he opened the front door. he and dean walked through, shutting the door with a loud bang.

a crash in the kitchen was heard before dean started yelling "OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD MY EYES! NO! NO! OH MY GOD, NO!" 

castiel bit his lip to contain his laughter.

rowena gathered up her clothes before she ran off to the bathroom.

castiel had looked down at the floor, trying so hard to be mad, but it wasnt working well.

he saw dean from the corner of his eye, dean had both hands over his eyes, face pulled into a disgusted frown. castiel burst out laughing again.

gabriel pulled his jeans on and walked around the island "u-uh. um. h-hey"

castiel laughed harder

"FUCK YOU GUYS! UGH, WE EAT THERE!" dean yelled. castiel bent over to laugh, his body shaking.

"GET A BEDROOM OH MY GOD IVE BEEN SCARED FOR LIFE! I NEED HOLY WATER!"

castiel gasped for air, his face nearly redder than his husbands.

"holy shit gabe" he gasped out, walking over to his brother as he cackled.

"might .. might wanna cover that boner" cas grinned

"EW, EW, EW TMI! TMI! TMI!" dean cringed, waving a hand out before he covered his eyes again.

gabriel tried bending over before he grabbed his bare breakfast plate, covering himself over his jeans and ran down the hall to the bathroom.

when the door shut dean took the chance and uncovered his eyes, slowly he opened his eyelids.

_"ew"_ he whispered, walking over to castiel by the island.

castiel whooped in laughter again. 

_"does that mean you have to call him uncle gabriel now?" castiel bit his lip, giggles fighting their way out. _

_dean punched his shoulder lightly "shut the fuck up, i think im in shock"_

_castiel giggled, his body rattling. "give them credit dean, this kitchen island is a great cupid. we made it happen here first" _

_dean's eyes widened "EW, EW NO NO NO NO NO NO" he cringed as he waddled around the island, grabbing the kitchen cleaner from the cupboard and spraying the countertop. _

_castiel laughed harder. dean wiped it down before spraying it again "oh my god we need an entirely new kitchen, this is too much" dean mused, wiping harder. _

_cas wiped tears again, holding his chest before he noticed something on the living-room table. he giggled again before picking it and walking down the hall, "hey! lovebirds! you forgot your ring-pops in the kitchen!" _

_when something hit the other side of the bathroom door castiel ran back to the kitchen, to dean's power cleaning. he fell to the floor in a brand new fit of laughter. _

_"uh, best day ever" _

_"shut up loser. help me wash away the sins of what i sadly witnessed today"_


	28. 🌼 no judgement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> because my 19th birthday is tomorrow - im giving this to you as a little gift. its kinda grossly cute and whatever else but i just wanted a little fluff piece with my two favourite married nerds because i love em.
> 
> im still working out some pieces before i continue with chuck and luci but i think i got everything all settled. i kinda like where its going but im not too sure, just yet. 😂
> 
> anyways - i start my spn tattoo sleeve later today and its my lucky day because its friday the 13th .. today will be awesome !!
> 
> this isnt really a song fic, but i liked the lyrics and figured they just worked well for this. i feel like castiel is really misha, just a laid back kinda hippy kinda dude, while dean is slowly starting to be the same. like he wants to be like that but being kinda wound tight has just always worked for him ... or is it just me ??
> 
> takes place after the end of Slow Hands And Cherry Ringpops
> 
> warnings: overeating, feeding (i mean, cas holds a spoon with icecream out for dean and dean eats it .. so ...), swearing and just belly kink shit because i feel like castiel loves dean's belly too much for it to not be a warning ...
> 
> words: 1,918.
> 
> Posted On Match 13 2020 
> 
> ** edited on may 24th 2020 **

_Barefoot and a bottle of wine_

_You can stay with me tonight_

december 27. 2:28 A.M. 

castiel's tired body bounced awake, he grumbled low in his throat as he blinked and squinted into the darkness.

he made quiet noises as he stretched out, rolling to his left side and moving his arm to slide around his pregnant husband's sleeping body.

when his arm touched a cold, bare mattress his eyes snapped halfway open, the darkness taking over and causing him to squint again. dean wasnt sleeping facing him, back pressed against the wall, pregnant belly swollen towards the middle of the bed.

castiel grumbled again, pushing himself up onto his elbows before wiping the junk out of his eyes.

christmas had gone well. _awkward at times, no lie there. but well._ everybody had been in the farmhouse, and while it had been overwhelming for dean, he loved being around his entire family for a few days.

it could be the last christmas they ever had ... of course he was going to enjoy it.

after christmas and before new years seemed like a solid few days to flush out the new lead they'd gotten on lucifer, and chuck, and john and sam, and whatever the hell else was happening in the world.

so, rowena, gabriel, charlie and bobby packed their duffels and were out the door. nobody but dean and castiel were in the farmhouse right now though.

apparently there had been a string of murders around sioux falls on christmas day that needed both jody and donna to be at, so both women left with some bitching. castiel had promised both of them he'd phone rosie in town if there was a problem here. 

dean wasnt himself, and castiel had noticed it pretty fast.

he had been all smiles before and during christmas, but his smile didnt quite reach his eyes. his beautiful shiny green eyes themselves were dull. his laugh was quiet, his voice rough when he did speak.

his magic was barely there, he had made a flower appear just for a smile but it had wilted within seconds.

castiel pushed himself up further, pushing the blankets away. dean's depression was taking the wheel, as was chuck.

dean was a shell once again, going back to the mindset of a scared little 15 year old boy ... _and fast._

a quiet noise from the living-room broke castiel's thoughts.

he looked at the clock on the table_ 2:33 A.M._ blinked back. he sighed, stretching his back, his sleep shirt bunching up around his shoulders.

with a yawn that cracked his jaw, he made his way off the low mattress, across the dark bedroom, opened the door and squinted out into the hallway. the floor was flashing in low colours, meaning the tv must be on, he shrugged - maybe dean had insomnia and was watching it ... that happened a lot.

a grunt that _really_ sounded like it came from dean _and not the tv_ was what pushed him out the door and towards the living-room.

_You don't have to change when I'm around ya_

_So go ahead and say what's on your mind, on your mind_

at first glance it just looked like dean was asleep on the couch, feet planted on the floor, head pushed into a pillow on his shoulder but castiel's eyes fell onto the table across from the couch.

plates that had leftovers were tossed around the living-room, stacked up on the table. he looked over to the kitchen, were the same thing had happened. a loud, drawn out hiccup that was followed by another soft grunt is what pulled cas' eyes back to his pregnant, _and very full husband._

"dean?" he called out, walking over the table, pushing crumpled, greasy napkins onto plates and moving them to the side so he could sit across from dean.

"de?" he whispered, his hand made its way to dean's bare knee.

dean refused to look at him, their knees bumped, castiel felt another hiccup shake through his body.

"w-would you believe m-me, if .. if i said i .. i had a stomachache?" dean whispered shyly, his face buried in the pillow further. 

cas took another tour of the plates before turning back to dean, when his eyebrows raised themselves towards his sleep tossed hair, dean swallowed thickly before adding

"_before_ i ate everything"

cas frowned.

the tv flashed brightly before dulling as the scene changed, cas turned and lightly smiled when _Ride With Norman Reedus_ was playing. his hand dodged through the mess to find the remote, he paused the tv afterwards and turned back to dean.

_"please dont be mad"_ dean whispered, tears broke out, a few silently fell. castiel reached out and gently wiped them away.

he could tell dean was breaking down, his hair was greasy and he hadnt shaved for at least two days, soft and light stubble covered the bottom of his face.

"im not. i dont think i could ever be mad at you, babyboy." cas whispered back. 

dean's belly whined and gurgled loudly in misery. castiel's hand quickly pushed themselves out and touched dean's bare skin.

the shirt he was wearing usually fit, but had rolled up towards his navel during his stuffing. noticing how dean was squirming around castiel stood up over him

"how about i clean up, then we can cuddle and i'll give you a belly-rub?" he asked quietly, leaning down to kiss dean.

he tasted like turkey and gravy, but cas found himself enjoying it. _because it was all dean._

when dean nodded, cas smiled and left to clean after a few more kisses.

_When you're with me, no judgement_

_You can get that from anyone else_

_You don't have to prove nothin'_

_You can just be yourself_

the tv had started a new episode when castiel returned. dean was still sitting up but you could tell it was painful for him.

cas held up a small black box, "i brought ice-cream. if you think you handle it, it might help settle your upset tummy" he set it down on the table and leaned over dean once more to help him move the pillow from his shoulder.

dean grumbled, rubbed his eyes tiredly with his fists. cas left for the bedroom, returning with their blankets that still held some warmth from his sleeping body, and their pillows.

dean tried pulling at his shirt, pouting when he couldnt move all that well.

cas softly laughed "need some help?"

dean pouted, but nodded slowly.

he nearly drowned himself in drool when he helped dean peel off his shirt.

a towel was rolled up and layed on the very top dean's bump, pressed against his chest.

dean's tired face had gone a hot, bright red as he rubbed at it before pushing it off. but dean's body was driving cas crazy.

his belly was even bigger from being so full. his hips were wide, and had grown soft. the scar had broken in several places but had re-healed under bandages before breaking again, right now it was an angry red and looked like it would bust open if it was to be pushed further.

dean's lower belly was covered in stretchmarks, aside from his treasure trail. the belly fell low and hung between his open thighs, nearly touching the couch under him. all marks a dark red, and inching towards his navel.

the twisty lines were inches apart and made up around his soft love handles. his navel had nearly popped out, thick stretch marks sat around the edge above it, moving towards where his bump pushed out.

_castiel was in love._

dean squirmed under his stare, embarrassment settling in. cas grinned, and kissed dean with some heat.

"dont be embarrassed babyboy. _you're beautiful"_ cas whispered against his lips, his body moved in behind dean, shifting their bodies so dean was between cas' legs, his back to cas' chest.

castiel's hands made their way to dean's belly, rubbing the tight but soft sides. dean moaned and pushed his belly out, filling cas' hands up more.

"mm not" dean muttered, softly panting as he hiccuped again, his body shook.

cas grinned, kissing the back of dean's neck, his nose pushing dean's longer hair up.

he grunted as the baby moved, kicking at cas' hands. a semi-loud burp bubbled out before dean could stop it, castiel quietly laughed, turning dean's head to kiss him.

when dean started to kiss back, cas grinned.

dean was simply feeling too good under castiel's touch to feel too much embarrassment at this point. 

their make out stopped when dean pulled away, he swallowed thickly before he squirmed again, trying to shift his heavy weight off his hips and back.

he was almost six months pregnant but with feeling as stuff as he was, you'd think he was further along.

castiel shoved a pillow against his growing hard-on, dean giggled softly before sitting back down, hips lifted from the couch and pulled cas' hands back to his belly, his face turned and nipping at cas' own stubbled chin.

the kissing heated up again, cas got more bold, bouncing dean's belly in his hands, shaking it gently, letting the weight settle. the action made dean burp more, but cas didnt mind, dean tried pulling away but cas just pulled him back, kissing him harder.

they pulled away once more when norman's laugh sounded out from the tv.

"n-never ... never knew we .. we were _so weird"_ dean panted, his hand went out to rub and settle his gurgling stomach. he quietly burped into his other fist.

castiel laughed, shrugged "eh, nobody knows but us .. who cares?" he said.

dean grinned lazily, he grunted when his stomach gurgled louder. castiel shifted under him, his hand slowly smoothed dean's hand flat, rubbing his bump with him "you good?" he whispered.

dean panted, a hiccup jostled him, a burp followed, he groaned. "y-y-yeah." he blew air lazily, licked his lips "dont think overeating, then almost having sex helped" he muttered, groaning when the baby kicked.

cas patted his bump, eyes traveling to the table "some ice-cream?" he moved, lifting the melting tub with his other hand.

dean swallowed "u-uh .. if .. i puke, i blame you, b-but sure"

cas softly laughed, "hey now, i didnt tell you to overeat in the middle of the night" 

_dean whined, grinning lazily though. "not my fault your child makes my stomach hurt" _

_cas laughed again, digging the spoon into the soft ice-cream "only you would overeat to stop a stomachache. only you, dean .. only you"_

_"shut up and feed me, loser"_

_"hey - no judgement here. just sayin"_

_"yeah, yeah"_

_"ice-cream doesnt help an upset stomach, yaknow." dean muttered_

_cas shrugged, "everybodys body is weird, and jody said ice-cream or hot coco helped settle you, so suck it"_

_dean giggled quietly._

_castiel fed dean the half filled spoon, before he dug it in the tub again he stopped, "yaknow, we have a tv in the bedroom, why do we always hang out on the couch? come to think of it i dont think we've ever just had sex in the bedroom ... plus we sleep out here more than in there"_

_dean stopped, his face blank "i dont ... know ...." he squinted at cas. _

_"wonder if the winchester gospel bullshit says we do or not ... heh" _

_castiel quietly laughed, lifting the spoon._

_"_ _hope it says you're a loser"_

_"hope it says you're a beautiful geek"_

_"oh barf, cas."_


	29. 🌼🌸 broken cowboy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaahhhh okay. first piece after my shitty 19th birthday, but at least my tattoo looks rad. 😂
> 
> this was written really quickly too, sorry if theres a ton of edits, im still doing that but i just had to post this right now. i adore this shit. it just came to be so fast and it makes me smile. EVERYONE IS A SOUL MATE IN PAST LIVES.
> 
> im adding a little note at the end because this one is a little stramge so if you dont understand ill explain it down there. 
> 
> i ran with this idea that jen {she mah favourite !!} and i just ... i think i fell into this weird headspace and got lost there 😂
> 
> also, i used two movies as references here and jody 'quotes' one. SPOILER: jody quotes My Darling Clementine even though they're watching Tombstone. so.. my bad whoops.
> 
> i also totally stole dean and cas' cowboys looks from shit jensen ans misha were on. dean's look is from the supernatural episode "Frontierland" and castiel's look is from the episode of Legacy that misha was on ... just to clear up whatever the hell they're wearin
> 
> takes place around Stress And Ice  
warnings: name calling (i was bad, sue me), swearing, death mention, old west stuff 😂
> 
> words: 3,076.
> 
> ps - ENJOY !!
> 
> posted on march 16th 2020.
> 
> ** edited on may 24th 2020 **

17 year old dean winchester scooped freshly made popcorn into a large purple bowl, letting the butter melt for a few more seconds before he tipped the tray into the bowl on top.

he grinned when four large bowls were finished, he turned to the three brothers sitting in the living-room.

"melted butter for castiel in the blue bowl. melted butter and ranch pepper for lucifer in the red bowl, and melted butter with skittles for gabriel in the yellow bowl. nobody touches my popcorn with m&ms in the purple bowl or yall are dead." dean announced, carrying over castiel and his bowls to the living-room and returning with gabriel and lucifers.

gabe laughed, "nah, m&ms are too weird for me. peanut, plain, whatever else they got ... skittles remain the same" he grinned.

lucifer rolled his eyes from the loveseat, kicking gabriel lightly in the back with his feet, "candy junkie"

when gabe giggled with a mouthful of popcorn lucifer grinned before shrugging at the tv, "so _tombstone_?" he asked, taking a few pieces of greasy popcorn from the bowl on his lap.

dean wiggled against castiel on the couch, getting comfy on his lap before leaning back against his chest, "nope, _my darling clementine._ one of my favourites, but we can watch Tombstone next."

castiel nodded, "western night ... sounds good"

both gabe and luce nodded. the four boys relaxed where they were sitting, eating popcorn.

in the one hour and forty-three minutes My Darling Clementine ran, both gabriel and castiel had fallen asleep.

dean quietly laughed as cas' face was pressed against the back of his neck, softly snoring and drooling down his back. lucifer laughed before getting up, taking dean's camera from the kitchen island, taking a photo and clearing up the empty popcorn bowls.

"you tired, kid?" he asked dean.

the winchester looked up at the oldest shurley brother, "hell nah. still early, put in _tombstone_." 

dean squinted in the hot sun, tipping his large cowboy hat forward to shade his eyes. he gripped the straps on his black horse, the saddle hurting his already bowlegs from riding for hours.

with sam set to marry miss jessica in a few days time once their father got back into town, things were rather busy for the winchesters. not that dean minded, it was almost sort of boring out on the farm for long periods of time. 

once a small wooden farmhouse came into view he smiled to himself.

a little boy was running around the garden, while a tall woman with black hair was picking things and putting them in the basket she was carrying.

dean rode up slightly faster, waving as he went past. with quick ease he stopped near the house, the boy running barefoot through the long grass, his blonde hair shining in the sun.

dean jumped off his horse, letting her drink and eat as he smoothed his hand down her coat and tied her up "there ya go, ol' gal" 

"big brother! big brother!"

dean turned as owen ran up towards him, he smiled wide, getting down to his knees as his little brother jumped on him, knocking them both down into the gravel and dirt.

"hey ya lil' squirt" they laughed, the sound echoing in the middle of nowhere.

dean sat up, lifting owen with him before standing up to his tall height.

"you been good for ma?" he questioned, while he straightened his baby brother's dirty white shirt.

owen giggled, nodded "course!"

dean laughed setting owen back down on the ground, taking off his cowboy hat and placing it on owen's head, tipping it as far back as it would go without falling off. owen's slender fingers gripped the rim, grinning with his missing teeth up at his big brother.

dean looked over to the garden before back to owen, "i'll ... _rrrrrace ya_" he laughed as he took off, his boots and loose pants tossed loose dirt up as he ran, owen's laughter was bubbly as he ran as fast as he could behind dean.

he tripped over freshly ripped up roots, falling down next to the basket full of food. a soft "oof" was heard when owen jumped on him once he had rolled over to his back.

"ma-ma! i gots de!" owen grinned, the sun had made his smile almost blinding. dean laughed, pinching and poking at his little brother's baby fat soft body.

jody laughed from beside them, her dress pooled out around her as she kneeled, her hands covered in dirt as they pulled veggies from the ground.

"hey ma" dean smiled.

jody turned, smiling at her middle son's relaxed face, "hello dean, how was town?"

dean hummed, sitting up and letting owen settle in his lap, "sammy 'n miss jessica are comin in for the funeral on the train later. miss donna was askin bout you too" 

the shurley family had recently lost their mother.

their father was the preacher in town. the oldest boy, lucifer was around sam's age, and a blacksmith. the middle boy, gabriel worked in the saloon and the church with his father. the youngest son, castiel, was around dean's age, with a bad history.

an outlaw from an early age, the rotten apple in the eyes of his father. he'd left town a few years ago at the age of 16, but had come back a few months ago. somehow, he'd become town sheriff after the sudden death of old sheriff colt.

now at the age of 19 castiel shurley was a non-drinking, card playin, gun slingin, cold blooded killer with a badge and a passion for making people hurt if they dared crossed him and his family.

their youngest sibling, a girl by the name of hannah, was the image of their mother, and owen's age. dean felt the most sorry for her, losing someone at that young age.

not that he had, but some days he wished sammy and john would get it served to them. 

"dean?" jody waved a dirty hand in front of him.

dean snapped back into current time, "sorry. pardon, ma?" he blinked, shading his face with his hands as the sun beat down on his freckled face.

jody smiled, her hands held a now filled basket, veggies overloading it. "i said i got some pies coolin in the house. we should get washed up, n dressed for the funeral, ride to town to see sam and miss jessica off the train. "

owen whined at the thought of bathing. dean laughed, nodding at his mother.

"c'mon lil squirt" he tickled owen, lifting him to his shoulders, helping jody to her feet and walking with her towards the house. jody walked in with the basket, owen was placed back on the ground and dean was left hauling buckets of water from their well. 

the water was a light brown colour, he frowned and shook the bucket.

when the water didnt clear he lowered another bucket before raising that one. light brown water stared back at him again, he sighed as he lifted both buckets and made his way into the house, "ma! the water's turnin 'gain. gunna have-ta dig 'new one tom-mor'a. maybe sammy or dad'll help me"

jody walked from their table that sat by the wall, looking into the buckets._ "oh hell"_

dean slowly nodded. "why dont ya wash here in the tub? i can handle lil' squirt outside .." he suggested, shrugging over to their metal tub that sat under one of the windows near the biggest bed.

jody smiled sadly, kissing dean's lightly stubbled cheek, "oh thank you. clothes?"

dean hummed, "handled." he grinned, digging through his trunk by his bedroll. 

"i'll be quick" dean muttered as he pulled off owen's shirt and began unclasping his overalls. owen whined, pouting down at dean.

"hey man, i gotta wash too. it aint any fun either"

owen pouted more, dean just quietly laughed before squeezing out the wet rag and running it across his little brother's freckled cheeks. once he was done owen was put into another, slightly cleaner white shirt and another pair of overalls.

these ones didnt have as many patches as the earlier pair.

dean was cleaned of travel and garden dirt, and was dressed in a loose black shirt, his brown vest buttoned over it, his loose pants from earlier were patted clean of dirt and shoved back on along with his beloved dusty cowboy boots.

he pushed owen's floppy hair back, double checked it before he nodded to himself.

"when do i get my own hat?" the young boy asked as dean pushed his cowboy hat back on his own dirty-blonde head.

"when you're old enough, lil squirt"

jody walked out in a white lace dress, her long black hair pulled back, floating behind her as she walked. her heels were short and buttoned tight.

miss donna had given them to her, and since john wasnt in town she had pulled it out of hiding.

dean helped her onto his horse, lifting owen next, his feet still bare and his smile wider than ever. jody held him as dean untied daphne and walked her down the road, her saddle left on the wooden post by the house.

after about halfway to town dean climbed on daphne and sped her up. owen giggled as they galloped faster, meeting the train as it pulled in.

the middle winchester boy helped everyone off his horse, holding her straps and owen's hands as they walked to the station.

a tall man with long hair and a dark brown cowboy hat walked out first, a shorter woman with long blonde hair and a short dress walked out next. jody waved as her oldest son walked over with the woman. 

sam let go of jessica walking over to dean and owen. he smirked, tipped his hat to them before pinching dean's cheek, only letting go to flick at the now sore and red spot with his long middle finger.

"still wearin rags, huh?" sam smirked, flicking dean's cowboy hat backwards before walking back to jody.

_"bastard"_ dean muttered under his breath.

owen looked up at dean with wide eyes. dean squeezed his hand. _you didnt hear that._

"sorry we're late, had to catch a train from the east, you know we had lunch with the new president! oh, he's wonderful!" jessica's loud squeaky voice was heard.

dean cringed, but smiled painfully as they walked with them.

daphne snorted causing jessica to jump. sam held her as she turned to dean, _"ugh!_ watch your ... _thing_, dean. or i will send it to be glue"

owen's mouth opened just as dean pulled him back "always so nice to see you too, miss jessica" he gritted.

when jody smiled sadly at them, dean rolled his eyes halfly, sighing and helping owen back on daphne to follow them.

_"whore"_ he muttered darkly.

"cover your eyes" dean said when they made it further into the small town. owen did as told.

surprisingly, there were no gun fights in the saloon today, but there had been a hanging. dean looked up at as the man was left hung up hours later, they walked by slowly, jessica's annoying voice ringing in his ears.

miss donna walked past, waving at jody and dean as they passed. dean grinned to himself when his mother turned to watch her walk away. jody quickly turned back when sam began talking again.

everyone was walking to the church, people waved at sam and jessica. in a few days time, instead of a funeral everyone would be packed in for their wedding.

their father would be back home, after spending a few days down in Tombstone. dean could hardly wait. _note the sarcasm. _

castiel stood by the church doors, light brown cowboy hat in hand that matched his buttoned vest in colour, nodding to the folks that walked in.

the sun was beginning to set, the lanterns were burning hot and bright, the open coffin at the front of the church, dean swallowed causing his adam's apple to bob.

_he saw enough weird shit in his head, he didnt really want to see a truly dead person in real life._

dean held onto daphne's straps just a little tighter as they got stopped. sam and jessica went in, lucifer held drinks out for them.

gabriel waved at jody, walking over to chat. a short redhead followed him, a baby in her arms.

cas nodded down at everyone, before he handed a lantern to gabriel, picking up his own and walking down the steps towards dean.

_"why mister winchester, havent seen yall round these parts before"_ castiel smirked lazily, his accent a mix of texan and boston.

dean snorted softly, "what can i help ya with, _sheriff shurley"_

castiel groaned _"needa blow"_

dean's eyes widened, looking up at owen on his horse, luckily he was watching people walk into the church.

"shut your face, pig" dean whispered, cheeky smile plastered on his face, castiel quietly laughed.

jody joined the two boys, "are you coming in?"

dean slightly cringed, he licked his lips, ready to start making excuses before castiel jumped in, "mrs. winchester, would you mind if i took dean out for a walk?"

jody eyed him. castiel was sheriff, he'd be safe, but castiel was also a wanted man, he was an outlaw after-all.

"can i come too?" owen asked, his legs swinging on daphne's back, dean held his barefoot and lightly glared at him.

jody bit her bottom lip before she nodded, "be safe"

dean nodded, "we will, ma."

a young girl ran out of the church with lucifer running after her, "no!" she screamed, "hannah, get back here!" he yelled.

castiel caught hannah as she ran by, she kicked her feet out, struggling to ger away. lucifer doubled over, panting "t-thanks"

castiel raised an eyebrow "the hell, lucifer?" he sighed, "she doesnt wanna be there. but dad ... is, well ..."

castiel lifted his younger sister, their faces shadowed from the night creeping in "wanna come on a walk with dean, owen and daphne?" he asked.

hannah sniffled, nodding slowly. lucifer started talking when dean took hannah and placed her on daphne in front of owen.

castiel turned to his oldest brother, "look luce." he lowered his voice to above a whisper "ma-ma just died, as did your wife. dont make her sit through another funeral"

lucifer threw his arms up, stomping back up the steps "you owe me"

dean and castiel's boots brought up dust as they walked beside dean's beloved horse. owen and hannah ran around in front of them, castiel swung a lantern keeping his eyes on the kids.

dean chewed the stem of a wildflower that castiel had picked when they started the walk.

"we should head back. knowing my father he's probably in a hurry for unknown reasons to bury her. bastard" castiel muttered.

dean nodded slowly. "that lady, with gabriel ...?" he trailed off, raising his eyebrows.

castiel chuckled, ran his open hand through his long sandy-blonde hair. his curls sticking to his neck and forehead. "thats rowena. gabriel was out east, near boston when she came here by boat. that's her son _fergus_ .... gabriel claims he's in love. rowena is nice enough, i can see it."

dean softly laughed, "more than sam and jess?"

castiel snorted. 

"dean ... _everyone_ is more in love than sam and jessica."

dean laughed, owen turned with a toothless grin. "that .. thats true."

cas knocked shoulders with him, "c'mon now, abe lincoln would have tea with us more than them, dont'cha think?"

owen's bare-feet ran towards dean with his grin still in place, dean's cowboy hat shaking on his head as he ran. dean picked him up, smiling as owen snuggled under his chin.

castiel helped dean get on daphne, picked up hannah, placing her on the horse before he got on her, hannah got on his lap and quickly fell asleep as daphne galloped down the dirt roads. 

"yaknow, its a sad day ... but this was fun." castiel murmured from behind dean, his arms holding hannah but his left hand layed on dean's hip.

when dean turned, their eyes met, sparkling in the moonlight. "oh yeah?" he whispered.

their cowboys hats were back on their heads, as castiel leaned foreward the rims touched, pushing them up.

"lets run away together" he whispered back.

dean softly laughed, "i got some people i wanna take with ..."

castiel grinned "so do i"

dean looked down at castiel's badge "is this the sheriff talking ... or the outlaw with an itchy trigger finger"

_"how about it's just from a lovesick cowboy looking at the best set of green eyes this side of the mississippi." castiel said, leaning closer to dean. _

_"i can accept that" dean smiled._

_daphne had stopped, seeing as dean had stopped pulling on her straps. _

_there, under the pale moonlight with sleeping little siblings on their laps, the two cowboys kissed. castiel softly laughed as he pulled away. dean grinned. castiel wet his lips before they kissed again._

_the front door swung open, jody stepping into the farmhouse with a shutter. _

_it was nearing midnight and her and donna were still wrapped up at work. she stepped into the living-room with a smile, the tv was playing Tombstone but no eyes were watching._

_ gabriel was asleep on his crushed up beanbag, his head against lucifer's legs. lucifer had fallen to his left side, half hanging off the loveseat. _

_castiel was asleep sitting up against dean, his face tucked up on dean's neck, his hair flat on his forehead. dean was sleeping on castiel's lap, also sitting up, daphne had jumped up and was sleeping on his lap. _

_jody pulled castiel back, letting dean fall on her shoulder before she man-handled him to lay down on cas. daphne meowed before jumping back on dean, laying on his chest. jody covered them with some blankets, moving over to gabriel and lucifer. _

_once lucifer was more on the loveseat and covered, jody picked up gabriel from the floor, laying him down in the lazy-boy, tipping it back and covering him. _

_without another sound jody grabbed up her work papers from the kitchen, only returning to the living-room to kiss everyone's foreheads._

_"sure is a hard town to play a quiet game o' poker in" she quoted with a laugh, the front door shutting behind her._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi. so. 
> 
> dean, castiel, gabriel and lucifer are watching tv when they fall asleep, and they all somehow have the same dream where they live in 1861. yup. thats it. its just to show, in my own wonderful way, that castiel and dean will always be soulmates, heh. they also aged up about a year-ish in the dream.
> 
> also, donna is ... a lady of the night .... but her and jody kinda ... got a little ... soft spot for eachother .... which means they're also always gunna be soulmates ... 
> 
> same with gabe and rowena. moving on now. 😁


	30. 🌸 misfits like us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yup. welcome to the 50s. 
> 
> its after 4 AM. im going on a week with barely any sleep. im tired and i hate this and i had a shitty day and i dont even like this that much. i honestly felt like deleting it a few billion times but it makes my chest hurt stupidly when i delete over 1K words worth of work. *mutters to self*
> 
> so i watched Grease, The Outsiders, Porky's 1 & 2, and Crybaby .... and yup, now we have the gang in the 50s. because we can. but i hate this but i wanted to post because dean and cas will always be soulmates in every time and space timeline yall can think of. 
> 
> and im tired, and have i told you how much i hate this? this may be deleted soon. i think i need an editor or someone to help out somedays or something. aha. i need sleep ... im having a really shitty time.
> 
> warnings: blood mention, self harm mention, death mention, smoking, just .. tons of crying. abuse and swearing.
> 
> by the way, i feel like dean right now. im dean. i guess i write shitty shit when i feel like shit. this verse is supposed to be happy but somedays we need shitty days to make the happy days stand out more.
> 
> words: 1,916.
> 
> posted on march 20th 2020 
> 
> ** edited on may 25th 2020 **

_nashville, tennessee. 1952._

18 year old castiel shurley walked through the empty highschool hallway, books in his left hand, pushed up against his hip as he walked.

his leather jacket was open, his light blue shirt tucked into his tight blue jeans, rolled at the ankle, his dirty motorcycle boots squeaked on the floor. his lighter was getting spun around his fingers on his right hand as he played with it, already ditching class to smoke in the bathroom.

he _could_ be smoking outside, or even head to the diner where gabriel worked but it still seemed too early in the day for that.

cas pushed open the bathroom door, smirking to himself and slamming his books down on the sink. the lighter was flicked, cigarette pulled from behind his ear and pushed between his lips.

he rolled his shoulders as he took a long drag, blowing the smoke towards the ceiling. he chuckled to himself, secretly hoping he set off the sprinklers in the school with the smoke.

both his older brothers had done it at least once, and now that castiel was finally a senior he was eager to try it himself.

seniors mostly got away with everything, because who really gave a shit when they'd be gone forever after the school year was done, yaknow? the school year was only half a year in, early march had set in and castiel was bored out of his skull.

_this year seemed like it was dragging on forever._

a soft sniffle from behind the one closed stall stopped his train of thought. 

14 year old dean winchester had almost made it through the entire morning. _almost_.

he had quickly ran to his locker to change out books he couldnt carry when his older brother had slammed him into his own locker door.

sam was a senior, 6'4, and built. dean was barely 4'11, a freshman and underweight ... there wasnt much he could do.

the night before had been rough already.

john had come home from work, gotten drunk and beaten dean for no reason. that was usual.

john blamed dean for the death of their mother. dean didnt even know their mother, but her death was his fault and he knew it.

sam had pulled him backwards by the collar of his shirt, slammed him repeatedly into his locker until he fell, his lip busted open again, blood running from his nose and lip.

he couldnt take it anymore. his arms itched. his sides hurt. his stomach churned, rolling painfully.

the bell rang just as he locked himself into the empty bathroom stall. he pushed the toilet lid closed, his dirty and broken sneakers whined as he stepped on it, sitting himself down on the tank, leaning against the wall.

loud broken sobs forced themselves out of his mouth, blood poured from his face, salty tears mixed in, dripping down onto his hands as he tried wiping them away.

his knees ached, he moved his legs to check for other injuries, only finding that the left knee of his jeans were ripped with a bloody knee underneath did he move on to the rest of his body. his ribs were bruised again.

the old ones fading, a brand new purple replacing the dying ones, he was just thankful sam didnt kick his broken one out of place.

he gagged from how hard he was crying, his body shivered. he lowered his black shirt, sniffling and wiping his nose on his wrist. his arms itched more.

he scratched at his scars, wanting to open the newest one but he was at school with no jacket. 

when the door opened he had sucked in a sharp breath. he jumped and covered his mouth when something slammed against the sink.

he already had a rough morning and night, he just wanted to be alone and have a breakdown in peace, was that too much to ask for? more hot tears fell, his body shaking from wanting to cry out, but he held it in. smoke rose to the ceiling over the stall walls, he sniffled quietly before he could stop himself.

the chuckle he heard earlier had to belong to a guy, the sound too deep for a chick. he heard someone walk across the floor, he gulped, thinking that whoever it was, was going to pull him out by his shirt and beat the shit out of him once they saw his tears.

what happened was different, much to his surprise, a gentle knock broke the tension.

"hey man .. you okay in there?"

castiel was confused.

it sounded like someone was _crying in the boys bathroom._

he shrugged to himself before taking the chance and walking across the room, knocked on the door and asked if whoever was in there if they were okay. when silence followed castiel shook his head, _maybe he just heard it in his head._

"c-c-cas?" a quiet voice stuttered out.

castiel raised an eyebrow, squinting before his eyes widened, "dean?" he asked.

the winchesters had been new in town at the beginning of the year. castiel was sort-of-but-not-really-but-sorta friends with sam, but only because one of his many friends had gotten to be friends with sam first and that meant that castiel was also suddenly friends with him.

honestly, if you asked cas, sam winchester was a massive dickhead with an ego that the state of texas would be jealous of. he'd made it on the football team with no problems, had begun dating jessica, the head cheerleader.

sam was a senior, and every girl wanted him, cas only wished he knew why.

dean on the other hand ... dean was a freshman, and was tossed to the side like it was nothing. 

the first time castiel had met dean was when sam and jessica strolled into the diner one night.

sam had bitched the entire time that he had been forced to bring dean along, to which castiel and gabriel had shared a look and thus began the protective streak cas had rolling. dean was under the youngest shurley's wing at all times.

castiel was never seen without dean and dean was never seen without castiel. they worked well together.

cas was a greaser, all fight and perfectly greased hair with a kick ass motorcycle that he built himself. dean was a nerd, short, tiny, so small castiel could carry him in his pocket if he wanted, he drew for hours, he sat and watched clouds all day.

sam ... well sam was nothing but a jock, and that wouldnt last long. even though castiel was done school in a few months he had promised dean he'd always be there to look after him. 

the bathroom stall door was unlocked and pushed open.

_"fuck, kid."_ cas grumbled, he leaned forward, catching dean as he stumbled out.

he dragged the smaller boy towards the sink, knocked out his cigarette in the sink before tossing it in the trash and lifting dean up.

dean was pale, the blood beginning to dry, tear track cleared skin and freckled popped from under them. castiel held his face in his hands, looking over his busted lip and bloody face.

"who did this to you" he growled, his voice deep and low.

"was it sammy? john? who did it, dean" his thumbs pushed dean's chin up, their eyes meeting before dean looked down, fresh tears rolled down castiel's hands.

dean's body shook as he started crying all over again, castiel had tried cleaning his face, only picking and wiping about half of the blood off.

he pulled the shorter boy against him, tucking dean under his chin, picking him up and slowly rocking him as he walked around the bathroom. when he gagged harshly cas quickly set him back down on the sink, rubbing his back and running his other hand through his hair.

"its okay babyboy. hey, now .. c'mon, just think. in a few months time we're gunna pack everything we can, and we're gunna drive so far away from this place. lucifer and gabriel are gunna be with us, we're gunna be together. we're gunna go all over the place. nobody's gunna care about us expect for us about each-other, okay? how does that sound babyboy?" castiel whispered so quietly, dean's snotty nose was almost louder as he struggled to breathe.

dean layed against cas' chest, head tucked safely under cas' chin.

his small body hidden against a blue shirt, cas' leather jacket was pulled off and wrapped around him, he felt himself being lifted and carried. the bathroom door creaked, castiel's boots squeaked along the empty hall.

it was dark when dean woke up.

gabriel laughed, lucifer shushed him but laughed along. dean squinted, groaning softly as he rubbed at his eyes, tried sitting up before a hand pushed him back down.

"hey, hey, hey ... no moving. that broken rib's gotta heal up" chuck's gentle voice calmed him.

dean swallowed, squinting as he looked around. he was on the couch in the shurley house. _shit._ panic began to rise, it was dark, he missed school_ ... fuck, dad, and sam .. and .._

dean tried sitting again, he gasped when lucifer stood up and helped chuck push him back down

"hey kid, its okay. its okay. cas'll be back soon. dont worry." lucifer said, leaning down next to the couch. dean sighed, rubbing his tired eyes once more.

gabriel came bouncing up behind him, smile on his face before he ploped down next to dean, "hey dean-o! glad you're up, got ya this huge sucker i got today from work!" he grinned wildly.

gabriel and dean talked. mostly gabe, lucifer noted. but dean was awkward, and quiet, and that was understandable.

castiel came through the door a few minutes after dean had fallen asleep while gabriel dragged on about how to make the perfect milkshake.

"well?" lucifer muttered, catching castiel's leather jacket when cas threw it. cas smirked "oh yeah man, its perfect. got 'im good. kevin said it'd be all over school by tomorrow, it's already spreadin through town, so we better go." he smirked more.

a tall redhead lady walked into the room, her curls tight and tall on her head, cas smiled as he kissed her cheek "hello mother" 

castiel shook dean awake, dean softly grunting. "hey babyboy, lets hit the road, okay?"

dean made a face, his eyebrows knitted together. _"what?"_ he asked, lucifer flicked cas' hair

"at least tell him what you did"

dean looked from lucifer back to cas, a slightly horrified look started to grow.

cas sighed "that ... that nightclub, _porky's_ .. outside of town, yaknow? well ... about half n hour ago upcoming football star sam winchester was arrested there for underage drinking .. _among other things"_ cas smirked.

dean's mouth fell open.

gabriel giggled "well, lots more happened but thats another story. we're going on our road-trip _NOW!"_ he grinned, jumping up.

_"i'm leaving my motorcycle behind and we're taking lucifer's car. we snuck over to your place and packed your clothes and your camera, okay?" castiel whispered, his hand ran through dean's messy short hair._

_dean's mouth twitched, the ice pack on his ribs fell to the couch under him as he struggled to raise himself up on his elbows. he kissed castiel hard. _

_oh yeah, dropping out of school to travel with this gang was truly the dream._

_"misfits like us ... we live how we gotta live to survive, dean. and survive, we will"_


	31. 🌸 R.I.P. 2 My Youth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ..... yup.
> 
> with the world as it is i decided to binge the walking dead again. and the supernatural episode "the end" ... and basically all horror movies and shows about the apocalypse because i feel like i could be a badass about that shit.
> 
> but binging the walking dead reminded me how much i miss carl, cuz carl was such a lil badass. from the scared kid to this strong ass mofo with one eye ... ah carl grimes ... you hero.
> 
> is anyone getting sick of my weird ass au's in my already au world? heh, sorry. i'll get back to the main story or whatever is happening there. i just like writting and posting my strange ideas with no shame or guilt, yaknow?
> 
> but anyways ... i just made dean, carl ... because i think my version of dean would be a badass carl ... because yes. i feel like i need new ideas or something. eh.
> 
> warnings: birth scene, death ... lots of death. zombies. a one eyed dean with an awesome glare. shooting stuff. guns. swearing.
> 
> words: 2, 097.
> 
> posted on march 22nd 2020
> 
> ** edited on may 25th 2020 **

the apocalypse had began when dean winchester was 10, and if anything, dean was actually pretty glad dead people started to walk the earth.

yeah, it was scary, but it had changed his life in so many ways that he was grateful.

the power had gone out first.

it had been early spring, the missing heat flowing through the vents had been the worst. candles had been lit everywhere in the house.

john had phoned uncle bobby before the phone lines had gone dead. the food supply was going lower and lower with each passing day.

jody held dean, kept him calm the best she could, had tried to keep everything as normal as could be. jody went into labour the day uncle bobby showed up, the door had boards re-nailed once he was in the house.

dean kneeled next to his mother, openly crying as jody grunted, panted and squeezed the sheets under her body. she had screamed, things started to bang at the door, the doorknob twisting and rattling, dean had whimpered, holding onto his mom, hiding his face as she made pained noises. 

_"babyboy, im okay. its okay."_ she had whispered, her lips dry and chapped.

dean had cried harder, staying close to her. her hands ran through his hair she had cut earlier in the day.

it had been the middle of the night, dean held her hand and her right leg as john shouted. uncle bobby shouted back. jody grunted in pain. dean cried. things banged against the door again.

_"ma-ma"_ dean cried, biting his bottom lip to stop it from shaking.

_"babyboy"_ jody whispered sadly, trying her best to smile at him.

in a panic as more things pushed on the front door, john covered jody's face with pillows as she screamed. bobby shoved john away when jody didnt move. dean started to panic, began shaking his mother's body, yelling at her to wake up.

a bloody wriggling baby was pulled from her lifeless body, screaming bloody murder. dean sobbed, holding his baby brother as john raised his gun.

bobby and john started to fight, dean stood up to break it up. the blast rang out next to right ear, leaving it to ring loudly as he fell to the ground.

the next thing he remembered was the front door being busted open, dead people tripping over themselves and others as they crawled and stumbled in.

bobby picked up jody's body, dean tried to focus as he grabbed his baby brother and ran for his life, following his uncle.

it had been raining.

dirt had turned into heavy mud, but that didnt stop the skinny, short 10 year old body from spending most of the day digging in the ground. at least the rain covered the tears.

dean helped bobby clean jody's body, dressing her in her soft sundress that dean loved. bobby lowered her in the deep hole he later helped dean dig. he refilled it as dean made a cross.

it was placed, the entire grave was covered in wildflowers after.

"whatcha gunna call yer kid brother?" bobby had asked that night.

dean hadnt said a word. he looked down at the baby in his arms before looking up at bobby.

"...how .. how 'bout _owen_?" he whispered.

bobby smiled, nodded, _"owen it is."_

the next day bobby cleared the old family house of john's remains. dean went straight to his parents bedroom, opening the closet and pushing clothes side to side.

he pulled out jody's sheriff windbreaker and cowboy hat. her sheriff badge remained on the hat, he pulled it off and shoved it in his bag along with the jacket.

a framed photo was also in the bag.

that had been years ago.dean winchester was 18 now.

he'd lost his hearing in his right ear from when john shot his mother over his head. the ear had a permanent ring that drove him crazy but had learned to ignore if he kept busy. _if_ and _could, _keep busy, _of course_.

at 13 he had been helping their small group across a hot zone of croats when some dumb-ass had decided that dean was a terrible leader. to save his ass or take away his gun, whatever dean could do first, he had actually let another person take owen from his arms, and ran his way through moaning zombies.

only to have the bastard turn, sick smirk in place and shoot at him.

uncle bobby, or _dad_, as dean had taught owen, had ran with dean in his arms, the small community they had joined had a doctor.

she had saved dean's life, but now dean winchester was a 13 year old apocalypse survivor with one eye, hearing in one ear, a ratty old sheriff hat that had been damaged from wear and tear and the sun, and enough weapons on his person to take the old him cringe.

he had refused to take off his bandages around owen, only muttering to bobby that he didnt want owen to see the gaping hole and scar tissue on his big brother's face.

dean barely talked.

at 15 he had been on a supply run with rufus, charlie, bobby and rosie.

his gun strapped to his thigh, knife hooked on his belt, long hair hung over his face, sheriff hat in place on his head, bandages a little _too tight_ across his face.

his wind breaker crinkled as he shuffled low, moving slowly and carefully. rosie walked in behind him, sighing softly as dean remained close to the floor, his eye scanning the small grocery store.

"dean ... nobody is here. no croats, no people .. nothin" she said, popping a bubblegum bubble loudly.

dean flinched before glaring at her. she shrugged.

they gathered what they could, packing their bags while continuing to keep a look out.

how it happened was slow, but seemed to happen so fast. rosie took the bag dean handed her, rufus and charlie met them by their parked cars.

dean sat on the hood of his 67 chevy impala, running perfectly. it was the only thing that made him feel relaxed, next to kinda just being a kid again around owen.

he pulled out a small rubber duck from his jeans pocket, slightly smiling to himself. owen was ... 5 now? time didnt matter anymore, dean had no clue how old he was anymore, he figured owen would enjoy the rubber duck.

he heard noise behind him.

but it wasnt his small family. _no, the sounds were too different. their footsteps were too in place for them to be croats. they were people._

he straighted his back and slid off his car hood. a man's voice got closer, he crouched down and sidestepped his way down the passenger side of the impala.

charlie notices them first, her voice yelled something before guns were raised and people started talking.

there was a group of people, just outside of town, the place was called The Hilltop. they needed help. dean's hand was ghosting above the handle to his knife when he heard bobby and rufus agree to help.

rufus was always too trusting, so dean understood ... but for bobby to agree ... _something was wrong._ and it didnt surprise him when he turned out to be right.

he couldnt watch uncle bobby die slowly like his mother had. it didnt make it any less painful of course.

the preacher at the hilltop suggested dean move to the hilltop for owen to be close to the graves. rosie and charlie were part of the package. _they moved. _

the preacher had three sons.

two living and breathing still. the oldest, lucifer had been killed on a supply run.

dean understood, croats were hard to hear, always sneaking up on people. thats how most people died.

gabriel was the middle son, goofy, wide smile in place. a sucker hung from his mouth, dean was confused. he hadnt had candy in years and yet this guy had more than enough. but then again people didnt think like dean did.

and finally the youngest son, castiel, had dean's full attention. he was tall, his short hair was thick, jet black, messy and tangled. his stubble was dark but short, his left eye had a scar above and under it. the pupil was dilated. his right eye remained ... _normal_.

he knew how to sign, which shocked dean, but he was sure he didnt show any emotion when castiel signed back. there was no need for emotion, he had a family to keep safe and croats to kill. 

the eye injury was from a horde. _made sense._

the scar, from a window breaking. the pupil dilated from glass and a rock being tossed at castiel's face when he jumped through the window.

gabriel always managed to find candy no matter where he went, that was _his superpower._ or _whatever_. dean feels like he tuned him out and listened to the ringing in his ear during that talk.

over time, dean talked to castiel, his voice deep and scratchy, fading around the edges. the eye reminded him of david bowie. castiel grinned upon hearing that. he loved david bowie, as did dean.

the sheriff hat and windbreaker were jody's, and dean never went anywhere without wearing them. castiel understood that, a locket that was his mother's was hung around his neck.

dean's hair was long, refusing to have it cut since his mother was the last person to do that. it also hid his face bandages. it didnt take long for them to barely be apart from each-other.

19 year old castiel stood behind an 18 year old dean.

he held dean's long hair in his hands, combing his long, rough fingers through it, swiping it behind dean's ears.

an 8 year old owen ran in the room.

"owen! get out!" dean growled, moving away from cas and brushing his long hair over his face, his bandages not covering his missing eye.

owen quickly looked down at the floor, castiel's hands pulled dean's long silky hair back again, grabbing the bandages and beginning to wrap them.

"whats up kiddo?" cas asked, noticing how owen was peaking at them through his long eyelashes.

the boy lifted his head, a smile broke out, showing off his missing front teeth "au't ro says we could go s'ootin to'ay!"

dean quietly laughed, his eye blinking in the mirror he was sat in front of.

castiel noticed both brothers shared long, dark curly eyelashes and freckles plastered across their faces. he tied the bandages at the base of dean's head, pulling back his hair and letting it fall back down.

dean rolled his shoulders and turned to his little brother "ya 'member what i told ya?" he questioned, eyebrow raised.

owen bounced on his heels "gun's no joke. ha'e one means to pro'keck" he grinned.

dean snorted at the air, smiling at him. 

gabriel stood next to rowena, lollipop in hand as dean and owen ran down the stairs, castiel laughing as he ran behind them.

gabe handed the sucker to owen, rowena kissed dean's cheek before turning and walking out with owen and gabriel.

cas wrapped his arm around dean's shoulders, pulling him close as they walked out behind the other couple.

"yaknow, im glad i met you. i guess im grateful the world went to hell all that time ago ..." he mumbled.

dean chuckled, shaking his head, the sheriff hat on his head was tipped back as dean looked up at cas with his one beautiful green eye.

"how ya ever fell in love with a one eyed, half deaf, mute, stone cold guy tryna keep his kid brother safe ..._ i will never understand."_ dean grinned.

"but i guess im pretty grateful too. i never knew i could be this strong. having you helps me out a lot too. its nice" he whispered as he trailed off. 

_"i feel like i can be a kid again around you" castiel smiled, walking with dean through the compound, waving at the people they passed. _

_"i dont remember being a kid. dont think i ever was one. owen is better off, even with croats around." dean replied, waving at the kids running around with owen. gabriel and rowena were talking with each other, also watching the kids. _

_cas and dean's hips bumped against each other. dean's knife handle showed through his tight shirt. the shape of cas' gun showed through his shirt. "the world is weird. but i like it" castiel said._

_dean nodded. _

_"the world is fucked up. but not for forever."_


	32. 🌸 gee ma, i wanna go home!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is probably the proudest ive been to post something ... i ADORE this one to pieces. 
> 
> have any of you seen M*A*S*H ?? its one of my favourite vintage shows and im even nicknamed after hawkeye. so while re-binging it .. because i binge watch all my favourite episodes about once a week ... true story ... i figured i wanted to make another little au piece in my happy little verse.
> 
> i tried matching MASH characters the best i could with my version of the supernatural characters. i also twisted it a bit to fit, but it just ended up working so well, i think. im so friggen proud of this piece ... yall got no idea 😂
> 
> this is loosely based on the MASH episode "The Bus". because its one of my favourites. i tried adding real lines from the actual episode, and tried making it as close to the real episode as i could, while still working in my own storyline and lines to fit the characters, of course. i also added different jokes from MASH and some of my favourite lines from different episodes. this just ended up being a tribute to MASH without trying 😂
> 
> anyhow. i'll spoil who everyone is based off of now before we get too carried away.
> 
> bobby - colonel potter. i figured it was closer than henry, but it alsp just made sense? old father figure on MASH too ...
> 
> lucifer - frank burns. as soon as i sat down to write this, it just popped into my head and i ran with it. again, it seemed so friggen fitting !!
> 
> gabriel - bj hunnicut. AGAIN, bj was a trickster on MASH ... i mean ... I HAD TOO OKAY?!
> 
> castiel - hawkeye pierce ... AGAIN !! AGAIN !! misha even looks like alan alda when MASH was on ... I MEAN C'MON !! PEOPLE, LISTEN TO ME !!
> 
> dean - radar o'reilly. seriously, my version of dean is such a radar. and i love that shit. im basically radar in real life but am nicknamed Hawkeye ... 😂
> 
> if yall enjoy this i might make more. im just so proud of this. i mixed my two favourites and this au was made ... now, its past 3:30 AM .. les'go !!
> 
> warnings: bad name callin, its the 50s, it happens, okay. just once though. medical stuff. blood. swearing. war. guns. should be it, i used a lighter MASH episode, rather than a heavy drama one.
> 
> words: 3,688. (i went so far into this ... please enjoy !!)
> 
> posted on march 24th 2020
> 
> ** edited on may 27th 2020 **

_somewhere in south korea. 1952. _

castiel shurley was in his late twenty's, and had been one of the million unlucky bastards who'd gotten drafted into this stupid war.

luckily enough for him, his older brothers were also unlucky, and somehow, someway, all three brothers ended up at the same MASH unit. while they were all still unlucky, they had each-other, and that had to count for something.

_didnt it?_

their commanding officer was an older man, went by the name of bobby singer. nice enough fella, was in both world wars. was always up for a drink any time of day, loved to share old war stories, would paint to pass time, loved westerns, and was proud as punch to have a horse again while out here.

the oldest shurley brother was lucifer, or _major shurley_, as he often reminded his kid brothers.

_"he's just that dedicated" castiel had laughed under his breath one day._

gabriel was castiel's other older brother. a 6'4 tall, skinny little shit who adored playing pranks on lucifer and others in the camp.

castiel was the youngest, a 6'3 tall black haired, blue eyed beauty of a man.

both he and gabriel were "mere captains, but damn fine surgeons" or so they had been told.

lucifer was married, had a wife and two girls back home. gabriel was also married, a short scottish redhead who'd sass you out in a heartbeat, and a brand new baby boy at home. castiel was the only one unmarried, and in no real hurry to change that fact. 

cas groaned as he was shaken out of a poor sleep, he rolled his shoulders after they bumped with gabriel's, who was sharing the bus seat with him. corporal dean winchester was driving the large bus.

_corporal dean winchester._ a curious case if there ever was.

dean winchester was about 4'11, if he was even that.

castiel found himself to a bit of slob, his army boots ruined from standing in surgery, walking in blood, the laces always undone. he hardly shaved, his stubble usually stuck around for awhile, but he always shaved before it became more than stubble. his clothes were rumpled and dirty.

next to dean winchester though, well ... come to think of it, cas didnt think he ever saw dean in line for the showers.

dean's boots had to be about two sizes too big for him, same with his jacket. his shirt was tucked into his baggy pants, the belt pulled as tight as it could go. his hair was a light dirty-blonde shade, curly as all hell and messy beyond anything, his beanie was pulled down, the rim rested around the middle of his forehead. his freckles ran across his crooked nose and baby-fat cheeks, apple green eyes hidden by thick eyelashes. his stubble was light, he was only a few months into being 18.

his round glasses, too dirty to probably see thru correctly were pushed up again once the bus hit another bump.

the colonel woke up next.

"everything alright up there, dean?" colonel singer asked, sitting up in his bus seat.

gabriel and castiel shifted themselves, looking up at dean.

"i think the bus may be havin kittens, sir" dean's heavy kansas accent busted out, his arms steady on the wheel and gear shift.

"well for pete's sake" lucifer whined.

castiel rolled his eyes "shut your face big brother. nice to know i wasnt the only other doctor who thought you were annoying, also"

gabriel laughed at that.

the medical conference they were leaving from had drug on for a few days. plenty of new information that needed to be known, but damn it took a lot out of a person.

colonel singer moved from his seat, bending down next to dean, holding onto the back of his bucket seat.

"where are we?" he asked, looking out the windshield.

"uh, about that sir ...." dean cringed, the bus jumped over another bump

"i'll pull over, sir" dean stated just as colonel singer said "pull over son"

the large green bus with the red crosses painted on it pulled over to the side, away from the road and parked next to a row of trees.

colonel singer was out of the bus first, once dean cranked open the doors. castiel and gabriel slid out of their shared seat following lucifer as he hopped out. dean peeled off his jacket, tossing it in his seat. he awkwardly smiled when he turned back around and found castiel standing by the steps, waiting for him.

cas quietly laughed as he wrapped his arm around the kids shoulders, the two of them bouncing down the stairs together and meeting up with everyone in front of the bus.

"well, we cant be far from where we left, which means we cant be far from camp either" colonel singer addressed everybody, adjusting his cap.

lucifer clipped on his holster, making it rest over his buttoned up shirt, just above his hips. gabriel shook his head, rolled his eyes at him. dean rolled up his short sleeves, knocking his dog-tags as he did. 

"what do you suggest we do, colonel?" gabe asked, turning to the shorter older man.

bobby lifted his sleeve to check his watch, looked up at gabe next "before it gets too dark, lets team up and walk 100 yards in each direction, see if we can find anything. we dont want to find ourselves stuck in enemy territory."

lucifer spun around at the words.

cas snorted, sliding his arm off dean's shoulders and walked over to gabriel "yeah, i can stand for that. 100 yards, huh? and we're off, _c'mon mary"_ he grinned, gabriel and he slipped their arms together and skipped off into the row of trees.

dean giggled at them, colonel singer shaking his head.

lucifer took a hold of dean's shirt collar, pulling him with him as he walked around the other side of the bus. dean was confused when he was shoved in front of lucifer.

"sir?" he asked.

lucifer pulled his gun, resting his wrist on dean's right shoulder.

"yeah, well. uh, you see, if the enemy were too .. i dont know, be out here corporal, they'll see i'm a major .. and well, i cant be killed. us majors are the cream of our generation" major shurley explained, pushing dean further ahead as he followed him.

out of fear dean raised his hands, folding them over his head as he walked.

"uh, s-sir? im kinda the cream of my family" dean said, stumbling over broken tree limbs. 

lucifer ignored him, spinning around back to the bus, still in view and not that far away.

he spun around when he heard leaves crinkle. something poked out from behind a nearby tree, lucifer raised his gun, his hands shaking.

"corporal?" he whispered.

"sir?" was whispered back.

luce looked around before bending his knees, getting slighter lower as he crouched "theres something going on behind that tree" he whispered at dean, wherever he was.

"_i'm_ going on behind that tree, sir" dean mumbled, side walking out from behind the tree, gasping he faced lucifer, raising his hands and closing his eyes when the gun was pointed at his chest.

the major groaned, lowering his gun and pulling dean towards him, "have we .. would you say we've gone a hundred yards, corporal?" he asked, looking over dean's head.

dean lowered his hands, "for my money we have, sir" he murmured, taking off from lucifer and running back to the bus without a second thought.

colonel singer stood up straight from where he was resting against the front of the bus when he heard someone get closer to him.

dean ran until he got to the opened doors, breathing heavy while calmly walked over to his commanding officer. he weakly smiled at him when lucifer ran up behind him.

bobby turned when the bushes rustled by the row of trees, castiel and gabriel walked out, wiping their hands and shaking their heads.

"nothing?" the colonel asked.

"i found a little girl in a red hood on her way to meet papa bear" castiel grinned cheekily.

gabriel knocked shoulders with him "wrong story" he said, _"oh"_ cas' face fell for a second, before he shrugged with a grin.

dean's giggled was smothered in his shirt. cas smiled down at him. colonel singer shook his head, turning to lucifer. "oh, uh. reporting nothing, sir"

"a simple crapped out wouldve done, major"

gabriel had to laugh at that.

"its getting dark. lets see if we cant turn back around, stay another night and get new directions in the morning" the colonel said, climbing back on the bus.

"we wouldnt be lost in the first place if it werent for dean" lucifer sneered.

dean's eyes went wide _"me?_ what'd i do?" he gasped out.

castiel raised his hands between them, gabriel slid back into his bus seat, stuck his head out the window at them. "its nobody's fault, lucifer. fighting doesnt help"

lucifer growled, stomping up on the bus. cas patted dean's back, gently pushing him up the bus steps.

he rubbed his face with a sigh, gabriel's nose rested on the rim of the open window, his hands on either side of his face, he wiggled his eyebrows at castiel. cas looked up with a slight grin, "oh wait" he said, writing _Kilroy_ in the dirt of the window, winking up at his older brother before he climbed on the bus himself, gabriel still wiggling his eyebrows.

everyone must've sat there for ten minutes.

dean cranked the engine for the millionth time. _the bus just wouldnt start._

"that last big bump must've jiggled something underneath, sir" dean murmured, he turned around to look at colonel singer, panic in his eyes.

_"oh, swell"_ lucifer complained.

dean looked more hurt upon hearing that. the colonel sighed, reached out and petted dean's beanie "it's okay son, lets see if we cant fix it before it gets dark"

it came as no big surprise when the sun set and everybody but dean stood outside with the bus' hood up.

lucifer had gotten himself electrocuted for his troubles. gabriel had laughed so hard he had fallen down.

castiel broke up yet another fight between his oldest brother and dean, even though dean _did do _what lucifer asked. the problem was, lucifer didnt really dislike dean as much as he said he did, it was just because he was a major, and dean was just a corporal. plus dean just happened to be smart as a whip, but lots of people were smarter than lucifer, and everyone knew that. _except for lucifer. _

dean had jumped off the bus, his baggy jacket zipped up as he handed colonel singer a walkie talkie, but said the other one was at camp, and broken.

but that didnt stop lucifer from turning it on and making an ass out of himself, trying to get any allied personnel to come in.

"nobody reads yah" gabriel had laughed at him.

they were lost, no food, no water, no blankets, no communication, and quite possibly in enemy territory.

_"__what a nice little war to picnic in"_ castiel muttered, more to himself, but had felt bad when dean moved away from him.

it wasnt dean's fault the bus wouldnt start, but he sure felt like it was.

colonel singer alerted everyone back on the bus, where they would bunk down for the night. there were stretchers along the back of the bus, stacked like bunk-beds for wounded. lucifer had layed himself out on the top right one in the far back, while gabriel and cas sat closer to front on the first top left stretcher. dean was almost asleep in his bucket seat, his face bundled up on his hands. 

"this isnt the way to have a party, now. lets sit round the fire and tell stories" gabriel smiled, shrugging his shoulders, his crossed arms folded close to his chest.

castiel laughed "you just want the extra practice for your baby boy back home" he snickered.

the brothers swayed, their shoulders, hips and knees touching.

bobby quietly laughed, looking at dean's sleepy face, his dirty glasses had slipped down his nose.

"what sorta stories we talking about, captain?" he asked gabe when he looked up at the tallest person on the bus.

"how about when love first got us all?" he suggested.

castiel laughed, nodding his head.

colonel singer went on to tell the story of him in the first world war, how he had been blinded and in a french hospital.

cas shook his head, had rolled his eyes when they got lucifer over with them. he was hiding from them, which could only mean he was hiding something from them, or just being his usual asshole self. his story just made everyone dislike him more, if that was even possible.

"your turn, dean" castiel said quietly, smiling at the small boy. he was almost completely asleep, his body folded up on himself. he slowly blinked at castiel, mouth twitching before he started to get up.

"u-um, just come back to me. i need the latrine" he mumbled, rubbing his eyes while pushing open the hand crank for the doors.

"you'll need to find some nails to build one" cas chuckled, teasing him as dean walked down the steps.

_"i'll be okay"_ dean mumbled.

gabriel quietly laughed, telling his story next. lucifer had gone back to his spot in the back, whispering into the walkie talkie like someone was actually listening.

the colonel and the captains had laughed, joking with one another for awhile as gabriel spoke.

dean hadnt returned and lucifer had fallen asleep. when it was castiels turn he looked at gabriel's watch

"just a minute" he said, jumping down from his spot beside his older brother, walked down the steps and looked out the open doors.

"dean? ..... dean?" he asked into the chilly night air.

when he stepped back into the bus two sets of eyes were on him. his held his hands on his hips.

"kinda long for a bathroom break, no?"

gabriel looked at his watch before nodding.

"im going to look for him" cas stated.

"i'll come with" gabe said, also jumping down from the stretcher and walking up behind his little brother. 

"now wait just a minute. it's no good both of yah's going to look for him in the dark. could get lost. that'd just leave me with your brother. think he's _more_ boring asleep than awake" colonel singer waved his hands, pulling the shurley brothers back in the bus and shut the doors.

_dammit._

the colonel went to sleep. gabriel fought it off as long as he could, but castiel couldnt blame him. he stayed awake a lot longer than he thought he was going too.

cas couldnt sleep. not while dean wasnt there with them.

when noises could be heard from outside castiel jumped up, causing gabe to yelp as he fell down on his side, which then caused bobby and lucifer to jump awake.

"is it dean?" gabriel muttered, rolling his neck, blinking as he slowly got up over to where cas was standing, looking out the open windows.

the colonel looked out the window beside cas, looking out into the bare, plain nature of south korea. he had to say, korea was beautiful, without the war.

"still not back, huh?" lucifer grumbled.

"shut up, huh" castiel sassed back. 

_"holy crap!"_ both captain shurley brothers gasped when a north korean solider jumped into view.

lucifer ran over, looking out the window the colonel was at.

"its a north korean!" he gaped.

"no kidding luce. thought it was maybe a brit" gabriel rolled his eyes with a head shake.

the solider tossed his gun and weapons to the ground, shouting at the bus and jumping around. everyone stared.

"he's wounded" castiel noted, nodding at the man before side eyeing gabe.

"he's also surrendering" bobby pointed out.

gabriel grabbed their medical packs, handing castiel his.

"i wish i was home" lucifer whined again.

"i wish you was home too, lucifer" gabriel mock whined back, leading the group towards the injured man.

castiel tried wiping the blood off his hands, cringing at how used he'd gotten to seeing it on his person. _war really knew how to fuck shit up, didnt it?_

lucifer stood guard of the north korean, waving his gun in his face.

"he doesnt understand english, luce" castiel told him, smiling down at the P.O.W.

"sure he does. he understands everything im saying, _dont ya fella?"_ he spat, lifting the gun.

cas shook his head.

gabe and the colonel fell back asleep. it took some time with lucifer's crazy mutterings in the back, but seeing as how the wounded man fell asleep, castiel figured he should get some sleep too. 

the back door opened, dean tiptoed closer, pushing his small body up, crawling on his belly and kicking his legs out as he got further in. he dusted himself off, shutting the door behind him.

he looked around, noticing the sleeping body to his right.

"sir? sir?" he tried, shaking the body's shoulder.

dean gasped loudly when the north korean man rolled over, dean tripped backwards, stumbling into lucifer's sleeping body.

they grunted and smacked together as they tried moving apart "sir, your chocolate bars fell out" dean whispered in a panic, holding a bar as he pushed lucifer's pack to his chest.

"that's not chocolate, corporal" lucifer growled.

"right. sorry i woke you up" dean nodded, wiping his face and pushing his glasses up.

"i wasnt asleep! no, no, i wasnt asleep! i uh, i was only faking, so the gook wouldnt try anything funny!" lucifer's voice raised.

_"w-what?" _

"dean?" castiel asked, his eyes barely opened when he heard two voices.

"guys, dean's back!" lucifer yelled, gripping dean's shirt in his fist, castiel rolled off the stretcher, running over to them.

he smiled wildly, hugging dean close to him as gabe and colonel singer ran up behind them.

"you've got one hell of a story to tell" the colonel smiled, shaking dean's hand when cas let him go. gabe reached out also, dean awkwardly smiled, gasping again when the north korean smiled at him, shaking his hand as well.

castiel's laughter was bubbly "dont worry about him." he laughed.

gabriel smacked lucifer away with the stupid gun, opting to watch over the korean man while dean caught everybody up. he smiled down at the man, watching him fall back asleep peacefully.

_"i just figured since i got everybody lost i should go look for help"_ dean had mumbled. the colonel had laughed, wrapping his arm around his shoulders, talking to dean as they sat down.

it was almost morning at this point. cas pulled dean's glasses off, putting them on the bus' dash, letting dean sleep tucked up against him. _dean was safe, as long as castiel was there with him._

in the bright early hours of a south korea morning, everybody was starving.

"now, stay close to your uncle gabriel" gabe had teased dean once more, dean shook his head with an amused smile.

_"and your aunt castiel"_ cas teased along.

the colonel smiled at the three of them.

they watched the north korean man tinker under the hood of the bus.

lucifer came running out, shoving him away "he's tinkering with our parts! sabotage!" he screeched.

"someone should tinker with _his_ parts" gabriel whispered to dean as gabriel pulled lucifer away.

the wounded korean man cranked the engine, and somehow, the bus roared to life. everybody blinked at each-other before jumping up while cheering. the man waved at them through the windshield. 

"i must be crazy if im drooling over what _great_ food could be waiting for us at the mess tent" castiel murmured as the bus rolled down the bumpy dirt road.

gabriel snickered, patting cas' stomach.

dean laughed, eyeing lucifer in the rear-view "oh i dont know, sometimes theres a major aboard who _wasnt sleeping_ sometime during the night and could have a whole pack of chocolate bars hidden away ... right, major shurley?" dean smirked.

_"heeeeey,_ that reminds me" lucifer's eyes bugged out, wide and clear, his hands pulling at his pack.

castiel looked up at dean before lucifer pulled out six bars and held them out.

"uh-huh ... _thanks lucifer"_ gabriel growled.

"next time we keep food on the bus. but steal from your stash"

lucifer handed them out, ignoring the north korean, castiel rolled his eyes, handed the man his and grabbing the one in his oldest brothers hands.

_castiel sat in the second bucket seat next to dean, holding their new map, helping the young boy drive back to their 'home'. gabriel was in the back, cleaning out the north korean's wounds again, replacing his bandages. lucifer was playing around with the walkie talkie once again, the colonel was asleep. _

_gabriel's giggles from the back made both dean and cas look up. he had found the other walkie talkie shoved against the wall in the back, near the floor. he pointed to the wounded man, then to lucifer. dean bit his lip, smile wide. cas nodded with a cheeky grin. _

_lucifer jumped sky high, pushing the colonel awake when korean was heard through the walkie talkie. _

_"sir! i think i have the enemy! i can hear their secrets!" lucifer exclaimed, listening closely to the device. _

_the colonel looked up when he heard cas snicker. he turned to see gabriel gripping his sides, his face red as he tried not to laugh. he quickly caught on, turning to lucifer as he listened._

_"but you dont understand the language."_

_the korean stopped, and lucifer took the chance to the push the talk button down "if you people had any brains at all, you'd give up. we have never lost a war!"_

_castiel started laughing, as did gabriel. dean held himself, his giggles shook his chest, which caused him to rock the bus. they were nearing their MASH unit anyhow, so it didnt matter much. _

_"thats telling them, major" bobby rolled his eyes._


	33. 🌼 love thats a little greasy but still love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> REQUEST: FILLED !! 
> 
> "i read through all the chapters you have and i love how you gave all the characters their own height and weight, and you keep bringing them up. which is a nice detail, like you forgot what they look like since you last see them. people can change overnight, so i like that in your work. i'd like to see the love story of donna and jody, seeing how you've done dean and castiel, and now rowena and gabriel. i love the fluff you bring to them, so if you have that somewhere. also some belly love and some cute dean again." 
> 
> \- more or less, i broke up the real commenr since they wished for me to delete it after i read and replied. no need for yall to feel embarrassed about your requests !! this is a judge free zone !! i will love and support yall for forever !! by the way, requests are open !! request away my wayward friends !!
> 
> this is the second request prompt ive filled and ... feck i love it. i tried my best !! this one is longer than usual pieces .. i just fell so in loce with my verse again 😭 sue me, i love it here.
> 
> the one thing i love about shows and books is when newer things match up with old things, but in a real eagle eye view or a die hard fan view ... and i sneak in as many of those as i can. this piece has a few but i'll add them at the end notes for yall, okay? hehehehehe i love to spoil my own shit cuz im just excited.
> 
> i think we learned much about jody and donna. gives them new light ... and i like it a lot. this request was just so friggen adorable ... ugh i love my verse i need to cry ....
> 
> takes place before and after Take These Broken Wings And Learn To Fly {i need shorter titles ... dont i?}
> 
> warnings: eating disorder mention, belly kink stuff again, hospital mention, swearing, death mention, JUST AN ASS LOAD OF CUTE.
> 
> words: 3, 719.
> 
> ps - that poor goddamn kitchen island in the farmhouse has become a running gag in a few of my pieces and i aint ready to let ir go yet 😂😂
> 
> posted on March 27th 2020.
> 
> ** edited on may 27th 2020 **

jody was sat on the back porch, wrapped in one of donna's purple knitted sweaters, a steaming cup of coffee between her cold hands, resting on her pj clad thighs. she held the cup up closer to her face, inhaling the warmth, she curled her toes in her fuzzy slippers as she happily sighed. 

a chilly autumn had settled over south dakota, summer having died not too long ago with winter jumping the gun and would be coming soon. it was early october, the leaves had fallen off the dozens of massive trees jody and donna had in the equally massive backyard of the farmhouse.

dean, who'd been with them since june now, had helped out the best he could, seeming to enjoy the outdoors and the backyard. it filled jody with pride and happiness.

she looked up when she heard laughter. her wife and _their son_ were unearthing donna's now-shared garden.

jody quietly laughed when donna slid her hand in the dirt, wiggling it through a nearby hole and coming up through another hole near dean. dean jumped with a gasp, before giggling when donna made groaning noises.

_zombie hand._

everybody was happy. but it wasnt always like that.

jody frowned as deep thoughts took over.

when jody first met donna she wasnt that happy. not at that moment in time, anyway. she had thinking to do.

her husband had just died, her son had been gone for months now. it wasnt as if she never loved her husband, she did ... they _were_ married, but she found herself unable to produce tears or feelings. if she was being honest, it kinda freaked her out.

when owen had passed that was all she had done, had cried for hours. weeks even.

so after a few months of having this numbing slumber she was forced to go to a sheriff convention ... and suddenly there was a blonde with a bright smile and a cheery vibe and jody felt like crying.

owen was gone because she couldnt help him, he was sick and that was it.

her husband was gone because of an accident, but maybe it was fate.

maybe it was supposed to happen, although jody never had much thought for that beforehand, so why now?

_donna. her name was donna._

and jody didnt remember telling donna her name but it sounded so nice when it came out of her mouth.

she had a heavy accent, she was loud, and happy, and it made jody's stomach churn.

donna wasnt someone you could forget, even if you wanted too, but jody couldnt grasp on _why_ you would want to forget her.

it'd been weeks after the first sighting but she found herself with some days off.

she didnt really question what she had done until the sunshine of donna was in front of her face, that wide smile that showed off deep dimples and those shiny eyes and jody's air was gone.

there had only been two other women, and why jody ever said yes to a man that made life hell wasnt something she had understood about herself.

she liked both men and women, but she got along better with men as friends, until he came along. he was her first man, and she wasnt feeling great that night, bad day at work, bad feeling in herself, and he saw that.

_oh but what she knew now._

she had thought that maybe they could be happy, maybe things would change. things had changed after that night, but in ways that made sense.

the first woman was before him.

jody couldnt remember her name, it was probably just a fling at best. she wasnt as toxic as what was coming next. but she wasnt good either.

the second woman came at the worst time. jody was heavily pregnant with owen. her husband was barely home, she couldnt work or hunt, bobby checked in every now and then, brought her things, jody was grateful, but she desired to be held, touched, _loved_.

the second woman had done that. but it was wrong. she was married, as was the woman. but it was so right.

jody was in pain, but she was her band-aid. but just like real band-aids, they didnt stay forever. the sticky part wore off, fell off her skin with some blood. and jody was a broken mess with a newborn son.

donna wasnt a band-aid.

not as far as jody could tell.

no, donna was a whole case of medical supplies. she was those metal things, that never rusted or broke. she was strong.

after a few dozen dates jody found herself in dire need of a donna-fix.

jody was broken, she knew that, but ... so was donna.

those bright smiles of hers, those shiny eyes, it broke jody's heart knowing someone else had broken them.

but donna let it all go, learned to smile again.

jody had been on her own long before _he_ came along, and she was happy on her own. donna was happy on her own. but together ... they worked so well.

their first kiss really came as no surprise.

jody had cried in front of donna, and donna had held her and made her feel safe, but the first time donna had cried in front of jody, she was at a loss. it was liking watching your mother cry.

jody hadnt been feeling great, took some days off work when donna called her, she'd been hunting, but the station called and fired her. donna was already sounding off, so horrible period cramps be damned, jody packed what she could and drove to a woman she ... _loved_. 

that first kiss started to change things.

they had known each-other for almost two years, and the countless dates and a few hunting trips started becoming more and more usual. donna was a few inches taller than jody, so kissing and having some fun was easier than it should be.

that first kiss was a night jody would never forget.

donna had cried, and jody had cramps, it shouldnt be romantic. a lost job over hunting had donna trying to tie new lose ends up, trying to figure new things out. jody sat on her lap, her body in pain but held its ground as she wiped tears away.

that first kiss had jody addicted to donna, her soft plush lips pressed against jody's.

her taste was sweet, but salty from the tears. donna was a perfect blend of honey, candy and strawberries. and jody wanted more, but her body just wouldnt let her.

donna had softly chuckled, brushing her nose against jody's throat, her hands sweeping down jody's body, she slowly started rubbing her sides, down her thighs and across her belly. jody whimpered, rested her chin on donna's head, sighing as donna's hands warmed her up like a hot water bottle. 

it was decided that donna move to sioux falls and get a job with the station there.

jody was already sheriff but with so many other counties she took care of, donna broke it in half for her. so nobody lost their badge, both women were still sheriff, and it suited them so well.

at first bobby was unsure of donna, that peppy step of hers, that carefree attitude she had, but damn could she behead some vampires. bobby was sold on donna the minute she took out half a nest before he had even finished clearing the yard.

she gave him a run for his money, and they had a bet going on to see who was the better hunter. he liked her, plus she was good for jody, and she liked him.

they were officially a couple. 

jody had always been the one to be held. she was always the bottom.

but donna never made her feel like that. sometimes donna was the bottom, sometimes donna was held.

they were a team, and for the first time ever, jody felt like she was able to make someone feel good.

one night, while the two were wrapped together in bed, jody had whispered that she would crawl for miles just to worship donna's body.

when it was quiet she thought she'd made a mistake, but donna laughed, saying she'd do the same for jody's.

it was strange though, there was something missing from donna's past, but same with jody.

after all this time, there was still something either of them hadnt told the other. something only their bodies told each-other when they met under the sheets or in the shower.

donna was built like a brick building, and made jody drool like a dog in heat.

her arms and thighs were huge, rock hard with muscle. her chest was plush but you could feel the muscle tone under the softness. donna was curvy, but was also like a box. she was the best of both worlds.

when she was naked it was a sight that would make anybody horny.

her light skin had hardly any scars, only stretchmarks on her thighs, hips, belly, arms and breasts. like any woman's body would, it was natural. she was firm from working out, her muscles flexed, but her belly had layers of fat over it.

when she got down on her hands and knees and crawled over jody's body, jody couldnt help but grab onto the soft flesh that hung down a few inches, but donna wasnt embarrassed.

jody was built like a swimmer, and donna drank her in like a milkshake.

her frame was slim, with a slight curve to the hips and chest. she was well toned but not buff. there was muscle in her legs and arms, a sign that she was good at her job, and hunting, but didnt work herself like donna did.

her body only had stretchmarks across her belly, where her navel was pushed out. there was no dip, only a soft hill. when she leaned over her skin sagged, a sign she had been pregnant.

it upset jody but donna loved it, her hips were wide, but she wasnt as skinny as she had been before having owen. her body never fully went back to the way it had been. 

their bodies met under the covers once again, tangled and pressed together in every which way.

stories were whispered in the middle of the night. donna had an ex girlfriend who told her she loved food more than her.

it had broke her, until after a while she thought _fuck it, and fuck you too._

donna worked out, because she loved her job and wanted to be the best at what she did. it also helped with hunting. but she was also soft because she loved food, to cook and to have a garden. _donna was a treasure, and she loved herself just as she was._

jody's body was a reminder of her husband and owen. how she thought she had been happy. she loved her son, and he wasnt a regret, but she'd watched him slip away, in pain, and had no idea how to help him. she couldnt look after him. it made her sick.

donna crawled under the warm covers, left kisses and marks up and down her lover's body.

in the morning jody awoke to strange noises.

she cleared her eyes, grumbling as she moved onto her back, her naked form covered in love-bites and kiss stains.

the noise grew louder, jody looked around with a squint.

donna layed on her back, her right arm thrown over her eyes, left arm tucked under jody's body. she inhaled deeply, twitching in her sleep.

finally jody's eyes fell to where her head had been pillowed on donna's plush belly, just under her perfectly round breasts.

the noise, it turned out, had been a monstrous growl. jody cracked a smile, softly laughing as she patted the empty stomach.

_that was something she could take care of. _

she remained naked as she cooked.

a happy gasp slipped when she felt donna's warm form press up from behind her, her strong firm arms wrapping around good and tight, her slightly rounded belly found its place in jody's lower back curve.

_princess._ jody shivered.

she turned away from the stove, their chests pushing against one another. jody held a piece of bacon, watching with glee as donna chewed it, sucking on her greasy fingers when it was gone. their kiss was loving, and tasted like bacon.

_go back to bed._ and donna had.

jody walked in to find donna reading, sitting up against the headboard, she slid under the covers, right onto donna's lap and fed her.

donna was loud in public, her laugh, her greetings, the way she was always in a room without even being in a room, but that didnt compare to the way she was in bed. the pretty moans and bedroom eyes jody was rewarded with as she pushed another mouthful of thick pancake past plump lips before donna had even swallowed the last mouthful, was something that was only for jody. donna was an animal in bed, the sounds made let jody know she was doing good. 

jody helped her lover lay down when one belly was stuffed tight, full of a hearty breakfast. her hand rubbed it slowly, enjoying the extra warmth donna had with a rounded tummy. she looked so natural, so comfy, so relaxed.

_princess._

donna held her close, jody pillowed her head on her chest, kissing where the tummy pushed out. it whined in reply, she smiled and rewarded it with a pat.

_you call me princess, i think im gunna call you bear. you remind me of one. so big and warm. strong. scary when angry, all within good reason of being angry. so cute to look at. i could get used to this._

jody snuggled up against her handiwork, kissing the gurgly rounded stomach. donna fell asleep with a smile on her face, hands in jody's hair.

they layed in bed all day. jody made sure donna was well-fed, and looked after. 

it was four years to the day that they had met.

donna walked jody into a dusty run down shack that had maybe been a farm at one time.

when jody simply looked around confused then shrugged at donna, did donna laugh that goofy loud laugh of hers. if jody were to say yes to the next question donna had, this run down place was about to become something more. _the hell did that mean?_

suddenly next to the huge broken window, donna got down on one knee, held up a beautiful stone. before she spoke a word jody crashed down onto her, held her and cried. no speech was needed, yes was murmured over and over, kiss after kiss.

and that dusty old shack, five miles down from bobby's with a mile long driveway _became home. _

a year later, a hot late july afternoon had a small wedding in the backyard.

bobby, rufus, and rosie stood, laughing and drinking.

donna stood in a white button up, black tie perfectly straight, her black jeans hugged every curve. her sneakers were freshly washed, sparkling clean.

jody stood in a short white dress, knee high socks with white sneakers, a flower crown in her short black hair.

they got married under their favourite tree, carved their names into the trunk when their rings were placed on their fingers.

the farmhouse was beautiful, and little did they know in a few short years another couple would make the same memories in the same places.

they cooked dinner in their plaid kitchen that night, ate while sitting on the island, watched tv from there. made love right then and there, an empty glass was pushed off, smashed to the tiled floor.

seven years. it would be seven years in less than two months.

bobby and rufus phoned jody. donna was left in bed that morning with a note laid in the kitchen. dean winchester was in the hospital in sioux falls.

jody told her about dean, he meant a great deal to her, donna understood. she stopped by hours later, met the boy herself. she was a little loud for him to handle, she felt bad but he weakly smiled at her.

when jody finally broke away from holding dean she pulled donna into the hallway, near tears. rowena had explained it all.

jody wanted to adopt dean, but jody was a team with donna.

it took less than a second for donna to quickly shove jody back in the room, nodding her head and almost yelling at her to go watch over _their son._ seeing at how all the people were making dean uneasy donna slipped back home and started to put the guest room together for dean. _that was his room now. _

dean was still quiet as ever. but he smiled more, talked a little more, giggled more.

the married couple learned some signing to talk with dean when he couldnt, let him write when he wanted too.

donna was a carefree person, and jody had learned how to be one too over their years together.

it didnt matter that dean was mute, it didnt matter that dean sucked his thumb.

jody never batted an eye when one night dean had a nightmare and donna walked into their shared bedroom carrying him.

it was natural. they were a weird, loving family.

some nights dean slept by himself, some nights dean and his newly saved cat, daphne, slept with donna and jody.

they were together, they were safe, who gave a shit?

the only thing that bothered donna, was that dean barely ate some days. jody was worried too, of course, but it hurt donna more.

she had a better angle on it all, she was the better person on how to help him.

donna sat him down on her lap, held his slim facw in her hands as jody sat beside them.

_i'm gunna tell yah somthin i told yah mom long time ago, okay? i had someone, long time ago, who made me feel like eatin was bad. couldnt stand food for a while either after that. i dont want yah to feel like that either. so, if you're hungry, babyboy, you eat, okay? eat whatever, whenever. gotta tell yah, goin to bed with a tummyache is better than an empty tummy, 'kay? you're safe here, nobody's gunna judge you. and if someone does, you send em my way. _

donna had a power to her.

it really came as no surprise when, in just a few days time after that talk, that jody bust a gut laughing. not in a funny sense, more in a happy sense.

dean had started to help donna in her garden, he spent more time in the backyard with donna and his cat than he did inside.

he loved hiding in the cupboards and whatnot though, but the big outside space was heaven above all else.

so when jody and bobby met eachother at rosie's for lunch one day, jody got the best laugh when donna came strolling in gnawing on a freshly pulled cucumber, dean hiding behind her, gnawing on a massive slice of watermelon with the juice dripping down his chin and hands, staining his arms and green shirt.

that was the power of donna.

jody snapped out of her thoughts, her hot coffee had cooled. she blinked and shook her head, smiling when daphne brushed up against her thigh.

she smiled more when she heard dean and donna laugh from the garden once more.

she checked her watch, half n hour had passed since she fell into her thoughts, she sighed, sipping at her now luke-warm coffee.

donna waved her over "princess, c'mere!"

jody laughed into her cup, setting the empty blue object on the railing. she looked down at daphne "lead the way, old gal"

daphne slowly took the few steps and waddled her way across the yard, jody curled her toes in her slippers before she followed.

dean giggled again, his pajamas were wet from the grass, his smile wide and bright and cheery.

he was donna's son, but he was also jody's son when he curled up to her on bad days.

they were yin and yang, sometimes they switched when donna had bad days and jody laughed more. they were a team, and they worked so well together.

dean was both of them, with hints of bobby, rowena, rosie and rufus popping out every now and then. he was their kid, after-all.

"lady bug, mom" dean whispered with a grin.

donna pointed at dean's face, jody was confused before she got down closer to the ground and looked at dean's face. sure enough there was a ladybug, crawling across dean's freckled nose. she smiled, dean's shiny eyes closed as he smiled back.

"we also found spiders, but we figured yah wouldnt like those as much" donna nodded, serious look on her face. jody snickered, sitting between her wife and son, daphne curled on dean's lap.

"you'd be correct" jody grinned.

"and dandelions" dean opened his eyes, holding up the huge fistful of long stemmed weeds. jody gasped in surprise. dean loved dandelions just like donna.

"should i make you some crowns?" she asked, eyeing between the two. dean beamed in happiness, nodding as he handed the flowers to his mom.

donna laughed, reaching out to ruffle dean's hair. jody's hands made quick work, twisting and turning the stems while donna and dean pulled the garden up more. 

_a flower crown of dandelions went on dean's head first. two flowers wide, extra yellow and fluffy. _

_a single flower wide crown of dandelions went on donna's head next. _

_j_ _ody weaved the few extras she had left in her short hair, brushing them throughout. _

_the last one was placed on daphne's head, between her point fuzzy ears. donna pulled her phone out, jody held dean on her lap while dean held daphne and her dandelion up._

_their family was weird, and small, but so full of love. _

_and wasnt that what everybody wanted? _

_donna snapped a few more photos, dean broke into a fit of laughter when jody started tickling him. donna leaned over and kissed jody,_

_"love you princess"_

_".... i know, bear" _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jody is bisexual while donna is a lesbian.
> 
> donna proposes to jody in the farmhouse livingroom on the day they met years later, before the farmhouse is fixed up. they get married in the backyard under a tree in late july.
> 
> castiel proposes to dean on his birthday in the farmhouse livingroom, in the same spot. they get married under the same tree in early july years later. they carve their names in the tree under donna and jody's. 
> 
> and the poor kitchen island ...  
jody and donna have sex on it after their wedding.  
castiel and dean have sex for the first time on it after their wedding.  
gabriel and rowena have sex on it while nobody is home. 
> 
> just in case my writing is hard to follow ... i always feel bad ... 😂


	34. 🌸 spirits in my head and they wont go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written with a killer migraine. coolio. anyone sick of the au's? sorry. its because i just got the last few assignments for my post second classes and because i do school online anyways its slightly more weird since the world is how it is currently. but im trying to get it done before june, so i can be done faster, but its rough. drawing aint no cake. but anyways, thats me just being whiny,
> 
> this is sad. im sad, my depression is ruling over again and i just wanted to pour it all down the drain but this happened. so. yeah. 
> 
> im lacking ideas with the big storyline so thats kinda why i havent updated that ... so ... sorry again. 
> 
> warnings: abuse, rape, self harm, child cancer, swearing, mental health stuff and suicide. yup, this one isnt sunshine and happiness. 
> 
> words: 2,209.
> 
> posted march 31st, 2020
> 
> ** edited on may 29th 2020 **

with a raw groan from deep in his throat, 18 year old dean winchester lifted his head off his flat pillow. he blinked, his eyes still blurry and barely focusing, the bed was rock hard, the blanket was little more than a few threads still holding on for dear life. 

dean growled, his head was pounding, his eyes vibrated with the pain.

his entire body hurt, john really did a number on him last night. _however, john wasnt here._

john packed a the beautiful black impala and headed to california to visit sam.

dean sighed lowly as he sunk into the mattress, his body shook from what little strength he'd used to push his head up.

he felt dirty, his skin crawled as if john's filthy hands were still holding him down into the bed.

_the hand on his throat. the hand covering his mouth. the hand traveling down hi-_ dean gagged, grunting as he tried rolling over.

he should probably shower. but his room was quiet, and still dark, and his head and body hurt ... so, _no_, dean wasnt going to get up. 

there was a ringing noise. or was it music? sounded like ... _whatever._ it was annoying.

but wait, if dean was floating why was there that noise?

no nightmares for once, he must be dead tired ... _heh, dead._

he forced his eyes open, wincing when his fresh black eye weeped at the pressure.

_fuck you john winchester._

his phone was ringing, the sunlight was high, his room was getting hotter, the clock read _11:28. _

_oh fuck._

dean's eyes widened, quickly trying to sit up and grab his phone, but his body was weak, and in pain. a thud echoed the room as his body hit the floor, he groaned, grabbed his phone.

late for work, late for his meds, almost late for owen's appointment ... _fuuuuck. _

dean dug around his bed, pulled his boxers from where they were tugged down the night before, he tried wiping at his eyes to clear them up as he searched for clean clothes. not that he had many clothes anyway.

unplugging his phone, grabbing his stuff and opening his bedroom door he made a mad dash for the bathroom down the hall.

the phone had stopped making noise, it was tossed in the sink with a folded shirt, the door was hanging off its hinges as it was closed.

dean heaved over the sink, body and chest rattling, hand opening the pill box on the back of the toilet, dry swallowing them weakly.

the shirt and phone was pulled out from the sink, set down on the closed lit of the dirty toilet, dean stuck his head under the sink tap as dirty and horrid tasting water trickled thru.

the phone started to ring again, his boss' name lighting up the screen.

he rolled his eyes, he was late, he knew, but he had three jobs just to support himself and owen. he was already fucked for today, _just let him go._

the water was ice cold. colder than ice cold. dean knew he cursed and yelled loudly. probably loud enough for the entire apartment building to hear. maybe even the block.

he didnt even fully shower, it took him a few minutes to jump start the pipes and when cold water rewarded him, he gave up.

he gripped the sink when he got dizzy pulling on his ripped up, stitched up, pinned up, blue skinny jeans.

the phone was ringing again.

_11:37._ he could still manage to get owen to his appointment. he had to hurry. if his body would work, if his head stopped pounding, if his stomach stopped cramping, if his bowlegs werent jello.

he stared at himself in the small mirror. the black eye looked worse, swollen shut and weeping again. his other eye was dead, soulless, broken. bags hung low under them. his hair was in greasy strands, his freckles stood out against pale skin pulled too tight over sharp bones.

he growled at himself, throwing his fist through the mirror before ripping it off the wall. 

his knuckles bled. his phone was shoved into his pocket. his shirt slipped off his shoulders.

he met owen in the hallway, his younger brother stared up at him, his eyes wide and full of fear. dean made quick work of feeding him a bowl of cereal as he jogged around the apartment with his backpack.

"okay little dude, lemme get you dressed and i'll hightail us to your appointment, hopefully in time, _cuz your big brother is a goddamn loser"_ dean huffed out, owen frowned.

the now empty bowl was layed on the counter, and owen walked to where dean was sat on his knees.

"not'a loser" the little boy whispered, dean cracked a tiny smile on his tired face, pulling clean jeans on his kid brother.

"well ... glad you think so. oh, cant find a shirt, mind wearing one'a mine?"

owen nodded quickly, dimples poked in when he smiled. he got to wear big brother's shirt ... how awesome.

"what bandana?" dean asked, holding up several of them in his left hand, his right one still bled. owen pointed to the purple one.

dean undid the knot, beginning to fold it "gotta borrow one for my hand, but i'll wash it 'fore you wear it again" he mumbled, wrapping the folded fabric on owen's bald head, tied the knot perfectly at the base of his head.

he wrapped his knuckles with the red one, tied a bright pink one on his head to cover his greasy hair.

owen giggled at him, dean poked his chubby cheeks as he grabbed his hand and backpack and headed out the front door.

one minute to _12:15._

dean held owen's hand tightly as they entered the hospital. castiel shurley, who was dean's best friend from school until dean had dropped out, was currently interning as he got his medical degree.

cas waved when he saw his favourite duo.

"cassie!" owen squealed, jumping in castiel's arms.

dean winced, his head had started hurting more as he walked in the bright sun with no glasses on, the much too bright hospital lights didnt help either.

"hey buddy" cas murmured softly, pinching owen's cheek.

"sorry we're late" dean pointed out, shrugging off his backpack and rubbing his face.

cas frowned at the black eye, shifting owen in his arms so he could cradle dean's face, "right on time, de. you doin okay?"

the little boy tapped his neck "dean's tired"

cas looked between the brothers, raising an eyebrow.

dean quietly laughed, "i just slept in. missed my early job. been a long day already, _its fine"_

castiel half nodded at him, "well ... lets get owen all set up"

it had been over an hour.

castiel laughed as he handed over a clipboard to another nurse, he nodded at her before walking down to the quiet room he'd left owen and dean in. his mom would be coming over to the hospital soon so they could share lunch but he had a feeling he'd possibly be asking her to drive the winchester boys home.

the light was low when he entered the room, dean had been singing to his little brother when cas left but now it was silent.

owen was hooked up to the machine, curled up against dean's body, both boys were asleep, the ice pack cas gave dean was still on his eye, his face a soft red. cas took the pack off, brushing his fingertips along dean's forehead. it was warm, he frowned. 

abaddon walked into the hospital, her fire red hair was pulled up, her jeans tight and her leather jacket open. castiel joined her in the waiting room, smiling at his mother before hugging her.

"where are they?" she smiled back, following her youngest son.

"dean's got a slight fever, and i patched up his bloody knuckles and wrists. owen's still asleep, chemo usually does that to him, de's awake though." castiel explained.

dean had his kid brother on his lap, his own battered face looked up as the door opened. he sighed, lips twitching "h-hi mrs shurley" he mumbled, pulling owen's bandana closer to his eyelids.

abaddon kissed dean's cheek, patting his chest "what have i told you, de?"

dean's face flushed "s-sorry, abaddon" he corrected himself.

castiel quietly laughed.

"mom here is gunna take you home. dad called your bosses, get you a few days off."

dean's eyes widened _"w-what? shit, my dads gunna be pissed, cas! i .. i cant"_

abaddon layed her hand on the span of dean's chest, his bones cutting his skin, she slowly rubbed across it causing the middle winchester to sag against the chair for a minute.

"there we go. now, you listen to me young man, i payed the refills on your meds. owen's treatment and meds are pretty expensive, _arent they?"_

dean refused to meet either set of eyes that were on him, instead choosing to sweep his eyes across his little brother's sleeping form along his lap.

castiel leaned down on his knees, his hand reached out and grasped dean's shaky ones, dean's sharp intake of breath told him he was trying his hardest to stay calm, but was failing.

"de, we just want to help. you've been trying the best you can for so long, since your mom died, but de ... _you need to look after yourself too."_ he whispered.

dean wet his lips as they shook, his adam's apple bobbed. 

both castiel and his mom held dean as the first sob caught him off guard. "mm sorry"

abaddon quickly wiped his tired face, a soft smile played on hers, "no no. nothing to be sorry for, okay? you're beyond tired, sweetheart. let me take you boys home. owen can sleep in a warm bed, you can have a long warm shower, i'm going to start supper when we get there, you two can have a big ol' warm plate ... spend the night too."

cas smiled across at his mom, turning his gaze back to dean he added, "gabriel should be home too"

dean snorted quietly, wiping at his fevered forehead and cheeks, cas leaned over and gently pecked the tip of his nose, "c'mon, de."

7:32 PM found dean tucked under castiel's chin.

cas' hands werent like john's. they werent rough, baby soft in fact. they rubbed his back, finger tips brushed his spine, his ribs, his elbows, his collarbones.

owen slept for most of the afternoon, while abaddon had gotten dean in a long, piping hot bath. she washed his clothes, gabriel watched over them both when dean was cleaned up and sleeping next to his little brother.

they'd had supper with the entire shurley clan, now everyone was gathered in the living-room.

cas held dean close while sitting on the couch. lucifer was sitting on the other couch with their mother, gabriel and owen on the floor as they played with weird toys and chuck sat in his chair, pipe in his mouth, paper in hand.

_"your head still hurt?"_ cas whispered, touching dean's burning forehead. dean slowly nodded, his eyes closed but moving in pain under his lids.

cas shifted the cold cloth on dean's neck, flipping it over and pressing it more into the skin, dean shivered but relaxed further.

lucifer and abaddon were whispering, chuck joining in for some of it. castiel kept a steady hand on dean's back, watching as lucifer took notes before walking over to where they were sitting. he layed a hand on dean's knee, watching as the boys eye cracked open, his black eye was slower but opened as far as it could.

"i need to talk with you, _about john"_ he whispered the second part.

dean sat up looking at owen, who was giggling with gabriel, abaddon pulled them closer to her, giving them the okay sign to continue.

lucifer took more notes of dean's injuries, as dean explained, and showed.

"and your wrists" lucifer asked just as cas shook his head.

he made a face at his youngest brother, not quite understanding.

dean had gone silent, before he whispered_ "mm. no .. i ... i did that"_

lucifer's shoulders lowered as he leaned down more to meet deans eyes

"self harm?" he whispered, dean nodded, castiel shook his head again, kissing under deans ear.

"okay. i wanna question you again tomorrow. but i think i have information now to make an arrest" lucifer informed them.

dean sat up, his mouth open, he bit his bottom lip "what? arrest, what?"

owen looked up then, gabriel caught his attention, pulling him back towards himself, eyeing his brothers.

"dean ... john winchester is going to jail for what he's done to you. you can live here with us, still look after owen. im a fully trained police officer, dean. even i can see what he's been doing to you, im trying to help you"

_18 year old dean winchester didnt sleep that night. _

_the noises too loud, head pounding too hard. _

_20 year old castiel shurley held him, stayed up with him. he swore at himself for figuring that he'd see the end of dean winchester within a year._

_too bad he'd been right._


	35. 🌸 dont fall in love at the copacabana

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this story turned another month old, awesome. im lacking so many ideas ... i love writing these but my mind is pretty crappy lately.
> 
> any new requests? would anybody just like a future piece? just meet all dean and cas' kids? i have all that figured out, its just the middle pieces with the chuck storyline im falling to pieces on ... ah-heh ... yup. lemme know.
> 
> this damn song keeps coming up on shuffle and it just hit me in the face ... im not even sure what it is ... but i loved the idea of it, as strange and wacky as it is. so. enjoy.
> 
> warnings: crossdressing, abuse mention, swearing, blood, guns, drinking, smoking 
> 
> words: 2,429.
> 
> posted on april 6th 2020
> 
> ** edited on may 29 2020 **

_Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl_

_With yellow feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there_

_She would merengue and do the cha-cha_

_And while she tried to be a star_

dean winchester was 18, bowlegged, 6'2 and had been told he was _pretty_ his entire life.

between his slender form, his full lips, his nice white teeth, his big round shiny green eyes hidden behind thick eyelashes that seemed to go on forever, freckles plastered across a slight crooked nose, across soft cheeks, straight to the tips of his slightly pointy ears. _dean winchester was pretty._

but it was 1948, no boy was to be pretty. and john winchester had shown that to his youngest son.

dean had run away from him, his '_family'_, his small town in kansas when he was 16. 

he got odd jobs around different towns and growing cities, it was easy enough and dean was a hard worker. it had been going fine until he opened a newspaper on a random tuesday morning in some strange small town.

_dean winchester was a missing person, last seen last year, age - 16._

it would be fine, _it had to be._

people kept side eye-ing him at work ... _maybe it wouldnt be okay._

he ran towards the small house he was staying in, a young farmer's wife, by the name of jody, had taken him under her wing. dean's things were already packed for him.

_"i'm not trying to push you away, my dear, but its not safe here anymore. go to any big city, you'll be safe there. write to me. i love you, my sweet boy"_

he grew his hair out.

it was 1948, boys didnt have long hair ... _but girls did._

he stumbled into new york, a mess. his voice was soft and light, his hair had a curl to it.

he was taken in, slipped into a short yellow dress that clung to his thin body, yellow feathers weaved in his growing hair.

he didnt mind. nobody but he knew.

dean winchester was a missing person, but lola ... _ah, lola_ was a showgirl that knew how to win the hearts of men around new york city.

_Tony always tended bar_

_Across the crowded floor, they worked from 8 til 4_

_They were young and they had each other_

_Who could ask for more?_

a tall, handsome young man with thick black hair stood behind the bar, a rag in hand as he wiped it down, pushing empty glasses around. lola walked across the crowded floor, smiling wide at the men who whistled as she walked past them, her heels caught in her scarf.

she sat on a bar-stool in front of the young man, pulling a cigarette from a small gold case, her dark red lipstick making a stain on the pure white. tony pulled a match, lighting it with a single swipe, the smoke filled their nostrils quickly. 

_"hello, lola_" the man gently smiled at the dancer, nodding his head, continuing to wipe down the bar.

lola slowly blinked as she blew smoke out of her mouth, away from the mans face, smirking when she met his eyes. _"hello, tony"_

her scarf was long, tied around her forehead, hiding her curly bangs, pulled behind her ears, tied at the base of her head, and flew down her body finally meeting at her feet. the yellow feathers stuck out wildly, mixing with her soft, light brown hair, the curls tight but loose. her short dress barely covered anything. the earrings sparkled.

tony did a quick search when she wasnt looking, his eyes met hers once more as he began to speak, "how are you this morning?" 

it was 2:30 in the morning, they'd be closing the place down in a few hours. old men were still here, laughing, smoking. drinking.

lola smirked more, raising her neatly arched eyebrows "very well, darlin. how goes it 'round here?"

tony quietly laughed, done cleaning the bar he put the rag under it, grabbing a heavy glass and pouring booze into it, dropping a cherry with the ice, he slid it over to lola.

he leaned on his arms, smiling across at her, "you've got another letter from your mother, jody. i already put it under your door upstairs"

he side nodded to the stairs in the back room, where he, lola and the other dancers used. it lead to the small apartments they had above the place, along with the owner's.

lola smiled at him, knocking out her ended cigarette in a near by ashtray, she kissed tony's cheek, winked at him, and made her way back to the dance stage.

tony enjoyed the view, and went back to tending the bar.

_At the copa (CO!) Copacabana (Copacabana)_

_The hottest spot north of Havana (here)_

_At the copa (CO!) Copacabana_

_Music and passion were always the fashion_

_At the copa.... they fell in love_

_"oh tony"_ lola moaned quietly, head tilted back as tony held her close, kissing her neck, his hands roaming her body.

her long silky legs were folded and wrapped around his waist, his strong upper body held her skinny self with no problems. tony pulled away, frowning before he begun to pull her off of him.

lola looked confused, her legs sliding down, her bare-feet touched the carpet below them.

without her heels, her height was an inch or two shorter than tony. he sighed, ran his hands through his messy black hair.

"lola ... i, i _truly_, am starting to love you, and before i fall any further, _i want to confess"_ he mumbled, his blue eyes met her green ones.

they sat on the bed together, he held her hands.

"i'm not tony" he whispered first, but lola didnt pull away like he thought she would. her head tipped to the side, her smeared lipstick more noticeable at this angle.

"tony is my father's middle name ... _my real name is castiel._ i just needed a different name so i could work without having to fear someone in my family would find me." he swallowed, that was it.

she knew the truth.

lola's hand rested on his chin, he followed the new pressure she added, they stared at each-other

"are you a missing person?" she whispered.

cas raised an eyebrow, shaking his head. "i left my large family .. i'm .. i'm not quite ... _normal"_

lola softly laughed. "neither am i, darlin"

castiel was confused further, their noses touched. the moonlight was beginning to shine brighter, the side lamp in cas' bedroom still producing the most light.

lola's yellow feathered hair was pulled up, her face exposed to the light. beauty.

she licked her lips, castiel leaned and slowly kissed her, slid her onto his lap. she sadly smiled at him, her hands on his chest.

_"__my real name's dean winchester"_ he trailed off, looking down at his own lap.

suddenly the makeup felt too caked on, the dress, the necklaces, the rings, the scarf, the long hair, the shoes ... it all felt so wrong.

_"you're_ a missing person" castiel whispered.

dean nodded after a minute.

"i'm not even what you think i am, it's all such a long story. _i should ... i should go"_ dean gasped out, his chest felt tighter by the second, castiel gripped dean's waist, pulling him back when he squirmed away.

they kissed, hard and loving.

_"you're exactly who i think you are ... darlin" he grinned._

_His name was Rico_

_He wore a diamond_

_He was escorted to his chair, he saw Lola dancing there_

_And when she finished, he called her over_

_But Rico went a bit too far_

lola was on stage, tony at the bar. they smiled at each other across the crowded place.

everyone knew them as a couple now, but nobody knew them as dean and castiel, only as lola and tony.

the crowd gasped when another tall man entered the club. he was tall, heavy, the lights shined on a diamond he wore on his ring. his cigarette burned bright, his suit pulled tight, his men followed him as a waitress guided them to a booth.

tony lowered his gaze, shaking his head when the man smacked the waitress' ass when she left. she sped walked towards the bar, tony nodded towards the men, "they goin to be trouble?" 

"that's _rico_! he's the most famous gangster in all of america!" she squealed, face red, hands shaking the tray she carried.

tony raised his eyebrows.

a gangster he could believe, he'd seen rico in the club before _but not like this._ they were most likely meeting someone here.

the most famous gangster, was probably untrue.

the clapping caught tony's attention, a group of men had their eyes on lola as she finished dancing around them. her long legs and short dress and long hair. he smiled.

rico whistled loudly, lola looked over at them. he wore a sick smirk, wiggled his fingers at her.

it was just another day at work.

tony stopped wiping down the bar, cracked his knuckles as he watched how rico and his men watched his girl perform for them.

the song seemed to go forever. her dress lifted as she spun, that was usual, but the men whooped, started cheering. they clapped, leaning closer which caused lola to back up. rico pulled her on his lap, she stayed but moved away from his face when he tried getting too close.

when his hand started to travel up her thighs she pulled off of him, gasping in horror and shock. 

_Tony sailed across the bar_

_And then the punches flew and chairs were smashed in two_

_There was blood and a single gun shot_

_But just who shot who?_

tony jumped the bar, running towards lola. he held her waist before his hands checked her body. she shook her head, her face red.

rico stood up, his fat self bumped into tony. lola gasped when tony fell backwards as rico punched him. she got to her knees, lifting his head.

tony held onto her wrist._ "dean_, go behind the bar, _its safer"_ castiel whispered.

dean looked up at rico, sneering at him, he kissed cas.

he helped castiel up before running to the bar.

he watched in pure horror as rico and castiel started to fight. the music still went on, the other men in the club cheered on both sides.

dean's eyes widened when rico pulled a gun, but castiel threw a chair.

the gangster fell into a booth, the gun flew from his hand and hit the floor with a clank.

the sound was lost when other drunk men began to fight with one another. the gangsters stood beside rico, castiel fought with them.

soon the entire club was one big mess of grown men fist fighting, yelling, cursing.

dean sat behind the bar, his eyes peeking over the edge. he could see the blood on cas' knuckles and nose.

the gun shot rang out, dean bounced up.

_the entire place was quiet. everybody looked around. _

_At the copa... she lost her love_

dean cried out when the gangsters tossed money on a broken table and left.

castiel laid on the floor, bleeding from the gunshot to his chest. he ran towards him, falling to his knees and cradling his body. cas coughed up blood, his blue eyes were dull.

_"__cas, no"_ he cried, his thumbs brushed his cheeks.

another dancer touched dean's shoulder "lola, we need to get him our of here" she said, the sirens filled the air in the streets. she left their sides.

dean pushed cas' black hair from his forehead, kissing it afterwards. _"cas ... please, no ..."_

castiel weakly reached up, his cold hand laid on dean's chin. _"it's 'kay. it's 'kay babyboy"_ he whispered, coughing harshly, blood pooled around his lips again.

when the club doors crashed open, everyone's heads turned. castiel's hand started to fall, dean sobbed harder.

they shared their final kiss, and cas was taken from dean.

the dancers crowded dean, rubbing his back and trying to clean off castiel's blood from his face and hands.

what everyone saw was tony, laying dead with a sheet over him.

and lola, crying as her lover was bleeding out.

_what nobody saw, was castiel and dean. _two people who didnt fit in, but had somehow found each-other in a crazy club in new york.

_Her name is Lola, she was a showgirl_

_But that was 30 years ago, when they used to have a show_

_Now it's a disco, but not for Lola_

_Still in the dress she used to wear_

_Faded feathers in her hair_

_She sits there so refined, and drinks herself half-blind_

_She lost her youth and she lost her Tony_

_Now she's lost her mind_

dean sat at the bar, cigarette hanging from his fingers, tall glass of whiskey in his other. his still slender body still in the damned yellow dress.

there were small red dots by his hips, castiel's blood.

his scarf was tangled on him, his hair was beginning to grey, the curls had gotten less curly as time went on, the weaved feathers began to fall apart, fading from their bright happiness they once were.

the disco music pumped behind him, lights flashing quickly.

he downed his whiskey, the bartender looked at him before refilling it. "lola, that's your 16th drink tonight" he grumbled.

_"fuck off kid"_ dean grunted. 

another man at the bar looked at him, dean glared back. he clearly wasnt drunk enough for this shit.

he quickly drowned another drink before he pulled away from his spot at the bar, stumbling up the stairs and into his apartment.

the apartment he once shared with castiel.

there were no tony, no lola ... just castiel ... and dean ... _but there had only been dean here for the past 30 years._

he pulled out a fading photo from his purse, smiling sadly down at it.

they had it all, once. when running away to be normal was a secret and meant something. he'd never have castiel back.

he pulled his ruined yellow dress off, the faded feathers, the scarf. he dumped them in the closet, changing into jeans and an old shirt of cas'. he washed his face of the makeup, cut his hair short in the sink. grabbing the framed photos, pushed them into his old suitcase and locked the apartment door. 

_it was 30 years of sadness, and dean winchester was tired._

_At the copa... don't fall in love_

_Don't fall in love_


	36. 🌼 hey, its a good love, baby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> REQUEST: FILLED !!
> 
> "a chapter about how dean has experienced valentines day during his life"
> 
> \- okay, honestly. probably not that great ... i do really like this piece but i feel like my own hatred of the "day of love" kinda hung around and i couldnt get out of that headspace ... so i dunno if i did this justice. 
> 
> this was written over a few days so it gets a little space-y at times when i was trying to find the place i had left off at ... im so weird 😂
> 
> i also kinda skipped dean's valentines day when he's 18 because i have "Love Is For Losers", so i sorta did a little filler piece around that timeframe in this. you can always read that piece when you get to dean's 18th valentines day in THIS piece. make sense? kinda? sorta? eh? cool. 
> 
> im happy for the request, im STILL lacking any ideas for my ONE. GODDAMN. STORY.LINE. damn !! thats why i dont write books, and choose oneshots as a book ... wildness. again, i probably just screwed up any hope you had for this request ... 
> 
> warnings: swearing, scar mention, death mention, they make fun of cas while he's hurt and thats funny to me, sorry., sam's still a douchebag. so is john. drinking mention, just gay stuff because cas and dean are cute and gay and it hurts me. i seriously just spend a good 40 minutes editing this and i cant remember ... just ... BE WARNED ... there. 
> 
> words: 5,572 
> 
> MY LONGEST PIECE !! 🖤
> 
> Posted on April 11th 2020
> 
> ** edited may 29 2020 **

valentines day was a fucking stupid _'holiday_'.

the hype always started up just after christmas, so by the time feburary 14th _actually_ showed up dean was ready to rip apart every single god for saken plastic heart thing he could lay his hands on. the day of love was really just made for stupid married bastards to suck up to their depressed house wives, or horny teen couples to get their freaky on.

of course, maybe dean wasnt the best judge of character on the whole _'night of romance thing'_ ... he never grew up with a married couple around, nor did the winchesters make massive deals out of upcoming holidays.

sam's birthday was a big deal, _valentines day was not._ john's birthday was a big deal, _christmas was not._ father's day was a big deal, _mother's day was not._

it was usually sam making big deals out of the things that apparently mattered to the small family, _probably why dean's birthday was always forgotten._

but valentines day, that was the worst. sam would go out with whatever new honey he'd manage to snag up, john would call up some hooker or dumb whore and dean was left hiding wherever he could with his busted headphones on trying his hardest not to sob his heart out.

_except for when he was 13._ sam was 16, turning 17 in may, the winchester's were in some small town in northern utah. and dean's life changed that feburary.

it was two days before valentines day.

john had left the boys in the falling down motel and gone to another hunt down south. they'd been here for awhile so sam had yet another chick hanging off his arm. dean couldnt be bothered to remember her name, but she was loud, and annoying, and wore too strong perfume, and sparkly pink nail polish. she was blonde, _and that amount of pink in her wardrobe should be a new sin._

her and sam were going to the school dance, sam had called john that morning, bitching when he was told to drag dean with them, laughed at whatever sick, unfunny thing john said as a reply.

some friday night _this_ would be.

dean was left standing out in the pouring rain on the slippery sidewalk, in jeans, sneakers and a thin short sleeved shirt while sam ran towards the door to collect his date. _becky ..._ dean remembered when she laughed. god she was loud and annoying, dean gritted his teeth.

sam and becky walked under the umbrella, becky held her dress, her heels slopped water around her. dean sulked behind them, soaked to the bone. _this stupid dance was pointless,_ john wasnt at the motel and sam was totally going to leave him at the dance afterwards to go home with becky ... _so why the fuck did he have to come?_

he rubbed his hands together, licked his lips. the moving lights and pounding music wasnt helping the fact dean couldnt get warm, no matter what he tried. they'd been at the dance for almost an hour and he'd managed to dry off some from the rain, but it seemed he was too far gone to warm up.

he cringed when he heard becky's laugh from across the gym. a few teachers had walked past him, gave him a few looks. it wasnt his fault, if he had actually been given the choice he wouldnt have come. he didnt want too in the first place.

_but oh no, little brother never got a say in the matter._

so he didnt really care that teachers and parents walked by him, glancing down to where he was sat on the floor, huddled in the corner, shivering. his teeth chattered harder when the side doors opened again.

_damn gym, what a stupid place for a stupid dance on a stupid day._

"hey, you're sam winchester's kid brother, arent you?" a voice pulled dean's head up.

the music was too loud, his teeth were rattling, the amount of people in a small space was making heat and that heat and noise were getting to him.

"oh, thats right, you're mute. um, well, i'll just ask yes or no questions. uh, oh my big brother is friends with your big brother"

dean eyed the boy would stood over him. his smile was awkward, but comforting in a warm way. he was dressed in a nice looking suit, his hair was plastered to the side with gel, he sat down next to dean.

"our brothers are talking, i heard sam say you were here, so i came looking."

his brother was friends with sam? _poor bastard._

"here, take my jacket, you look so cold"

dean shook his head when the boy offered his suit jacket. he couldnt possibly put that on himself when he was drenched. but the boy shook his head back and suddenly the jacket was wrapped around him, and dean couldnt stop himself from snuggling in the warmth. _fuck, he was freezing._

the boy patted dean's knee, smiled at him "wanna come home with us? sam's going to becky's anyways, we could watch movies and have _tons_ of snacks!"

dean squinted at him, shrugged halfly, his face twitched. he sneezed, his body flew forward, knees knocked into his chest, he made a slight sound. his head felt heavy but light at the same time. arms held him up, he was pulled into a warm chest, breath danced by his ear.

"are you crazy? he's a mute, stupid fucker." 

"shut the hell, sam. you're goin with becky, dont care if he _is_ 13, he can hang out with us tonight. _fuck off, winchester"_

they made it to the motel, and dean changed clothes. his jeans were too long and starting to rip apart but he found that he liked them like that. made him feel like kurt cobain, a little.

an older lady placed a bowl of warm soup in his shaky hands once the three boys were in a nice house, on a nice couch.

this was a nice family. dean felt out of place.

"thanks mom" the younger boy smiled.

the mother smiled between the three, "alright boys, im off to meet your father for dinner, be good" she waved and left the house in the cool nighttime. dean had a hard time trying to steady his hand to sip at his soup, but didnt spill a drop. he'd been too nervous to even dream of spilling on this nice couch.

that night dean was laid in bed next to the boy. both of them tucked in by the older brother. the boy smiled at dean in the dark, pulling him close. dean cuddled closer, allowing himself to relax further and smiled lazily.

it was probably the best sleep dean had in recent times. his skinny, short body fit in so well, the bed and arms cradled him perfectly.

in the morning the boy sat across from dean on the bed, messy hair and pjs wrinkled.

_"you're moving away soon, right?_" he asked quietly. dean frowned but nodded.

of course they were moving, the winchesters never stayed for long anywhere.

the boy leaned closer, dean gulped, his wide green eyes stared.

the boy kissed dean's cheek, their faces flushed pink together.

they smiled at each other afterwards.

_"happy valentines day, dean"_

**~~~~**

dean never gave it much thought when valentines day was quickly moving towards them again. times had changed since june of last year.

currently he was outside in bobby's garage. they'd fixed up the impala so she ran perfectly, dean drove her the most. _it was his car, after all._

he stretched out, just finished with polishing her up, grabbed his jacket when his hands were clean, shut the heavy door and made his way across the yard. 

_"Back in Nagasaki Where the fellers chew tobaccy And the women wicky-wacky Woo_" dean sang, eyes closed with a smile on his face as he danced through the old door. bobby looked up from where he closed yet another book on the kitchen table.

dean bobbed his head to the music in his earbuds, his boots got unlaced slowly before being kicked off on the mat. bobby waved his hand to get the kids attention. dean nodded at him, shrugging off his jacket and pulling out his earbuds.

"hey dad" he grinned.

the older man chuckled. 

"yer mama is takin yer mom out ta-mor'a for valentines, so why dont ya spend tha' day here, maybe spend tha' night too" bobby pointed out.

dean raised an eyebrow "valentines day is tomorrow? _wow._ but yeah, sounds like a good plan" he smiled at his dad.

the aged hunter handed dean a book, grabbing his own, the two of them walked into the living-room and got down to business for the night.

donna and jody smothered him with love in the morning. he didnt mind, they were his moms, the hugs were safe and the kisses were soft.

he walked down the dirt road with his duffel bag swinging beside him. his jeans were ripped in the knees, the slightly cool air nibbled at the skin. his black shirt and flannel blew in the wind.

he walked up the back porch, bobby's truck was running, his eyebrows danced with confusion. he opened the back door, dropping his duffel by the fridge, bobby wasnt in the hallway, living-room/den nor the kitchen. that left the basement/panic room, or upstairs.

_"dad? im here!"_ dean called out, bobby quickly walked down the stairs, "was just bout to come pick ya up. have breakfast already?"

dean blinked.

squinted slowly.

blinked again.

nodded slowly, "wasnt ... all that hungry. had some, peanuts and m&ms ..." he trailed off, squinting at his dad again.

bobby never moved, only nodded at his son, he picked up his wallet from the counter, grabbed the doorknob and waved his arm "lets go, can grab lunch at rosie's" he walked out the door first, which gave dean more time to get confused further as he followed.

bobby was dressed nicely. didnt smell of gunpowder, whiskey or old books. his hair was combed, the truckers cap was nowhere to be found. his shirt was pressed neatly and tucked into his jeans. his boots were even shined.

dean suddenly felt under-dressed in his _luke's diner _flannel, black _dukes of hazzard_ shirt, ripped jeans and his combat boots.

_the fuck was happening right now?_

they stopped at the flower shop first. the lady at the counter smiled as they entered, waved at dean when bobby said he was his son.

it warmed dean up inside to hear the_ ... pride?_ in his voice. he never had that before.

his arms were filled with flowers bundled up in noisy plastic. they were nice, the smell was light, their colours werent too bright, but not too dark either.

bobby got three roses along with the two bundles dean was holding. he paid, wished a good valentines day to the lady, dean waved from under the flowers and followed bobby back to the truck.

he was still confused, but never said a word. 

the truck parked outside rosie's diner next, and dean grinned seeing the familiar beat up truck parked next to them. bobby instructed dean to leave the one bundle and the two roses on the seat. the 16 year old followed his dad with the flowers as they walked across the street from the diner and down into the cemetery.

it had started to rain, dean shielded the flowers with his flannel, they pressed against his chest, the smell filled his nostrils. they walked past rows and rows of headstones, finally making their way into wet, squeaky grass and stopped by a small stone. the rain made a song as it hit their clothes and the plastic quietly.

bobby took the rose, leaning down to his son, _"alright boy, ya take off tha' cover, make sure that bow is tight, n you put em in that holder there, 'kay?"_ he said, nodding down to the headstone. dean nodded, doing as he was told. 

he crouched down in front of the headstone, his air caught in this throat. _owen mills._

well, that made sense.

dean smiled sadly, pinching the steams as he drove them into the holder as gently as he could. he stayed close to the ground and the stone for a few minutes, it was quiet, aside of the rain. he felt bobby lay his hand in his long hair, dean looked up behind him. bobby smiled sadly back at him, held up the rose, dean eyed it. _he turned back, kissing his fingertips and touching the name craved in the stone._

bobby helped him up, held him close as they walked out of the cemetery and into rosie's.

"ah! the _singer valentines flower delivery service_ is here for another year!" rosie laughed, other people in the diner turned. dean felt his face heat up, bobby chuckled.

"the singer _and son_ valentines flower delivery service" another voice said, the man walking up behind rosie.

_"uncle rufus!"_ dean beamed, rufus laughed, walked around the counter and opened his arms. dean grinned wider, jumping up and letting the hunter catch him. rufus shook him, wiggling the boy around in his arms, deans laugh was muffled.

"deans a little busy, but here" bobby shrugged towards his son and his friend, handing rosie the rose he'd bought earlier.

she smiled as she held up the white flower, "why thank you, mr. singer, _you doll" _

rufus joined the two for lunch while rosie worked the diner.

after lunch bobby drove them to the station, where they gave the two roses to jody and donna. working on valentines day clearly wasnt the best, but dean was pretty proud of the happiness that bounced off his moms.

bobby was a damn smart man and had done this for years for everybody, which was strange for him, but _kinda awesome._ this was the first time dean joined him, and both of them found themselves enjoying it.

the last bundle of flowers stayed on dean's lap until the truck pulled back into the scrap yard.

past all the cars and the garage there was a large tree, with a small touch of grass under it. the rain hadnt stopped, but hadnt gotten worse, which was nice as they walked through the gravel.

a small headstone was under the tree, dean once again crouched down to lay the flowers by the base. _karen singer._

dean stood up, shared a quiet moment with his dad, before he layed his head on his shoulder, letting bobby talk to karen. he left halfway through, giving some respect as bobby was getting choked up, and the talking got heavier. 

later that night bobby was back to being the bobby dean knew.

"gotta say old man, you surprised me today" he smirked cheekily, lifting his soda bottle. bobby chucked, raising his beer bottle.

the bottles clinked against each other, _"i still got my secrets"_ bobby smirked back, moving the popcorn bowl between the two as an old western started across the screen.

**~~~~**

dean had worried if valentines day was going to change now that he had castiel in his life, but cas pretty much knew dean almost more than dean knew himself. luckily cas never asked him about the dreaded stupid day until a few days before the actual day.

dean felt bad, but cas told him he was fine with whatever the winchester wanted to do.

sadly this year they had a new headstone to add flowers too, _which hurt,_ but it was felt nice to visit.

owen's grave was first, rufus' was second. dean layed the small flowers on his stone, then layed the whiskey bottle next to them, _hunter style, the way rufus liked._

rosie's rose was third, jody and donna's were fourth and 5th, and finally karen's was last. while bobby was sharing the quiet moment, castiel came over. 

cas' flannel was tossed on the back of a chair, it wasnt raining like it was last year but it was damp. the weather hadnt been kind this early spring.

dean's rumpled dress shirt was replaced with his _"who ya callin princess? im the queen"_ shirt, that matched his black skinny jeans, and was left hanging loose on him.

bobby entered the house and headed upstairs to change, cas rolled the sleeves up of his white undershirt that was under his baseball jersey as he washed his hands in the kitchen sink. 

"so, this is how you spend valentines day?" castiel asked his shorter boyfriend, wiping his wet hands on his jeans before using the towel dean handed him.

dean hummed, moving in front of cas to wash his hands "i mean, _kinda_. i hate valentines day, _i think its stupid"_ he mumbled, castiel laughed.

"you sound like lucifer, he called valentines _'unattached drifter christmas'_ which is clever, but kinda sad" cas laughed more.

dean smirked, shrugging.

the tap was shut off, the towel was handed back to dean to use.

bobby walked in before cas got to ask another question, he nodded at the boys, heading into the living-room.

dean smiled, humming to himself, swinging his hips lightly as he cut some cheese to melt on the popcorn cas was set to make. 

_"Ooooo wah, oooooo wah, ooooo wah, oooooo wah_  
_Ooooo wah, oooooo wah, why do fools fall in love?" _

castiel raised his eyebrow as dean sung under his breath, cleaning the knife and wiping it down. he watched with amusement as his feet tapped, bouncing his body has he hummed. _clearly it was a good song stuck in his head._

"was that a Frankie Lymon and The Teenagers tune before it was The Four Seasons?"

dean turned his head at castiel's question, his face was confused before he huffed "uh, yeah it was."

he felt awkward, he sang out of habit, cas wasnt supposed to see that shit. _goddamnit!_

music started to play from the living-room, both teen boys whipped around to see bobby standing by a speaker on a book shelf. dean laughed to himself when _Why Do Fools Fall In Love_ started up.

cas grinned, listening to it, dancing with dean as it played.

"you sound like frankie, yaknow?" he said, dean laughed "nah. frankie was only 14 when he recorded this."

castiel's eyes widened.

"i feel like i could ask you anything and youd know the answer to it"

dean shrugged, snickering_ "guess that makes me jeeves to your bertie wooster"_ he smirked, winking at his boyfriend as he pulled his popcorn bowl from the counter and walked into the living-room.

castiel took the two other bowls, following behind dean carefully. he handed bobby the plain popcorn while he had a hold of the melted cheese popcorn.

"okay, _before_ we start movie night ..." castiel trailed off, standing back up, hand high in the air as he walked over to where his bag was by the door.

dean and bobby shared a look, shrugging at each-other.

"now i know how both of you dont like valentines day, so this feels more weird, but _c'mon its valentines day .. so, here"_ castiel shifted his shoulders, handing a small box to both bobby and dean.

the two looked confused, cas sat down beside dean again, quietly chewing on his popcorn, while eyeing them open their gifts.

bobby laughed, pulling a new flask out of the box. "well, thank you castiel"

cas snorted "no worries, bobby, you said you needed a new one, on our last hunt." 

_"holy crap"_ dean muttered, he continued to pull packages of new black brush pens and fine-liners out of the box, his mouth hung open, eyes glued in the objects.

_"__and you_ ... i know you like your cheap art supplies, but at the same time you use them nearly everyday, and you get _so mad_ when your pens die when youre in the middle of somethin .... so, i got you some expensive ones, _should last longer"_ castiel explained, tipping the top of his glass soda bottle towards dean.

bobby softly chuckled at how dean was still sat in shock.

_"whoa"_ dean whispered. cas smiled, face turning red with held back laughter.

dean snapped out of it, hugging castiel tightly "i didnt ... i .. i dont ..." still in shock, and yet, cas knew what he was trying to say.

"hey, i know you'll use em, so yeah, you _do_ deserve them. and you didnt have to get me anything for valentines day, id rather treat you, and bobby." he laughed, sharing a wink with the older man.

"now - lets watch some old movies" 

"sounds like a good plan" bobby grinned, raising his beer bottle.

**~~~~**

  
if you were to ask dean what holiday he liked, he'd never say valentines day.

even after two good_ "day of love"_ in a row, he still wouldnt say valentines day.

of course, spending last year with castiel as their first valentines was nice, _but still ... it just rubbed him the wrong way._

so this year when he got up early from insomnia he decided on another new tradition. he made breakfast for jody and donna.

he surprised them with breakfast in bed, castiel joined and helped with making the coffee since dean hated the smell almost as much as he hated the smell of booze. 

castiel found himself staring at dean a lot more today.

the boy was wearing his tight bell-bottoms and a crop-top ... was he trying to kill cas? _possibly._

he kissed dean as he left with bobby to deliver their flowers, he stayed back at the farmhouse, cleaned up their breakfast mess and drove the two women to work for the day. when he got some errands done around town he returned back to the farmhouse, he sighed when he noticed it was lunch time.

damn, deans insomnia sometimes screwed _him_ up. 

that night cas dropped jody and donna off at home, so they could get dressed and go out for supper and grabbed his own overnight bag so the two women could return home to an empty house. _just like every year._

he, dean and bobby dug through dean's artbag that night, laughing over everything dean had managed to shove to the bottom and keep without even knowing what all was in there anymore.

he teased dean until they kissed under a tacky paper heart gabriel had made, bobby taking a photo for cas to send to gabe to shut him up.

old westerns were hardly played at all, but this valentines day wasnt so bad ...

and hey, now the three of them had painted nails.

**~~~~**

  
friday the 13th happened before saturday the 14th this year, which had a horror movie night with all the snacks you could think of, so why repeat yourself the next day?

it was just before six a.m. and had dean and castiel standing in the kitchen, cooking breakfast for their moms.

castiel had just gotten off a hunt and was icing a busted and badly bruised right shoulder. he held the bag of ice against his bare chest, his pj pants low on his hips, drowning his feet, his bedhead utterly wild and slightly greasy.

dean was the only one dressed, a thick black and pink belt held his ripped jeans and fishnets up, a strip of soft purple poked out from under the fishnets, _most likely his panties._

his white shirt wasnt a firm-fitting crop-top, instead a loose fitting one that kinda swayed around his lower rib-cage, the vintage pinup girls that covered the front of the shirt took your eyes off the middle of dean's stomach scar. 

bacon was sizzling in the pan, pepper was sprinkled in the eggs, cas sighed sleepily, leaning down and burring his face in dean's neck. dean softly chuckled, letting his fiancé wrap his arm around his waist, the ice bag ended up touching his elbow as he plated the food.

_"dont fall asleep back there"_ he teased quietly when he felt cas' body weight start leaning heavier on him. cas grumbled, but never moved.

both plates where set on trays, napkins, forks, knifes and a full cup of coffee sat next to them. dean was impressed with himself, a full english breakfast, complete with beans and toast. 

_"caaaaaas"_ dean drug on, slightly pushing himself into the counter, cas' head just slid down from his neck to the middle of his shoulder blades.

he huffed,_ "castiel"_

a low grunt was heard and then there was no weight on his back anymore. dean turned, a grouchy cas was pouting, the ice bag sloped over his sore shoulder, "mm tired" cas whined, dean softly laughed, handing cas a tray "wanna cuddle"

he followed dean to the closed bedroom door

_"we'll cuddle right away cas"_ dean told him with a light smile, opening the door and turning on jody's bedside lamp just as the 6:30 alarm went off. cas turned on donna's lamp, both boys shut off the alarms when the women woke up.

the trays were on their laps and cheek kisses were given out.

dean left the room to feed daphne while cas stayed, sitting on the edge of the bed, hissing as he tried to stretch his back.

donna set her tray on the bedside table, waving her hands towards herself, castiel moved over.

"its lookin better than a few days ago" she informed the tall boy, flipping over the ice bag, cas hissed louder, dropping his chin to his chest, inhaling deeper, nodding when it didnt sting as much.

donna wrestled with him, pulling him across her lap and finally got him under the covers between her and jody. he hummed gratefully and snuggled under donna's chin, his eyes closed.

he was almost dead asleep again when dean reentered the bedroom carrying daphne. 

"whatcha gunna do while we're at work?" jody asked, scooping the last of her beans onto her toast.

dean shrugged, daphne curled up on the bed.

"i dunno. im gone with dad for a little while, cant do anything _too rough_, cuz sleepyhead over there is outta commission" he teased, rubbing cas' knee through the blankets.

castiel groaned from donna's neck _"yeah, happy first valentines day being engaged, the loser got hurt on a hunt"_

jody and donna shared a quiet laugh. donna rubbed cas' back, rocked him as he made pained noises. his heavy breathing took its place after a few minutes, jody huffed before whispering to dean "ive never seen him like this" 

_"weird, isnt it?"_ dean stated, looking at the clock. "i can drive you to work, if you want, come back here and check in on him before i leave with dad" he suggested.

the women finished up breakfast, the winchester cleared the trays and ran out to start his car while they got dressed in their uniforms.

cas was layed down in their warm bed, tucked up the best they could do, dean returned as they kissed his forehead.

"i'll be back soon, sleep good" he whispered to cas, kissing his nose and tiptoeing out of the room.

the drive was strangely quiet coming back to the farmhouse, dean shifted in the leather seat, the radio playing loudly to mask the deadness that was felt.

he shut the drivers door, swinging the keys on his left index finger while he chewed his bubblegum and walked to the front door.

it was humid, causing his hair to curl up and be more wild than usual. it had rained the last few days but today it was just set to be kinda overly _strange._ the kinda strange you had when the world fell into a indifferent mood, not sure if it wanted to be nice, or rain. _humid. _

castiel was rubbing his eyes, his long legs shaky as they waywardly guided him around.

dean chuckled, _"hey, you're up"_ he said, tossing the keys in his pocket and wrapping his arms around cas.

within seconds cas groaned and held dean "mm, im wreckin valentines day" he muttered.

dean shrugged playfully, "nah, actually its kinda nice. i get to take care of you instead of you lookin after me. im goin to meet dad right away, why dont we get you dressed and you come with?" he suggested, his hands roaming cas' bare back and sides. cas nodded lazily, allowing dean to pull him into their shared room. 

getting dressed had been a pain, and the icebag had been taken off and thrown back in the freezer, which left castiel with nothing on his shoulder but a shirt that was heating him up faster than he cared to admit.

the walk down the driveway had gone smoothly the more he woke up, he and dean talked, laughed and swung held hands. the ride in bobby's truck was squished, but cas is tall and sat in the middle so his injured body barely knocked against anything.

he sat in the truck and rested his eyes while the father and son did their traditions in peace and quiet.

it wasnt until they walked into rosie's diner did castiel have to dig dean's sunglasses out and put them over his sore eyes.

_"ya know who wears sunglasses indoors?_" rosie smirked as she walked up to their table, red lips pulled up in her smirk, tight pants hugging her curvy self, shirt rolled to perfection.

dean smirked back, _"blind people"_

cas frowned, his eyebrow twitched upwards.

_"and douchebags"_ both rosie and dean said, laughing after.

bobby shook his head in amusement, patted cas' back when he finally got it.

"you guys suck" cas mumbled, sticking his tongue out playfully.

rosie poked his cheek with her pencil's eraser "ey, watch it there stud, bird is gunna come n shit on that"

cas quickly pulled his tongue back in, dean whooped, curling against the table as he laughed.

_"__better add the guy gettin a headache to the list of people who wear sunglasses inside"_ dean laughed, quieter this time, nodding over to cas.

"oh sweetie. i'll get ya a _rosie turner special milkshake_ to your order. on the house, _its valentines day"_ rosie grinned, ruffling castiel's hair and left back to the kitchen, sticking the order up.

cas' face fell, dean leaned closer ready to ask him if he was alright when cas finally said_ "turner? where have i heard that name before?"_ he turned to bobby.

"was uncle rufus' last name" dean filled him in, cas' finger pointed to him "right. find it funny our families knew bobby and rufus for so long but we never met until later in life"

bobby looked between the two boys, shrugging.

rosie came back with plates lined up her arm.

"burger, fries and a beer for my favourite hunter, next to my husband" the plate was slid towards bobby, who raised his beer with a smirk.

"burger, fries and a root-beer for my favourite scooby, next to the dog" the plate was layed in front of dean, who laughed in return.

"and one bigass special milkshake for my favourite blue eyed angel with the headache" cas lifted the sunglasses with a squint.

he and rosie shared a look.

"got a painkiller in there, kid" she told him.

cas snorted, raising it with a smile "am mighty grateful" he grinned.

it was after lunch when the plates were taken away and cas was leaning back in the booth when his feet gently kicked at dean's "hey wait. rosie's last name is turner ... did she know rufus?"

both dean and bobby looked shocked. cas' eyes shifted between them_ "what?"_

bobby looked down at him "ya dont know, boy?"

cas shrugged _"what?"_

dean laughed again, "they were married, ya nerd. she's rufus' widow" he laughed.

castiel frowned "well _shit_ ... that explains it"

bobby chuckled, pulled cas into his side "you need sleep, boy"

the rest of the day had gone well, and that night found castiel layed out on bobby's couch, his head on dean's lap.

bobby was up changing the dvd in its player, dean's cold fingertips combed through cas' thick hair, dancing around his facial features so gently. cas pressed the tip of his nose against a strip of hot skin under dean's loose shirt, inhaling the sweet smell of his favourite person, dean's body shook. _must've hit a tickle spot._

he felt dean wiggle before he relaxed again, fingers working their magic once more.

"sorry i ruined valentines" cas whispered.

"dont like valentines anyhow, and besides, you didnt ruin anything. being engaged is enough romance for me everyday, i dont need some big special thing on a stupid day." dean said, smiling down at cas. 

"still, its nice to get something special on the day of love"

"you _did_ get me something today" 

castiel looked confused. bobby sat in his chair, watching his boys.

"you got up today, didnt you?" dean asked. cas nodded, still confused. "well, thats enough for me. seeing you is a gift"

a flick of water hit castiel's forehead, dean's body shook harder, cas sat up and twisted around to see bobby flipping a flask of holy water at dean, while dean laughed.

_"_ _what the hell have you done with my son, you demon scum" _

_dean laughed harder, cas groaned and layed back down on dean's lap, his hands covered his face. "i hate valentines day" he groaned from under his hands._

_"hes one of us, dad! we did it! we did it!" dean cheered._

_castiel rolled his eyes when they highfived._

_"weirdo"_  
_"loser"_  
_"jerk"_  
_"bitch"_

_"you two are idjits"_


	37. 🌸 run, run you little bastards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im currently between writing requests but i got inspired by the new Palaye Royale song/music video and i recently rewatched Devour again ... so ... here i am 😂
> 
> this doesnt really fit anywhere, but thats okay. these werent really supposed to become a full on storybook, just a collection of goodies, yaknow?
> 
> anyways, this really makes no sense and has no real plotline. AND I LOVE IT 😂 kinda follows devour's awesome bumpy storyline, in weird ways.
> 
> warnings: blood, rats, guns, vomit, killing, and demons.  
words: 1,515
> 
> Posted on April 15th 2020
> 
> ** edited on may 29 2020 **

_"am aware of needing to call uncle bobby with updates. heading west with new lead on yellow eyed demon. will need shower after digging grave for john and sam. will pack duffel after that. skin is still itchy, eyes feel swollen. face got overheated while digging. got lightheaded, but did not say so."_

dean closed his journal, slid the black pen in the holder beside the lock.

the motel room was empty, aside from his person and his duffel bag. his father and big brother were out, most likely at the diner nearby, researching for the next hunt out west.

the journal was pushed under his dirty, dusty clothes. he showered with ease.

upon his exit of the bathroom, soaking wet and with the mirror rid of steam did he notice his face. the freckles stood out, his eyes a bright green, the lids turning a soft red. his nose twitched, he reached to scratch it, flinching when his bandaged fingers brushed against hot skin.

his body was in pain as he got dressed, his ribs pushed his skin, pulling it tighter than ever before, his spine felt like it ripped the skin in half, leaving it a bloody and bruised mess behind.

the 17 year old laced up his boots, grabbing his duffel, wet hair pushed back and walked to the front office to check out of the room.

people stared.

dean winchester stood at 6'2, underweight, bowlegged, baggy clothes hung off his bones, hair a wet, dripping mess, water rolled off the end of his crooked nose, dropping down to his boots.

he carried his duffel, it swinging when he moved faster to cross the streets. he growled under his breath as the people stared.

the impala came into view, the window was down so he tossed the duffel in the backseat, he entered the diner, found john and sam eating in a booth by a window.

people stared as the skinny boy sat next to a tall, long haired buff older boy. across sat an older, tall man.

people stared when the man shook his head at the waitress. the skinny boy wet his lips, watching the other two eat and talk.

_"have made it out west. john and sam are talking of the yellow eyed demon. the few days drive it has taken us has expressed new concerns. new info includes the demon having a special child. the demon has been gaining power, which has taken its toll on john and sam. they could use my help as backup. what they dont know is the amount of times ive left the motel at night to kill my own demons. the knife uncle bobby gifted me works well. my own personal concern is that my bandaged fingertips have began to ache more, as well as my eyes. they feel heavy. as does my head. will do some research" _

the squeaking he heard from behind where he was sat is what caused him to close his journal and slowly turn around.

it moved.

dean's lips curled, his nose twitched. his face had paled slightly in the last few days, only regaining colour when it flushed a hot red. his eyes had darkened, the bright green now a dull forest green. his eyelids held the reddish colouring, so soft and barely there.

the squeaking got louder, dean stood, pulled his knife from his belt.

it moved, and dean crouched.

and suddenly his bandaged fingers burned in pain.

he hissed, dropping the knife and blew cold air on the burning flesh. the bandages were ripped off, hanging off in curls from being wrapped. the rat bite wounds burned hotter in air.

panic set in, eyes got shut tight, white stars danced across darkness, the pain stopped finally, but the squeaks got louder.

dark eyes stared back.

dean jumped backwards, grabbing his knife.

the rat got closer. dean jumped on the bed, and the rat followed. the boy tossed the knife to the pillow and pulled his gun.

more rats came running out from under the bed, crawling up the covers and pooling around dean's feet. he growled, cocking the gun when they started to chew and bite.

the bullet left the gun with smoke, entering through the skull and spurting blood. he used his bullets quick, stomping the rest, kicking them flat against the other walls.

their noises filled his ears, his eyes began to cloud over, his mind went hazy. 

he shook out of the vision when he heard the impala outside. with long steps that where bouncy and fast, the journal was shoved to the bottom of his bag.

he looked around the room, finding no blood on the walls, his gun still had all its bullets, the demon killing knife still in his belt.

john and sam entered the room, the three shared a nod before dean grabbed his jacket and left the room. 

_"researched on the demon's special child. appears that it's the youngest of two boys. creepy to think a demon has children but what do i know. hunting is a lonely life. have finally updated uncle bobby, am missing him and aunt jody and aunt donna. am just missing sioux falls all together. have been having strange dreams/visions again as of late. still raising concern. right eye was completely swollen shut for about 24 hours before returning to normal. have noticed eyes changing colour. will need more research before taking further action."_

that night was hard.

dean couldnt sleep. his skin was hot, and tight, and itchy. his nose bled for hours, his head felt dizzy, his vision swam and made him feel sick.

in the morning the other two never said a word, just packed the car and left.

dean phoned uncle bobby again. if the winchesters stayed here for another day dean would be free forever.

uncle bobby was taking him back to sioux falls, he'd be safe, and warm, and okay.

his stomach growled, his bloody nose twitched, he gagged.

black ooze and blood coated his white teeth and lips. his fingers started to burn again.

he looked up in the mirror, black eyes replaced his usual green ones.

he blinked.

green stared back again.

he coughed blood against the mirror. his veins were noticeable through his thin skin, darkness filled them. dean gasped for air, lungs got tighter, blood filled his mouth, spilling out as he gasped harder.

it all stopped within seconds, and left the boy in a pile of himself on the bathroom floor.

blood covered his hands, shirt, mouth, chin, dripped down his neck and onto his hands.

he cleaned himself, cleaned the bathroom and returned to the bed, journal in hand.

_"would truly hate to admit john winchester could be right, but the old drunken tale he spins every now and then could be true. the tale along the lines of telling every hunter they should put down his youngest son because he has demon blood in him. i feel sick, and i hope uncle bobby gets here quickly. i'd much rather have him help, and leave this behind me. its finally my time to leave john and sam. i now also need to change out my bandages around my fingers. if you could only see the amount of ... horror that came from me. i believe i can hold on for a few more hours until uncle bobby is here. _

_but if im not. and i hope this is untrue. im clipping in the letter that is only for the eyes of uncle bobby, and no other."_

it didnt take long.

dean gained a fever, his eyes went dizzy, more blood was expelled, black ooze joined. his eyes went blind, before becoming dizzy once more. his body shook harshly, head twisting and limbs thumping against the floor.

john and sam entered the motel room. a gun cocked. the deer-in-the-headlights look only stayed for a minute.

17 year old dean winchester stood in front of them, his clothes torn and coated in his own blood, eyes pure black, smirked plastered across his freckled face, the colt wrapped in his hand. 

_"hiya daddy-o, hiya sammy"_

bobby singer pulled up to the motel, his tired body walked towards the open door with the black impala parked out front.

bloody hand-prints were on the door.

the light switch didnt work, night had fallen so the flashlight would have to work.

there was a snap, and suddenly the rooms light clicked on, leaving bobby to gasp in horror.

dean sat on the bed, smirk still on his face.

sam's body was cut to pieces, thrown around the room, john's headless body hung from the ceiling fan.

blood was everywhere, organs layed around with small pieces of insides. dean's black eyes met bobby's face

_"dean isnt home right now ... but i'd love to have some more fun."_

_Twist and fade_

_Time to run away_

_I can't take this_

_I've been a little patient_

_No escape_

_I've got to get away a little faster_

_Run you little bastards_

_Run run you little bastards_


	38. 🌼 night life, aint no good life, but its my life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> still working on requests, but just rewatched the pilot the other day, again, and felt inspired again. 
> 
> got three new requests in the works and hopefully i'll get them posted pretty quickly. they're all sorta following the same timelines so i didnt wanna bundle post them. felt like itd be like reading the same thing over and over again.
> 
> im currently going back and editing the old chapters of these, because i kinda cringe at how jam packed the paragraphs are, yaknow? its all bunched up and i'd like to have them spread out much more. hopefully it'll be easier to read. not sure. still cant write worth shit and it amuses me how people ACTUALLY care enough about this verse to request and enjoy this verse !! same with the bio, too. i sorta just slappes it together when i first posted this by accident i dont feel like it fits this at all. these are more random drabbles within the verse more than an actual proper story/book.
> 
> anyhow, lets see ... requests ARE getting wrtitten. old chapters are getting edited. yup, that should be all the new updates for yall. oh, also, the ending of this seems very rushed, sorry about that. i feel like i skipped too much with this one, so this may be rewritten and reposted later on when all the other chapters get edited.
> 
> but please, enjoy uncle rufus, bobby and dean going on their first hunting trip together !!
> 
> warnings: swearing, guns ... i seriously think thats it for this one. wow !!
> 
> words: 2,903.
> 
> posted on april 21st 2020.
> 
> ** edited on may 29th 2020 **

bobby singer walked out from his kitchen, plate and soda can in hand as he made his way down the hallway.

music was playing from the basement, the light swung back and forth lazily, bobby steadied himself along the wall and made his way down the creaky stairs.

his freshly turned 16 year old son sat on a stool with his back to him, head bobbing along with the music, voice matching and mixing with the sounds through the radio as _Spirit In The Sky_ played. bobby walked up to dean, watching as the boy's smile grew when he set the plate down with a towering sandwich and the soda on the workbench.

dean leaned over, turned down the radio and grinned up at his dad.

"_ooh_, thank you" he said, wiping his hands of his work on his jean clad thighs, picking up the sandwich.

bobby smiled, grasped his son's shoulders with a gentle squeeze then laying his arm around them, "how's it comin along?" the aged man asked, eyeing the work the boy had been doing.

_"mm"_ dean hummed, nodding while he swallowed a bite of his food. "pretty good, i think. filled two 12 packs with rock salt, i got two packs left but think im gunna use gun powder instead" he explained, wiping his hands again, picking up the empty shotgun shells that stood up in the black case.

bobby nodded, patted dean's back "thats some damn nice work, there. how bout you eat, n i'll do the gun powder?"

dean nodded back, getting up so bobby could sit where he had been for the last hour. he picked his sandwich up again, taking a large bite and pulled the filled rock salt shotgun shells towards himself. 

dean _hated_ the smell of gun powder, probably the biggest reminder of john, so when bobby showed him how to fill shells he always got dean to do the rock salt ones, while he did the others. after being forced into the life bobby had been nervous to begin letting dean help out, but the boy was good at what he did, _no matter what it was._

he hadnt been out on an actual hunt in the nearing year he'd been living in his new life but he had done tons of research and helped with calls with other hunters. bobby smiled to himself while filling a new shell, dean really _was_ his son, _and he was giving bobby a run for his money._ pretty soon he'd be outta business and every hunter would be phoning dean for help.

the last two 12 piece shell cases were filled and were about to be capped, with the rock salt ones completely done when dean perked up.

there was no sound for bobby to hear but dean was _different_, must be the new amount of magic rowena had been teaching him. bobby watched dean swallow his mouthful of soda, shrug his shoulder.

"sounds like a truck just pulled up, dad" he said, making a face.

bobby's eyebrows met each-other. _they werent expecting anyone._

the knock on the back door sounded out and bobby stood up, he shared a look with dean, when dean nodded slowly he patted this son on the back once more and left for upstairs. with lunch nearly finished, dean packed the filled shells in boxes, writing a large _RS_ in sharpie on one box, stacking them along the shelf to later put in duffel bags.

the basement stairs creaked behind him.

"if you think i'd stop by this old bastards place without gettin my hug from my _favourite nephew_, you'd be thinkin crazy"

dean whipped around at the voice, a smile almost split his face in two, _"uncle rufus!"_ he cheered, quickly passing the space between them to hug the taller man.

bobby lightly rolled his eyes. "dean, we _just saw_ the old shit almost two weeks ago" he muttered, thinking back to valentines day when they had lunch together.

his son laughed against rufus' chest, "yeah ... _so?"_ he sassed.

rufus cracked a laugh too, ruffling dean's shaggy light brown hair. "well, uh actually. got a case, down in new mexico, but it's a two man job. wanted to know if the two of youse' wanted to tag along?"

within seconds dean turned to bobby, eyes wide and pleading.

rufus explained the hunt, and bobby thought it over.

"a real woman in white?" dean whispered, to which rufus looked at him, "sure sounds like it, kid"

dean's eyes widened to cartoon-ish levels, _"whoooa_ ... never seen one before" he whispered again.

rufus couldnt help but smile, and smack bobby's arm. "c'mon old man, the kid wants ta' go"

dean's wide eyes were hard to look at, it was a child's move to get what they wanted, but then again dean was never really a child, and well, if he wanted to go ...

_"damnit!_ fine, alright. _BUT_ \- im aint bout to get shit from yer mothers, so we're askin them first."

dean jumped up and down, hugged bobby tight, thanking him repeatedly.

the man sighed, holding his son while he glared at rufus, if something was to happen ... _it was rufus' fault. and his alone._

donna at first was about to say no, but both rufus and bobby had been hunting longer than dean had been alive, so he'd be in good hands. after some thought she was alright with letting him go. if he was actually excited to go then she saw it was a good thing for him, after all that's happened to him in life.

he tossed some clothes in a duffel, kissed her cheek, hugged her and left with the two men to the sheriff's office to see jody.

possibly even more worried than donna had been jody was on edge, but it hadnt taken her long to be talked into letting him go. with the promise of calls throughout the hunt for updates, dean was allowed to go.

and how bobby was ever talked into being pushed in the backseat of his son's impala with rufus in the front seat with a 16 year old dean driving, he'd tell you he was drunk when it happened.

papers were laid out across the front bench seat. rufus' hunting journal laid open on the dash, pages ripped and wrinkled, papers sticking out and adding to the mess on the seat.

"so .. so the guys who have died .. they died on the bridge?" dean asked, side eyeing rufus while he held the wheel, shifting in his seat to sit up straighter. bobby leaned forward from the backseat, arms resting on the back of the bench seat as he watched the two.

"what the files say. nothing connecting them, _just where and how they died are the same"_ rufus said. dean's eyebrows pinched together, his eyes squinting as he reached for his sunglasses.

"maybe its where she died? why .. why haunt a random place? i mean, i know ghosts are, in different ways, _all different_, but that would be a good place to hunt for vics, right?" dean thought aloud, his finger twirling in the air as he spoke. a habit of his, talking with his hands since eye contact was hard for him to handle for a long time.

bobby and rufus shared a look, digging through the papers while dean drove, offering fruits of thought.

the newly fixed up 67 black chevy impala rolled into La Luz, New Mexico the following day. before the three men left the motel room dean put a tracking spell on his dad and uncle _just in case,_ because even with phones the tracking spell would be stronger and connected to dean better.

he was dropped off at the local library while bobby and rufus spoke to witnesses, family friends, and families. it was just after noon when bobby's cell rang.

dean's hair was still messy from sleep, a sign he hated combing his bedhead, it had grown longer than he had always had it, another sign he was changing after leaving john and sam behind. it stuck out wildly around his ears, the sun brushed out around it as he walked up to the two men in suits with an armful of papers sticking out of his own hunting journal, his trusty art bag swinging around him.

to add to the messy state of his hair, the 5'10 tall boy had dirty, ripped blue jeans on, the ends around his feet ripped up, his dirty boots were pulled tight with new pink laces in them. the shirt he was wearing was one of bobby's, too big on him, hanging off his left shoulder and tucked into his jeans in the front, his belt buckle showing perfectly.

the waitresses eyes raked over him, her lip curling as he sat across from bobby and rufus. when she left he raised an eyebrow and layed his journal on the table. he looked around carefully, making sure nobody was around before he leaned in and started to whisper.

_"so get this,_ turns out, she did die at the bridge. her husband still lives here too, out of town but still here. women in white are usually only_ 'made'_ after terrible events that caused death, and what i found, if true, _i know how to gank her" _

rufus nodded slowly, looking over all the papers dean printed, bobby smiled across at his son. dean was no stupid kid brother, nor a stupid kid overall, _he knew his stuff._

the waitress returned to take orders and dean scooped up his things. she looked annoyed when it was his turn to order and he continued to clear the table. bobby took notice and ordered for him, she glared, turning on her heel. the boy looked up with a crooked, but soft awkward smile.

it had gotten to be pretty well known that dean didnt do well in public, not by himself anyhow. he'd go mute, get utterly nervous, fiddle with things, keep his hands busy, his eyes scanned every inch of the place. but if there was a task at hand, something to keep him focused, such as a hunt, _dean was all business._

the library had hardly been a problem today, but the waitress was_ too much._

they ate lunch quickly, bobby getting a to-go box for dean's fries when the boy finally had enough of the staring and had to get up and leave. rufus hooked his arm around him, walking with him to the car.

the drive to the bridge was quiet, an old and skipping robert johnson tape playing in the background. dean had his sunglasses on when the three of them stepped out of baby and onto the bridge.

the police tape whirled in the wind, the cop standing near by raised an eyebrow as the three men got closer, flashing badges at him.

he looked at dean, _"little young, arent you?"_

dean cracked a smirk, _"why, thank you"_

everything checked out. all that was left to do was interview the husband, find her bones and torch the bitch, maybe roast some marshmallows if it all went well.

the two older hunters sat at the table in the motel room, with dean sitting on the edge of one of the beds, journal in hands as he searched the book. rufus sighed, leaning back in his chair, "these aint helpin. dont say where she was buried"

dean looked up with a frown "yeah, i failed there. sorry" he muttered, shoulders sagging in on themselves.

bobby frowned at his son, ready to say something when dean sat up, eyes going wide. they flashed purple sharply, the glow was bright before it dimmed when he blinked. the journal in his hands was tossed into his art bag when he stood up quickly, a quiet _"oh shit"_ was barely heard.

the two men watched him, dean swallowed, _"five-o"_ he whispered.

the impala stayed in the parking lot, not that the winchester was happy about that. he helped bobby hot-wire a car, he was dropped off at the library once more, bobby was dropped off around the corner to the motel to get the impala and rufus was just on the outskirts of town to talk with the husband.

the clock was ticking faster and faster it seemed, but finally, just before the sun dropped off for a sleep did the three hunters meet back on the bridge.

dean shoved the impala keys in his pocket, thanking bobby first, before pointing to the other end of the bridge "see the road down there? turn a little to the left and theres the old house. she was buried in the backyard there, we catch her, we gotta take her home." he explained.

"so, how do we ca-" rufus stopped mid sentence, he grabbed a hold of bobby's arm, pointing ahead of him.

_"holy crap"_ dean whispered.

standing on top of the railing was a tall woman, long black hair is soft curls, an even longer, flowing white dress followed her. she turned her head, stared at the three hunters before slipping off the railing.

dean gasped loudly, running over to where she had jumped.

_"dean!"_ bobby shouted, running after his son, rufus following closely behind.

"dad? she just ... _she jumped"_ dean's voice was a pitch higher as panic filled him.

night was beginning to settle in, a cold wind picked up its pace. three sets of eyes scanned the steady, and fast stream under the bridge. its mucky and muddy colour blurring the bottom.

_"balls._ 'kay, lets get movin" bobby cursed, pulling dean by the back of his jackets collar behind him, dean let go of railing, his chest feeling tighter by the second.

baby's headlights caught the three of them like deer. the engine revved.

"uh, hate ta' ... crash the party, fellas. but, uh ... _who's drivin?_" rufus asked.

they didnt dare move. dean slowly pulled the keys from his pocket, mouth hanging open slightly. bobby looked to his left, the keys dangled from between dean's left index finger and thumb.

_"balls"_ he cursed once more.

the impala revved again, before it started to speed towards them.

the three took off running down the bridge, the impala caught the back of rufus' boot just as he jumped onto the slightly higher sidewalk that lined with the railings.

baby shut herself off, no sign at all that a ghost had taken hold of her.

rufus got down, helping bobby up from where he had jumped over and was holding onto the edge of the sidewalk for dear life.

_dean was nowhere in sight._

a dark figure pulled itself out of the water, bobby and rufus watched it. dean coughed water up, rolling onto his back and squinted up at the bridge.

_"dean!"_ bobby yelled down at him.

_"im ... im okay!"_ dean weakly yelled back, laying his head down on the wet ground behind him, sighing quietly when rough hands started to help him to his feet.

his dad pulled him up, holding onto his muddy and wet self, his uncle pulled twigs and whatever else off of him.

back on the bridge dean checked over his car.

"all good?" rufus smirked, amused at how the boy had _just jumped into a stream, was soaked to the bone, reaked of dirty, gross water but needed to check his car._ dean nodded, looking around the place.

his eyes burned bright purple as he yelled into the cold night air _"that constance chick? what a bitch!" _

bobby and rufus shared a chuckle, but within seconds constance welsh, the woman in white stood at the other end of the bridge. dean's eyes blinked, the purple colour was almost like a flashlight.

she turned, facing where the house was behind overgrown trees, her hand lifted, pointing over to it. dean slowly made his way over to her.

they stood face to face, her pale face tear stained. dean stared into her eyes, her hand reached out to touch his face, her cold, dead fingers just barely touched warm, freckled skin when dean ducked, a loud shotgun blast rang over his head.

"jesus christ, boy" rufus called, shaking his head when he and bobby ran up behind him.

the winchester smiled lazily, "hey - got you old guys to run, didnt it?"

rufus huffed.

"lets take this bitch home, huh?" dean suggested, grinning as he jogged over to the broken down house, an angry ghost cornering him as he stepped foot in the doorway.

he pulled her in with him, catching the lighter fluid from bobby, he lit the matchbook from his pocket.

two kids were suddenly in the flames, dean was about to reach out when bobby pulled him back out into the night.

when the screams died and the flames started to meet the stars, bobby held dean close by, walking with rufus down the road towards the bridge and the impala.

_"hey rufus, next time you find a hunt, remind me to bring rain-boots" dean grinned. bobby laughed, helping his son into the car. rufus chuckled, tossing the shotguns in the back with himself. _

_"kid, next time i got a hunt, i better stay far away from you n your grouchy old man" he grinned at bobby when the other man sat behind the wheel._

_"damn straight" bobby nodded, taking the keys from dean and starting baby up with ease._

_"i call first shower." dean smiled._

_"good choice, you smell like a toilet"_

_"dad!"_


	39. 🌼 lime green and purple gives off mixed signals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey there. 
> 
> look !! a new piece !! im quite happy with this one too !! 
> 
> heres some updates for yall.  
im working all day, everyday to finish up my post secondary art assignments before the middle of june, helping my family pump out the water from our backyard - which floods every spring, while trying to run my small art business.
> 
> and by night, im writing up three requests, while trying to edit old chapters and figure out the next step so yall can finally meet dean and cas' lil babes. im about halfway done editing old chapters, none of the requests are done and i finally got inspired for the story and busted my fingers writing this.
> 
> SO !! if yall could just hang out for a little longer, im so so SO sorry. the requests were made almost an entire month ago and i only got one done. next chapter will most likely be a request though !!
> 
> during my long days i binged dark angel all over again, watched 3 blind saints again and a ton of supernatural again. which i think helped inspire me to make this. so, yeah theres a bunch of little touches from each of those. just enjoying myself.
> 
> Takes Place After "No Judgement"
> 
> Warnings: swearing, scar mention, cross dressing (that a trigger?), male pregnacy, and killing mentions.
> 
> words: 2,209.
> 
> posted on April 30th 2020
> 
> ** edited on april 30th 2020 **

dean was leaning back on the couch, swollen ankles and feet up on the coffee table, blanket covering his large seven month baby belly, wet rag covering his eyes.

castiel paced the living-room, his hunter's journal in hand as he researched for an upcoming hunt. 

they had no new information on where lucifer was, where chuck was, how to pull the devil from lucifer, how to stop chuck from _slowly killing_ dean during his pregnancy, how to get gabriel and cas' grace to them, since finding out they were angels or how to kill chuck. 

life was hard currently, and killing chuck, who was _fuckin god himself_ was proving to be harder as time went on. they started this shit soon after dean fell pregnant, and now, seven months later it was still going on.

dean twitched in his sleep, a quiet grumble passed his full, soft lips. cas stopped in his tracks, laid his book down and leaned down next to his husband. the rag was pulled off, leaving dean's closed eyes on display for castiel. his eyes roamed under the lids, his nose was red and continued to twitch, his mouth moving with no sound escaping. 

cas' eyebrows met each-other when dean's body shook under the blanket. hoping his husband would wake and not be pulled into yet another seizure cas took a hold of dean's shoulders and rocked him slightly rough. within seconds dean's hands gripped cas' arms to make him stop.

"sorry" cas muttered quietly, cupping dean's fuller cheek, his thumb rubbed against the soft skin. the pregnant boy grumbled once more before tired and dull green met bright and clear blue. 

_"i was just, didnt want you too, i just"_ cas stumbled over his words, his face heating up as dean weakly squinted at him. dean cracked a small smile, closing his eyes again while relaxing under castiel's warm palm. 

dean's seizures had gotten worse as his blood pressure continued its swan dive straight into hell. _if they could only come up with a plan faster,_ be rid of chuck and his evil plans once and for all. no more pain, for everybody. 

dean's scar had broken open over the months, enough to make his stomach a bruised, bloody, hot pool of pain. every-time he stood he needed somebody to help him, he'd quickly get dizzy and with the added weight his balance had got to shit. 

when he first gotten pregnant his magic, rowena's added in, had been enough to hold off much of the pain and morning sickness. of course because of chuck, within a few weeks it had all fallen apart, leaving dean to hang on by a thin thread. _he looked like death warmed over._ rowena's powerful magic was the only thing keeping his body working. _barely._

castiel ran his hand over dean's fevered forehead, laying the wet rag over his sunken eyes once more.

_"im gunna fix this. i promise you, de."_ he whispered.

dean squeezed his hand weakly.

**~~~~**

the record player in the living-room spun Nathaniel Rateliff's _"And It's Still Alright"_ album, quietly.

dean's favourite song, _"You Need Me"_ currently serving as background music as he sat on the kitchen island. he leaned down on his right hand and arm, his left hand roaming the globe of his large pregnant belly. castiel was making himself busy across from dean, stirring whatever was in the pot on the stove.

"s-so, did you think over what aunt rowena told us?" dean mumbled, his hand laying still. his tired eyes watched cas cook.

"about us living forever?" castiel questioned, reaching up to the top cupboards, swinging the door open.

dean nodded, even if his husband couldnt see it. "angel grace does that. you _are_ an angel afterall. witches have spells. wanna talk to dad, mom and mama about it._ i hope they say yes."_ he whispered the last part, eyes drawn down to where his hand layed.

cas turned, bowls now sitting on the counter. "we're gunna live forever. _all of us._ and we're gunna fix all of this" he reminded dean once more. 

dean smiled at cas, leaning forward until their noses touched. cas pushed dean's long shaggy hair away from his face and slowly kissed him. 

the front door swung open with a loud bang, causing the married couple to pull away from each-other. gabriel held up papers, face red and eyes wide.

"hey big fella" he called out to castiel, walking over quickly.

"hey little fella" cas replied, eyebrows pulled together as he watched his older brother.

dean watched them both, his lips poked out into an amused pout, "guess that makes me medium fella"

gabriel shoved the handful of papers at castiel, wiping the sweat from his face and pointing at the stack of paper. _"ah boy, do charlie and i got news for you two"_

charlie closed the front door, smiling widely when she saw dean, jumping up on the island next to him. cas smiled at them, handing his older brother the papers once more to finish up lunch.

**~~~~**

  
"chuck, our dad, is god himself. _the light._ and aunt amara, is _the darkness._ light and dark. and our mom, abbadon, is _a knight of hell."_ castiel looked over at gabriel.

gabe nodded.

"okay, so. chuck and abbadon had triplets. michael, raphael and lucifer. but chuck gave michael and raphael to aunt amara. then she had her own kids with her husband metatron, who was god's scribe." cas looked at his older brother once more.

gabe nodded again.

"now with only lucifer. abbadon had you, me, and hannah. but, luce and you are archangels, and me and hannah are angels._ so, wait a minute."_ cas stopped, ran a hand through his hair, flipped a paper over.

"with me being an angel and dean being a human ... that means that baby's a _nephilim?"_ he asked gabriel and charlie, while pointing halfly at dean.

both hunters nodded. castiel dropped his head to the table, causing a spoon to clang against dean's lunch bowl. dean cringed at all the new info now out in the open. he reached out and started to pet his hand through cas' messy black bedhead.

_"my head hurts"_ castiel moaned into the table.

_"almost as good as the winchester gospels"_ dean teased, gently curling cas' hair around his fingers. 

gabriel folded up the papers again, nodding over to dean. "yaknow, i know dad wrote those. but i dont understand why he never wrote you got married to cassie, here."

_"because it wasnt supposed to happen!_ i threw myself in the pit but he never knew i was gunna come back _alive!_ thats why he used lucifer for a vessel for the _fuckin devil._ plus that god-for-saken stupid book was detailed but it never said a thing bout dean bein a witch. just that it all was supposed to happen durin deans _first_ pregnancy" castiel lifted his head, a low growl crawling up his throat. 

"do ya still have the gospel?" charlie asked.

"cassie burned it. _oh!_ but wait, _our journals!"_ gabriel grinned at her, getting up from the table and running off.

_"gabe, wait!"_ dean grumbled, getting up as quickly as he could to chase after him. he was stopped a few steps later. he snapped angrily, muttering a quiet _"goddamnit, why am i pregnant?"_

cas lazily laughed, helping dean into the seat he was in and running after gabriel himself.

"well _damn_. anyhow, i have a plan" charlie smirked over to dean. they smirked at each-other, clinking their cups together, waiting for shurley brothers to return.

**~~~~**

  
they really needed to start taking charlie on more hunts, because the girl had the best laid traps/plans than anybody could ever muster up.

since chuck had wiped the entire family's minds, except for his own kids when they left after abbadon and hannah died, amara and metatron would have no idea who castiel or gabriel were. _which was good._

ever better, amara and metatron had gotten a divorce recently and metatron would be a nearby town for a few days. _which meant they would strike tonight. __as they were currently._

the plan was to have charlie and castiel pose as a couple, while dean and gabriel sat in one of bobby's surveillance vans that would be parked about a block away. cas and charlie would chat up metatron and hope he slipped up and gave up some info on chuck's books. hopefully along the lines of the bible or the winchester gospel.

the memory wiping of god only worked on forgetting people, not objects, or different moments. _thank you chuck for just learning to be god when he cast that spell._ was easy enough to crack through.

dean was sat in the van, his elbows rested on the table edge in front of him, headset wrapped around him perfectly. he was nervous, not only for castiel but because gabriel had been snacking on random stuff most of the time charlie had been explaining the plan. _and well. if dean knew gabriel_ .. something was going to go wrong.

castiel had his beer in hand, sitting in a far booth, watching people play pool close-by. he shifted himself before taking a sip from the bottle._ "how's it look?"_ his garbled voice cut in and out of the old headset.

dean sighed, flicking the headset with his fingers, hoping to clear up the sound. he moved the mouth piece in front of his lips and clicked through the different cameras he had hacked into for live feeds. "uh, well. can see you perfectly. no sign of anything yet." he informed.

_"feels weird to be havin a drink, knowin you're watching me"_ cas confessed, raising the bottle again. dean quietly laughed, going through the cameras once more.

"ah, well. enjoy yourself, los-" 

the van doors opening cut dean off. cas' voice was heard over the headset but dean had pulled them down towards his neck. gabriel stood in the doorway, his lips covered in a hot pink colour. too much green surrounded his upper eyelids, long fake lashes covered his usual short ones. a crappy, cheap long blonde wig was crooked on his head, the bangs and ends hooded his eyebrows and kept getting caught on his bottom lip. 

dean's eyes went wide. "g-gabe .. gabe" 

gabriel grinned. he waved at dean, showing off his purple nails. his long sleeved multi-textured shirt and army green skirt followed him as he walked away from the van. dean quickly got up and stumbled over to the opening. gabriel's heels caught him off guard. "gabriel! no, no, no, gabe come back here! gabriel!" 

_"dean? whats going on"_ castiel whispered through the headset.

"damnit! why am i always pregnant when your brother runs away from me?" dean growled, slamming the doors shut and sitting back in his seat.

_"what? dean, i dont - oh my god"_

the pregnant boy sighed tiredly. charlie opened the van doors, smiling across at dean before frowning. dean whined, waving her over and pointing at the screen. she stared in shock as gabriel sashayed his way into the bar. his wig was pulled away to show off his huge earrings. dean groaned, covering his face.

he met cas in the booth, fake high-pitched girly voice in place as he greeted his brother. _"damnit gabe,_ charlie had a plan"

"did she? oh hell, this is fun. those fellas keep starin. _hello handsome!"_

castiel groaned, "cuz you aint a real chick"

"is that who we're lookin for?" charlie asked, touching dean's left shoulder as she leaned over to look closer at the screen. dean quickly pulled their file folder open, looking between the photo and the screen.

"cas and ugly woman, _metatron at 12'oclock." _

"ugly wom-? excuse you, i look sexy" gabriel complained. castiel rolled his eyes only to widen them when gabriel got up from the booth and ever so roughly pushed his way through the crowd.

charlie burst out laughing as they watched. somehow, in some strange way, metatron believe gabriel to be a real woman. a sexy woman in fact. castiel groaned as he watched metatron's hand find gabe's ass. 

**~~~~**

  
it didnt take long. 

within an hour and a half, everyone was sitting in the van together. castiel with a shit eating grin plastered on his face as he held a massive file folder case. gabe had removed his wig, much to charlie and dean's amusement, and was looking over his nails.

"do you know what this means? we finally have a solid lead! we did it .. i cant believe it. we .. we really did it. we could save lucifer, save you ... i can save you dean" castiel babbled, kissing dean roughly and excitedly. 

"you better thank charlie, first" dean suggested, smirking at his friend. charlie blushed, shrugging to herself. castiel was wrapped around her in no time, holding her tightly.

"yaknow ... purple and lime-green.... was probably givin off mixed signals the entire time" gabriel muttered, looking over his nails and outfit.

dean looked down at him, playfully smacking the back of his head.

_somehow they would fix the world. one small victory at a time. they were hunters, after-all. but they were also family. _

_and this family never quit for nobody._


	40. 🌼 we are the kids that you never can kill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> f i n a l l y !!
> 
> anybody miss these guys as much as i have ?!?! please say so, because i love them too much. 
> 
> im FINALLY down to two assignments, but my insomnia is still pretty shit right now, so i used some of that for this. i actually found this unfinished in my drafts when my tablet updated once again. remember when i lost all those unfinished works a while back? well i lost more after that, but now some of them came back. 
> 
> i is confused, but pretty damn happy.
> 
> i also finally have some ideas on the 'big story' everybody seems to like, as well as three requests im still haulin ass on. it may take longer because i still got some art shit to do ... but im workin on it !!
> 
> i will never leave this verse. i love these babes. they is my life. 
> 
> oh - spoilers !! the little mexican diner? totally inspired by the awesome little mexican diner in s14e14 ... because hells yeah !! i loved it !!
> 
> Takes place after "Some Gross Shit" and "Lime Green And Purple Gives Off Mixed Signals" ... confusing, but you'll understand :-)
> 
> Warnings: just some swearing, i think. a little bit of mental hurting too.
> 
> Words: 2,176.
> 
> Posted on May 16th 2020
> 
> ** edited on may 16th 2020 **

castiel rubbed his tired, sore eyes for the billionth time tonight. a yawn cracked his lower jaw, his body stretching out as he stood up, closing yet _another_ lore book.

the information metatron had given their crew of great hunters was _awesome_, but it was hard to piece together successfully and make sense of it all. there was still too many unanswered questions about chuck's actions, his plans, _the big picture._

the old couch dean basically lived on was pulled out into its bed form. pillows and thick blankets covered it, creating a mountain that could battle dean's baby bump in size. gabriel had had a rough day, missing lucifer more as they learned more about different subjects concerning his older brother. 

dean was on his side, pillows shoved up against his back and under his heavy belly. his long hair a greasy mess and his thumb sheltered in his mouth. gabriel was snuggled in dean's warmth, hiding against his chest with his forehead pressing dean's cheek and knuckles. their feet, legs and arms were tangled in a strange pile of limbs all mixed together. 

cas quietly chuckled at them, leaning over to tuck the blanket around them tighter. the weight dean had gained with pregnancy had caused him to start snoring, which cas thought was another cute quirk his husband had. since dean usually ended up sucking his thumb through the night out of habit, his snores were short and quick. cas was reminded of cartoon characters snoring every-time he heard dean.

an opened photo-album laying beside gabe pulled cas' attention away from the sleeping bodies. during the day dean had been writing and putting away older photos in frames and photo-albums, gabriel joined him when research started to hurt his head. cas didnt blame him, research made his head hurt too.

he frowned as he picked up the open album. the pages had photos from an old hunt the brothers and dean had gone on in Des Moines, Iowa together. a hunt that bobby and chuck had sent them on, the day after their successful hunt in Toledo of the roman family. the hunt itself had also gone smoothly, the pictures themselves were mostly of the brothers sitting around a table doing research. 

castiel smiled sadly.

life hadnt changed much in ways. it kinda bummed him out. _not that he had told anybody that of course._ he softly sighed before flipping the page. 

cas couldnt help the low, deep laugh that bubbled out of him when his tired eyes scanned the new pages. dean snorted louder than usual, which set off a whine from gabriel. cas moved and sat back down on the small loveseat across from the bed.

after their hunt in des moines, lucifer had suggested the four of them go on a small road-trip before heading back up to sioux falls. dean had bounced up and down, texting his mothers. gabe, of course, was in as soon as his candy stash was refilled. cas had agreed, filling up the jeep and jumping in the drivers seat. 

the photos were from somewhere in new mexico. _how they ended up there, cas couldnt tell you._ _they just did somehow._ dean mostly took all the photos, but there was some that the shurley boys had taken. cas' favourite had to be the one of dean that lucifer had taken. _dean, with his head thrown back, eyes crinkled with joy, the sound of his laugh echoed within the photo. _

_that old mexican diner somewhere in new mexico. _

**~~~~**

the booth was too small for two over-six-feet tall boys, a nearly-six-foot tall boy and a short annoying candy stealer, but yet, they all squeezed in there together. the red vinyl of the booth squeaked as denim rubbed against it. the table was also red, but the top had a lime-green and white pattern plastered across the span of it. 

the walls around them were a light teal colour, with yellowed posters in frames. the half-wall between the booth and the rest of the diner had wood paneling. the overhead lights were a bright yellow. castiel felt himself going cross-eyed from all the colours but the glee in dean's 17 year old eyes was making him forget it. dean wasted no time in taking out his camera and snapping a few photos. 

a waitress handed them menus and returned with their sodas. 

"shut up cassie, _it is so!"_ gabriel whined, sipping at his cherry coke. lucifer spat his cola as he laughed. dean grinned around his root-beer. 

castiel squinted, reaching around dean and picking up the glass ketchup bottle near the wall. he studied the bottle, turning it in his hands as he read the label, in search of what he needed to prove his point. finally he sighed and gave in.

_"is ketchup a vegetable?"_ he muttered, squinting harder at the bottle.

_"hell yes"_ dean told him, in all seriousness.

gabriel started to laugh, flying backwards in the booth as he slid down in his seat. lucifer pushed him back up, laughing himself. castiel looked up at dean, _clearly_ confused about it all. his boyfriend just smiled with a shrug, taking the ketchup bottle back and setting it down once more.

"that last hunt, _im proud of us._ we make a good team" lucifer praised, raising his glass. the other three picked theirs up too, dean snapped a quick photo as the glasses clinked. "dean, you're a _triple threat_ dude! research, hunting and interviewing. i'm _more_ than impressed" 

dean laughed it off with a shrug. cas smiled, knocking their shoulders together. dean _really was_ that good. 

their food was set out on the table, basket of fries filled the middle for everybody to dip into, the soda glasses pushed to the sides. cas and lucifer rolled their eyes, while dean laughed as gabriel dumped a large amount of ketchup throughout his food.

"actually at first i thought that last hunt was turning out to be a pishtaco" castiel muttered, sipping his iced-tea.

dean stopped mid-bite into his overfilled taco, turning to his boyfriend confused. _"a fish taco?" _

cas raised his eyebrow. "what?"

"a fish taco?" dean asked again. 

lucifer and gabe side eyed each-other, turning back to the other two.

"a _pishtaco_, dean. they're sorta like, well, they're fat suckers." castiel said.

dean set down his taco, wiping his hands on his jeans. "i know what they are, i just, i didnt know they _were real._ ive _never_ seen one in real life"

_"for reals?"_ luci gaped at the youngest boy. dean shrugged awkwardly.

"i never saw a real woman in white til last year, here in new mexico too. i read about em, just never saw that shit til then"

"well, if you want, _you should start coming with us more._ i'm sure we're taking a break after this trip but you should think about it. _you're a great hunter, dean._ i know how you feel about it, but really, _you have the skills and the talent" _

castiel and gabriel stared at lucifer. he was _never_ that open. _ever._ dean's face had turned hot, his awkward laughing was quiet as he tried to laugh and shrug it off. but lucifer understood and simply smiled, nodding at the boy.

_"i'm clearly done with the chickflick moment, but you get it" _

the four of them remained in their small booth long after their food was gone. the diner was cozy and warm, the vibe of the place was probably somewhere you'd come to everyday if you lived there. cas layed his arm on the back of the booth, out of habit dean leaned into it, causing cas to sneak a short cheek kiss when nobody was looking.

old hunting stories were passed around the table, random thoughts and a few dozen candy wrappers. dean stole a few before they were thrown out to stick in his sketchbook, along with some napkins and a stolen menu from the place. 

lucifer had a hold of the camera, taking photos of how relaxed his youngest brother finally was. it was rare that cas was ever this relaxed and laid back. _dean winchester was a good thing for him._ he understood castiel like nobody else could, _he was the sun to him._ and lucifer loved seeing castiel protect dean.

when the diner closed after midnight the four boys payed, collected their crap and went for a walk. it was warm, but chilly enough to still need more than one layer. cas slid his beanie on, only for luce and gabe to make fun of him for the rest of the night, sometimes dean joined in just to bug him. 

the stars were bright and the sky was clear. the moon was large and high up, the glow was bright enough you didnt need a flashlight. dean walked around the three older boys to take photos, while also talking and listening to them. the gravel road under their feet was long, _nobody out to disturb them at this hour. it was perfect._ gabe ran ahead of them, standing on his tiptoes to howl at the moon, to which lucifer slapped him upside the head for.

**~~~~**

the fat water droplet hit the protective sheet over the picture, blurring out lucifer's face on the group photo of the boys taken that night on that long gravel road.

castiel lifted his head, heavily sighing before he lowered his head once more. he raised his hand to wash it down his face. the tear was wiped from the page next. cas looked up at the clock, seeing that he had only zoned out for ten or so minutes, and the other two were still peacefully sleeping.

before shutting the photo-album, cas took a few photos out, put them in a pile on the table. he'd run out later and get some frames for them, put them up on the wall they were making in the living-room. the album was closed and layed on the couch where cas was sitting after he got up.

the pull out bed creaked when cas sat down behind where dean was sleeping. his rough hand and fingertips made their way into dean's long greasy hair, brushing back pieces from his closed eyes. cas sighed once more when his face felt wet. dean stirred awake slightly, his tired eyes opened just a sliver as he turned his head to look up at his husband.

_"cas?"_ he whispered so softly.

cas sniffed quietly, clearing his throat, squeezing dean's hip.

_"come to bed. it's okay"_ dean murmured, reaching up to cup castiel's face. cas kissed his husbands palm, nodding at him while his nose went a darker red as he held back his tears. 

the front door opened just as castiel walked back out into the living-room area with his pj shirt and boxers on. jody smiled at him gently, closing and locking the door before she came over for a hug. cas wasted no time in holding her close, her face was warm against his chest. _sometimes he wished his mom was still around, but jody and donna were the next best things. _

"you look _so tired, cas._ lets get you to sleep, _no more research"_ jody scolded him with a soft smile, putting her keys on the kitchen island before pulling the tall boy over to the pull out. cas tried to smile, but honestly he couldnt do it.

"i wish, but i cant, jodes. sleeping isnt helping dean, or lucifer, or us. i have to keep looking through that shit, its the only way." cas pleaded. jody frowned.

_"listen to me young man,_ staying up isnt helping anybody either. _you need to sleep._ i'm going to change from my uniform into something more comfy and then i will go through that stuff. _deal?"_

cas seemed unsure, squinting up at her. she smirked lightly, pushing him down on the bed. his hand was once more on dean's hip. dean moved his hand and grabbed at cas', their wedding rings pushing against each-others, their fingers curling around one another. cas moved down the bed a little, resting his head on the upper part of the pillow that was supporting dean's shoulders and upper back. 

jody had changed, a steaming cup of coffee in her hand and was just about to sit down when castiel lifted his head to look up at her. it was nearly 2 AM, much too early for any of this.

_"castiel novak shurley, if i see you awake before 8 AM your butts going to be in a sling"_ jody warned, pointing at him. 

cas slowly nodded, snuggling back up to dean and closing his eyes. jody nodded her approve of him, walking over to the bed and tucking the three sleeping boys in tightly.

_with a kiss to each of their foreheads, she walked back over to the coffee table with the dozens of papers layed across it._

_"sometimes a good mom voice is better than god himself" jody smiled into the quiet room._


	41. 🌼 tonight is the night i die - part one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey yall. i know, long time no see. im so close to being done everything and i could cry. i used to post possibly three/four chapters a month and the last two/three months ive posted ... two, or one a month, sad times.
> 
> ive been trying to post a requested piece since the end of may but our wifi is so so shit, and with all the rain we've been getting its even worse. then i learned i have to rewrite it all because besides the shit wifi, the file got damaged cuz my tablet is hella old. but im hoping this gets posted. 
> 
> hope this FINALLY helps yall figure out whats happening to our epic storyline .. and the first time theres no dean anywhere *le gasp*
> 
> WHO'S READY FOR PART TWO SOON ?!?! 
> 
> also, yes. theres a few request chapters coming asap because im handing in my final post secondary project and i finally have the time ro write again !! im so happy !! ive missed yall so much *happy hugs*
> 
> takes place after Lime Green And Purple Give Off Mixed Signals.
> 
> warnings: swearing, throwing up, scar mention, possession, and killing mention.
> 
> words: 1,169
> 
> posted on June 8th 2020
> 
> ** edited on june 13 2020 **

_"SON OF A FUCKIN BITCH!"_

thunder boomed heavy outside, the windows shook, lightning lit up the dark house, rain pelted the siding. jody and donna sat up together at the yelling coming from the living-room. 

quickly pulling on their robes and running out of their bedroom, they found castiel. his chest heaving, hands barely holding onto crumpled papers, face white, lips moving soundlessly.

jody ran over to hold him steady while donna took the papers from his hand. _"d-d-dean"_ cas wheezed, face paling further.

"what about him?" jody asked softly, rubbing her son-in-law's wide shoulders.

_"d-dean"_ he repeated.

jody and donna shared a worried look before donna looked down at the papers in her hand. dean's writing was all over the sheets, mixed in with gabriel's and castiel's. all the research the boys had been doing to help dean and save the world.

"i'm calling bobby" donna whispered, turning to the kitchen and making her way to the wall phone.

jody helped cas sit on the couch, rubbing his chest, shoulders and neck, trying to calm the young man. "are ... are you having .. a, _a hell flashback?"_ she tried, whispering lowly when cas' bit his bottom lip to stop its shaking. 

he shook his head, his unfocused eyes landed on the trash-bin by the kitchen island. jody followed them and got the hint just in time before cas tossed his cookies.

**~~~~**

  
"so ... he figured it all out. _in a single night._ and it took .. what, five, six, of us almost nine whole months" gabriel muttered, his voice thick with sleep. 

his wrinkled pajamas and wild golden bedhead let everyone know he had been enjoying an actual peaceful sleep for once. bobby looked about the same, but his hunting vest and ball-cap covered his dirty shirt and own bedhead.

rowena was also in her silky pajamas, sitting next to castiel and jody in the couch. her long red hair pulled up in a messy bun. castiel groaned, hugging the trash-bin closer to his chest. donna, standing next to bobby, frowned at him sadly.

"can someone _please_ just explain this whole thing? _and where the hell our son is?"_ jody pleaded, her hands gripping castiel's long sleeve covered arm. 

_"long story,_ uncle bobby?" gabe looked over at him, his tired eyes landing on the papers and books he held.

bobby nodded. the heavy book was opened to a wrinkled bookmark and dean's scribbles. 

"angels n demons without grace n power are '_meatsuits_'. people, in other words. cas, gabe, luci are sons of god. without grace, _people_." bobby read deans notes, looking over at everyone. they nodded, cas looked pained.

"now, few years ago, cas threw himself into the pit - _or hell, whatever._ cuz he loved dean, even before they were datin, and it was supposed to save dean. _cuz cas and dean are soulmates in every possible friggen timeline ever made"_ gabriel continued, his fingers locking together as he made his point.

"but what dad didnt know, was that dean is a witch. so he made a deal to get lucifer's grace and '_possess_' him with it. making lucifer, actual big scary lucifer. if cassie and i had our grace, we'd be _hella awesome_ big scary angel and archangel."

_"besides the point gabe"_ bobby advised, raising an eyebrow.

"_right_. anyways, dad pulled cassie outta hell. which created this timelines, cas and dean story. after finding out dean was a witch, dad started his plan with luci." gabe finished, eyes looking down at the floor that his bare-feet were making patterns on.

everybody was quiet. nobody moved. castiel pulled the bin closer as he threw up again, his fingers turning white with the pressure. jody wiped her tears and held him close, while gabe winced as cas' body heaved harder and harder.

"and, deans _magic_?" donna asked seriously, her eyes dark. rowena returned the look.

"him being a witch really twisted whatever plan dad had" gabriel whispered.

"god working against what i helped create. _but he won't win_, he hasnt yet. im still the most powerful witch of all._ i am why dean is what he is, i am why dean is with child and i am what is keeping that boy from losin his butterfly"_ rowena's heavy scott accent got thicker as she spoke lower, getting darker and more angry as she went on. 

gabriel moved to her side, wrapping his arms around her and resting his right hand on his little brothers shaking left elbow. 

"c-chuck, _wants him dead_, i know that, b-because hes with child. a-and, i know he and castiel shouldnt, be together ... in chuck's eyes .. _but i dont .. i dont understand"_ jody announced, holding cas closer to her chest. he coughed quietly, eye blinking slowly.

"try'ta kill dean, dont work .. try'ta make 'im lose the baby ..." bobby grumbled.

"the seizures, the demon breaking in, the tiredness, the scar breaking ... all of it, all of it makes sense. that baby's not human, _okay, big deal._ but what does getting rid of the baby _and_ dean have to do with lucifer?" donna asked, waving her arms as she huffed, tired, stressed and annoyed.

_"sam a-and john"_ castiel wheezed, lifting his heavy head from jody's chest.

everyone stared at him confused. cas moved his eyes to rowena.

"h-honey-m-moon. said he, he killed 'em, with your help"

rowena's eyes went wide, mouth falling open slightly.

_"... holy shit thats right._ but, thats not possible, cuz he said he got a letter from ro after the wedding. ro was at the wedding ..." gabriel followed cas' train of thought.

_"holy fuck"_ both shurley brothers said at the same time, sitting up and staring widely at each-other. 

"it was a vision dad gave dean. _he didnt really kill them_" gabe said.

"sam winchesters the boy-king of hell and john is his right hand man. lucifer is his overlord" cas gasped out, before he buried his head once more in the trashcan to throw his insides up.

_"WHAT?"_ jody, donna and bobby yelled together.

"sam is the boy-king .. the winchester gospels didnt say anything, but cassie was in hell and he overheard. _oh my god, dean ... dad ..."_ gabriel went into panic mode, getting up from the couch and started to pace the room.

cas gasped, lifting his head.

"he, he asked how to lock his butterfly down ..." rowena murmured, her face going nearly as white as cas'. donna raised her eyebrows again.

_"you helped him?"_

"without knowing the full context!" rowena defended.

"what the hell is goin on? _WHERE IS OUR SON?"_ bobby growled, eyeing the two shurley boys.

gabriel stopped in his tracks, looking over at castiel. cas had his head bowed.

"im not completely sure" he whispered.

_"cassie, he figured it out. just ..."_ gabriel whispered back, frowning hard.

_castiel bit his bottom lip, raising his head to look at donna, jody and bobby's worried faces._

_"our almost-ready-to-give-birth pregnant dean ... went to kill sam, john and god"_


	42. 🌼 de luck of de irish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> REQUEST: FILLED !!
> 
> "could you do a chapter about dean, cas and st patrick's day?"
> 
> hey yall !! so, honestly, ive been trying to post this requested chapters for ages !! it was requested two months ago {i know, i know}, along with two others. and at first i got it quickly written up, same with the other two requests. but with all the post secondary things i was doing, my late night writing took a back seat.
> 
> all in all, this chapter has been *checks my edits page* written and deleted and rewritten a total of 18 times since it was created on april 6th ... so ... 
> 
> it probably bounces around a lot, i know it does and its not the greatest, im terribly sorry. i finallg finished post secondary a full week ago and it felt great to be able to get back into this, but ive been so friggen uninspired its pretty sad ... 
> 
> anyways, i have two more requested chapters and part two of Tonight Is The Night I Die coming soon. i may end up rewriting the two requested chapters again. i have insomnia again, and just spent 1AM til now, 4:49AM rewriting this to post ... you're welcome? i need sleep.
> 
> enjoy? 
> 
> takes place after Soft.
> 
> warnings: drinking, slight swearing and just a lot of green.
> 
> words: 2,016.
> 
> Posted on June 16th 2020.
> 
> ** edited june 17 2020 **

"hey, have you ever seen _the boondock saints_ movies?"

dean spun around, his pj shirt _-really, an old shirt of cas'-_ hung off his bony shoulders. he swallowed his mouthful of cereal, squinting across the kitchen island at his 6'4 boyfriend.

"norman reedus, _duh, course i have."_

_"mm, a young sean patrick too ..."_

dean rolled his eyes playfully. "asking because?" he questioned, shoving another huge overfilled spoonful of honey-nut cheerios in his mouth.

cas sobered up, holding a green shirt in deans eye-line, "well .. we werent dating yet when you were sixteen, and last year i wasnt here to ask, so i kinda figure this year-"

_"rambling, cas"_ dean cut him off, pushing the green shirt down to squint at cas, amused smirk in place.

"right, sorry"

"continue, loser"

"i was born in boston, and my family is irish, so we celebrate every st. patrick's day in boston. i know your feelings towards drinking and _i completely understand_, but i would really, _really love_ to have you come with me this year" castiel blabbed out quickly, his face flushing a light pink.

dean set down his breakfast, sucking on the spoon while he thought. cas studied his actions before speaking up again.

"its not _all drinking, de._ we, well i mean _we party,_ but the bar from the first boondock saints movie is owned by a family friend of ours, and we cook and bake, and i dunno, _we have fun." _

cas watched deans face. he still looked uneasy, but there was a slight change. finally, dean looked directly at cas, serious.

"you drink every year?"

"lucifer turns 21 this year, dad usually buys the round, and its always just _one glass"_

_"one glass?"_

castiel nodded, _"one glass"_

dean still looked uneasy, "and if i go, you promise i wont be interrupting any family traditions, other than just your st. patrick's day party?"

cas beamed, grinning.

dean sighed before a small smile appeared on his face, "_alright_. let me get dressed, i'll pack a duffel and i'll tell mom and mama, okay?"

_cas' smile could light up the entire city of los angeles._ he tossed dean the green shirt, running around the kitchen island for a kiss.

**~~~~**  
jody and donna had told them to check in with them during the trip, as they always asked when the boys were away from home. dean had done most of the driving, taking it slow while cas excitedly told him dozens of stories from the past years.

cas took over the driving an hour outside of the city, dean feeling unnerved about driving in any large city. plus, _cas was born here_, and lived here for the first few years of his life. _dean and his beloved impala were in good hands._

and somehow, a full 24 hours later, had the boys pulling up towards a tall, fancy hotel in downtown boston.

_"holy shit"_ dean murmured. cas quietly laughed, "i can give you a little boston tour tomorrow, or in a few days, if you'd like"

dean nodded slowly, his eyes wide as he stared out the impala windows. cas laughed more, getting out, running around to help his boyfriend out. 

gabriel and lucifer ran out into the lobby the second cas and dean were inside the fancy building. dean's eyes widened at the sight of them. 

gabe's longer hair was tied in a sad excuse of a man-bun, his face painted a sick shade of green. he wore a green crop top with green western jeans on, his green sneakers dirty and green laces trailing after him.

lucifer's hair was sprayed green, sticking up wildly, his face also painted the sickly green shade. his green shirt had white block letters that simply read _'kiss me, i'm irish'_, the shirt tucked into his own green jeans. his shoes were black, _much to deans relief._

_"dean! i cant believe you're here!"_ gabriel squealed out, hugging the startled boy tightly. dean awkwardly laughed, hugging back slightly while looking at cas and lucifer for help. they both laughed, pulling the two apart.

"and, _no pinching"_ castiel warned. gabriel quickly threw up his hands, making little crab hands, his fingertips clapping together, lucifer cackled, waving them over to the elevator.

"cant pinch dean, got green eyes. cant pinch cas, outfits upstairs all ready for ya." lucifer reminded gabe. gabe pouted but attack hugged dean once more when the four boys got in the elevator with the bellboy.

_"i hate green right about now" dean murmured to castiel._

a full half hour later found 18 year old dean wearing the green shirt castiel had given him the day before back at home, and sitting on one of the very plush beds in the hotel room. 

castiel was still in the bathroom changing, while gabe and lucifer were making a mess of something in the small kitchen area. _"so ... what now?"_ dean asked quietly, his hands wrapped around his sketchbook and pencil.

_"oh!_ we usually go to the parade just down the street! but its _really, really busy,_ and we dont want you to have a panic attack, so we're gunna go to _McVeigh's_ right now!" gabriel beamed, grinning ear to ear. dean's face blushed hard.

"d-dont, dont switch your plans, c-cuz of me. i .. i already feel l-like im ruining your day, dont change cuz i-i cant-" the boy tiredly sighed, closing his eyes as he lowered his head. lucifer and gabe shared a look before lucifer walked over, sitting himself down beside dean.

_"hey kiddo, ya aint wrecking a goddamn thing."_ he told him quietly, his hand rubbing at dean's back. _"kid bro really wanted ya to be here. so we gotta change a bit, big deal. this means a lot to cas, im glad ya came" _

before dean could reply the bathroom door opened and castiel walked out, bright smile breaking his face.

_"oh .. my god you look amazing!"_ gabriel yelled, jumping up and down, clapping and giggling over his younger brother.

castiel, the 6'4 tall boy had a green bandana that pulled his crazy jet black bedhead down towards his forehead, his face not fully painted like his brothers, just a lazy swipe of green across his cheeks. tons of green shamrock chains clinked each-other as they hung from cas' neck, hitting his wide chest that had an insanely tight green shirt stretched across it that read _"irish drinking team"_, his jeans were black, but with the green m&m character in different poses on the legs and pockets. his green flannel covered his arms, but the back had a large shamrock on the back.

"oh _wow_" dean gasped up, shaking his head in amusement.

_"heeey!_ kid brother cleans up nicely" lucifer laughed.

_"yeah well_ i wasnt about to put on what was left in there, _so ..."_ cas shook his head, trading places with lucifer and wrapping his arm around dean.

gabriel's eyes widened before he ran in the bathroom. the three cackled when gabe strolled out a few minutes later in the green tutu and knee high socks instead of his green jeans.

**~~~~**  
_"oh my god, is that soda bread i smell?"_ castiel groaned loudly as the four boys made their way in the small bar. 

the st paddy's day parade boomed loudly just outside the door, lucifer quickly shut and locked the door behind them as already drunk people tried to push into the bar, gabe frowned, helping dean walk further in. 

_"hello boys. and yes, cassie, you get the first piece"_ a british accent was heard next. chuck quietly laughed from behind the bar, waving at dean. dean smiled, waving back and sitting next to the two older shurley boys. 

cas bounced as a short man with dark hair, a little grey at the temples, a dark beard, slight grey in areas, walked out in a nice black suit, holding a large plate with a small bread loaf on it. cas drooled, picking up the knife and cutting a piece off the loaf. the man laughed, chuck laughed too, sliding over a smaller plate with a stick of butter on it.

"irish soda bread and irish butter ... _castiel's weakness"_ chuck told dean, shrugging over to his youngest son just as castiel moaned loudly, chewing down on the bread. dean laughed quietly.

_"my god uncle crowley, you're amazing"_

_"oh, i know"_

lucifer snapped, waving his hand between crowley and chuck, "how was mass today?" he asked. dean raised an eyebrow.

"very good. was longer this year, it seemed." chuck told him, pulling out glasses from behind the bar. 

"i'm going to change, can i trust someone to watch the bread, and_ keep it away from this one?"_ crowley asked, sliding the plate with the loaf over to the older brothers and dean, smirking over at castiel. lucifer laughed, while gabriel cut pieces for everyone.

crowley left into the backroom, cas walked over, standing behind where dean was sitting on a bar-stool. he wrapped his arms around dean's waist, sliding his hand gently up his shirt, rubbing his warm hand against dean's soft belly pudge.

_"mm glad you're here"_ he whispered in his boyfriends ear. dean smiled, kissing cas' chin.

_"ugh! no kissing in the bar!"_ gabriel whined "im keeping the bread!"

cas glared, "are _not!_ gimme, gimme"

cas and gabe slapped hands repeatedly, knocking little bread crumbs everywhere, gabe laughing with his mouth full, lucifer shook his head. 

"hey, no fights. i let you miss mass today, _behave boys"_ chuck reminded them, cutting nice slices in the bread-loaf, offering dean a small one. dean awkwardly accepted it, nibbling on the edge of it.

"you like it? uncle crowley makes it the best" cas told him, smacking gabriels hands away as he tried to steal the piece from cas' hand. dean laughed quietly nodding.

"uncle crowley is british, but his mother is scottish and his father was irish. so he opened this small irish bar inspired by the boondock saints. _he makes the best food ever yaknow" _

dean nodded over at gabriel, who was picking out the raisins from his piece. lucifer rolled his eyes.

_"i hear your praises, and i have returned. thank you, my little macmanus brothers" _crowley grinned, now having a white apron over his black t-shirt and jeans. cas snorted, _"oh please, like they're as cool as norman and sean" _

chuck filled the glasses he pulled out earlier, putting them on a tray while smiling, _"they could be, if only norman and sean were nerdy annoying little brats like these two are"_

dean spat soda bread out, laughing loudly. cas stared at his father, his arm still wrapped around dean's waist, gabe and lucifer's mouths hung open.

"ah theres the dean laugh i love, i knew i could get at least one out of you today" chuck smiled at dean. 

castiel laughed, patting dean's back. crowley held up a bottle, "who's driving everyone?" 

dean and chuck held their hands up. crowley nodded, pouring the liquid in the glasses before grabbing two bottles from the fridge and pouring different liquids into two other glasses.

"some guinness for myself, lucifer, gabriel and castiel. some milk for chuck, and some apple juice for, _dean, correct?" _

dean awkwardly smiled, nodding as he accepted the small glass of juice from the man.

_"nice to finally meet ya, im crowley"_ he held out his hand. _dean happily shook it._

**_"Sláinte!"_** the shurley boys cheered, glasses clinked together loudly before the drinks were gently sipped at. 

"great! now, i got some corned beef and cabbage all ready for ya to enjoy! lets get this st patricks day party started lads!" crowley said loudly, putting down his empty glass as he left for the backroom once more. 

chuck smiled at the couple, pushing lucifer and gabriel into the backroom with him.

_castiel laughed before leaning down to dean, giving him a soft. "happy st. paddy's day."_

_dean laughed quietly, snuggling under cas' chin, "im glad im came. its weird, but .. i like it." he smiled._

_cas hugged him closer, his hand still under dean's shirt._

** _"Erin go Bragh"_ **


	43. 🌸 kiss and tell - teaser (?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy end of pride month everyone !! 
> 
> i said i was coming back full force this month but some family business and art business things came up. 
> 
> anyhow, i started this and i really like this. this is unfinished but id like some feedback. now if yall didnt know, i adore the gilmore girls. my verse dean was heavily based off of myself and rory gilmore. and while rewatching season one while on a family roadtrip this idea came to me.
> 
> welcome to the someday soon gilmore girls verse !!
> 
> yup, just what yall wanted, another au within an au 😂. 
> 
> this is based off of one of my favourite season one episodes and i used my transcripts of the episode to use most of the dialog. i did add some of my own, just to make things fit but i also want it as close to the episode as possible. 
> 
> so, if yall enjoy this please, please, please let me know and i will for sure finish this !! this was mostly written to take some pressure off my dead and uninspired brain. the rain, stress, depression and insomnia are getting to me again ... 
> 
> anyways while this is unfinished, the idea behind it is that dean is rory gilmore's twin brother. rory will be older. dean will be a fully mute kid in this but will sign when need be. and because i, myself am a genderfluid kid, i made dean a transgender male in this. not the same thing, and i mean to not offend anyone but i want to play around with different genders in my writing.
> 
> rory will be dating dean forester, becaise ya boi will forever be team dean !! and i want to include castiel somewhere .. maybe gabriel too ... again, if yall have ideas please tell me, feedback is key, here for this one !!
> 
> that should be it? its 2:58 AM and im just too excited to be posting unfinished work here 😂 
> 
> please enjoy !! 
> 
> warnings: transgender character, tons of underwear talk, periods and the horror of an unfinished writing piece !!
> 
> words: 1,535
> 
> posted on june 30th 2020
> 
> ** edited on july 2nd 2020 **

the early morning sun was shining bright, the fall weather warm but chilly when the wind picked up. 

lorelai gilmore walked down the street of stars hollow, her favourite long black leather jacket on, a dark red turtleneck under with a knee length light brown skirt. her short black heels hit the cement hard as she walked. 

rory gilmore, lorelai's daughter, walked beside her, dressed in her private school uniform with her bright yellow backpack on and her saddle-shoes. dean gilmore, lorelai's son and rory's twin, walked on the other side of their mother, wearing his snapback backwards, his shaggy hair in his eyes.

his own leather jacket was wide open like lorelai's, his rufus wainwright shirt was pulled tight atop his binder, his belt pulled equally tight to hold up his dirty blue jeans that were covered in paint stains. his combat boots hung open with the laces trailing behind his feet.

they walked further through the center of town, people waving and greeting them as they put up more and more fall decorations. it was nearly thanksgiving, and the whole town was once more getting into the festive feeling.

"one of us needs to do laundry tonight" lorelai stated, nodding at both her kids.

dean and rory glanced at each-other before rory asked, _"why?"_

"because i havent had _any_ clean underwear for the past _three days"_ lorelai replied, frowning at the question. dean raised his eyebrow, while rory dove in with another question.

"_so_ right now, under your skirt you're wearing ...?"

_"not underwear"_

** _"MOM!"_ **

dean covered his mouth as he giggled, rory groaned shaking her head. lorelai smirked a little, "kinda nice actually, ... _breezy"_

dean laughed out loud, high-fiving his mother. rory rolled her eyes at them. _"my role model, ladies and gentlemen"_

"how come you two havent run out yet?" the mother asked, her eyes scanning over her twins, eyebrows pinched together as she studied them. 

"i dont know, i guess i have more underwear than you" rory answered for herself, leaving dean hanging on his own. lorelai turned to him, eyebrow now raised. the mute boy shrugged awkwardly.

the oldest gilmore faced rory again, voice quiet as they walked towards luke's. _"thats not true._ you have less, and dean has even less. have you been doing laundry without me?"

that _was_ true, lorelai _did_ have more underwear than the gilmore twins combined. all three of them had shared for years, and while rory and lorelai continued to share dean started wearing boxers when he was seven. in the winter he wore thicker firm-fitting ones and in the summer he wore shorts with a pad in them. 

_"no...."_ rory trailed off, trying to avoid the topic of underwear.

_"....rory"_ lorelai pushed further.

"okay, _fine!_ one load" rory confessed, her hands slightly up in the air as she did so. dean giggled quietly again.

"and you _didnt even ask_ if i had stuff to throw in?" lorelai complained, tugging at her skirt as the three walked down the sidewalk, squishing together and whispering when they passed other town-folk.

"it was a big load. no room." rory muttered, glaring at their mother for a quick second.

_"im crushed! im bleeding! get me a tourniquet!_ oh, no, they're dirty cuz rory wouldnt wash them with her stuff!" the mother dramatically whined, waving her hands around. dean laughed, wrapping his arm with lorelai's, their shoulders knocking together.

"im sorry, i'll do another load tonight, i promise. plus i added dean's stuff cuz he ... _yaknow"_ rory mumbled the last part quieter than before. 

lorelai made a face, gasping afterwards. she turned to her son, kissing his temple softly._ "oof, sorry bub. you doin okay?" _

dean cringed, but nodded, laying his head on his mom's shoulder as they walked. _'sadly im wearing a pad in my jeans and my stomach hurts but im okay' _dean signed, rory cringed herself afterwards but reached around to pat his chest.

lorelai turned to her daughter once more, "and _you_. never mind, i'll do my own laundry."

"even better"

the mother groaned to herself, "i hate doing laundry, _maybe i'll just buy new underwear"_

the gilmore boy laughed quietly. miss patty smiled at the trio as they walked past. she waved at them quickly while telling her class to continue fluttering, that she had her pumpkins but was missing her leaves. 

lorelai held open the door to luke's diner for rory and dean as they entered. taylor doose was sitting at the far end of the counter, luke behind it, the two of them in a heated argument.

"_every_ _other store_ in town had fall decorations!"

"hoorah for mob mentality"

"we"re talking a few streamers and a paper turkey. _how's it going to hurt to have a paper turkey?"_

dean and lorelai shared a confused face. lorelai sat on the stool in-between her twins, her arm re-wrapped around with her sons while rory put her backpack on the floor by her feet. 

_"no turkey, no squash, no pumpkins, nothing coloured orange!"_ luke snapped, the pencil stuck behind his ear under his snapback as sharp as his glare and voice. 

"okay, you dont like orange! _thats fine!_ autumn has many varied colours to toy with!" taylor stated, fingers pointing around the diner, waving them in the air and around luke.

lorelai leaned over the counter, "excuse me, can we get some coffee?" she tried with a smile.

"and a muffin?" rory smiled too. 

"warmed?" lorelai asked, before looking at her son. dean shrugged lightly. "and some waffles?" she asked after.

taylor and luke continued to argue. the gilmores sat across the diner, watching them while their voices got louder.

"you _have_ to decorate!" taylor pressed.

"i dont _have_ to do anything _but serve food_" luke growled.

"and coffee!" lorelai grinned.

"and muffins!" rory grinned too.

"and waffles!" lorelai cheered for dean.

"taylor, im tired of having this conversation every single year" luke grumbled, standing still in his spot as he gripped his coffee pot tighter.

_"yoo-hoo!"_ lorelai called out, waving her hands before she pulled out some cash, waving it around. dean looked at the cash, before he laughed quietly. rory laughed too, smiling at her brother.

_"hey! my moms not wearing any underwear!"_ rory yelled out over to taylor and luke. 

lorelai's mouth fell open _"oh!"_

dean burst out laughing, causing a few people in the diner to stare at him. the boy was mute and was often teased and bullied about it. lorelai home-schooled him at work and at home, teaching him what she had too, but also cooking and sewing. it was rare he laughed in public. 

feeling all the stares, dean covered his mouth, his face going beet red. rory looked at her mom,_ "well you arent"_

taylor said something to luke, and the people focused back on them. lorelai looked between her twins, money still in hand "_still_ they dont notice! _i cant take it anymore"_

she unhooked her arm with deans, slapping the money on the counter and walking around it. rory and dean shared a look before watching their mother as she grinned wickedly. she lifted the cover off the muffins, leaning over as she inhaled the smell.

"mm, what kinda muffin you want?" she asked her daughter.

"blueberry" rory laughed. dean snickered, chewing his right thumb nail.

luke, while still fighting with taylor, pulled a utensil from the back counter and handed it to lorelai, cutting off taylor's next complaint, "here, dont use your hands" 

lorelai smirked, nodding halfly before she tugged a large blueberry muffin out of the display case and sliding it over to rory. luke pulled a plate from the shelves under the countertop, walking past lorelai who was pouring herself a large to go cup of coffee.

he held out the plate to dean, who smiled gratefully. dean begun tugging at the napkin holder with rory's help, finally placing a large, steaming warm waffle into the napkin blanket wrap. 

_'thank you'_ he mouthed up at luke, who in return pulled off dean's snapback to ruffle at the kids messy hair before returning the snapback in place. lorelai nodded her approve with a smile, walking out back around the countertop and pointed at her watch. 

rory nodded, grabbing her backpack and muffin. dean swallowed a small bite of his waffle, letting his sister walk out first, following her closely, trying to keep his shirt clean as some crumbs fell from the napkin.

"i dont think you're taking _this_ seriously!" taylor shook his head.

"what gave you_ that_ idea?" luke asked as he swiped the money off the counter. he looked up at the gilmore trio as they walked towards the door. _"what - no tip?"_ he called out.

lorelai turned around, rory stepped out of the diner but dean stayed in the doorway._ "oh yeah!_ heres a tip - _serve your customers!"_

_"heres another - dont sit on any cold benches"_ luke snarked back. dean bursr out laughing, walking out the door before lorelai laughed and followed him. the bell rang out as the door shut and the gilmores left.

"taylor, i swear to god, if you pull those pilgrims out of your pockets one more time ..." luke warned.

"im just doing -"

** _"no!"_ **

**~~~~**


	44. 🌸 cigarettes and chocolate milk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, hello.
> 
> this turned 7 months old a few days ago !! and actually, it just passed dean and cas' wedding date in this verse ... i did say early july but never gave the date. only i know the date ... but soon, yall. 
> 
> yup, another au thing. aha. i took a summer break from my art business, and while i was working on another request, and watching some tv, i found this !! this little piece i wrote around the beginning of june and never posted. 
> 
> its been raining here almost everyday, and when it rains i listen to Poses, by Rufus Wainwright. that album is a masterpiece, yall. everytime it rains i listen to it while also listening to the storm outside, its honestly perfect. of course, knowing that most of that album was written in new york city at the chelsea hotel i made this piece around that.
> 
> this is a little dark, when my depression gets to me, it tends to go that way. sorry about that? i guess?
> 
> so, while im working on requests i want to post this, because while dark, i do actually like it. this one focuses a lot more on cas too. team cas !! bahaha. tell me if yall like more focus on cas, and ill try to make more. maybe not this version of cas, but just cas overall.
> 
> you also dont need to listen to Poses, but the album does help give some context !!
> 
> warnings: swearing, drinking, smoking, depression, killing mention, self harm mention, suicide mention, and death.
> 
> words: 1,649.
> 
> posted on july 9th 2020
> 
> ** edited july 9th 2020 **

normally in july people would start to complain about the heat of midsummer, how tired they felt, or good they felt, how the warm weather was amazing, how happy they were.

_29 year old castiel shurley was not one of those people. _

actually, he _was sure_ he had been at one time but that was forever ago. _it was july in new york city._ the rain was heavy, the entire city a grey, cold, depressing hole and castiel was the beating heart of it all. 

it wasnt like the july heat didnt get to him, _of course it did_, but what was worse? the overpowering heat that made you sweat so horribly you needed to change several times before work, or the rain, that drowned you out on the shortest of walks?

_"castiel?"_

cas snapped awake, the humid air making him gag as soon as he came too. he pulled his blue tie loose, unbuttoning his white button up to mid-chest area. his name was called again, he frowned hard as he pushed his busted wheely chair around.

gabriel shurley stood in front of his little brother. hair neatly gelled, shirt pressed, clean and tucked perfectly, blinding white with a bright pink tie, pants straight and his shoes polished. castiel rolled his eyes.

_"what?"_ he growled, picking at a hole in his pants knee. gabe sighed, "cassie, can you stay late? bobby wasnt in today and fergus is sick, so i need to head home early"

cas groaned loudly, tipping his chair back. _the urge to slam his head in the main printer was getting strong again. _

the shurley brothers worked at the run-down newspaper office. the office was on the sixth floor, the stairs the only way up as the elevator never worked. _the building itself was probably set to be demolished but just never was. _

bobby singer owned the newspaper, and had hired all three shurley brothers back in the day, when they were all _bright eyed and bushy tailed._ gabe was still like that, life had gotten to lucifer a few years back. _castiel feared the same._ the day he walked into work and found lucifer hanging from his tie in the middle of the work floor will probably haunt him forever.

fergus was gabriel's son. gabe had gotten married at 26, a month before lucifer left this _great green earth._ his wife, rowena, had a small newborn son, which gabe was over the moon about and adopted the second he could. _babies and kids were on the long list of things castiel despised._

_"cas?"_ gabe tried once more as castiel zoned out again.

_"fine!_ fine, get the fuck outta here before i kill you, and your perfect little family" castiel growled again, shoving his big brother away from him as he stood up. 

gabriel blinked, grinned widely as he grabbed his coat. "oh _great!_ thank you, thank you!" 

the two brothers met each-other at the staircase, gabriel dressed to go home, castiel in his unbuttoned shirt, wrinkled pants and untied, dirty shoes. the older brother raised an eyebrow.

_"fuck off, im going for a smoke."_ cas muttered, pushing past gabe, stomping down the stairs. the cement creaked, rain leaking down the wall. the windows were broken, letting the cool wind brush against them as they walked. once at the front door, in the rainy streets, gabriel turned to face his kid brother. 

"okay, well, um. i'll see you tomorrow" 

castiel light up a cigarette, inhaling deep and blowing it out slowly. the smoke slowly made its way up, mixing with the dark clouds overhead. lightning was off in the distance, thunder rolled in around the two brothers. 

_"yep, if i make it overnight, sure. i'll see ya bright n early, all happy and cheery. just like every morning"_ cas deadpanned. gabriel frowned.

"cassie, what happened to you? you were always so full of life, a dreamer ... _you were like mom, you couldve been anything .." _

hollow, dark blue glared into shiny, happy hazel. _"life, gabriel. life happened to me._ i was eaten alive and spit out by new york city"

it wasnt like he never tried. castiel tried his hardest for the longest time. their mother was a dreamer, _she was a life._ she made you believe you could do anything, because you could. but nobody ever saw what could happen if all your hard work was ignored, or your dreams never happened. 

the shurley's parents were killed, coming home from vacation, but their mothers words and spirit stayed. gabriel had the perfect life, working at a job he loved and had a small family to look after. castiel, _oh cas ..._ cas had dreams. _they died._ he only started working here to pay bills. his apartment landlord kicked him out because some rich couple had more money than he did. _it wasnt even a nice building._

_there were only two times in life where castiel shurley had gotten lucky. twice._

"gabe, the fuck you still starin at me for? your cab is waiting" cas glared at his older brother again.

"you keep zoning out. are you sure you'll be okay?" 

_no._ he wouldnt ever be, but it was fine. it was always fine. castiel was always fine.

"yeah, sure, always am. just go."

gabriel left, and cas tossed his finished cigarette out on the street, _sue him._ he trudged back upstairs, groaning when the fan burnt out._ of course._ humid air attacked him, his black hair clung to his forehead, starting to curl tight. 

he looked around the dark office, nobody was around. the bottom drawer of his desk was pulled open, a medium sized glass and a half finished bottle of hard whiskey were taken out. cas drowned half a drink within seconds, sighing when he started to relax,

_"i did go from wanting to be someone, now im drunk and wearing flipflops on 5th avenue"_ he quoted, raising his glass. if dreams were dead, he could be too. 

_"fuck it"_ he mumbled, pouring himself another drink, leaning down and pulling more stuff out of the drawer. his room keys to the room he had at the chelsea hotel, fell out first. he lived there, _it was home._ the amount of death, and sadness made castiel feel at home. broken dreams, the beginning of dreams, dreams in the making ... _all of that was there. _

cas dug through the stuff, dumping it back in the drawer with a loud thud when he found what he was looking for. 

he was 19 when he started working here, in this shitty building, for this stupid newspaper. _he was full of life, and dreams, and hope and happiness. new york wasnt depressing, new york was a sunny, busy lifestyle._

he was going to be a photographer, travel the world, maybe get married to someone he fell so deeply in love with. he loved to read, take photos of thoughts, ideas, dreams. he needed a job to help out with some bills, so he came here with his brothers. 

and there, standing behind bobby, _was dean winchester._ 17, tired looking, but handsome, bandages around his arms and hands, a sketchbook on the desk in front of him. _and castiel was so in love._

cas and dean spent every second together. castiel, a photographer. dean, an artist. _new york city, full of life, love and happiness. and it was happy._

they secretly got married when dean was 18, in the late january snow, smiles wide and eyes bright. they were saving money to move to santa cruz, deans dream. cas didnt care, dean was his dream. _he'd follow dean until it killed him. _

castiel poured another drink, watching the whiskey overflow in his glass, the drink running down papers under it. the ink on the newspaper ran with the booze, smearing the work cas already had to fix. he picked up the last paper, just as the whiskey trail was about to meet it.

the drawing that dean had made, the last one ever. castiel had been laughing, sitting in the window on his chelsea hotel room, the late night neon light on his face. _dean had captured it so well. _

_the dream died that night. that next day. deans past caught up to him, john winchester was a killer. dreams, hope, happiness, life and dean. all of it was gone._

cas looked at his wedding ring, then around the office once more. the piano notes he heard got louder, and suddenly his hands were pushing wet papers out of the way. his computer screen blinded him in the darkness. 

with a grin, he printed one last thing, slapped his room key down, smashed his work phone, did up his coat, took the beat up copy of _poses_, gently pulled a small box from his desk and flagged down a cab in the rainy streets.

in the morning gabriel frowned at the mess left in the office, rowena gasped, picking fergus up and following her husband closely. gabe called out for cas, afraid of what he might find with his family so close.

a pink sticky note was on his desk, across from castiels. 

_"dean left at 18. lucifer left at 27. 10 years is too long gabe."_

gabriel frowned at the note, rowena read it next. "what does it mean, love?" she whispered, folding the sticky note.

gabe took in the mess again, his eyes roaming castiel's last moments in the newspaper office._ "i have no idea"_ he murmured, picking up the hotel room keys.

castiel tossed his coat, throwing himself down in the warm sand, a smile on his face. he couldnt remember the last time he smiled like this. the hot santa cruz sun felt so good. 

_dean's urn sat in the sand next to castiel. _

_their beat up copy of poses played in the background._

_castiel shurley was lucky, for the third time in his life._


	45. 🌼 look out jackson town

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i kinda just noticed how dean and cas, and dean and gabe have bonded, but never really dean and lucifer ... and because im feelin kinda shitty still, its kinda sad.
> 
> while i based deans depression off my own: toxic family, big dreams and wanting freedom, working hard for an impossible dream and feeling like you have to make excuses over why you feel depressed ... which you dont, i made lucifers depression more around his character and the backstory i gave the shurley brothers,
> 
> this isnt written very well, i kinda did it while having insomnia because working on a request was driving me insane 😅
> 
> takes place after De Luck Of De Irish
> 
> warnings: some swearing, depression, suicide talk and a little chick flick moment >.<
> 
> words: 1,641.
> 
> posted on July 16th 2020
> 
> ** edited july 16 2020 **

the busy streets of Jackson echoed across buildings throughout the city, as a city wide party came to a close. 

people were cheering, fireworks boomed and lit up the sky. usually, dean would be by the window, watching in pure awe as an entire city got to its feet and joined as one for _some_ _reason_.

that wasnt the case tonight.

on the way back home, from almost a week and a half away in boston, the shurley brothers and dean had gotten the scoop on a hunt down in Jackson. of course,_ who wouldnt_ want to take down an evil pack of hell-hounds and the ghost of Robert Johnson, who wasnt_ really_ an evil ghost, but_ he was_ haunting different places.

castiel groaned in his sleep, rolling over and wrapping his arm around dean. he nuzzled his face in his hair, snoring louder as he got comfy once more. dean frowned, not wanting to push cas away, but it was one of those nights where dean's skin was _crawling_, like he needed to get away from_ himself._

the bathroom light shut off just as another loud firework blew up outside. lucifer shook his head, walking over to the large sliding glass doors leading the balcony. he pulled the curtains closed with a grumble and walked back around the bed. 

dean watched him, eyeing the salt line across the bottom of the glass doors, the pale moonlight was dulled as more fireworks destroyed the beauty of a starry night in the south. lucifer smiled sadly at dean when their eyes met, he layed his hand on the boys forehead.

castiels snoring went quiet before he shifted closer to dean, snoring even louder afterwards. dean let out a quiet whine, his head pounding from all the noise. lucifer's cool hand left his slightly warm forehead for a second. 

_"here, i have an idea."_ lucifer whispered, moving castiel's hands away from dean, he patted the boys thigh once he had cas bundled up. dean quickly squirmed out of bed, leaning against the wall when he stood up too fast. lucifer layed cas back down, moving over to his and gabe's bed to pick up his other younger brother.

gabriel was picked up carefully and layed where dean had just been. feeling that a body was once again next to him, castiel rolled back over, contently snoring and cuddling up next to his older brother. gabe mumbled in his sleep, snoring almost as loud as cas was. lucifer and dean shared a small smile, before they crawled into the other hotel bed.

the oldest shurley was on his left elbow, leaning over the tall winchester boy the minute he layed down on his back. his hand touched his forehead again before touching his cheeks, a frown pulled at his face.

dean made a face back.

_"your head was kinda warm, still is, but, your face is really warm"_ lucifer whispered, pushing deans long hair back. _"you feelin okay? need some meds?"_ he asked, his hand moving the covers around the boy.

dean shook his head, stiffly. lucifer didnt buy it, but took it as it was.

gabriel moaned in his sleep, rolling over and shoving his face against cas' neck. cas groaned back, snorting before settling back down. luce held dean close against his chest, looking over at the other bed, his brothers sleeping hard. he wondered why cas hadnt possibly woken up at all, even with all the noise outside,_ but_ _he was a light sleeper, after-all._

lucifer had his hands under dean's thin shirt, deans skin was warm, inching its way into hot. lucifers right hand ran up and down his back, fingertips ghosting along his spine. his left hand rubbed comforting circles across his chest.

the noise outside died down for good, voices from the hallway came next, people floating in as the party became nothing more but a memory. it took time but soon there was_ nothing, no more yelling, no more fireworks, no more lights. _

"i think all the soda bread cassie had finally caught up with him" lucifer mumbled, resting his cheek on dean's warm forehead. 

dean turned his face away from luce's bare chest, looking over to where castiel was drooling over gabe's head. he turned back with a small smile. lucifer chuckled quietly, laying down and pulling dean down with him. 

it was dead quiet for a while, luce continued to rub dean's back slowly. his breathing telling him dean was still awake, the clock ticked the time away. lucifer closed his eyes.

_"have you ever thought about killing yourself?"_ dean's small whisper broke the deafening silence, sometime later.

lucifer's eyes pulled themselves open, his hands slowed their action. he felt his own breathing stop before he sighed softly. it was almost two in the morning,_ did normal non-hunter people talk like this when they couldnt sleep?_

_"yeah,"_ he whispered back, honestly._ "lots of times"_

there was nothing to hide, it wasnt really a secret either. he felt dean move his head on his chest, probably to look up at him. lucifer looked down at him.

dean's mood that morning had been normal, somewhat quiet and shy, but bouncy as well. happy to help with a hunt. researching what had to be done and reporting back. but over the day he'd gone mute, his smile became a little forced. 

lucifer was worried about him, castiel hadnt really taken a notice, which was strange for cas._ maybe thats what it was today._ but maybe not either.

"why?" he asked dean, after a few minutes of nothing.

"robert johnson. he sold his soul for a dream, a-and yet .._ he, he lives forever .._ n-not like, not as a ghost .."

_"through music"_ luce finished. dean nodded slowly.

_the connection still wasnt made._

"some, some people know of him. lots .. lots dont though ... _d-do you think ... people will remember us?"_

_ah, there it was._

_"i dont know, dean."_ lucifer whispered, he held the boy tighter. _"but i know we're doing good out there. the people we saved will know us forever, maybe their kids, maybe their grandkids"_

_"but if we died right now ...."_

the shurley boy frowned. "our family would miss us" 

"besides them"

there wasnt really an answer for that. dean was a deep thinker, and now that lucifer had a glimpse inside he noticed how the two werent really so different.

"yaknow, before our mom had hannah, she ... -we, found out i had,_ i had depression._ a-and i - i-i hurt her .. _i was just a kid, kids d-dont have .. what i did._ and i thought, yaknow if, if i left then everyone can move on. new baby in the house, all that, that_ happiness."_

dean stared up at him, eyes wide.

"but i didnt. mom had hannah and i helped her with the baby. that feeling .._ that feeling was still there, it never left, and i just .. shoved it in the far back"_ lucifer finished, holding dean close to him, slowly rocking them side to side.

_"i was always too afraid. something good might actually happen but i had given up already. i was always too scared ..."_ dean whispered, biting his lip and hiding his face deep on luce's chest.

dean hiccuped quietly, wrapping his long legs around lucifers waist, his arms getting tucked between their chests. his stomach growled loudly, which cut off lucifer's reply.

"you havent eaten anything today" he stated instead, petting deans hair. 

he pulled dean with him as he sat up, holding the shaking boy the best he could as he got to his feet._ "c'mon kiddo, we're blowing this popsicle stand"_

the winchester bit his lip again, raising his eyebrow as lucifer dug through a duffel, handing him some jeans and castiel's jacket. dean got dressed as lucifer pulled on jeans and a shirt, grabbing his leather jacket next.

lucifer wrapped his arm around deans shoulders after he got a hold of the keys, walking towards the door of their hotel room, _"listen. i understand, okay? i .. i get it. its not easy to explain why you feel like shit, you just know you do. if you need to talk, or to just have someone. im here."_

dean smiled small, getting closer in lucifers hold for a hug. the two held onto each-other until deans stomach growled loudly again. luce quietly laughed, he stuck his pinkie out, the moonlight shone on it brightly. dean made a face, before his pinkie was wrapped around lucifers.

_"i 100% pinkie promise i will always be there for you, gabriel and castiel. you three are my little brothers, and thats my job, yaknow? look after my pain-in-the-ass kid brothers. and while it isnt a promise, more a praise, im proud of you. being scared isnt something fun, but its nothing to be ashamed about. if you werent scared, you wouldnt be here. we wouldnt know you, and im happy we do."_

deans small smile grew, he ducked his head after pulling his hand down. lucifer touched his forehead and cheeks for the second time that night.

"mm, still kinda warm. okay, rolling credits on the chick flick, getting some meds for you and _rat-burger ruuuuuun!"_ he grinned wildly, swinging his keys, making them jingle together loudly.

dean laughed into his hands, covered by the jacket sleeves when the other two shurley boys groaned in their sleep. he looked between them and lucifer, before pointing at them.

"pfft, fuck em for right now._ my treat to you, little brother._ lets get some pancakes in you, at 2 in the morning" lucifer smiled, pulling dean out the hotel door.

_in the morning the two of them cackled when cas and gabe finally woke up, yelling as they noticed they were sleeping cuddled up, and falling out of bed._


	46. 🌼 tonight is the night i die - part two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally here. worked all day on this bad boy, mostly rewriting and editing some things around. the last week has been busy, otherwise this woulda been posted sooner !!
> 
> but now, i can post some requests ive been working on for so long. its just that i keep rewriting them. ive had no inspiration and writers block is a bitch, aint it? ha, either way though ... we did it. we finally made it here. the end of the weirdest god storyline i never intended on making but it happened anyways. im very tired now, ha. but i hope this stratifies everyone. hopefully. we can move on now, please.
> 
> anyways, requests are coming. so are lil dean n cas babes !! who's excited for that mess? i kinda am. i think i actually broke through my writers block with this, so this is probably very poorly written. the beginnings are always the worst, but i kinda grow into it around the middle or so.
> 
> Takes place after Tonight Is The Night I Die - Part One.
> 
> warnings: demons, angels?, killing, blood, barf, guns, swearing ... about it, i think.
> 
> words: 5, 037
> 
> posted on july 22nd 2020
> 
> ** edited on july 22nd 2020 **

the storm had gotten heavier over the time dean drove from the farmhouse to where he was pulling into.

baby wobbled over potholes, sinking in hard and deep, splashing thick mud up and causing dean to grip the wheel tighter. he winced when the car jerked around in the slop, his nine month bump squirmed under his dark raincoat. _he knew this was wrong, but if he could get this over and done with, life could return to what their usual normal was._

dean growled under his breath when a large pothole grabbed onto baby's front wheels and refused to let go. lightning flashed across the sky, the old barn in the far distance lit up from the inside. he threw the car in reverse, pushing down on the gas to pull her up out of the pothole. the mud spun up, whipping around the area._ the car refused to move an inch._

_"damnit!"_ dean cursed, slamming his hands against the steering-wheel.

_thats it_, he'd have to walk to the barn. _so not_ what he wanted. he wondered if having castiel here wouldve helped, but he shook his head knowing that it wouldve caused more pain than anything.

he gave the wrong completed info to everyone for a reason, by now they'd all be up and worrying themselves over dean not being there._ this wasnt ideal, but dean had to do this._ not just for himself, but his family. castiel, gabriel, jody, donna, bobby .... dean had to save the world for the baby he was carrying, and by all means _he was going to do it._

he rubbed his palms together, trying to gather some warmth before he pulled his raincoats hood over his mess of bleached blonde hair. with a low grunt he pushed open the drivers door, a wave of thunder boomed loudly overhead. the lightning flashed as dean pulled himself up, his knuckles turning white as his shaky legs gathered strength under his weight.

he shut the door, rain heavily pelting against his beloved car and his raincoat. normally it would be a comforting sound, but with impending death near it was making dean sick to his stomach. his face was turning red, _he was sure of it_ as he swung open the trunk. a kick to his ribs made him sit down for a minute, his heavy breathing making little puffs in the cold air. his feet were freezing in his much too tight boots.

_"c'mon lil bug, you aint due for at least a few weeks ... gimme a break, this needs to happen now"_ dean grumbled, his hands rubbing along his bump, his wedding and engagement ring on a bracelet under his coat, as his hands had swollen.

he grabbed a hold of the duffel bag behind him, taking a deep breath as he pushed himself up, slamming the trunk behind him and pocketing his keys.

the old barn wasnt far, just down the road from home. it seemed weird that it had taken almost nine months for all these smart hunters to locate gods home base, _but that was probably the plan._ deans left hand held the duffel in a firm grip, his right hand against his bump.

another flash of lightning caused the boy to look into the sky, it was getting brighter and bigger. a figure appeared in another quick flash, dean shielded his eyes as the latest flash happened.

_"chuck"_ dean murmured when it was over. thunder boomed louder once more.

_"dean"_ chuck nodded at him, "nice to see you again,_ looking well"_

"no thanks to you" the pregnant boy sneered. chuck quietly laughed, nodding again as he walked closer to dean.

_"i suppose not,_ but you have to understand i did this for my family"

dean pulled his angel blade from the duffel, dropping the bag by his feet and lifting his hand up towards his chest. the two stared at each-other, their breath mixing in the clouds.

"making your son go to hell only to pull him out yourself ... possessing one son with the actual devil ... abandoning the other ..., _no chuck, i fail to understand how your actions were for your family"_ dean listed off the biggest points chuck had done over their fight. he wanted answers, and he wanted them now. 

chuck laughed, his head tossed back. the rain lightened a little, picking up again when chuck faced his son-in-law. _"well, its a long story"_ he smirked, shrugging his shoulders.

"i got time. _lots of it actually"_ dean squared his shoulders, his mouth in a tight line.

chuck smiled, his eyes examining dean's body, nodding as he studied him. finally he looked up at him, eyes met eyes. "poor blood pressure, that nasty scar was some fun to play with, little to no morning sickness, _hmm - good catch of that pesky witch spell of yours,_ dizziness, and _oh,_ judging by the fact you look dead on your feet right now" 

dean quirked an eyebrow.

"i dont think you have much time ... _just a simple little snap, speed this thing right up"_ chuck grinned, his fingers pressed together, leaning into deans personal space. deans eyes widened, the grip on the angel blade got tighter,.

chuck burst out laughing, clapping his hands as he backed up, opting to walk around the boy in circles. _"oh please no,_ that was priceless. im just_ teasing_ with ya." his voice was light as air, his actions relaxed. _"but really"_ he got stiff again.

dean whipped around, pressing the blade against chuck's throat, "enough with the foreplay dickbag, _i want answers. **NOW.**_" his voice was heavy and low. _"im not here to play games, give me what i want"_

"or _what?"_ chuck smiled, leaning closer to the blade. deans eyes went a soft purple glow, the light reflecting off chuck's slightly wet skin. "oh, alright" he laughed, pushing deans arm down.

"you did give everyone the impression you knew what i was up too _just to come here_. really, you should see everyone in a panic at the farm, so, _so_ funny. castiel's a wreck, _its quite possibly the best show of all"_

deans eyes got brighter, purple burned hot, lighting up the trees and their leaves behind chuck. **_"ENOUGH._** tell me, or i swear,_ i will kill you so fast, you son of a bitch"_

chuck sighed, walking around dean until he was in front of him again, the barn in the background. "alright, alright, _party-pooper."_

purple returned to green, hints of their power swirling in them.

"you and castiel are destined to be together, in every walk of life. i cant change that,_ and im god!_ i cant control romance, thats cupids job. but in this line it took _soooooo long_ for you two to meet. and - little shocker, _you're a witch!_ like, wow, didnt see_ that_ coming ... _good play_. added some character, although being a powerful witch from just a wellness witch was a_ little_ overdone" 

dean held the angel blade up, his face tight and serious.

_"alright! alright!"_ chuck sighed, holding his hands up. "i thought, maybe that _leading castiel on_ and making him throw himself into hell would ... i dont know,_ kill him._ keep you two lovebirds apart. _and why, you ask?_ because - ive seen it all, and honestly, bringing the devil in to play was just a nice new character added into this boring book that just never changes. all the chapters are always the same,_ you and castiel, castiel and you_ ... just _BOOOORRRRRIIIINGGG!"_

dean raised an eyebrow, his frown hard. "you _made_ castiel go to hell, _to kill him_, so you could have the devil as a character in your book,_ because you were bored?"_ his voice was thick with anger, growing louder in sound towards the end.

_"uh-uh,_ not_ made._ just lead on. i told him it would save you. course - you two werent together yet and quite honestly it surprised me._ but yes"_ chuck smiled again.

the boy shook his head, before he looked off in the distance to his left. "you were going to kill your youngest son for the devil to possess him" dean stated the facts, face twisted with anger and hurt. he felt more sick than before.

chuck shrugged, pointing to the barn behind him. "well .. _yeah._ ever heard of_ entertainment?_ having the devil as a major player in any game is probably the most fun way to win. _the devil vs the king of hell is happening tonight!"_ he cheered, his hands waving around in his own excitement.

both of deans eyebrows raised, _"king of hell?"_ he asked, confused. chucks eyes shined in pure happiness and excitement.

"oh me, oh my ... you dont know ... _do you?"_

dean quickly covered his confusion with more anger, "know what?"

chuck laughed,_ "your big brother is the king of hell."_

dean glared.

"ever wonder why big brother turned so quickly when john tossed you aside? hes got demon blood in him,_ thanks to me, finally._ knew i had some points somewhere." chucks smirk was wide, his teeth a sickly bright glow in the dark of the storm.

_"oh!_ and as for killing you slowly when you're pregnant? well i mean, my sons are angels and archangels, _only fair as im god, after-all._ but ... you're human, _and humans and angels arent allowed to have kids_ ... sorry, that one _is_ my rule that i can control. just uh, _im too young to be a grandpa now_. was really fun toying with you all these months ..." he finished his speech, shrugging once more. dean bit his bottom lip, his head shaking slowly.

"im a witch, who learned from the best. _witches overpower god._ you're powerful, _but i'm better than you."_ dean looked up from the ground, his eyes glowing bright purple. chuck smirked playfully.

_"oh?_ but what you seem to be forgetting is that you have a butterfly that could turn into a moth if you go _dark side"_

dean smirked, his purple eyes got brighter, lightning cracked above them as his hands began to glow too. he tossed the angel blade on the closed duffel and took a step closer to chuck.

the older man took a step back, eyes wide as he looked up at the grey sky. his beautiful storm was turning on him, the grey clouds started turning a soft purple and pink, the lightning went from their soft blue to a dark navy. _"h-how? you .. you cant have locked your butterfly ... youd need the spell, a-and ..."_

"the spell, and the grace of an angel" dean finished for him, bright purple circles with white swirling in them stared back at chuck.

_"you have no grace"_ chuck tried, his own eyes now glowing a bright blue and white. he suddenly looked down at deans belly through the black raincoat, then back up at the boys face. 

"turns out - a nephilim's grace keeps their mother safe during pregnancy. _add in two witches trying their hardest ..."_

chuck backed up, tripping over a muddy pothole and falling onto his back. dean stepped over him, their glowing eyes created a hot fire between them.

_"fuck you. fuck you for trying to kill us, fuck you for thinking you could leave your family to take over the world, fuck you for making me think i killed the two people made my life a living hell, fuck you for everything"_ dean spat, his hands holding down chucks shoulders as hard as he could. his own shoulders shook with the force. chuck gasped for air, reaching around in the mud for something to help him.

"i did it for my family" chuck gasped. dean grit his teeth, pressing even harder on his shoulders, his fingertips starting to turn white. his vision swam as he leaned further down.

**_"fuck you, you stupid dickless son of a bitch!"_** dean swore, moving his hands closer together, pushing down on the older mans throat. chuck let out a strangled laugh, lifting his hand.

_"you're out of time, dean"_ he cackled, snapping his fingers. dean gasped as he fell on his knees and hands. mud splashed up around him, he panted before his arms gave out, rolling onto his back.

the storm raged on, the rain fell on his freckled face, washing away the dirt and pain. the screams coming from the barn caused dean to struggle to his feet. as fast as his almost nine month pregnant self could, he snatched his duffel off the ground and ran towards the barn.

**~~~~**

_"wait!"_ gabriel shouted, jumping up from his spot on the couch beside rowena and castiel. "the old barn just down the road!"

castiel stood up shakily, putting down his trash-bin, "that weird lightning scene just then ..." he trailed off.

"it was our colours. _its dean"_ rowena gasped, smiling as the boys figured it out. donna and jody looked at each-other.

"cassie, ro and uncle bobby, grab your things, _we're heading out!"_ gabriel yelled, jumping over the coffee table and running into dean and castiel's room.

"what about us?" jody asked, sagging against her wife with panic filled eyes.

_"mom .. you two should stay here. i know you're strong, but ... you're also home. god forbid you get hurt ..."_ castiel whispered, his own eyes sad as he hugged donna and jody tightly.

"you four be safe .._ please. get back soon"_ donna was stern, holding castiel tighter as gabe ran back out into the living-room with filled duffels. he nodded, tossing cas a shirt.

_"dont worry mama, you either mom. we got this, dont we uncle bobby?"_ gabe grinned his crooked little smile, throwing on a shirt while remaining in his pj pants. castiel quickly changed.

bobby sighed at the boys, picking up a duffel and kissing jody's cheek. "_we'll be back soon"_ he murmured. rowena slipped back into the living-room, gabe turning around shocked as she wasnt on the couch anymore.

the four nodded at each-other, walking out the front door together and out into the storm.

jody made a face, turning to donna. donna lead her to the couch and raised an eyebrow.

_"did cas and gabe call us ... mom and mama?"_ jody asked quietly, as she sat on the couch and let donna wrap her up with a blanket.

_"yes, yes they did, princess"_ donna whispered with a smile. _"they'll be back soon. and we'll be a family again"_

**~~~~**

dean reached the barn, heavily panting. he squeaked softly, his bump squirming around. _"shh, shh, i know"_ he whispered, rubbing his bump as he turned and leaned his back up against the barns side. another scream echoed off in the old barn. dean got as low as he could, groaning when his hips flared up in a hot pain.

"chuck, _you may be god_ ... but tell me_ why_ that peasant little brother of mine isnt dead ... **_still!"_** dean heard sam's loud voice yell out. his lips parted as his breathing picked up. he held in a gasp as his bump was kicked harder.

"sorry my lord, but it .. he's ... the same issue ive had with killing him before has grown worse" chuck explained, his voice shook as he spoke.

dean raised an eyebrow. _issue? what issue? it seemed like chuck was all business when it came to killing him just a few minutes ago._ he quietly dug in his duffel and pulled out his trusty gun. the one bobby had crafted for him for protection when he first moved in. dean only used it when he was away from home, and his dad. it was too special for every single hunt. if he was on his own or with the brothers out of state, it went with him.

"this _issue._ what is so special about this issue?" johns thick voice was heard next. dean swallowed thickly, raising his hands over his shoulder, slightly shaking as he gripped his gun tighter.

"look, i never actually _agreed_ to this all. i just want to go back to my sons. i just agreed to help you out so you wouldnt kill my kids, _and you went behind my back anyways"_ chuck pleaded. deans eyes fell to the ground._ if chuck didnt .._.

"yes, yes. _we killed your wife and daughter._ but you still send castiel to hell for us." sam murmured, footsteps echoed in the barn. dean gasped quietly, quickly covering his mouth and praying no one heard.

a buzzing sound caused the pregnant boy to slightly hiss, his ears rang with a strong white noise. his gun fell into the mud beside him.

"look i just want my oldest son back. _our deal is finished"_ chuck said. the buzzing sound got louder in deans ear, before a quiet voice started breaking through.

"it is **_NOT FINISHED._** the deal was to kill dean, and yet here you are" sam yelled, another scream was heard in the barn.

_~"dean? dean can you hear me?"~_ , dean shook his head, chucks voice sounded in his head, the static was thick and painfully, but yeah, he could hear him. he raised an eyebrow before turning slightly and looking through the broken panels of the barn wall. chuck was looking at sam and john, nowhere close to where dean was hiding.

_'what the hell?'_ dean thought, grunting quietly as the baby kicked harder against his skin.

_~"i know, weird for the first time. no time to explain. you need to shoot john and sam right now!"~_ chuck's voice hissed thru the static, it breaking up as he got more panicked. dean looked around, just to be sure chuck wasnt standing around, or playing games with him.

_~"its not a game, welcome to angel radio"~_ the static was more quiet.

_'why should i trust you?'_ dean thought-argued back, his face twisted up as he did so. he aimed his gun up, the perfect shot blocked by the back of chuck, himself.

_~"oh no, no my boy. never trust anyone, but now you understand i did really do this for my family"~_ chucks radio voice explained.

"well, my lord, i dont think god is taking the deal _serious_ anymore" john turned to sam, waving his hand out to chuck. sam nodded "i see that. guards, **_BRING ME THE VESSEL"_ **

_"NO! WE NEVER AGREED TO THAT!"_ chuck yelled out, the guards held him back as two other guards pulled lucifer out by chains. deans eyes widened as they dropped the tall and painfully skinny young man to the cold ground.

"you didnt hold your end of the deal up, god ..." sam grinned, his face stone-cold. dean felt like puking. _"but i still intend to use my end"_

sam pulled a long needle out, the contents of it a glowing bright blue and white, much like how chucks eyes were. sam shook the needle, and suddenly the soft bright blue and white turned to a thick looking black and dark red. dean swallowed a gag, bracing himself.

"dont .. p-please dont. i can, _i can fix this!"_ chuck begged, snapping his fingers once more. a hot pain across his lower belly caused dean to bite down onto his raincoat sleeve, his groaning being smothered.

_~"forgive me, son"~_

_'what the hell are you doing?'_ dean thought, groaning louder as the pain got stronger, his left hand dug into the sloppy mud beside him, trying to hold himself up. his whole body started to shake in pain, his knees beginning to give out.

_"aaaand,_ nothing happened once again, chuck my dear old man._ goodbye now"_ sam grumbled, with an eye-roll his hand twisted in the air. within seconds chucks head twisted all the way around, his body falling down beside lucifer as the guards let go of it. dean couldnt help himself, moving away from the barn wall to throw up. he gasped shakily, looking up at the sky as the storm began to calm.

cries and yelling were heard next, the static in deans head died but the pain got worse. he growled, gritting his teeth as he re-aimed his gun. just as sam turned his back with john, dean pulled the trigger, shooting the one guard in the back of the head. lucifer yelled out in panic, the body falling behind his folded form. the other two turned, eyes pure black.

another sharp pain ripped across dean's body, with another low growl he pulled the trigger a few more timed, successfully killing the other three guards. sam and john shared a look before snapping, their bodies now out of the barn. dean closed his eyes, before they rolled back, only pure white showing. sam and john were down on the main dirt highway, at least three or four miles behind where the impala was stuck. the boy quickly picked up his muddy duffel and made his way around the barn.

**~~~~**

_"there"_ gabriel pointed at the road. castiel nodded, turning the jeep down the road, the headlights catching two figures before they turned around to face the light.

"john and sam" bobby and the two boys said at the same time, their eyes going wide as the two black eyed demons blinked at them. their smirks grew, laughing among themselves.

"what should we do?" rowena whispered from the back, sitting up in her seat to look over where bobby had leaned forward to see. before anyone replied, both the demons were gone.

castiel and gabriel stared at each-other in horror. cas pushed down on the gas, picking up speed as he drove faster in the mud.

**~~~~**

_"d-dean?"_ lucifer choked out as dean crouched down beside him.

dean nodded with a small smile, pulling out his lock-picking kit and holding lucifer's locked up wrists, "you remember, in .. in jackson, where you promised you'd look after cas, n gabe, n me?" he asked, wiggling the lock-piece around. lucifer nodded, eyebrows pinched together.

_"well, it goes both ways. kid brothers look after big brothers too"_ dean smiled, tossing the heavy metal handcuffs away to the side and beginning to unlock lucifer's ankle shackles. lucifer quietly laughed, his head fell against dean's shoulder as he worked.

"i dont think ive ever been so happy to see you before" he muttered, his dirty face relaxed a little.

"same for me" dean lazily smirked, grunting when he dropped his picker, his hands shaking too hard.

lucifer eyed him, finally taking in dean's body. his eyes went wide like planets. _"d-de?"_

"yeah?" dean grunted, so close to pulling the lock apart.

"ive been gone ... _for a long time, but .. but"_

dean pulled the shackles away, looking across at lucifers face. he huffed a quick laugh, using what little strength he had to help pull his big brother up._ "yeah, well. you found out i was a witch, got a little mad - was normal. uh, cas and i got married, and im about to pop with our kid. up to speed? okay, good, lets go"_ he groaned out, growling as the sharp pain got stronger.

lucifer wrapped his arms around his waist, holding dean up as dean did the same to lucifer. both of them slowing walking together. "and, and what, _you're in labor now,_ or something?" lucifer questioned, deans face paling as he hissed with every move.

_"early. but possible parting gift from god, himself"_ dean grunted, a small smile across his face. lucifers eyes got wider, before he laughed too.

a strong pain ripped up deans back and across his hips, causing him to fall to his knees and hands. lucifer tumbled down next to him, trying to help him back up when two pairs of footsteps broke their reunion.

"i see the_ issue_ that old preacher was on about now" sam smirked down at them.

"well boy, got knocked up, huh? _why dont that surprise me..."_ john joined in, pushing dean onto his back. dean grunted, his face twisted up as his pain grew. lucifer quickly moved to his side, holding deans head up on his lap.

"hmm, the vessel wants to help our pretty boy ... how ... _sweet"_ sam grumbled, his eyes rolling afterwards. _"wait, i got a wonderful idea"_

john looked at his son, sam laughed before saying "lets get the devil here to party. kill our little dean and his ..._ hideous little creature too"_ he grinned widely. john laughed, nodding.

"you stay away from them" lucifer growled, wrapping his arms around deans forehead that was burning up. dean whimpered softly, his hands cradled his bump.

_"aw how cute"_ john laughed, sam hummed at them. lucifer pulled dean closer, holding him and his bump safely against his own body as he glared at the two demons.

sam turned and started walking over to his throne, john following. they walked into a small room just off the side of where the main stage and table sat. when they were out of sight dean let out a groan, panting before lucifer loosened his hold.

"sorry, i just.." he trailed off, his hands fell down to deans belly and wet raincoat.

_"overprotective big brother mode, i know."_ dean cracked a small smile.

"thats their little ... _murder room._ they were killing people earlier ... _we're probably next,_ they'll be busy for a minute or two" lucifer explained, dean nodded before noticing they werent chained up. he looked over at luce, raising his wrists.

"yeah, they want us to think we have freedom. _we dont"_ he said, shrugging at the pained boy.

"oh but we do" dean grumbled, growling as he made his way to his feet, his knees shaking as his belly was kicked and squirmed around. lucifer winced, helping him walk again.

john and sam were suddenly in front of them, sam opened his mouth to speak but the low rumble sound of the impala and the jeep were heard outside. the demons shared another look, john turning to leave. lucifer turned his head too, just as dean pulled a knife from his raincoat pocket.

he drove the long, sharp knife into sammys chest, hard enough to knock the winchester brothers down to the barn floor. sam yelled out, john turned, ready to push dean off when lucifer pushed him back. dean pulled the knife out, stabbing it back in just as hard. lucifer was yelling again, the barn doors crashed open, cas, gabe, bobby and rowena running in.

_"lucifer!"_ gabriel cried just as castiel cried out at dean. bobby ran towards lucifer and john, the two fighting as john held his hold around lucifers neck. dean was getting coated in blood as he stabbed sam over and over again, crying hard as he did do.

_"dean"_ castiel called, running up behind the boy. cas pulled dean up, holding him close as dean sobbed. bobby knocked john out, looking around before he pulled the knife out of sam's body, stabbing john in the chest. rowena ran up behind everyone, beginning her exorcism.

castiel held dean up, as his began to fall back down to the ground, his wiped his wet and bloody face to help rowena with the exorcism.

two black spirits pulled out of the bodies, rowena shouted out, her own eyes turning the bright purple deans were before both black spirits fell back into the bodies and started to burn. gabriel quickly dumped holy water and oil on them, causing the fire to grow.

**_"lets get out of here!_**" bobby yelled, waving his arms as he picked up everyones duffels. rowena pulled at gabriels arms, lucifer weakly held on to them as they ran out. cas took the duffels from bobby as bobby picked up dean, all of them following the other three.

_"does he have his power back?_" castiel whispered, stroking dean's leg as bobby wiped the blood of his sons face. dean was sat in the passenger seat of the impala, everyone tending to him and lucifer. lucifer was sat in the backseat, he looked over at dean, who had his head in bobbys hands, his eyes closed.

_"he should be fine now. or pretty soon. **god is dead"**_ rowena whispered at cas, sadly smiling at him.

_"hes a dumbass"_ castiel murmured. everyone quietly chuckled.

_"can hear you..."_ dean mumbled back, hissing when his back pain came back, rolling around to his lower belly again. the pain was a lot lighter than before, but still hurt like hell.

"well, you are .. but you did it. you saved the world tonight" castiel grinned, kissing dean lightly.

"and me.. i owe you big time. i only agreed to help out ... _chuck,_ because .. it was childish but i was mad at you for lying about being a witch.. _i wanted to get away for a little while, think things over" _lucifer murmured, his thumbs fiddling together.

"to make things up, i_ did_ put a small karma spell on you that night .. but, _you did shove me against the wall"_ dean lazily smiled through the window at lucifer. lucifer burst out laughing, shaking his head.

"its .. not this easy, but .._ i did almost help at ruining the world .. but .. forgiven?"_ luce tried, smiling awkward, with a small shrug, his voice full of hope.

_".....forgiven"_ bobby muttered first.

_"dad... did you just chick flick?"_ dean gasped, laughing. bobby rolled his eyes, pretending to zip his lips with a smile.

castiel forgave him next, hugging his oldest brother. dean was next, fist bumping him before bobby turned his face back to continue cleaning his face. rowena nodded her forgiveness to him while gabriel bear-hugged, tackled him.

_"i missed you"_ he whispered sadly, snuggling close. rowena sadly smiled.

_"missed you too_ ... but you still smell bad" lucifer joked, pinching at gabe's arms. everyone quietly laughed.

_"lets get everyone home, its late. and it seems there may be a new shurley joinin us sometime soon" rowena pointed out, kissing dean's forehead before she walked around to the jeep. _

_the boys turned and looked at each-other. _

_"i was ... joking earlier about that" dean said, his voice quiet. lucifer nodded, "me too"_

_"a witch never lies" bobby grinned_

_"the baby's early" cas whispered, he smiled when he looked down at dean. "yeah" gabriel said._

_dean shrugged, "with the night we've had ..."_

_"lets get home to mom and mama ... we have a baby coming" castiel smiled._


	47. 🌼 say it with me now .... a were-pire!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OHMYGOOOOD !! so !! this wasnt requested, but i worked all week on this and just sat up all night to finish writing this. its not even edited yet because hey - i just sat up all damn night to finish this 😂
> 
> inspired by thr supernatural episode "baby" ... yup !! yall get to meet dean and cas' little baby FINALLY !! im not spoiling anything though, youll have to read this ... SUFFER 😂😂
> 
> this is also my longest piece .. and holy shit am i proud of this ... you seriously have no idea 😂
> 
> i'll edit this quickly soon too, because itll be better that way, but its getting now because i cant contain myself !!
> 
> Takes place after Tonight Is The Night I Die - part two. 
> 
> warnings: blood, swearing, killing mention, breastfeeding scenes {that a trigger? either way} scars, knives, uuuhh ... am i too tired to remember more ??? probably ...
> 
> words: 7, 191 {my new longest piece !! im so proud oml !!}
> 
> posted on august 1st 2020
> 
> ** edited august 2nd 2020 **

mid-morning sunlight drifted in thru the opened farmhouse windows, a light breeze bringing in the smell of early summer.

it was june 4th, and the weather in souix falls was warm. a perfect spring dying into what would be a perfect summer, and dean was once again living his best life, with his perfect little family.

he yawned loudly from where he was standing in the kitchen, castiel's basketball shorts hanging low on his hips, his baggy johnny cash shirt was wrinkled from sleep. his bleached hair was standing up in every direction, little bees, dragonflies and butterflies flew around the mess. 

_"de?" _

dean yawned again, stretching his arms out as he turned around, looking at his husband standing in the living-room. castiel was in his favourite baseball jersey, his dirty blue jeans were unbuttoned and unzipped, lazily pulled up to his waist. dean smiled tiredly at him. 

"the other two are gunna be back soon, wanna check your scar" cas' deep voice mumbled, his right hand waving his husband over, while his left hand cradled their two month old son close to his chest.

lucifer and gabriel had gone into town earlier when jody and donna went to work. in the past two months lucifer had started to recover from the whole_ 'almost-being-the-actual-devils-vessel'_ thing and moved into bobby's other spare room. gabriel was at his happiest with him back, and having rowena as a partner. although luce and him snapped right back into their_ very close_ brotherly bond they had had beforehand.

mrs boyce came over to the farmhouse with rosie more often now that dean had the baby, and her and lucifer were two smart-mouthed cookies in the same jar. those two started to form an unbreakable friendship, that everyone thought was probably the best recovery to_ ever_ ask for. lucifer went over to the senior houses almost every morning with gabriel to have breakfast with her.

dean rubbed the sleep from his eyes and walked over to castiel, humming as he pulled his shirt up. cas gently placed their son in the shirt hammock dean made with his shirt, kissing dean slowly. 

_"mm, good-morning to you too"_ dean murmured, smiling with his eyes still closed. castiel quietly laughed, pulling down his shorts on dean's thighs to examine his hips and belly.

it turned out that the hard pains dean was having at the old barn were extreme braxton hicks, it took almost two weeks for him to go into _actual labor._ by then he was officially nine months pregnant, and chuck's side effects had mostly disappeared. of course, labor went on for a few days, but on april 4th the newest member of the family came screaming into the world at 3 in the morning.

dean named him_ bobby owen._ castiel smiled, telling him it was_ perfect._ bobby was the only father dean ever really had, and owen was jody's son before dean._ it was a sweet little reminder to them,_ and both parents had shed a tear or two. 

"how're you feelin?" cas asked, his large hands gently pressing along dean's hip bones. the boy hummed, nuzzling his nose against his sleeping sons forehead. 

_"hips hurt if i move too much"_ he murmured again, castiel nodding. his hair tickled across dean's lower belly, causing a soft giggle to escape. "i take it, that your tum is doin okay too then?" cas grinned, his wedding ring cold against the warm skin. dean nodded.

"actually, with the baby weight it doesnt pull as much, it .._ i dunno, it feels better"_ he pointed out, shrugging lightly, beginning to bounce their son as he made quiet noises in his sleep. 

dean's bruises had faded before giving birth, his scar only breaking open as he pushed. rowena quickly fixed it to avoid even more pain the boy was going through. once bobby owen was born, dean's belly had more pudge under his navel, stretchmarks scarring it, above his navel, and around his hips. but with the new weight his scar didnt pull as badly as it had when he was skinnier. it pulled around his neck and chest still._ the bullet wounds never opened during pregnancy and remained scars._

castiel had just pulled his shorts back up, zipped and buttoned his own jeans up and was just starting to help dean sit down when gabriel and lucifer walked in the house. gabriel lifted his sunglasses, grinning widely and making grabby hands for the baby. dean rolled his eyes playfully but handed the small boy to him. 

_"that was faster than usual"_ cas grumbled, looking at the wall clock in the kitchen, making a face. 

"yeah, she was packing for a weekend trip. some other ladies are going out of town and invited her" gabriel told him, poking bobby owen's rounded red cheeks, giggling when the baby made noise. 

_"hmm, good for her"_ dean smiled, nodding to himself, putting his feet up on the coffee-table. cas sat down by his feet, watching as gabe threw himself down in the lazy-boy chair, whispering away. 

"hey dean, ya still got some cabin fever?" lucifer asked, finally walking to where the others were sitting.

dean perked up quickly, eyebrows raising "hate to say it, but_ hells yeah"_

castiel laughed, shaking his head with a smile. lucifer waved his phone in the air as he stood between the couch and chair, cas looked over at dean before turning back to his older brother.

"it .. well its a case, but .. _thin"_ he began, looking down at the three of them, shrugging his shoulders. "i _know_ you said you werent raising lil tyke in a hunters world, but, if it aint anything .._ could be a fun road-trip?"_ he tried, holding his hands up to his chest, shrugging again.

dean and cas shared a look, only for cas to shrug himself. _"soooo_ ... what is it?"

"quaker valley, oregon, town outside-a eugene. dwayne markham, local sheriff, found in the woods couple-a days ago. body was mauled, so they chalked it up to an animal attack, _but im thinkin-"_

_"werewolf"_ dean finished, sighing. he leaned back on the couch, bringing his hand to wash it down his mouth. _"thin"_ he repeated lucifer's earlier statement.

_"hey, i know you said you werent gunna raise the kid as a hunter, but if its a nothing kinda case .. serves as a nice road-trip, doesnt it?"_ lucifer repeated, shoving his phone into his back pocket and crossing his arms over his chest.

dean sighed, his mouth twisting up into a small pout as he thought. daphne jumped onto the couch beside him, his hands beginning to soothe down her soft coat, earning a small shy purr.

"mrs boyce is out of town-" he explained, his hand swinging out in front of him, "rosie's at the diner 24/7, charlies out on a hunt, rowena and dad are so deep in some angel/demon lore and mama finally got some time-off ..." 

"_if_ it does turn out to be serious, _you could always call me n luce._ we'd come quick. _just enjoy yourselves!_ you have cabin fever, de-be,_ just go!_ _take your husband cassie, take your son!"_ gabriel grinned wildly.

castiel slowly looked up at dean's relaxed form across from him._ "probably nothing, right?"_

_"probably not."_ dean murmured, shrugging.

_"oregon, here we come!"_

**~~~~**

a red and yellow butterfly rested on dean's wedding and engagement rings as he held onto the steering wheel. castiel sat beside him, flashlight in his mouth, map layed on on his lap and held in his hands.

with a soft click the flashlight shut off when the map was halfway folded up. cas yawned into his fisted hand, turning around slightly to check in on their son. bobby owen was still fast asleep in his car seat, right thumb tucked between his lips, fingers pushed up around his nose.

cas smiled to himself, _just like dean ... _

the green cooler sat beside the baby-seat, filled with water and sodas. dean sat in the drivers, eyes focused on the road and face as still as stone. he hadnt driven the entire time he was pregnant, _except for the drive to the barn._ cas really couldnt complain when dean grabbed a hold of the keys and gave _no room_ to argue that _he_ was driving.

trying to possibly break the statue-like features his husband was currently serving, cas nodded over to him, murmuring _"havent been to oregon since our honeymoon"_

dean broke his mold, eyes shifting over to cas before returning to the road, _"ha, true._ also a three person trip" 

_"hmm,_ but i like this third person _much_ more" cas teased. dean laughed lightly.

"at least if he kisses you, its _acceptable"_ he added, shaking his finger lazily. dean snorted, "gabes kisses are _fine_, just .. _weird though"_ he shrugged.

_"i do .. have a question, actually"_ castiel started, biting his lip before he turned to look out the front window.

deans eyes studied cas for a half second. "about ... _about what?"_

"im just -" the dark haired man sat still, eyes squinting as he battled his inner voices, fighting to form the right words. finally he sighed and spat out, "im not mad, _per-say,_ but ...,why didnt you tell anyone? _you just left, dean_. i was worried sick, and _you were pregnant!" _

dean never moved, only gripped the steering wheel tighter. the butterfly fluttered into the backseat and rested on bobby owen's own dark hair. 

_"i had too"_ dean muttered darkly, eyes glaring into the setting sun. cas opened his mouth to protest before deans dark eyes bore into his bright blues.

_"no, listen._ i did it because i _knew_ i could. i_ wanted_ to do it on my own, because he was fucking with me, and the baby i was carrying. _he was fucking up my family, i dont stand for that shit"_

castiel sat back as dean growled at him. 

"the wrong info, de .. _you lied._ i understood the lying about the witch thing ..._ b-but" _

the look of pure hurt rattled dean as cas looked down at his feet. it had been eating away at him for so long, and why it was brought up on a weird first family trip was questionable itself, _but there it was. out in the open and so fresh._ dean pulled baby off to the side of the road, sliding himself over to his husband.

_"castiel._ i know it was wrong. and i may never be forgiven. but ... _but you're my family,_ and i know chuck was your family .. he didnt even give me what i went there for. he just gave me more questions, i went there to save him if i could. sam just .. he killed him before i even knew what was happening ..."

_"you couldnt save him. it was life or death"_ cas finally whispered, his sad blues meeting deans regretful greens.

dean frowned, pulling cas in for a tight hug.

**~~~~**

_"are you serious?_ de, its late, we're both tired ... and _starving._ kiddo needs to be fed, and changed... and this place ..._ even ackles wouldn't come to this roadhouse" _

dean tossed baby in park, raising his eyebrow at his husband, smirk in place. _"okay,_ first of all, _dont use ackles' name in vain. okay?_ secondly, its a diner and motel, _not a roadhouse,_ its just called _'the roadhouse'_, and we can eat and sleep here. and thirdly, _you dont remember this place?"_

cas took another look out the windshield, his tired eyes squinting, trying to pull memories from over time._ "oh yeah ...."_ he trailed off, turning back to dean.

_"exactly"_ dean deadpanned, shaking his head._ "we stopped here on our honeymoon ...?"_ he tried helping cas, waving his hand to the building, then back to him.

castiel shrugged tiredly, lazy pout in place. dean sighed.

"dad knows the owner - _ellen, and her daughter jo._ we stayed here on our honeymoon trip before driving to oregon." 

_"oh yeah! gabriel got in shit for spilling beer everywhere!"_ castiel laughed, nodding his head as he suddenly remembered the strange memory of the place in front of him.

dean laughed himself, his smile wide. _"yes!_ now, ellen knows we're coming. in there - _nothing but good times._ and time heals all wounds, cas, _especially good times._ _whatcha say?"_ he grinned wider.

cas rubbed his face, shrugging again. "i say _'knock yourself out'_ .. im grabbin some food, i'll change bobby owen .. _gunna read some lore .. get some rest"_

the front doors shut at the same time. dean groaned loudly, eyes rolling playfully._ "dude!_ you _so need_ to learn how to have fun! _seriously!"_

castiel laughed as he helped his husband pull their son out of his carseat.

**~~~~**

_"mmhmm, mistakes were made ... mmhmm"_ dean grumbled with a sly smile on his face. he sat down at the bar with bobby owen tucked warmly under the blanket that covered dean's chest as he fed him. dean's hair was pushed up in every possibly direction, his face tired but awake.

_"pfft._ you say that like you got drunk and had a shit ton of sex all night" castiel mused, sitting down next to dean at the bar, his hands smoothing down his hair. cas looked more rested than dean, but the wrinkled clothes he wore also told ellen and jo they did _more_ than just _sleep._

_"who says i didnt?"_ dean sassed, his eyebrow twitching as he smirked at castiel.

"the fact that im_ your husband,_ and the only_ 'mistake'_ you made last night was _having extra dessert,_ which_ wasnt_ even a _mistake by any means"_ cas laughed, patting deans head when he finished fixing his ratty bedhead. 

the boy holding the baby started to laugh back, getting quiet when their son squirmed in his hold. bobby owen opened his eyes, prompting dean to move the blanket away from over him and getting ready to burp him. when he didnt latch off of dean's chest, he sighed, shaking his head with a small smile.

_"still slurpin?"_ cas teased, thanking ellen with a nod when she handed him a large mug of coffee. dean hummed, smiling down at their son. jo rounded the bar, handing ellen something out of view of the two young parents.

"you were worried bout somethin you said?" ellen asked, watching dean fiddle with the blanket. the boy hummed louder, looking over at cas, who shared a look with him before he turned to look at the older woman.

_"i dunno,_ could be _nothin_. but im still kinda worried its serious." 

bobby owen, _much to everyones surprise_ had different coloured eyes. his left being a stunning, whirling bright green with tints of purple -_ just like dean's,_ and dean's witching power colour. his right eye matching castiel's stunning ice cold blue, with small clouds of white that swam around the edges. but over his short two months, dean had quickly noticed his son's blue eye had gotten lighter and had began to fog over.

he asked cas if he could see the difference, and while he _couldnt_ right at the beginning, he noticed_ later on._ it could be that the angel grace, or witch power beginning to _show itself_ within him. but dean also feared he could begin to loose his eyesight in that eye ... _anything was possible._

_"oh, here._ i had jo move the impala last night._ i know how ya feel bout that car,_ but we had drunk hunters in and out all night,_ didnt want someone to do somethin"_ ellen explained, pulling up the keys and sliding them over to dean. cas stared at them wide-eyed, _nobody ever touched baby._

"thanks, ellen. thank you too, jo" dean grinned, cas was confused, but relaxed when dean didnt freak out much. 

jo smiled back, patting down her apron as she moved around behind the bar. ellen gave her a strange look. jo sighed when all three other people were watching her.

_"have you seen my hair pin?"_

**~~~~**

the impala drove down the smooth highway, the sunset slowly bleeding across the sky. dean drove the entire day, only stopping when the car needed to be refilled, or when they needed a stretch, or to feed bobby.

castiel was holding his full burrito in his right hand while he was hunched over, trying to spoon soft pudding out of a small cup to feed their son, who was sat in his car seat between the two. dean quietly laughed, chewing a bite of his own burrito.

"how come you were so _calm?"_ cas asked, smiling when bobby owen gently suckled on the small orange plastic spoon. dean pulled his gaze off the road, chewing a mouthful when cas didnt finish his thought.

"when ellen said she moved the car" 

dean laughed, quickly swallowing._ "oh!_ i mean - ellen's a tough lady, she'll get what she wants,_ no matter what_. no point in getting touchy over baby. _i trust her n jo enough though"_ he laughed again, shrugging lightly.

bobby owen gurgled happily, his chubby hands swinging up to tug on his dads fingers. cas quietly laughed, pushing the babys thick black hair away from his eyes. the pudding that didnt quite make it in his mouth was smeared all over his cheeks and down his neck. 

_"arent you a messy little boy"_ cas grinned, wiping pudding away. bobby gurgled again, pulling cas' fingers closer to his mouth to suck. dean watched them for a second, turning back to the road to check if people were driving by.

"pull over time?" dean asked, already pulling off to the side of the road, behind a row of trees. cas hummed, _"sadly_ my fingers dont have milk._ so yes"_ he murmured, smiling softly.

it didnt take long. dean was walking along side the parked car, baby pulled close to his chest as he slurped away. cas sat in the drivers seat, turned sideways, long legs sticking out into the cooler air. both he and dean chewed on their supper burritos. 

"that song you were hummin earlier, you sing it in your sleep too sometimes"

dean turned around, standing still for a half second before he slowly moved again._ "o-oh yeah._ um, _john .. used to play it for us a lot"_

cas raised an eyebrow, confusion clearly colouring his features.

_"she_ liked that song. _actually,_ i played it once with mom on a trip few years ago, just after sammy got my eye._ probably the last time i played it"_

_"ooooh, okay._ makes sense now. you still have the tape then?" cas nodded, watching dean with a smile. dean kissed bobby owen's forehead, holding his food wrapper up in one hand _"bottom of the box"_

cas took the wrapper, tossing his in the bag along with it. folding the bag up and tossing it in the back, ready to throw away when they got to town. "you mind if i play it?"

_"someday soon?_ ...sure, i dont play it a lot, but we have _someone new_ to play it for" dean smiled, patting the babys back as cas moved to the passenger side, already digging in the cassette box.

**~~~~**

castiel walked out of the small building, his black suit heating up as the sun hit the fabric. he spotted his husbands beloved car in a second, quickly getting a tighter hold on the folders he held and jogged across the parking lot.

_"hey"_ he greeted, opening the passenger side door. bobby's car-seat still sat in the front, in the middle of the bench-seat. _bobby owen himself asleep again._ dean was also in his black suit, but had a light pink tie on, whereas cas had his favourite dark blue one on.

"coroner showed me the sheriff's body .... _was mauled, alright._ mm, and get this -_ heart was missing,_ body was totally, completely, _utterly_ drained of blood" dean told cas, his face slightly pale when he mentioned it.

cas sat back, eyes wide, face twisting into a disgusted look. _"sooo, what?_ werewolf/vamp hybrid?" he asked, frowning harder with further disgust.

dean cracked a cocky grin,_ "a were-pire. huh?"_

castiel stared at him, eyes half closed, mouth closed firmly. _"no"_

dean sighed, rolling his eyes at his much-too-serious husband._ "c'mon!"_

_"i'm not saying it, dean."_

_"whatever"_ dean grumbled, pouting slightly. "i called gabe n luce. they're looking into the lore for us. _you?"_

cas pulled open the folders, sighing quietly as he nodded before talking, _"right._ sheriff's replacement - _deputy donnelly, not the brightest bulb_, but i got a copy of his report. thinking he maybe _forgot_ something"

_"agents"_

dean nearly jumped thru the roof. cas reached out for him as dean leaned down, covering their son. _deputy donnelly stood in the window space of the drivers side door._ he smiled easily at the two young men in suits, looked confused at the baby sleeping.

_"deputy"_ dean bit out, sitting straight up but away from the face in his personal space.

after finding out that, _yes,_ _deputy donnelly really wasnt the brightest bulb_, they drove back to the motel they had stayed in the night before. a quick change back into their flannels and old jeans, they went to _aunt mel's_ for lunch. unlike when ellen and jo had moved the car, dean was more than nervous to allow the valet to touch the car. 

of course when his stomach growled loudly, _dean did too._ finally he gave in, and slapped the keys down to the young girl who looked bored beyond belief. with a threat of _not wanting to see one scratch on the car,_ which looked _more than a little funny_ _coming from a young man carrying a baby,_ the couple left the car and went inside.

lunch had been too much, but _amazing_. cas held take out containers and dean rocked their son while they waited for the car to pull up. when no damage was detected, and everything was still in place dean strapped bobby owen in his car-seat, now put in the backseat again.

"what next?" he asked the minute he was in drivers seat again, hands steady on the wheel.

cas rubbed his face, rolling up his flannel sleeves before pulling his jacket on,_ "uh,_ i wanna talk to, the uh, the widow._ lily markham._ maybe she knows somethin bout why her husband was out in the woods in the first place" he explained, eyes scanning the file-folder in his large hands.

dean nodded, licking his lips before he spoke, "mmkay, well im gunna drop ya off, cuz im goin back to the woods where the body was found. _somethin was fishy bout those crime scene photos._ i'll keep him with me, and i'll refresh the tracking spell on you before ya go off" 

castiel nodded back, looking into the backseat when dean threw his thumb back at the baby.

whenever he and dean were apart but in the same town or area the young witch placed a tracking spell on him, so wherever he was, _dean knew where he was at all times._ it saved time and kept the boy at ease when they were apart during hunts.

**~~~~**

the cell phone on the dash started to play _Sledgehammer_ loudly, causing dean to spin around from outside. gabriel's ring tone making him smile as he walked over to the car. bobby owen was in his arms, it being too hot for him to be sitting in the car, even with the windows down and the doors open while dean looked around the area.

_"hey candy-freak"_ dean grinned into the phone, sitting in the passenger side, right leg sticking out with his son on his lap.

_"hey dean-o._ how's the case goin? ya need me and the big guy there?" gabriel asked, crinkles coming in thru the line. dean cringed when he heard the sounds of gabriel _most likely shoving too much candy in his mouth at once._

_"uh, no._ not yet, at least. yall find anything in the lore?" 

_"mm, mmhmm, zz-hherre za crreeazzure zhaat feeedzz zzon heaaartzz zz-nd bloood"_

dean pinched the bridge of his nose, eyes closed. _"gabriel, i love you, but take the sucker out of your mouth."_

the other line was quiet for a minute._ "sorry"_

_"is okay."_ dean laughed to himself.

"theres a creature, feeds on hearts n blood." lucifer's voice came thru instead.

dean cheekily grinned,_ "a were-pire, you might say. c'mon now! say it with me!"_ he tried, biting his lip with unleashed laughter.

"in the lore it's referred to as a _'whisper'_, okay?" lucifer stated.

_"lame"_ dean rolled his eyes, shaking his head. gabriels own laughter was heard over the phone, and dean couldnt help but to crack a smile.

"sounds like silver will kill it, may want to decapitate it,_ just to be sure"_ the oldest shurley boy read from the book. gabriel's weird candy eating noises were muted as his older brother spoke.

_"sounds good._ im at the crime scene now. honestly,_ it was totally staged, ya can tell._ body was dragged. no signs of a struggle any place."

_"the body was moved there?_ do the crime scene photos look like an animal attack?" gabriel piped in, lucifer shushed him, whisper-yelling that cas had sent the photos earlier to him. dean was smiling but it quickly dropped when he saw a truck pulling in behind where the impala was parked.

_"u-uh yeah._ sloppy though. h-hey, uh, what else, you uh, got on those things?" dean asked, turning around as the figure in the truck started to move.

_"okay, so listen to this -"_ lucifer started.

"yeah, uh, hang on" dean murmured lowly, sliding out of the seat, and buckling his son in his car-seat. lucifer and gabriel began listing off facts from the lore book, ignoring dean's earlier statement to wait.

_"deputy"_ dean nodded, waving half-assed as the older man made his way over.

_"whats goin on, agent?"_ the other man asked. 

the two of them walked around the car, dean pointing to different places around where he'd been checking at before. the two shurley brothers started to bicker again, not aware the only person who could hear them was now bobby owen.

dean groaned further away, pulling the deputys arms off of him, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt. the deputy fell to the ground, kicking at dean as he tried to make the young man fall too. 

bobby owen squealed, causing the shurleys to shut up._ "buddy? is that you, whats goin on?"_ gabriel cooed. lucifer shushed him when deans loud grunting was heard over the phone. he threw the deputy against the side of the car, the door slamming shut hard.

_"dean? dean, what is that?"_ lucifer asked, voice beginning to get more concerned when nobody replied soon.

the deputy layed on the ground beside the impala, dean reached through the open passenger side window, grabbing his gun and shooting the man full of silver bullets.

_**"dean!**_ dean, are you alright?! _we hear gunshots!_ ... **_dean?! dean!"_** both brothers yelled.

dean wiped his face, panting lightly as he opened the door and throwing himself down into the seat. he lazily smiled, _"turns out i did shoot the deputy"_ he chuckled to himself. bobby owen had his small hands covering his ears, big tears running down his face and cries getting loud at the gunshots.

_"wait, no, dean"_ gabe started. the boy reached back for his crying son, grunting when the buckle came undone with a little trouble. 

_"deputy was a were-pire. all good though, silver bullets worked"_ dean said, kissing bobby's dark hair, bouncing him lightly, trying to calm down his hard crying.

lucifer began talking again when groaning was heard from outside the car again, dean leaned forward, eyebrows meeting each-other in confusion. 

_"no no, dean listen_ .... the lore, the timings all fucked up,_ its wrong!_ the next solar eclipse in .... in north america is ... years off! _it cant be -"_

dean covered his sons ears, pulling the windows up. when the deputy started trying to sit up dean pushed himself out the door, laying bobby owen on the seat,_ "hang on"_ he said to his phone. 

he dashed around, pulling open the trunk. the door slammed shut again, blood splashed everywhere, coating the door and now closed windows. dean groaned, trying to rid the blood that flicked onto his face from his quick swing with the large silver knife.

he opened the creaky door, panic filled voices called his name again, bobby's scared crying ringing in his ears. _"shh, shh, its okay little man._ hey, scratch whatever yall had._ you need to cut off the -"_

somehow, in whatever weird way, the deputy started making noises again. dean turned around, glaring at the body that now layed in two pieces. the body was there, but the head wasnt. the married man spun around, cringing when he noticed the growling head was on the windshield.

dean rolled his eyes, turning the keys and flicked on the wipers. the head was tossed to the other side within seconds. he sank into the seat, running his hands over his face before he pulled his son to his chest.

_"dean, it aint a whisper"_ lucifer said.

dean scoffed,_ "yeah im startin to get that._ this things in two pieces and still kickin"

"does it have fangs?" gabriel asked, dean squinted in the sunlight, looking around before he gently put his son in his car seat and walked around the car to see the head. 

deputy tried biting at his boots, dean quickly tossed the ice from the green cooler that sat beside the baby-seat, kicking the head up onto the floor board before throwing it in the cooler. 

_"sonuvabitch"_ he muttered, grabbing his photo to snap a photo. he closed the cooler and left it in the back, moved the car-seat back to the front once again. "guys, ya still there?"

_"course, whats going on?"_ both brothers asked at the same time.

"whatever it is, silver slows it down. got fangs, sendin a picture now ... _guuuh"_ dean layed his head on the steering wheel, closing his eyes and trying to even out his breathing. 

_"you need us?"_ gabriel asked softly. bobby quietly squealed. dean huffed a laugh, tickling his sons cheek, earning a loud giggle-squeal. 

"mm good, goin to find cas. just, ... just check the lore, _please. i aint ever seen anything like it"_

_"on it. please be safe"_

"ya betcha buns, big brother" dean grinned lazily.

**~~~~**

castiel winced when dean drove over a pothole. his vision a little blurry, head aching from whatever had been thrown to knock him out. lily markham was passed out in the backseat, not bleeding, _much to deans relief for the car._

deans left hand was on the wheel while his right hand searched cas' messy hair for any glass.

_"eyes on the road"_ cas teased, wincing when dean dug his fingers in too hard.

"they _are_ on the road, _asshat."_ dean sassed back, his phone ringing loudly again. this time, cas gently slapped his husbands hand away and answered. 

"hey fellas" cas mumbled, smiling thankfully when dean handed him a pair of sunglasses. 

_"cassie!"_ gabriel shouted, voice pitching higher than usual. their son squealed back, causing castiel to shiver in pain.

_"easy guys. cas got dinged."_ dean said, the dried blood in his hairline and across his face making it harder for him to make a stern look._ not that gabe could see it while on the phone. _

"are you okay?" 

cas smiled as his oldest brothers concerned tone came next. "yeah. _dont worry about me_. now, whatcha got?"

_"its a nachzehrer" _

cas and dean both made a face, sharing the look.

"come again?" castiel asked, his eyebrow raising above the sunglasses.

"a ghoul and vampire like creature" lucifer replied, the sound of pages being flipped over came with it.

_"a ghoul-pire!"_ dean grinned, laughing. bobby owen giggled when he heard dean's own laughter.

"some breeds feed on the flesh of the dead. others feed on the blood and hearts of the living. they run in small packs, but they usually keep an extremely low profile."

dean rolled his eyes, frowning as he continued to drive.

"how we kill em?" he asked instead, cas looked over at him.

baby drove around more potholes, finally reaching a paved road just as lucifer finished explaining. castiel asked more questioned, with dean chiming in with extra info on the strangest things. 

everyone got a good laugh when the pennies were mentioned. not only was that seen on boondock saints, but _of course dean knew that pennies were made from 95% copper before 1983._ after discovering cas had a few stray pennies in his wallet and proceeding to drop them all over the floor by accident, did the shurley brothes hang up and dean pulled baby into the gas station parking lot.

castiel raised the sunglasses to his head and got out, walking into the small building. dean sighed deeply, smiling down at his son, as his son watched him with wide eyes. he started smoothing down his thick jet-black hair, _that matched castiels perfectly,_ although the ends were a light brown shade just like deans._ his hair, no matter how hard jody, or dean, or even bobby, tried, was always messy._ dean teasingly blamed cas, because _somehow,_ cas always had the same messy hair. no matter how many combs went through that rats nest.

bobby owen's chubby hands reached out for dean's own warm hand, to which dean let him wrap him wrap his hand around his finger. he began sucking on deans right thumb, eyes closing slowly. _their son really was the perfect mix of him and castiel._

_"would be nicer if you could fall asleep on your mama-san's chest, wouldnt it?"_ dean whispered, smile on his face. his left hand rubbed his sons belly while his fingers on his right hand caressed chubby, soft cheeks. 

a groan pulled deans attention away from the baby.

after trying to explain who he was, who cas was and trying to come up with _why there was a baby,_ dean and lily markham were having a very strange conversation. it only seemed to get harder to explain when she opened the cooler and found the lone head dean had cut off earlier in the day. 

he made the mistake of turning his back on her because _lily markham was stronger than she looked._ but it suddenly seemed like the split lip and black eye she was sporting was something she could move on from easily. 

after a struggle that woke up the sleeping baby, dean tried hard to reach for the horn. he could always use his magic but the risk of monsters and possibly other hunters finding out he was a witch was too great.

_he wouldnt be safe anymore._ instead of a hunter,_ dean would become the hunted._ as would his family. 

the impala peeled out out of the gas station, castiel running out and shooting out the back window as he tried to chase it down.

dean groaned lowly, closing his eyes as he layed in the backseat, his head aching too much.

**~~~~**

glossed over greens weakly pulled themselves open, long eyelashes tickled freckled cheeks. dean bit back a groan, his eyes scanning the floor of the backseat.

he found that his hands were cuffed and pulled tightly behind his back, castiels scattered pennies all over the floor, glass from when the back window was shot out, the bloody silver blade rocked from side to side as baby rumbled across the road. _the breeze from outside was nice._ deans fingers tried to dig in his pockets for the paperclip he always kept in them,_ just for this._ when he couldnt reach, he slipped his fingers between the seats.

_"i know you're awake. and i know you're a hunter"_ a deep voice sounded out. 

deans eyes flickered back and forth, a snarky smirk pulled across his face before he could stop himself. although, he was glad he had just been pinned as a hunter,_ not a witch._

_"and i know you're a nachzehrer. the maker, right? the pack alpha?"_ dean sassed, groaning when the bastard reached back and pulled him up by his jacket. he glared at the deputy in the rear-view. he couldnt help as his smirk grew seeing the poor sewing job lily had done to fix his beheading.

"thought yall like to stay low" 

the deputy smiled, "maybe you arent as dumb as you look._ this one sure does"_ he grinned, ugly fangs sticking out further.

_"you hurt my son, you'll be dead before you hit the ground"_ dean growled, his eyes getting darker._ he had a feeling his rule of no magic may be going out the window sooner than ever._

"sadly, rookies like lily here aren't up to snuff when it comes to keeping their feeding quiet."

"so _you_ killed your husband?" dean raised an eyebrow, glaring at her instead.

"he wouldn't join us._ people who don't join are food._ but i messed up, and i . . ._ i didn't bury him right."_

dean scoffed, shaking his head. his eyes drifted to bobby owen, who had his head turned and was looking at him over the seat. meaning, someone had touched him and unbuckled him from his car-seat._ dean gritted his teeth._

the man kept talking, finishing when dean looked up. he hadnt heard a word, but got the point of, he was a monster, monsters are bad. end of story.

"how many have you turned?" he was curious, it was an honest question. not that he cared, really.

"in the first hundred years? _three._ in the last month?_ sixteen."_

dean burst out laughing, leaning back in his seat. his fingers grasped something pointy, his mind recalled jo asking if anyone had seen her hairpin. he pulled it into his palm and began picking the lock.

_"the hell? you tryna field a baseball team, there?"_ he laughed again, smirk still in place as he picked at the cuffs.

the man went on talking, picking at the stitches in his neck. lily watched him carefully. the more he talked the faster dean picked at the lock, trying to form a plan of getting rid of them without hurting his son. when he turned the impala onto a bare highway, tree highs and thick was when he mentioned he had texted castiel and send him into a trap.

_"your partner?_ oh, he's heading into a trap. and you, _you cut off my head and i cant stand for that._ you and this little one will be your partners first meal"

with that, dean jumped up, wrapping his arms around the deputy just as lily had done to him at the gas station. the cuffs were pulled across his throat, but his feet pushed down on the gas petal. lily tried pulling deans arms away. in the split second he had, he leaned down, quickly buckling bobby owen back into the car seat and twisting the steering wheel around.

the car crashed hard into construction work that had been left for the day._ dean yelled as he fell forward, his feet crashing through the windshield, his body trying to cover the two month old in the front._ the deputy had fallen out of the drivers side door, lily climbing out to tend to him. dean growled, crawling out of the awkward position to try and reach him first.

he was thrown against the side of the car, the force caused both windows to shatter. baby cries mixed with the sounds of a fight outside the car. dean fell back into the car, reaching for his silver knife when mrs markham grabbed him from behind. her cold hands tugged at his collar.

knife in hand he shoved her off of him, throwing her down onto the backseat as he twisted around, kicking at the tall deputy. he shouted loudly when he felt teeth digging into his neck. he elbowed lily back, kicking the man backwards and pulling himself out of baby.

dean was panting hard, covered in blood by the time he grabbed a hold of the other man. the knife had been knocked out of his hand and landed back onto the floorboards. with lily on the ground outside on the passenger side dean quickly swiped up the loose pennies up from the floor, sending a silent prayer to cas for dropping them.

pennies were shoved down the bastards throat and babys door was smashed repeatedly against his head, _leaving the deputy in two pieces once more._ dean panted, groaning lowly as he relaxed a little. he pushed the body away, throwing the head behind him, letting it hit the pavement and not caring.

he held onto his sore ribs and hips, sure they were either cracked or possibly broken. he checked over bobby owen, kissing his forehead when he drooled over deans bloody hands.

_"well, wasnt this an exciting first trip away from home, huh?"_ he teased, trying to smile. the small boy giggled, reaching out for dean. the young man cupped his sons cheek, breathing hard.

he took in the damage to his car, almost in tears as all his and his dads hard work was lost. 

_"oh baby ... im so sorry. oh, my poor girl"_ he winced, patting her dash.

**~~~~**

_"thank god you're okay"_ both dean and castiel gasped out as they limped to each-other. 

cas dug his hands in deans shirt, fisting it at the back, resting his chin in deans tussled hair. _"how.. hows bobby owen?"_ he gasped, eyes wide as he held onto his husband tighter.

"hes asleep. _but i think i failed in keeping my vow to myself"_ dean laughed, his smile awkward as he wrapped his arm around castiel, helping him to baby after waving at lily markham and her family.

"no hunting? well, i hate to say it ..._ but it was nice"_ cas grinned weakly, groaning when dean got him in his seat. dean laughed tiredly, making his way around.

_"nice?"_

"yeah ... we've always made a good team. we're us, together -_ and oh my god, what happened to baby?"_ castiel said, clearly alarmed at the impalas current state. he looked around with wide eyes, touching the leather seats and dash, his mouth dropped open at the crooked rear-view mirror with water dripping down where the windshield had been,

_"its ... a long story"_ dean cringed, patting the steering wheel.

"i only hope you can heal her as fast as you can heal us?" cas grinned, trying to lighten the mood as dean tried turning the engine. 

_"c'mon baby .. c'mon"_ dean muttered. finally after a few more cranks, the old 67 chevy whined as she started up, everything sounding horrible and _so wrong._ cas shook his head.

_"thats my girl"_ dean smiled, kissing the wheel, and turning up the radio, waiting for the tape to kick in.

_"mom and mama are gunna kill us when we get back home ... arent they?" castiel asked, smiling widely though._

_"......yeah ... probably" dean smiled back, laughing when castiel leaned over and kissed him deeply._

_"wouldnt have it any other way" castiel murmured._


	48. 🌼 that just makes me a dumb human, like you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *runs into room, slaps this chapter on the table and runs back out*
> 
> yes, yes hello !! ive been busy again, with my business AND making another verse !! the new verse is a psych and supernatural crossover and im writing pieces with my kid brother. 
> 
> of course, this verse is still going strong, im not giving up on it. i have a new piece getting edited soon, and a few dozen requests to finish editing as well. 
> 
> some cool things are coming for this verse and the other one too. i may even make ANOTHER verse ... !!
> 
> i had planned on posting this a lot sooner, as i seem to post about once a week now, but again, some things came up. but here we are. grouchy castiel is my new favourite thing, i think he needs to be around some more 😂
> 
> takes place after Sunday Best, Wildflowers And The Easter Ham
> 
> warnings: swearing, sick characters, vomit mention ... should be it !!
> 
> words: 1,612.
> 
> posted on august 9th 2020  
** edited august 9 2020 **

jody sat on the end of the couch, in deans usual spot, her pajamas still warm from the bed, short hair tied back with a bandana.

dean was moving around the living-room, sweeping the new used tissues into a trashcan from where they had been thrown. the large coffee table was pulled close to the couch, jody's feet up on it. another trashcan sat next to her feet, smelling faintly of lemons, an untouched box of kleenex next to that. 

_castiel was a mess._ he layed across the couch, head in jodys lap. his hair was greasy with sweat, plastered to his forehead and standing up everywhere. a mountain of blankets and the covers from his and deans bed were thrown over him. right foot sticking out and planted weakly on the hardwood floor of the house, wrinkled and holey pajama pants leg clung with sweat.

_"there,_ should be everything" dean panted, wiping his forehead with his pajama shirt sleeve, getting up off his knees and walking into the kitchen, full dustpan in hand.

cas' pale face and unfocused glazed over eyes turned slowly, trying to find dean. the young witch left the kitchen, walking out from behind the island in the other half of their pajamas, the shirt too long and big for him. _"s-s-sorry"_

jody rubbed his temples, smiling sadly at him, "shush, cas. you're sick, its okay"

dean hummed in reply, taking their two month old son from his crib, quickly taking a tissue from the box on the coffee table and wiping his nose. he sighed as he threw it out, kissing bobby owen's head and gently rocking him.

_"how are my boys doin?"_ he whispered, rocking the baby while making his way over to the other two on the couch. he sat on the coffee table by his moms feet, smiling as she ran her hands over his pale face, around his ears and down his neck.

_mom massages for the win._

"if this was heaven, im sure id feel _a fuck of a lot better"_ castiel muttered darkly, shifting around under the blankets. jody glared down at him, gently slapping her hand against his head.

it took a full 24 hours for castiel to start going downhill. dean had been driving the poor abused impala, trying to get home from a tiring hunting trip. _the first day on the road was fine. the second day though._ cas slept most of it, aside from shouting at dean to pull over and proceeding to hurl onto the side of the road for almost an hour.

of course dean, _who cant get sick from being a witch,_ let cas sleep against him while breaking a few dozen road rules to get home quicker. only to find out that when bobby owen slept between them one night, that he had _also_ caught whatever cas had. 

so by the time the heavily damaged impala pulled into the farm house, dean had cracked ribs, one broken one and two sick boys to look after. one a screaming two month old who didnt understand what being was, and the other a 20 year old who was _the most grouchy asshole_ when sickness or injury put him down for awhile.

bobby owen also usually slept between castiel and dean at night, the crib out in the living-room so if they were eating or if it was nap-time _everyone had a break._ but now that he was sick, dean had tried putting him to sleep in the crib more, _not that bobby owen liked it very much._

castiel growled, closing his sunken eyes and squirming under the blankets. finally he rolled over onto his stomach, jody massaging his bare back. 

"not my fault you're a weakling" dean sassed, his teasing voice-tone light but serious. jody quietly laughed.

_"mmm, nooooo_, not my fault one of the _were-pire_ kids sneezed on me" cas grumbled, tucking his hands against his face, voice getting heavier.

dean grinned wickedly, _"thought you said you werent going to say it was a were-pire"_

it was quiet for a split second. 

_"fuck"_ cas swore, whining when jody smacked his ass through the blankets.

both her and dean laughed. jody pointed to deans chest, seeing bobby owen slowly blinking up at him.

_"oh!"_ dean started unbuttoning the pajama shirt, letting the baby snuggle against his warm skin before he started suckling "thanks, ma. kinda outta it" dean winced, rolling his eyes tiredly.

the couch wasnt pulled out into its bed-form, all the blankets and covers were on cas, the loveseat and lazy-boy chair had that _untouched_ look to them. jody looked over at dean, who had his son wrapped up in his shirt.

"did you get _any_ sleep?" she asked, cas' loud snoring and rattling chest filling the void between sentences. dean shrugged slightly, his tired eyes watching bobby owen sleepily drink.

_"nah, was too wired_ ... _still_ kinda too wired" he explained, laughing softly.

jody checked the small watch around her wrist, "its almost 6:30, how about i change and pick up some breakfast at rosies?"

dean nearly drooled, _"oh my god that sounds awesome" _

the mom laughed, "_good_. its too hot outside to cook anyhow." she sighed, fixing her short hair with her hand quickly, "would you like me to take him for a short drive?" she asked, other hand pointing at her grandson.

"car-seats in the impala, _only got the one"_ dean murmured, pinching the bridge of his nose, eyes closed lightly _"my poor car!"_

_"arent you happy you two are even alive?"_ castiel grumbled, not moving from where he'd stretched further out on jody, daphne jumping up and waddling up his legs, making a nest in the mess of blankets.

_"duh,_ im _beyond_ happy those sonsabitches didnt kill any of us, or hurt our son, but _damn ... thats my car!_ she _finally_ has an owner that looks after her the way she deserves and _this_ ... _this is what happens to her ..."_

jody watched dean with a soft amused grin, "_she_ is at dads, getting fixed. she'll be fine, and you treat that ol gal _beautifully."_

she pushed on cas' lower back, earning a grouchy growl. "and _you_ \- up and at em, just for a second." 

castiel moaned, curling up on her, his legs and knees close to his body, arms hugging himself. daphne jumper over to the coffee table, brushing her head on dean's shoulders before licking at bobby owen's hair. dean kissed her furry head with a smile.

jody tried a few more ways of pinching and poking at cas to get him to sit up for the half second she needed to get up, but when nothing worked, she rolled her sleeves up. _"alright, young man - you leave me no choice"_

dean's eyes widened, biting his lip to hold back laughter. he picked up daphne, and his son who was peacefully asleep on his chest, and moved out of the way of his mom. the coffee table was pushed away for her legs and feet to be on the ground.

the blankets were pulled away, making cas whine. jody got her arms under his knees and around his upper back, and with a quick movement, castiel was suddenly being forcibly carried by his mother-in-law. dean burst out laughing when cas' owlish bewildered look became a glare.

she put him in the lazy-boy chair, moving back to the couch. cas glared over at his husband, his mouth opened to talk just as jody tossed the blankets over him. the last one covered his head completely when she threw it too far.

he pulled it down with a pout, _"deeeeean!_ moms being mean to me!"

jody burst out laughing next, leaning over to kiss his warm forehead, "i love you all the same, _even if you are a grouchy sickie"_

cas pouted more, only smiling lightly when dean kissed his nose, then his cheeks, and finally his lips. 

"de, why dont you go for a shower, i'll make the couch-bed up, change and we can go? leave the two sickies here?" jody said, beginning to remove the couch cushions. dean looked back over as cas, who was starting to fall asleep in the chair.

"you mind watching him, if i go with mom?" 

cas' eyes peeled open slowly, he blinked as he tried to focus them. he gave up and closed them again, "pretty sure we're just gunna sleep in the ten minutes you're gone"

dean hummed, kissing him again. he put down daphne on his legs after pulling the foot-rest up, and handed him their son. he nodded at jody, then headed to their bedroom to grab some clean clothes.

_"lookit us, my little man... both sicker than a fuckin dog. nana's being mean and mama-san is running away .... just you n dad until the end i guess"_ cas murmured, hugging bobby owen.

jody turned around as the shower started, _"if you swear one more time in front of my grandson, castiel novak shurley"_

"_sorry_! sorry .... _christ_" when she turned back around to continue putting the bed together cas lightly laughed under the blankets.

_"i feel like an artist, who's lost his touch, he likes himself in his art, but not his art too much"_ dean's voice sang over the water. the bathroom door shut but open just enough if anyone needed him.

_"at least dean's feelin a little better" cas smiled lazily, listening to his husband sing in the shower. jody hummed, taking her grandson from her son-in-law, while helping him get in bed._

_"just another day in the farmhouse" she smiled, tucking her boys in bed._


	49. 🌼 sunday best, wildflowers and the easter ham

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> REQUEST: FILLED !!
> 
> "a chapter on how dean has experienced easter during his life"
> 
> \- ha !! finally got a request done. but i kinda cheated. because this is more'a stand alone piece and not a "through the years" piece. 
> 
> my family doesnt really celebrate easter, so i was a bit lost. we have an easter supper and thats about it. but i figured this little family would throw massive family get-together's for every holiday possible.
> 
> i even wanna celebrate with these peeps !! this family is my favourite !! 
> 
> i got four more requests to do, but requests are always open 🙂 i've been trying to post more than once a week in this verse again, but because i write much longer pieces for this verse it takes a lot more time to think of ideas i want to form into a full story.
> 
> the other little verse im working on is a lot more laid-back 😅 but dont worry, someday soon will always get updated, no matter what !! 
> 
> Takes Place Before "Say It With Me Now ... A Were-Pire!"
> 
> warnings: one swear, light birth talk, and .. thats it ?? 😝
> 
> words: 1,590.
> 
> posted on august 17th 2020.  
** edited august 18 2020 **

_"jesus, mom!"_ castiel called, quickly dropping the shopping bags by the opened front door.

jody was on her tip toes, the ladder tipping _dangerously_ off to the side under her. cas rushed over, grabbing a hold of the ladder and sighing in relief when she smiled down at him.

"thank ya mister. _almost_ crashed through the wall. _pretty sure donna would'a hadda good laugh bout that one"_ she laughed, finishing pinning up some pastel streamers around the kitchen.

cas shook his head, smiling up at his mother-in-law. _only jody could crack jokes about doing damage to the house. well, so could donna, but jody did it more._ cas helped jody down from the ladder, wiping his hands across his boardshorts.

"how're the boys?" the sheriff asked, handing castiel a box of tacks as she began climbing the ladder again.

"dean was out cold the minute bobby took little bobby. all three of 'em were doin good when i left." cas informed her, holding up the box of tacks. jody's left hand held up the streamers, right hand pulling out tacks.

_"great!_ if we can get everything decorated tonight, and set it up tomorrow after the sunrise service we'll be in business!" jody grinned.

everyone in the family had their own holidays that they were in charge of because it was their favourite. the only thing they had to keep in mind was that not everyone may be 100% on board with every idea, so to have other options open were best.

donna had new years, and birthdays. jody had mardi gras and easter. bobby had the fourth of july and remembrance day. castiel had st patricks day. gabriel had april fools day. dean had halloween and anniversaries. and everyone worked on christmas together. _their friends also helped in whatever upcoming 'party' was happening, rowena always chimed in for halloween._

_easter time was jody's favourite,_ and every single year she'd just _coat_ the house in a layer of pastel flowers, dye eggs, cook _nothing but the best_ easter ham and would always dress in the _best_ spring dress for the sunrise church service. it had only become a _big deal_ when dean first joined her and donna, and became a small family. _the house decorations got bigger and better, there was more food, more eggs got dyed ..._

_this year the plans had to change._ dean was by far _too pregnant_ for mardi gras, and while it was sad, easter this year was going _to be the best easter anyone had ever seen._ dean had the baby in early april, so _not only_ did jody get the chance to have another favourite holiday with her son, _it was made even more special by having a grandson._

which is how time had found the family covering _every little thing_ in pastels, flowers and spring themed ideas. castiel had taken dean and bobby owen over to bobby's place down the road _\- per jody's request -_ for the day. he would stay overnight there with them later on.

_the farmhouse would be the big surprise. _

"did you get the eggs?" 

castiel looked over to the dropped grocery bags in the doorway. he cringed, remembering the several cartons of eggs in them. _"if they didnt break ... yeah, i did" _

donna stepped into the house, grocery bags bundled up in her hands. she frowned at the other dropped bags, walking over them to close the door. 

"yeah, sorry" castiel said, waving from the ladder. donna's face relaxed, breaking out into her booming laughter afterwards.

_"nothin seems broken! lets get this show on tha' road!"_

_**~~~~**_  
the alarm went off to a dark room. 

castiel grumbled, rubbing his eyes, stretching and rolling over to his husband to wake him up. the 19 year old was facing him, his soft freckled face so at peace, thumb tucked away between his plush lips, their son fast asleep against his chest. dean still had his pregnancy glow, only giving birth in the last week, almost two. cas leaned over, giving a long loving kiss to his husbands forehead.

thick eyelashes lifted themselves off full freckled cheeks, blurry eyes opened slowly. castiel's chest felt tight, leaning over and kissing dean even with his thumb in his mouth. dean grumbled, nose wrinkling from the feeling. cas just grinned.

_"hey you ... is' time to get up. wakey wakey"_ he whispered, kissing dean over and over. the boy made a small sound, smiling tiredly.

_"do i have too?"_

cas quietly laughed, kissing him once more. _"yeah, but you can have a long nap after"_

getting out bed was rough, but soon bobby's house was busy with boys running up and down the stairs, shoveling cereal in their faces and tossing dress shirts at each-other before getting dressed.

gabriel and lucifer, dressed in clean black skinny jeans and pressed pastel green and blue shirts stood at the bottom of the staircase. castiel came down next, also dressed in black skinny jeans and a pastel purple shirt, bobby owen in his arms. lucifer took his nephew, cooing at the small baby in his easter one piece.

bobby, in his sunday best, helped dean down the stairs. _cas' air was caught in this throat, eyes wide and full of love at the sight of his husband._ dean, now wearing his engagement and wedding rings again since the swelling had gone, was still in his overalls with a white turtleneck on. his bleached hair was pushed back, a large flower-crown of wildflowers on his head.

the two older shurley boys making gagging sounds as cas was speechless over the other. bobby smacked them upside their heads, pushing everyone out the door so they could get to the church on time. 

donna and jody waved when the boys got there, camera ready to snap many photos of the family. donna was in jeans, with a white button up tucked in, black belt and suspenders over the shirt. jody was in a soft pink sundress, her own dogwood flower-crown on.

bobby took a sneak photo the minute her and dean hugged.

_"mom, you look beautiful"_ the tall boy smiled, twirling jody around. she laughed, patting his chest,_ "no, no, you look very handsome today"_

with an eyeroll the boy held his mom, kissing her temple. the sunrise was beginning to rise, the camera was put in the baby-bag and the family went inside the church.

_ **~~~~** _  
_dean gasped the minute he stepped into the farmhouse._

charlie, rosie and rowena all laughed. the three of them going between the kitchen to the massive backyard.

"the easter bunny has been here!" gabriel yelled, running in the house. lucifer followed him, muttering swears under his breath. 

"w-what?" dean gasped. 

the house was covered in multicoloured streamers, paper cutouts, and the framed family photo wall. the smell of ham and other food drifted in the air. the back door was open from the three woman going back and forth. 

_"its bobby owen's first easter, it had to be special"_ charlie beamed, taking a plateful and heading back outside. jody and donna walked into the kitchen, whispering to each-other. castiel laughed softly as he walked with dean to the yard.

the backyard was the grand event. 

a large table that never seemed to end was far into the yard, their large tree shading most of it. streamers and balloons hung from the limbs. easter baskets sat on the deck railing, papers with names on them on the handles. 

rosie, in her long yellow dress waved the two boys over. "well, _c'mon scoobs_, lunch is almost ready"

charlie, in her dress pants and fancy shirt, handed castiel a pitcher full of freshly squeezed lemonade. rowena, in her dark navy dress, moved around the table, placing napkins. 

_"this is amazing"_ dean said quietly, touching the lace tablecloth. 

"there's 'nother person comin' later, but ya daddy'll go soon" rosie said, pouring juice in a few glasses. cas hummed, smiling over at dean. 

donna was outside next, video camera in hand and filming every little thing. jody came out later, putting the huge easter ham in the middle of the table. 

"say _'look mama-san'_, we're out egg hunting!" gabriel giggled, waving bobby owen's small hand. 

dean turned around, laughing at gabe and his son. the two of them sat in the short grass, a basket half full of dyed eggs and chocolate bunnies. 

"are you having fun?" he asked, smile getting wider, cheeks red and full of happiness.

_"are you having fun?"_ gabriel repeated, looking down at the baby. bobby owen slowly blinked up at his uncle. _"yeah!_ tell your mama-san we're having fun...._ mama-san! we're having fun!" _

castiel laughed, wrapping his arm around dean's waist. lucifer came to a stop beside them. "the last person is here, de" 

bobby walked down the deck steps, mrs. boyce's hand in his. she waved at them, blowing kisses. dean caught them with a blinding smile before blowing kisses back to her. cas did a few too, just for the fun of it. lucifer left their side to help bobby.

_"so..." cas started._

_dean looked over his shoulder at his husband with a hum._

_"worth getting up at the ass-crack of dawn?" castiel quietly laughed against dean's ear._

_"i'd think so ..." dean snorted._

_"how're you feeling anyways, babyboy?" cas kissed dean's covered shoulder._

_"mm, sore. but ... i feel good" dean whispered, brushing his nose against cas'._

_"first easter as a little family" cas pointed out, their eyes closing as they got closer._

_"happy easter, pop" _

_"happy easter mama-san"_


	50. 🌼 you remind me of you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> REQUEST: FILLED !!
> 
> "fathers day, with dean and bobby, and dean showing what an awesome dad bobby is"
> 
> so. this is chapter 50 !! i had big plans for this, and was super excited to post chapter 50 !! but i wanted this chapter to be super special and kinda like a flashback to chapter one, but it took a few days of scrapping and re-writing several times. and im not all that happy with, actually.
> 
> i like it enough with the idea but theres not much to fit the request i think ?? really, im unsure of how to celebrate fathers day, as i have no relationship there, and have never celebrated a single fathers day ever. so i tried, but i feel like its still not there.
> 
> but heres chapter 50, in all its ugly glory. oh boy ... its almost 4 AM, gimme a break for today 😅.
> 
> THIS ALSO MEANS: REQUESTS ARE BACK OPEN !! yeah, im down to nothing again, and my very very, very tired brain is melting with uninspiration. i do have a few ideas im excited to finish writing and post up, but if yall have any ideas or would like to see anything - request away !!
> 
> warning: death mention, and thats it ... a first, really.
> 
> words: 1,054.
> 
> posted on august 27th 2020.  
* edited august 27 2020 *

what do you get the man who has everything, for fathers day?

_it was important._ dean was 16, and after being apart of this family for a full year now, this would be a special day. he'd been there for fathers day last year, but it mainly just came and went.

_this year - oh boy, it had to be something fantastic, dean would make sure of that._

it was 4:30 in the morning, the sun would be rising within a few hours. both men walked with fishing poles and tackle boxes in hand. bobby was dressed in his usual attire, although his usual dusty ball-cap was traded for another dusty ball-cap, with a fish on it. 

dean was dressed _for fishing success,_ a pair of old bluejeans rolled up to his bow knees, rain-boots slopping in the mud and against his bare shins. a short sleeved white shirt and flannel pulled across his chest, with his metal dog-tags that uncle rufus had custom made for him on. one of bobby's old fishing caps covered his shaggy hair, the fishing hooks catching the soft light of the early morning.

_"dad, what's a dream?"_

the aged hunter looked over at his son, the boy looking back at him. face full of freckles with wide green shiny eyes full of questions and happiness.

_"a dream?"_ bobby asked back, a small smile on his face.

the boy nodded, his own smile wide before he turned back to look at the small dirt path they had just turned onto.

"i aint good with these type'sa questions, boy"

dean laughed quietly, shrugging his shoulders. bobby rubbed at his beard, thinking over the odd question dean had asked. _what was a dream? it was a hard question with no real answer, but it was interesting._

_"why?"_

"i dunno. was readin n drawin last night, and it kinda came to me. like a dream is _supposed_ to be this ... sorta _magical_ thing you wish for, or work for. and sometimes it comes true, _other times though,_ no matter how hard you work, _it just never happens._ or a dream is simply something weird your brain creates while you're in a limber state._ so really, what is a dream?"_

bobby shook his head, the 16 year old shrugged awkwardly. dean was behind bobby as the aged man made his way down the old dock. he sat his tackle box down, setting out his rickety lawn chair and sat down. his son grinned, kicking off his rain boots and sitting down on the dock.

a happy sigh escaped, the ice cold water causing a shiver. painted toenails were bathing in the water, feet following, with shins close behind. dean grinned wider as the sky began to change, the sun rise getting closer.

with a few minutes to show dean how to tie knots and bait a hook, both bobby and dean had their lines in the creek. wind blew across the tall grass around them, trees brushed against one another, some bugs making noises near by. 

_"i'd say a dream is'a happy moment in life" _

dean looked up at his dad, "so right now is a dream? like in the movies, when people ask if they're dreaming? right now is a dream?"

bobby nodded, shifted in his seat and sat up straight, _"i'd say so"_

_"i like that. and if heaven were to exist it sorta feels like they could share this dream with us too then"_ dean smiled again.

the aged man hummed, pulling off the fishing cap from his son's head, and laying his hand on his son's soft hair. "i bet _she's_ watchin over ya"

_"you really think so?"_ was whispered softly. 

_"i know so"_

"does ... does that mean ... ?" dean gnawed on his lip, his eyes looking down at his feet in the creek, eyes sad and confused suddenly.

_"both karen n mary are watchin over us, son"_ bobby told him, pulling dean off the dock and into a tight hug. the boy sniffled, sitting down on his dad's lap and snuggling in close.

the sun rose slowly, the sky getting painted with different colours. dean and bobby quietly watched it, their fishing poles put to the side for awhile. the wind relaxed, the air warming up around the two of them. dean stayed on bobby's lap the entire time.

later on dean was sat back on the dock, bobby fishing and dean drawing. he'd caught his first fish, to which bobby took a photo before they let him go back into the creek. _he liked fishing but just enjoying his dads company by himself was more settling than anything._

_"dad?"_ dean asked, legs moving in lazy circles in the water. bobby hummed.

"sammy always made a big deal out of today for john. so today is sorta my first ever fathers day, and im sorry i suck at fishing but i like it here"

the older man chuckled, patting his sons head once more. "ya dont suck at fishin' boy. just aint used to it. n for my first fathers day, this aint bad at all" 

dean laughed quietly, pulling his sketchbook up to show bobby. 

in the hour dean had been drawing, there was at least a half finished drawing on the page. _the side profile of bobby, fishing rod in hand, resting peacefully in his old lawn chair, the trees and creek in the background on the page. little angel wings made up the clouds near the top._

"ya didnt need to make me anythin, boy"

_"yeah i did, dad. you saved me when i needed you the most. not all heroes wear capes in the end. hunters are pretty close to superheroes."_

bobby had to laugh, pulling dean into another bone crushing hug. 

_"ya saved me too, son. im proud of you"_

after a few more hours at the dock, the men packed their poles and tackle boxes up, dean wiping his feet dry, but keeping his feet bare for the walk back home. jody and donna had lunch all ready for them there.

the drawing was signed, dated and carefully pulled from the sketchbook. a quick trip into town right away would find a frame for it.

_"happy fathers day, dad. love you"_

_Your daddy got more love for you_

_Then you could ever know_


	51. 🌸 here you come again, lookin' better than a body has a right to

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what hurts more, zero inspiration, or app crashes? because both have happened several times over the almost two weeks i havent posted ...
> 
> i never intended to not post for almost two weeks again !! i finally felt a massive spark of inspo and wrote quite a few requests and little pieces, and was all ready to have them posted, only to have the damn app crash ... and for me to loose every. single. saved. file. 
> 
> i mostly blame my table though, its so old and it cant handle running such a small app with large saved files on it, im terribly sorry. but i found this little piece that i wrote as a twitter draft while making some art ... im so strange ??
> 
> but also, since im re-writing everything, i have an idea for a future fic hunt case. it'll sorta be rewriting an episode, much like i did with "Say It With Me Now ... A Were-Pire" ... i adore that piece so very much too. but with this piece, i would love to include dean and cas' kiddos !! 
> 
> so tell me, would you like a piece where you get to know them better, or would you just like the future piece? i may post both either way? it depends if i can find some lost saved files or if i truly have to rewrite everything.
> 
> \- anyways. back at it again with the au's inside the au .. !! as its fall time, and i love this time of year, although im alreadg missing summer, i watch a lot of gilmore girls. stars hollow in the fall time is ... *mwah* its a dream, really. it gives me all these sickly cuddly and warm, bubbly feelings. i love it !! 
> 
> but seeing how i already sorta teased a crossover, that i may not even post without knowing if people would like it {theres zero comments on that piece to let me know}, i decided a little au would suit this best. i just sorta went a little out there with this. and well, i really love it, even if its messy and theres no plot and its just there.
> 
> so yeah. long story there. enjoy ?! heh, but im hopefully back again !!
> 
> warnings: ptsd and depression mention. heavy death mention. look ma, no swearing !! car accident mention. memory loss, stuttering character, and thats it ??
> 
> words: 1, 596.
> 
> posted on september 9th 2020  
edited on september 17 2020

dean walked through the empty streets of his sleepy little hometown, steaming cup of hot cocoa warming his body under his many layers of clothing.

fall time had settled in, the air chilly as winter would be coming soon enough. dean was in his favourite pair of boots, his black skinny jeans, with his warm windbreaker over his flannel and thin t-shirt. a thick blue knitted beanie covered his dark hair, letting pieces fall in his eyes, the large pompom on top bounced as he walked.

jody, his mother, had knitted it for him just before she passed. _killed, was probably the better phrase for it,_ but dean loved and missed his mother more than anything. so, _passed_, was what he said anytime he had to mention it. 

john, his father, was a marine._ back from battle, riddled with ptsd and depression._ his own depression was passed down from john, he was grateful sam mostly ended up with john's features and attitude, whereas dean himself was closer to jody. john was driving down the icy road, dean in the backseat, smiling and laughing with his mom, sat in the front seat, brand new baby in her arms. 

_he'd been angry that night, over what, dean couldnt remember._ a bright light, a baby crying, his mother's crying, yelling, screaming, then sirens, then nothing. dean gripped his hot cocoa tighter as a shiver jostled him. he shook his head and wiped a hand down his face. _it was useless to try to remember. it'd been 9 years ago, and the amnesia hadnt gone._

dean was grateful though, because he still had john, and sam. as sick as it was, but that was his family now. but sam quickly turned 18, packed his bags and left for california. _john had died soon after, possibly of a broken heart, or it was just his time._ and dean was left at 16, with a shitty apartment, holes in his memory, scarred within an inch of his life, and just _himself._

he was 19 now, and hadnt left town. _too afraid he'd either forget everything or suddenly remember everything and fall brokenly._ he stopped walking on the wet sidewalk. the sky was a beautiful, rich black, painted with shiny little dots of white stars and very thin clouds.

behind him stood the newspaper office, where chuck and abbadon shurley worked. down the block in front of him was the diner, that gabriel owned and ran by himself. his apartment above that. across the street from the diner sat the bookstore, where dean himself worked, his old family home-turned hardworking teen boy apartment was above. next to the bookstore was the flower shop, where castiel, dean's only friend-turned-_boyfriend?_ worked. 

the apartment above the flower shop was were the oldest shurley boy, lucifer lived, cas still lived at home, just at the edge of town. lucifer worked at the inn, just down the block from the diner, bookstore and flower shop. _dean looked to his left, the town square gazebo was lit up with its millions of little fairy lights._ the _high-school_ looming off behind it, the small barn/dance studio off to the side of that.

_he should go home. sit in front of his old box tv, eat stale cereal, drink his hot cocoa, warm up from the cool outside._ but nobody was around, it was late. dean looked down at his feet, smiling shyly. his beanie slipped down over his eyebrows. _screw it._ with a quick eye scan of both ways, he found himself quickly skipping across the street and down the sidewalk up to the gazebo.

castiel yawned loudly, snapping off the diner's lights and waving to his older brother through the door once he walked outside. gabriel tiredly waved back, locking up the front doors, turning to leave to the back and upstairs. 

outside in the cold, cas did up his light coat, snorting at the air as it filled his nostrils. _fall was never his favourite,_ but he loved the rain, the colours and the overall feeling of letting go the season brought every year. a storm would be rolling in during the night, and he knew he'd have his bedroom window open. _the fresh smell would drift into his room, making him feel light and recharged._

dean set his paper cup on the railing of the small gazebo, tugging off his windbreaker next. it left a chill, his open flannel sticking to his body when the late night breeze picked up, fairy lights and street lamps creating a golden glow around the area. he slipped his earbuds in, turning up the music, rolling up his sleeves to his elbows.

_soon, dean's boot covered feet were guiding his tall but slender body in graceful movement. soft and steady tones of a song slipping past his plush lips as a rhythm. the flannel lazily twirled behind him, bowlegs helped him move as he spun around. arms stretching, reaching out to the sky, hidden by the top of the gazebo. his hands were pulled close, jody's rings were like ice and almost bled into warm skin of his neck before being pulled away again._

cas rubbed his eyes, ears perking up as he heard a sound behind him. a short glance to his right found his tired hunched 6'4 body reflection in the window of his brother's diner. he turned, his sneakers squeaking loudly against the sidewalk. _it rained earlier, everything was still wet. pale moonlight, mixed with stars, clouds, the lights from other buildings and finally town square._

_and there was dean winchester, an angel on earth if there ever was. and castiel had never been so in love._ a smile plastered itself on his tired face, his sneakered feet already making their way across the street, hands shoved in his coat pockets. 

_the boy was beyond beautiful, and the picture of pure beauty, inside and out, just like his mother had been._ his mind was amazing, as castiel always knew but never truly knew until he was older. dean's soul was still going strong, a shining power, loud enough to deaf people, bright enough to blind. _this was his element, and everyone knew it._

jody taught dean to dance from a young age, and dean clung to it as a life form. _it was art, as was dean himself. his body moved on its own, like a paintbrush on a canvas._ cas got closer, nearing the steps where dean's windbreaker was layed on the railing, the paper cup close. 

dean as a dancer was not the same as bookstore dean, or post accident dean. all versions of the boy was what castiel found himself falling deeply for, but dancer dean was probably the most gorgeous version. _all his scars forgotten, his mind was whole, the stutter wasnt present in his singing. jody created an angel, that sadly had been broken, and glued back together poorly, but in the most beautiful way._

he'd stopped moving, and singing, and his back was turned to the older, who still stood by the stairs. castiel's smile got wider, he started to clap. dean turned around, face red from moving in the cold, but the new blush was added and cas felt a bubble of a laugh. 

_"toujours si belle, ma chérie"_ castiel murmured, holding his hand out for dean to take. dean accepted, taking his still warm cup of hot cocoa and walking down the steps towards cas. he shook his head with a shy smile, but cas just held open his coat, waiting for dean to slip it on.

"i bet your mother's spirit is with you each and every time" castiel mused, walking with the boy out of town square, hands held with dean's empty one.

"n-n-n.... _no_. b-b-b-be-bet, s-sss-s-s-she, she's g-g-g-got be-b-b-bet ... b-b-bet-t-t-t-ter t-t-t-t-thi-th-th ....thingsss, t-t-t-to wa-w-w-watcchh" 

dean squeezed his eyes shut, hand nearly crushing castiel's as he stuttered. cas just smiled warmly. _it wasnt deans fault, and it made cas' day that dean spoke in front of him._ after the accident it took forever for people to speak to the boy, and still to this day hardly anybody sat quietly long enough for him to get a complete sentence out. 

_"oh please._ your mom watches you day and night. and she's just as _proud_ of you as i am, de."

"y-y-y-y-ye-yeah-ah-hh?"

cas' mouth opened slightly, his tongue poking out between his lips with a playful grin. dean softly laughed, taking his keys out of his windbreaker to open the bookstore, almost at home.

_"i'll see you tomorrow, okay? i'm not working and i'll bring breakfast by, maybe i can treat you to a movie, or a walk around town?" _

the door was pushed open, the bell jingled over head, the lights were clicked on. castiel stood outside alone again, clouds moving in faster, the storm getting closer. dean pulled off his beanie, dark hair messy and tangled. he leaned out the door, bumping his nose with cas'. 

_"g-g-g-g-g-good .... n-n-n-ni-i-i-night, c-c-c-cas-s-s-stielll ..."_

castiel's face nearly broke with his smile. he leaned in, kissing dean softly, keeping it short, he pulled away, turning to walk down the street and down the road to his own home.

_"goodnight, ma chérie"_


	52. 🌼 a) i know i'm unhappy, b) suicide song, c) glenville reel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tired and unispired should be the alt title for this, yaknow? but hey, im back. howdy yall.
> 
> a look into chuck's views on his boys, and that is simply it. since i mentioned something about castiel but never dove into it, there may be a part two for this, or something like it. who knows. 
> 
> working on requests as well, got a few dozen to write and hopefully i can get my flame back in working order, as well as my writing apps, and tablet. but i think we're good for awhile now.
> 
> warnings: heavy death mention, drinking, smoking, porn mention {just in case yall}, hell, demons, religion stuff
> 
> words: 1,818.
> 
> posted on september 20th 2020  
edited on september 20 2020

_chuck shurley's boys were close in age, and all completely different._

it was something his late wife had prided herself in, _aside from the two other boys he had shipped off to his sister._ that was chuck's fault, and he could tell abbadon would never forgive him for it. but the three boys they had were something special, and when their daughter was born, _the four shurley kids were quite the noise._

_lucifer, the oldest son, was quiet, reserved._ he smoked, and drank, which disappointed chuck. his wife didnt bat an eye, just said she trusted him enough to do it as safely as he could, and he did. lucifer stood tall like his mother, blonde as ever, although strawberry blonde, as abbadon was a beautiful redhead. bound in leather, dirty jeans and boots,_ lucifer was always seen._ when he spoke it was low, and riddled with swears that would make a nun faint.

_gabriel, the middle son, was the loudest, and the total opposite of his older brother._ chuck was grateful he was nothing like lucifer, at least if he preached somewhere he could show-off gabriel. he had a certain type of charm to him, loved all types of candy, and was the biggest mama's boy. golden hair that was long, with no way to ever describe his eyes. wore his bomber jacket with colourful patches, biker jeans with rolled cuffs, _gabriel was always heard._ voice filled with excitement and happiness.

_castiel, the youngest son, the hardest to explain._ he was like lucifer, quiet. but he was also like gabriel, happy. and pieces of his mother showed, her soft attitude, strong, always so calm. hair pure black, eyes pure blue, just like chuck. strawberry brunette, abaddon had once again had a hand in their children's looks. flannel, plain shirts, jeans and broken boots, _castiel was both seen and heard._ chuck took him to church the most. cas spoke deeply, so calm and soft, gentle. _he was a son of god._

_but like every human on planet earth, the shurley boys had flaws and vices._ of course, chuck would forever love them for who they were. church was important to him, _as he was a preacher_, but his kids were more important. there were just a few things he wasnt that proud of, that his sons were, or did. things he tried to cover up, or hide, but loved them all the same.

_he hid the beer bottles, or whiskey bottles. hid the smoke packs. always said lucifer had a special girl back home._

too bad lucifer liked to drink every now and then, smoked at least three to four cigarettes a day, and hated sex. he wasnt interested in being in a relationship.

_he hid the candy bags, or wrappers. hid the porn magazines. always said gabriel had a special girl back home._

too bad gabriel liked his candy every now and then, liked to talk dirty and talk all things sex, and loved a good one night stand. he'd like a relationship, but the sex had to be amazing, first.

castiel as different. chuck didnt have to hide anything, he accepted that castiel was like his mother. that he could sit with her for hours, and knit, or cross-stitch, or read. he could also accept that cas was gay as ever, but he hid that from church.

so, when chuck shurley's wife and daughter died, and the remaining kids and he became hunters _\- things changed._

he didnt hide things, there was new things he never truly accepted but would never say.

_lucifer was a strong hunter, always lit a smoke up after a hunt, had a shot of whiskey. _

_gabriel was an okay hunter, more show than actual hunt, more a game to him. liked helping out, always had a sucker in his mouth soon after._

_castiel was the best hunter, knew his research, knew the land, was a sneaky sonuvabitch._

to chuck, this shouldnt have been a good thing, that one of his sons was almost serial killer level in hunting, _but he was proud_, only because of a few things.

_lucifer had depression, smoked, drank. gabriel had commitment issues, loved sex, had a one-night stand in nearly every town. castiel was pure, almost too pure._

_soon enough the time came._ 9 years since the shurley's had become hunters after the death of abbadon and hannah. chuck had set his book to the side, got up, walked across the motel room, took castiel for a walk. and didnt return until morning had rose.

he couldnt quite place why the heavy feeling in his chest got worse as they got closer to sioux falls until it was too late, because when chuck gasped to himself in pure shock, _castiel had already locked eyes with dean winchester. _

he faked happiness, kept them there for awhile before packing everyone up and kept them away for a long time with no plans to return. _far away from south dakota, in an empty field, in the middle of nowhere, chuck drove himself and his youngest son._

if castiel didnt want to cause trouble, nor harm anyone, _hell was the only place for him._ or so chuck had explained, without really explaining. it was the only way. castiel was too pure, and dean winchester was anything but pure.

_castiel was 8 when his mother and little sister died. he was 16 when he met dean. he was 17 when he died, and was sent to hell. he was a good son, only following his fathers orders, he didnt want anyone hurt._

when chuck returned to the motel, the sun continuing to rise, it was as if lucifer knew _exactly_ what happened the minute their father walked through the door. _he yelled and swore, demanded to know where cas was. _

the preacher never said, pushing past the boys to have a shower. lucifer dropped a burning cigarette in the trash, and left with gabriel. 

_nobody wanted to sit in the drivers seat of the jeep. that was castiel's spot. but duffels were put into the trunk, and the jeep drove to the big empty field._

snow covered the ground, thick, fluffy, soft. a large hole where the pit had been was the only spot not covered. _off to the right, there he lay. the shape of 6'4 castiel novak shurley, 17 years old. _

_back on the ground, hands to his sides, legs slightly bend, the most beautiful blue eyes wide open, staring off into space._

"n-no" gabriel mumbled. lucifer bent down, checking over his youngest brother, with a heavy sigh he smoothed his hand down cas' face, closing his eyes.

**_"no!"_ **gabe yelled, dropping to his knees and started to shake castiel's cold, heavy body._ "cassie ... no, no, cassie please. **wake up! you need to wake up! wake up!"**_

a scan of the area informed lucifer that nobody was around anymore. he touched gabe's shoulder, looking at him with sadness and seriousness. castiel was gone. _they didnt move for a long time,_ afternoon light bright. they dug out the shovels from the jeep, got the tools, built a pine coffin for their little brother.

_"wait"_ gabe stopped lucifer from closing the lid, hand pushed against his chest. _"check .. check his pockets. make sure he has everything ... p-please?" _

_deciding against a hunter's funeral, for when they find a way to bring castiel back, lucifer nodded at gabriel. he'd check cas' pockets, carve symbols on the coffin, and bury it. _

_castiel's pockets only had his wallet, his phone, and his favourite chewed pen._ lucifer finally let a few tears be shed. _the wallet had his driver's license, 10 dollars in crumbled bills, a balled up gum wrapper, family photos, and a small drawing from dean. _

they shut off his phone, putting it back along with his wallet. they dumped lucifer's flask of whiskey, replacing it with holy water. a thin water-bottle was filled with salt, another filled with drinking water. 

_with a few touches to his cold face, a kiss or two on the forehead and a wobbly smile, the lid was nailed shut. the coffin was buried, and chuck was bound to never be forgiven for this. _

a few quiet months passed by, nobody spoke a word. one night lucifer left with gabriel and chuck sleeping hard in the motel. _he was on a suicide mission, and nobody else needed to be apart of it._ at the crossroads, he planted the box and waited.

_"well, well, well, if it aint lucifer carver shurley"_ a sickly, sappy voice said.

lucifer turned around, squinted at the black eyed bitch, pulled his smoke out. _"and if it aint a black eyed skank, to which i dont wanna know the name of"_

she rolled her eyes, shoving her hands towards her hips. "so, what do you want?"

_"make a fuckin deal, take me, and bring my kid brother back."_

the demon hummed, walking around the devils trap that was painted in the dirt. "why?"

_ **"because! he dont deserve to be in fucking hell, bitch!"** _

"its not everyday we get such a well trained hunter in hell, on the rack. why would i trade the perfect angel thats already there, for you?"

"castiel's got someone special waitin for 'im. im nothin. he's got more to 'im." lucifer replied, his smoke burning up.

she continued to walk the trap.

_"dont make it ten years. make it less, but i want castiel back, soul n all."_

_"just since you're so cute, how does six sound?"_

_"deal"_

castiel died in late november. 

march 22nd, castiel awoke in a pine-box. alone, gasping for breath, clawing at the lid to get out. his phone had been turned on, matches struck for light, water drank.

face covered in dirt, clothes just as dirty, hands bruised and bloody, fingertips raw, nails broken. covered in scars, and a head full of nightmares. _but he was alive, and had a soul, and the only human to do so._

_lucifer never said a word to gabriel, nor castiel._ he had six years left, but the deal had been changed. chuck had something big planned, and he was apart of it. he'd learn a secret about dean winchester that would begin the trial. and soon he'd have a job, that if he did well enough in, his six years deal would be gone.

_yes, chuck shurley's boys were all close in age, flawed, broken, beaten, but still standing. they weren't the sons of god that the bible spoke of, nor were they the ideal church type. _

but they were lucifer, gabriel, and castiel shurley, and they wouldn't have it any other way.

_Unhappy anniversary_  
_It's one year since we split_  
_I walk and talk and get around_  
_Lie down, stand up and sit_  
_I eat, and drink and smoke and sleep and_  
_Live a little bit_  
_Unhappy anniversary_  
_It's one year since we split_


	53. 🌸 concert for aliens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> howdy 😁
> 
> i know, its been awhile again. but i got super busy with business things, and sadly this verse had to take another backseat drive. i also still need to look into getting something else to work with, my app keeps crashing. but thats okay, im workin with what i got.
> 
> just a lil something for yall, because ive missed this verse again, and i love it 🖤
> 
> the "punk and nerd" au with my own twist. inspired by dawson's creek and machine gun kelly's new album. two things i never thought would ever go together but they sorta work in my weird brain 😂
> 
> poor castiel doesnt do good meeting new people. its even worse when the new kid is super cute !!
> 
> warnings: swearing, cross-dressing {i dont think it counts, but yaknow, just in case. i like dean is skirts - is cute}, anixety, panic attack.
> 
> words: 1,809.
> 
> posted & edited on september 30th 2020

_"shut up!"_

_"no! i was right, you cant just admit to it!"_

_"shut the fuck up, gabe! you werent right!"_

17 year old castiel shurley trailed behind his two older brothers, who were bitching to each-other about who was right about the upcoming school dance that was tonight. _cas didnt care,_ but he was apart of the student council, _he sorta had to care. didnt mean he had to actually listen though._

capeside, massachusetts was a small beach town on the eastern coast. less than 200 people lived there. chuck shurley was the local preacher, recently widowed. lucifer, gabriel and castiel were his sons. _everybody in town knew them, they'd grown up here. _

lucifer had hopes of being just like their mother, a successful local newscaster. _only if that potty mouth of his didnt get him in anymore trouble. _

gabriel didnt have any plans, much to the dismay of chuck. gabe was just happy going on dozens of dates with nearly every girl in town and to work at the restaurant by the beach.

as for castiel, _nobody really cared much for the kid brother._ he stood taller than his two older brothers, but he was _far more_ awkward. with his lip, nose and eyebrow pierced, his dark eyeliner, his dyed hair, his ripped jeans, his platform shoes, his dirty shirts ... _people just didnt want to be around the kid._ not that cas cared, he loved being alone, watching old movies or making his own movies on his beat-up video camera.

_"cassie! settle this beat for us, who was right?"_

gabriel's whiny voice popped castiel's dream bubble. the other two had stopped walking down the school hallway, were now facing him, arms crossed with bugged out eyes.

_"u-uh ..."_ cas' mouth moved awkwardly, licked his lips repeatedly, brushed a hand through his half gelled darkly dyed blue hair. _"um, i .… uh"_

lucifer rolled his eyes, "told ya he wasnt listening" he muttered to gabriel. he pulled the folder from gabe's arms, tossing it on top of the books and binders castiel had bundled up in arms. cas' eyes got wide, his lanky legs and body trying to move to catch the flying object.

"do you have the paper with the new student stuff?" gabriel asked, digging through the other folder he was carrying. 

_"dont throw things at me"_ castiel growled, standing up straight again, arms even more full than before. _why oh why did his big brothers have to be apart of everything?_

"yeah, had it in my hand just a second ago, _fuck, oh here -"_ lucifer rambled, ignoring castiel and replying to gabe, handing him the folded paper. 

"student council looks after new students? since when?" cas asked, trying to lean over to see the paper. 

their high-school was small, with maybe a little more than 100 students in all four grades. with _"locally famous"_ parents, of course gabriel and lucifer were big deals around the school. they ran student council _-_ _which included castiel, who didnt want to be apart but was forced into it -_, lucifer was on the small football team, gabriel was mostly all business.

a car rumbled into the parking lot, causing the three shurley brothers to look up. the opened doors at the end of hall were soon filled with the three of them, trying to get a look at the new student. 

castiel let out a low whistle at the sight of the shiny, classic black 67 chevy that was newly parked in the lot. it was hard to judge a person without seeing them, and just the car they either drove or were just getting out of. 

_"dean winchester singer, born in texas. lived in kansas, and south dakota. moved here from sioux falls, south dakota with his father. hmm, says here he's highly skilled in art class."_ gabriel read off the paper.

the driver's side door opened, and a pair of knee length black gogo boots were on the pavement. followed by black fishnets, going up, and up, and up until they met a short black skirt with a zipper up the front. a wide belt with a big silver belt buckle, with a shirt tucked in behind it. 

the boy turned around, the sun hitting a face full of small and beautiful freckles, full lips, green eyes with long lashes. _cas let out a whimper, dropping the load of books, binders and the folder from his arms._

he stood in shock for at least a complete minute, as the _very bowlegged but adorable_ dean winchester singer walked towards the school, before noticing everything was on the floor. he stumbled, muttering to himself as he got to knees, scrambling to gather everything. lucifer and gabriel shared a smirk, eyeing their little brother before turning back to the new student.

_"hey! you must be dean! i'm lucifer, head of student council, and captain of the football team. this is my kid brother, gabriel, he helps run the council, as well as all major school events too." _

cas sighed, hearing lucifer's annoying salemen's pitch once more. oh, the joys of being lucifer and gabriel's little brother.

_"heh, was told i was gunna meet yall. well, howdy, 'm dean singer." _

the heavy texas drawl stopped castiel from picking up the last paper. dean's voice wasnt deep at all, but the accent was so thick and heavy. _"oh my god"_ cas whispered to himself. he quickly pulled his books up, and bounced back up to his full 6'5 height behind his brothers.

_"this is our little brother castiel, he's also on student council, but you'll most likely find him in the video editing room here."_ gabriel smiled. dean turned, his own wide smile and green eyes met castiel's own awkward lopsided smile and bright blue eyes with black eyeliner on.

_his books, binders and folder hit the ground again, along with his jaw, of that - cas was sure. _

lucifer snorted, patting cas' shoulder. "well, we .. we best be on our way. im sure cassie here would be honoured to show ya round, okay? nice meeting you dean! hope you like it here! _gabriel, bring yo' ass" _

the two older brothers ran off, leaving castiel and 5'3 dean winchester facing one another. 

_"u-uh .. h- ... h-hi"_ castiel stuttered, licking his lips over and over again, feeling his chest tighten up. 

_"howdy"_ dean smiled, that megawatt smile nearly blinding. and suddenly, dean dropped out of view, cas raised an eyebrow. sure he was taller than everyone here but - the sound of paper being picked up made him look down. _oh right._

_he was sweating, he knew. his heart was thumping and felt like it was in his throat, his chest was insanely tight. _

"your brothers, kinda run the place, dont they?" dean asked, reaching to take a paper and add it to his stack. cas made a sound, not daring to look up, twisting and turning around wildly to grab his things.

"heh, know how that feels. it aint fun." the new boy handed cas a stack of papers, ripped out from his fall binder. castiel halfly smiled his thanks, noticing the rings and nail polish dean was wearing. _it seemed dean noticed too._

"i like your black nails, match my white ones." 

both of them were wearing all black, even dean's soft looking short hair was tucked in under a black backwards snapback, which just really worked for what he was wearing. his long stripped shirt with the machine gun kelly short sleeve over it was the only hint of colour.

"those your glasses?" dean asked, slender finger pointing to the case that was laying beside castiel's black platform shoe. he turned, quickly opening it to look inside. it was just a soft leather, not a hard case. 

_"f-... fuck!"_ castiel swore, broken glasses got dumped out, along with a small broken plastic bottle. his breathing picked up faster, almost two fast. 

dean put his sketchbook and books down next to castiel's, leaning forward as the older boy struggled to catch a breath. he picked up the broken bottle, avoiding the broken glasses. 

_"aromatherapy sniffer ... inhaler, for when anxious, nervous or stressed out. helps with panic attacks"_ the texas boy mumbled, reading the label. his eyes quickly flew up to castiel, whose face was red, turning a blue tint. dean dropped the broken bottle, helping cas sit down and layed a hand on his chest.

_"cas? cas can you hear me? cas?" _

_ **~~~~** _

castiel growled at the low beeping sound. noise was heard on his right, something touching his hand. he could breath better, but something cold and hard was shoved up his nose, it felt like.

_"cas?"_ that damn southern drawl.

his eyes opened slowly, squinting at the brightness that followed.

_"oooh, thank ya sweet baby j, thank ya."_ a nervous kiss was planted on castiel's knuckles, the person relaxed their stiff hold.

"d-dean?" cas squinted, closing his eyes again.

"yeah. ya .. hadda big panic attack, passed out, wouldnt wake up. brought ya to the hospital" dean explained, squeezing cas' hand in his. cas opened one eye, looking at the nervous short artist.

_"you stayed?" _

dean huffed a little laugh, smiling with a nod. "your dad is busy, your brothers are working the dance right now. _i stayed here all day in case you woke up and had another, yaknow?"_

_"huh. meet a cute boy, have a panic attack"_ castiel grumbled, his other hand went to wash down his face. dean burst out laughing, and it was music to cas' ears.

"i dont do fake love" dean murmured, sitting next to cas on his hospital bed.

"i wont be your bloody valentine, mm too awkward for that shit" cas muttered back.

"good. _brownie points to you castiel shurley._ and hey, look - new town, new people, new school .. my first day here i skipped school to sit with the cute punk, who had a panic attack, and quotes machine gun kelly with me"

castiel laughed next, laying his hand on dean's boot covered knee. _"congrats"_

_"bet that's how ya get all the boys"_ dean grinned, leaning down to kiss cas' cheek.

_"nah, thats just how you skip that fuckin school dance"_

_The headlines say, "The world is over"_

_Whatever happened to a fairy tale ending_

_You can't pass if you don't know the code word_

_I'm inside of a UFO crash landing_

_I'm in the room by the door, with a space invader_

_I know that I'm immature, but at least I'm not a goddamn failure_

_I heard you never graduated from high school_

_The food sucked and the kids were awful_

_I know you wanted me to go to law school_

_I dyed my hair, pierced my nostril_

_I know I've done this before, but it's a mind eraser_

_I'm waking up on the floor I got to get my life back later_


	54. 🥀 i gotta get away from this place, its feelin like a slap in the face : the sad boys club pt. 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome to the sad boys club.
> 
> based off of one of my favourite books where the two main characters stay up til midnight to discuss their thoughts/problems in the dark. and based off of my own personal problems/family problems.
> 
> this sorta doesnt fit anywhere in the verse, other than i just wrote this to fit the weather here and how im feeling over these last few days, feel free to fit this wherever youd like too within the verse.
> 
> warnings: heavy depression, smoking, swearing, bad body image talk, self hatred, suicide talk, self harm talk, small dementia mention, porn mention, sex mention/talk {?}
> 
> words: 2,239
> 
> posted on october 8th 2020  
edited on october 9th 2020

october had rolled in. that autumn weather that chilled you down to the bone late into the night and well into the morning, making you sticky with sweat by the afternoon. beautifully coloured leaves fell from everyone's favourite tree, decorating the farm's massive backyard.

donna and dean's garden had been pulled, the grass had been cut one last time, leaves had been raked and bagged. more had fallen since then, _but that was a problem for another time._ bobby was out on a hunt, jody was also out of town for a two week business trip, and donna was working for the night. which left the four boys at the farm house by themselves.

it was late, the moon high and bright, billions of twinkling stars with a few shooting across the pure rich black canvas of sky. a big red picnic blanket was layed atop the kicked up bed of dead leaves, the four boys laying on it afterwards. _head to head, just like always._ bundled up in warm clothes, heavy blankets covering them.

_lucifer was closest to the house,_ dark green blanket wrapped around him, ashtray on his chest. _castiel was to his right, closest to the tree._ blue blanket tucked under him and luce, matching his old beat-up beanie that covered his messy hair. _dean was on the other side of cas,_ his black blanket mixed in his heavy black pullover sweatshirt and fuzzy pj pants. the hood was pulled over his own messy hair, nearly covering his eyes too. _gabriel completed the circle,_ bright pink and yellow blanket not matching the dark tone of the other three, neither was his bright purple _"i can make a porno movie for you"_ shirt.

a bright light appeared from castiel's chest, his sweater-pawed hands reaching to check his phone. "i's almost midnight" he mumbled after. his brothers grumbled, dean remained quiet.

_"life's stupid"_ gabriel mumbled after awhile, nibbling down on a mini candy bar. 

lucifer blew a long trail of smoke out, making it swirl up into the night air. "what else is fuckin new?" 

castiel huffed, moving his phone and laying his hands across his chest. _"i wonder if life is always gunna be stupid"_ he asked, snuggling further into the warm pit of blankets and body heat.

_"wonder what life would be like if we werent here"_ gabriel replied, voice uncharacteristically quiet.

_"if we werent how we are"_ lucifer added.

_"if we were normal"_ cas added next.

_"no point in wondering,"_ dean finally murmured. the boy had been completely mute the last week, his new found voice startling the older two shurley brothers.

_"they pinpoint you as a dumb teenager, so they dont have to listen to your thoughts, opinions, feelings because really - we're all just a bunch of emo teens who tell people to fuck off. because anxiety and depression are just teenager feelings, you simply grow out of that as you age. so you have all this free time on your hands and you begin to wonder, as one would, about how things could be so magical and so different, nearing the edge of pure perfectness perhaps. but forget about voicing those wonders, because suddenly someone bursts your dream bubble, and tells you how your wonders would only be wonders because if your wonders were actually true they may not actually be true. you'll only make yourself crazy in thought, because your wonder life is just a wonder."_

gabe raised his eyes over to the short boy,_ "whoa"._

"double fuckin whoa" luce whispered, inhaling another drag. 

_"life's stupid"_ castiel repeated gabriel's earlier statement in a low mumble. dean huffed an agreeable noise.

"ever fuckin notice how we only ever do this shit when we're all fuckin pissed off at the world?" lucifer growled, smashing his burnt out cigarette in the ashtray, before pulling out his lighter and his pack for another.

"shouldnt we be mad at the world tonight, and then remember the beauty in all the small things?" gabriel murmured, unwrapping another candy, his hands digging through his homemade candy bag.

_"gabe - you're my brother, and i love you dearly. but you say that every single time we do this, which is a lot, and then we do our little midnight circle no judgement tradition thing we got going on, and we ignore you until we all feel better in a few days."_ castiel rattled off, his eyes pulled up towards his beanie covered head to look across at his older brother. 

"we're like ... the same person" gabriel grinned lazily, looking back at cas. castiel rolled his eyes, turning back to the sky, gabe doing the same after.

dean moved his arms to rest behind his head, hands holding his neck steady, fingers falling asleep from the pressure. _"well, to look on the bright side of gabriel's comment - we're not mad at the world, we're simply mad at ourselves. sometimes over things we cant control, to which we're mad at the world for. other times its over things we may have a slow burn hold. where we just want to be rewarded for hard work where we seem to work our asses off, but nothing good comes from it. so people tell us we just have to keep trucking on, causing us to fall into a depression hole and stall work, which makes it harder to get into a steady work flow, which makes the hard work we do actually do seem like we do nothing at all"_

_"midnight no judgement circles make dean more talkative"_ castiel pointed out.

"he's smartly weird ... weirdly smart. _he becomes kirk from gilmore girls."_ gabriel replied, his candy bag now tied up, hands going behind his head like dean's. their elbows knocked against each-others, but neither one moved.

"who's first?" cas broke up the new side conversation again, eyes shifting to the left to watch lucifer blow slow trails of smoke, as they danced through the air until they met the nearly naked tree above.

"think its the little fucker's turn" lucifer smirked halfly. gabe snorted, before going quiet.

cas picked up his phone, squinting at the sudden brightness. _"i's midnight"_ he murmured after, putting his phone down again. 

_"no judgement?"_

_"no judgement"_ the other three replied quietly, relaxing deeply in their spots, all of them looking up at the darkness around.

a heavy breath was heard, then - _"serious gabriel moment. im mad ... im mad at the world because while i suppose it seems special to have someone, i dont think im made out for it. opening up to one person is hard enough for me, but ... but to do that and have something happen ... i dont .... i dont wanna end up like ... like them" _

_'ending up'_ meaning separated and left nearly broke, not knowing where the other was, before finally finding them and getting divorced 16/17 years later. _'them'_ meaning a couple with a kid, or kids.

the silence hung like one of their heavy blankets, the wind picked up just as gabriel's pent up anger busted out in a loud ear-piercing scream. still, nobody moved. the middle shurley brother was left gasping for air, eyes squeezed shut so tightly, his body slowly relaxing after a minute or two. 

_"no judgement"_ passed lucifer's lips, hands waving lazy shapes in the air, cigarette between his fingers on his right hand. 

_"i .. i hate that, i need to hurt to feel sometimes."_ he whispered, arms suddenly thumping hard against his chest, as if the scars would rip open and start gushing blood all over again.

_"i hate that i cant fucking look in a goddamn mirror without wanting to tear open every inch of my skin, and fucking peel and rip it off. i hate that i cant fucking stand myself so badly that i wish i was somebody else. i hate that i find sex to be so beautiful and a fucking art form, and watching it is perfectly fine, yet the fact of someones hands on me makes me so fucking sick"_ his body shivered, breathing picking up. 

_"i, im mad at the world, because i fucking hate myself"_ the statement ended with a low growl that grew into another pent up anger filled scream, echoing off into the forest, bouncing along the trees. nobody moved a muscle, nobody would hear them, but each-other, and the animals, and the plants, and trees, and the sky.

_"no judgement"_ castiel whispered when luce's gasping breath broke the scream. 

_"i feel like i did my time in hell. i made it through. when i felt like killing myself, when ive cried so hard ive thrown up, when ive had so many panic attacks in a single day i cant remember anything else ... i feel like i work hard, but nothing good comes from it."_ he stopped to inhale, voice breaking on the edges.

_"maybe i dont, but i think i work hard, and i ... i get this little piece of somethin good. somethin that could make all my dreams come true, or get me really started. just something so tiny, and ... the world fucks me up the ass every single time ... i dont that little piece of happiness."_ a hard, rough exhale was heard, a deep inhale exited with a throat tearing warrior scream filled with hurt and pain, driven with sadness fueled with broken down passion.

the wind got heavier, three screams still echoing in the far distance. _the brothers prepared themselves._ dean was the shortest, but his was always the most powerful, sometimes causing birds to fly from their nests in trees, making animals howl back.

dean skipped the no judgement statement, staying quiet minutes after castiel had stopped screaming. it was almost as if he wasnt going to say anything, _but that wasnt true,_ he was gathering his thoughts, as his brain and mouth often got lost along the way and he messed up nearly everything he ever said. _that had been a whole other 'midnight circle' scream._

_"i dont believe in god cuz i think hes a sonuvabitch with a fucked up sense of humour. my ma's a hard working woman, and whats she get? nothin good. not a single thing. yet - all these fuckin bastards getting handfuls of things. id just love to knock that shit eatin grin off their fuckin smug faces. and ... its so selfish ... b-but, i want out."_

cas' eyebrow perked up. _out? out of the circle? _

_"i cant leave cuz its unfair to my ma, and she dont deserve that. but, i think this place is gunna kill me if i stay here for longer. i, i know it is. and it aint fair. ma shouldnt be left to look after such an old toxic bitch im honestly ashamed to be related too. a-and now ... now she's got dementia, a-a-and"_ his voice cracked, warm tears came pouring out and rolled down his pink cheeks.

the brothers stayed quiet. explained why dean had been more closed off and mute the last while.

_"im selfish! im fucking selfish! when is it my turn? huh? when ... when do i get to leave, and be me? when can i go without be ashamed i left all this shit behind? when do i get my chance? im already so not normal i fuck everything up, im already behind on simple shit i should have if i were normal!"_ dean's finger jabbed against his chest roughly over and over again, his dog-tags rattling under his sweatshirt. he was openly sobbing as he cursed the world.

_"ive only ever had my ma, what the fuck am i supposed to do when she said she'd rather die than have to deal with our shit anymore? i tried killing myself that night and i couldnt ... im still too fucking cowardly to do it, too afraid im gunna miss some fuckin magical thing thatll never happen to me, ever" _

castiel flinched when the sob twisted into dean's signature scream. the other two shivered, and sure enough, a few crows left some trees in the far distance. a sob cut the screaming short, but with a sharp inhale, the scream was started up again. _louder than ever before._

howls replied back, causing a small smile on each of the brothers faces. dean talked to animals better than anyone, he wasnt a people person. sniffles and tired crying little breaths returned.

time passed, letting everyone calm, the sky to dance with stars, the wind gusting across the yard, picking up dirt and rocks, knocking them against one another or other objects that dared to not fear the autumn.

_"its almost one"_ gabriel whispered, rolling over onto his stomach. 

_"hot coca, books and sad music?"_ lucifer whispered back, sitting up slowly while stretching.

cas nodded, also sitting up, tugging his blanket around himself as the wind sent new shivers.

_"he's asleep"_ gabe whispered, gently caressing dean's tear-tracked face with his right index finger. 

_everyone looked down at the sleeping boy, sighing as the weight left their chests again. thank god nobody ever heard their screams. pent up hurt sounded a lot like a murder somedays._

_"dean's either meant to always be mad at the world, or he's here to change it" lucifer murmured._

_"agreed" the other two murmured back._

_they'd be back under their favourite tree, waiting for midnight. to watch the sky, the stars, the world pass by._

_midnight always comes around._


	55. 🌸 im a teenage beauty queen of sorts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> long time no see, i know, i know.
> 
> ive been so busy during the days for the past while that when i get in bed to write i end up falling asleep, or just laying there in too deep thoughts to do much else. life has not been kind as of late. 
> 
> i have been working on some requests again, but after awhile of that and not getting anywhere your brain kinda melts and youre left feeling kinda bad ... so ... you get this bullshit ... heh ...
> 
> inspired by another one of my favourite books - in which, two small town southern boys are secretly porn stars, fighting against their religious town upbringing and rules. exploring kinks, pleasure and love making. - i couldnt find a character from my versw that fit the stepmother character from the book, but she was far too important to cut out completely, so she's there, but its not really somebody ... if that makes sense? 
> 
> hmm, anyways - im more than a little embarassed to post this actually, i dunno why, im just not great at writing smut but the book has already inspired quite a bit for my verse already that it just made sense to kinda write a piece inspired by the entire book, yaknow?
> 
> short, and kinda all over the place ... kinda just how im feeling lately. my brain hurts a lot.
> 
> warnings: smut {kinda?}, belly kink stuff, belly worship, weight gain talk, sex tape {again - kinda, i mean ... they ARE porn stars ... so ????} and ... i think thats it?
> 
> words: 1, 179
> 
> posted on october 23rd 2020  
edited on october 23rd 2020

_in the deep south there was a small town in complete lock-down. _

_nobody dared to enter, nobody dared to exit._ there was no mayor, but if you were to ask anyone in town, they'd all point to the preacher, chuck shurley. he had been the one to lock-down their small town, and the stupid thing was that nearly everybody had the idea that he was _god_, and followed his every move.

_that was, except his youngest son, castiel._ he was chuck's last remaining son, _well sorta._ lucifer, the oldest, had been killed in a car accident due to drinking, about two years beforehand. gabriel, the middle child, had been in the middle of a massive prank war with his idiot friends, had gotten eye-drops put into his beer, and has been in a coma ever since. 

after lucifer's death, a year after gabriel's prank war, chuck had gone utterly mental and placed rules all over town. _their cute, small, safe sleepy southern town became a hell on earth since then. _

_no drinking, no driving, no sex, no homosexuals, no drugs, no music, no dyed hair, no piercings, no ripped clothing ... the list went on, and castiel couldve killed his father all those years ago when he made the rules, but he hadnt. it didnt matter much to him now anyways, he had his own secrets, and he loved them._

_dean winchester. dean was the cutest lil southern ranch worker boy on planet earth._ his older brother sam was off in california in law school, something castiel had respected, _still did actually, sam was a good dude_. john however, their father, well, he had to be taken in small doses, _or just not at all._ the boys stepmother was a kind woman, but never spoke much.

she was tall like john, slender, long hair always tied back so perfectly, never out of place, makeup always done up. she was wickedly beautiful, it was hard to ignore, _and damn, could she cook._ her quietness was something both castiel and dean were beyond happy for. _they both had an idea that she knew what they were up too behind dean's closed bedroom door most of the time and when john wasnt home, but she never said a word. thank god._

cas and dean always talked about getting away from this place, _they had plans_. dean worked his family's ranch, cas worked odd jobs around town for spare change. _but what nobody knew, was that late at night under the sheets, filthy whispered praises, far too skin showing, soft moans and a video camera made them more cash than either of them had seen in their life time. _

the camera was set up, as always, the bedroom door slammed shut. john was out of town, and dean's stepmother had served diner and dashed out for a long town meeting, then was off to meet with friends for tea. 

castiel pulled dean in front of him, baggy shirt and dirty work jeans covering his tanned flesh. dean wasnt one for actual '_sex_', which was fine by cas, cas loved dean for dean, and getting off by pleasing his lover was probably sexier and hotter than sex itself.

_dean was breathing hard, hands grasping at cas' thick, dark hair._ he was spun around, his back pressed against a rock hard chest, a pair of tanned hands roamed his hips, tugging at his shirt. his hands played with castiel's already messy hair, panting with his lack of air and his heart-rate picking up from what was about to happen.

_"slow down babyboy, its okay"_ got whispered darkly in his ear, shirt getting pushed up with large tanned hands touching him. dean whimpered a soft moan when cas began stroking his bare chest the second his shirt was dropped to the floor, dean's own arms getting sore and tired from being up over his head.

the hands moved down his chest, making very slow work of playing with the button to the trap that was dean's too tight jeans, cutting into his freckled, tanned belly. dean's moans got on the peak of wild when the jeans finally popped, his full gut pushing out from the tight jeans, falling before settling as it hung.

_castiel growled, his dark eyes found their two bodies in the full length mirror beside the bed, where they sometimes filmed._ he took a hold of the camera, making it comfy in his one hand, before smirking hard while his other hand touched dean's hot stretched skin. within seconds dean was moaning, biting his lip and rutting his hips against nothing.

_the camera was set on the bed, getting the full view of the two of them, dean's face a burning red, tongue sticking out and dripping with saliva as he got even more worked up and turned on._ castiel palmed at the small but firm roundness that was dean's globe of a stuffed tummy. the skin was stretched, freckles popped out under the tan from working outside, soft white stretchmarks scarred his underbelly from a little weight gain and all the bloating. _castiel growled again, squeezing his lover's plush hips._

_"getting so big, babyboy, arent you"_ he whispered low, patting the full belly in certain places. dean's tongue dripped to his chest as he nodded weakly. cas kissed his lover's neck, inhaling his sweaty but sweet scent, hands poking into tight spots to hear dean whimper and moan. jeans were dropped to the floor, leaving the shorter boy completely naked, the camera was moved again and suddenly cas on his knees in-front of dean.

_he kissed the tummy he worshiped nearly everyday, hands cupping it and it filling his hands so perfectly. it was as if the weight dean gained from their hard-work was always meant to happen, for it to suit him so well._ castiel's pierced tongue swooped around dean's deep navel, dean's fingernails dug into his scalp, a wild needy moan rang from above him. the shorter boys hard cock pressed under cas' chin as he licked out his favourite little indent.

_"thank god for fried chicken night, huh?"_ castiel murmured, nuzzling and kissing the belly, fingertips rubbing the wet tip of the rock hard penis under the wet navel. dean purred, petting cas' messy hair, _"uh-huh"_ he breathed out weakly. their time was to be cut short today, seeing as his stepmother would be back soon enough.

cas kissed upwards, hands falling to dean's waist, watching with dark eyes as his adam's apple bobbed as cas kissed and nipped at his throat. _"lets dance babyboy"_ he whispered against the shell of de's ear, sucking at his neck once more. dean shivered, gasping gently.

_the front door opened, the tall slender blonde checking her watch as she closed the door behind her. she'd come home early, biting her lip as she heard the boys upstairs, the bed banging the wall. they werent quiet tonight, that was for sure. she dropped herself down on the couch, pulling her purse up beside her. _

_if the boys could have fun, so could she._


	56. 🌼 the spooky forever halloween tale of the little witch who loved his boyfriend and october 31st

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> REQUEST: FILLED !!
> 
> "halloween - about how the whole family gives away tons of candy to the kids of sioux falls and trick or treats each other and has fun being silly"
> 
> \- well, i sorta filled it. i LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE halloween, its my favourite day of the entire year, and its always my lucky day, no matter what.
> 
> so i filled the prompt with things my family does, as well as myself. of course, because dean is a witch, but its a secret until december, and cas has been to hell, but its a secret until the next july/august - theres some rift with the holiday ...
> 
> i adore this piece, and after having to rewrite this mostly all night, due to shitty apps and a hella old tablet - its here and all its glory !! im super proud of this, and how it just managed to fly from my fingertips. inspiration has come back to me !!
> 
> enjoy !!
> 
> takes place at the beginning of "where you lead" and before "feeling kinda witchy"
> 
> warnings: swearing, smoking, cemeteries, hell flashbacks, nightmares {kinda}, spiders and rat mention, vomit mention injuries, and death mention.
> 
> words: 4,475.
> 
> posted and edited on october 31st, 2020.

_"soooo ..... are you n your brothers going on any hunts soon?"_

castiel lowered the book he was reading from his eye-line. dean was stood behind the loveseat across from where cas was sitting on the couch, feet up on the coffee table. dean shifted his weight from foot to foot, chewing his lip to death, eyes rolling around the room.

"um ... no?" castiel raised a sweaty brow, the july heat sticking to every inch of his tanned skin and pure black hair. "why?"

dean's face broke out into a wide smile, almost crazy-like, eyes getting glazed over with excitement. _"cuz it's the end of july!"_

_"...... okay?"_ castiel was clearly missing something.

_"...oh my god you've never spent a halloween here before! okay, okay, okay, okay! so, the local craft store in town gets spooky-town pieces in and all the new ones are coming and are already out and mom said she'd meet us there to buy one and we can put it up together!"_

the 18 year old never even breathed as he bounced, hands shaking with excitement. and quite honestly, cas had never seen dean so excited ... it was ... _fun ... as well as kinda frightening._

"what the hell is _'spooky-town'_ and_ its july, dean!"_ castiel sat up, setting his book to the side. _fuck, he was confused!_

"yaknow that _really, super tacky_ christmas village i showed you last christmas at the store, _thats really poorly painted?_ well, its like that _but ten million times cooler! its all spooky and cool and just .... **AH, C'MON!" **_

dean jumped across the living-room and grabbed castiel's arm, pulling him from his seat.

**_"i dont have a shirt or pants on!_"** cas nearly shouted, following his boyfriends excited jogging to the front door. 

_"who cares?!"_ dean laughed.

alright, so after using dean's spare flannel to cover himself slightly, while also trying to pretend his very short boxers _were just very short shorts,_ castiel learned what the hell _'spooky town'_ was. 

he also knew dean loved halloween ... _but what he didnt know ... was that dean **LOVED** halloween_ ... so much so, dean planned for halloween all year 'round, and that the everyday holiday began officially in late july and ended before november 11th. _oh yes, dean lived and breathed for halloween, and cas was pretty sure that was it._

everyone in the family had holidays they planned for, dean and his aunt rowena had halloween, but sadly rowena would be away for business this year, so dean wanted to see if he could do it all himself. _so far, castiel was impressed._

jody bought a new piece,_ that dean even friggen buckled in behind the seat-belt in between him and cas on the drive back to the farmhouse._ it may have been the end of july but as soon as they got home, the 18 year old cleaned off the shelf that ran around near the ceiling in the living-room, to the kitchen.

_cas never questioned it, not once since he began living here._ he helped his boyfriend dust it off, helped him pull huge boxes out from the broom closet. cas could only watch as dean went up and down, and up and down for hours on the step ladder, putting up piece after piece along the shelf, strung up half a dozen sets of spooky little fairy lights, tossed down small plastic bones, hay bales, fake leaves .... 

_it was castiel's first halloween with dean .. and it started at the end of july._

**_~~~~_**  
"you feelin like an old man yet?" 

castiel rolled his eyes fondly at dean. august 20th was cas' 19th birthday, and dean, gabriel and lucifer had taken it upon themselves to tease him half to death about it all day. 

their family were in the kitchen, with chuck outside grabbing the mail. bobby was filming, as he always did, and while it was kinda awkward, castiel learned to love it because they were made into family movies for everyone. _this family were magic._

castiel stood up from the lazy-boy, wrapping his arms around his favourite bowlegged person in the entire world. he smiled when dean looked up at him, freckles, long lashes, beautiful green eyes, and half a dozen tiny ghosts, pumpkins and spiders drawn across his nose and cheeks.

_"so."_ cas started, kissing dean quickly.

_"okay, ew. im out"_ lucifer fake gagged, waving his hands as he turned, walking away. castiel started laughing, gabriel grinned while running after his big brother.

"so - i, ... im not a huge halloween fan" he started, looking away from dean's face, not wanting to see the heartbreak that would surely be there. he swallowed, hell flashing under his closed lids for a split second._ not that castiel would ever tell dean that._

_"but, i know, or - at least, i think i know, how much this means to you. so .. so, heh. as .. as a lame birthday gift, can you ... i dunno, can you ... maybe re-invent the spirit of it for me?" _

the 18 year old smiled so softly, and so gently castiel nearly burst into tears. dean kissed him, nodding slowly afterwards. 

within the next few days cas would wake up alone, dean already up and running around doing his halloween things. but cas would find a plain black shirt laying around, the next day would be the same shirt, only with a small pumpkin patch sewn on the sleeve.

_it was the little things at first, starting with the shirt. the little things always mattered the most to dean, and if he planned on making it special for cas, well by god was he gunna try his hardest. _

shopping stressed dean out, and castiel just simply dreaded it, but about a week after cas' birthday found the two boys walking around the local craft store. people bumped into them, the store small and cramped in. _dean's claustrophobia must have been through the roof, but he was somehow pushing through it, even with a few low growls, and threats muttered._

"why're we here, again?" castiel mumbled, leaning down. _come to think of it - had he even asked when dean said to join him in town? _

_"need some things. be quick"_ dean signed awkwardly, nerves on fire from being in the tight space. he grabbed up some plastic packages, stood in line, tapping his feet._ cas just followed him like a lost child._ but soon they were sat in the comfort of rosie's diner, a root-beer float between them.

dean placed a package of rubber halloween bracelets in front of his boyfriend without a word. cas eyed them before picking them up. they were the common halloween colours, he noticed. purple, orange, black, sometimes green. 

"those are your own. dont worry if they bust, you can have some of mine, or get new ones. cheap ones are best" dean grinned, turning to look out the window. cas' eyes fell to the two halloween bracelets dean always wore on his left wrist. the black and orange beads with bats, pumpkins, headstones and other charms. and the white skulls that he pitched and mumbled to himself.

_castiel smiled, opening the package and slipped the horrible rubber bracelets on. they were sweaty, and would surely stick to his skin soon enough._

_castiel smiled wider._

**_~~~~_**  
september 4th was gabriel's birthday, and since the first of the month dean had been up early and baking.

_baking._ cas was rather shocked, actually. while dean claimed he wasnt great at it, it wasnt the worst. _he was no uncle crowley, sure, but dean could not only cook - he could bake._

and of course, his speaker or the family record player would be blaring some random song, with dean singing along, triple checking his stop watch and the oven. gabriel bounced around him 24/7, making little grabby hands at the warm n toasty treats that showed up when the tray was pulled out.

_"yall like frosting?"_

** _"YES!"_ **

dean laughed, shaking his head. _"gabe, my love,_ i know _YOU_ like frosting._ i meant those two grumpy old folks over there"_

gabriel followed where dean was pointing - right at castiel and lucifer, bitch faces and all. he cackled, nearly falling to the floor.

_"what the fuck? im sorry, but what the fuck? dean - you have been baking since september first"_ lucifer stated the facts. cas just nodded along, wondering himself.

_"thats right! its september, and you know what that means? **ITS FALL TIME, WHICH MEANS - ITS PUMPKIN STABBING SEASON!"**_ dean yelled, grabbing a hold of the frosting container and a spoon.

"what?" the oldest shurley deadpanned.

"raking leaves, turtlenecks, ten times more hot coca than ever before, beautiful colours, and most importantly - **_HALLOWEEN"_**

**_"CANDY!"_** gabriel squealed, leaning down to watch dean cover the tasty treat in frosting, his chin resting on the cutting board.

castiel laughed, shaking his head. _"i shouldve known. its actually closer to halloween now than it was in july, when this went up. so of course, my utterly geeky boyfriend is overly geeky right now"_

lucifer looked up at spooky-town, nodding at the dozens of lights flashing around the shelf. "alright then."

**_"UH."_** dean slapped gabriel's hand with a clean spoon, pushing the now covered and wrapped treat pan away from little sticky grabby hands. _"no, gabriel."_

_"but its my birthday!"_ the middle brother pouted.

"we're going to rosie's now. cake, presents, and then treats" castiel smirked.

gabriel was already out the door and sitting in the impala when lucifer lit up a smoke, carrying a massive bag of presents to toss in the back. cas helped dean by carrying the glass trays of food while dean pulled on a coat.

"are those ..._ skulls?"_ he asked, squinting at the shape of the rice crispies and m&ms under the dark frosting.

_"i tried, still not too good at that. but yes, skulls." dean smiled._

_castiel laughed, humming. "they look amazing"_

**_~~~~_**  
"tell me again why we're dressed like _fuckin death_ and other _weird shit_ right now?" 

lucifer, gabriel, bobby, jody, donna, castiel and chuck stood in costumes around bobby's broken down cars in his yard. dean was in a black turtleneck, his dirty denim overalls and his favourite sneakers, with a pink beanie over his shaggy hair.

_"because, mister potty mouth, it's my birthday and because i know dean loves halloween, i asked him to set up a halloween photo-shoot for my birthday"_ chuck replied, lightly glaring at his oldest son.

september 21st had brought on fall in the perfect way. leaves half gone, but still enough to make photos turn out just right. the weather not too cold or hot, the sky was clear, not a single cloud in the sky. a cardboard box sat next to dean's feet, filled to the brim with different props, his plastic box on bobby's porch.

** _"its not even close to halloween!" _ **

_"yes, it is! september starts the fall season, and october starts the halloween season!"_ gabriel replied, unwrapping a cherry sucker.

"its still september though, so shouldnt this be a fuckin fall shoot then?" lucifer grumbled, shrugging his shoulders in confusion.

_"theres no room for joy in you, is there son?"_ chuck asked, snickering to himself.

** _"there is so!"_ **

dean laughed under his breath, snapping photos of jody and donna, who were dressed as witches. castiel stood off to the side, he wasnt one for having his photo taken, he was mostly helping with the props and how _noodle-like_ dean's brain went it came to take photos of people.

_but cas had to admit, dean had gotten an idea for everybody, and it suit each of them to a goddamn perfect T._

donna and jody were witches, bundled up in massive hats and long sweaters, _all in black of course._ chuck was a slightly creepy version of jesse from _preacher,_ a show dean liked, cas had a feeling _he'd probably slept through most of it._ lucifer was death, because_ with a name like lucifer_ ... but it allowed him to have a smoke without ruining a thing. 

gabriel was dressed to kill, all buttoned up. _he was a trickster, so dean made him into a trickster._ his hair was gelled up to high heaven, candy and magic tricks filled his pockets, each piece of clothing not matching the other. the colours were bright enough to probably warn off aliens but it was impressive to say the least.

bobby, like cas, wasnt too fond of having photos taken. so he also stood to the side, dressed in his usual attire, but held an axe._ he wanted to dress up, to not break deans heart or spirit,_ but dean just smiled wide before he even got a word in edge wise.

** _"ya can be a lumberjack, dad!" _ **

_okay, so bobby was a lumberjack._ and castiel,_ bless him,_ had _zero_ clue who the hell he was supposed to be, but he was in the process of trying _really_ hard to love halloween again, and dean was doing a pretty good job at it. 

the boy with the camera wiggled his index finger at cas, prompting him to take a few steps forward._ "my weird bookworm version of eliot spencer, my dear man - i need you between gabe and luce, please."_

oh thats right, castiel was eliot spencer._ "but with short black hair, cuz the second it touches your ears you grab your knife"_ dean's voice filled cas' brain as he walked between his brothers. he didnt know if he should be annoyed dean didnt give him a simple costume, or touched by the fact dean adored a fictional character so much that reminded him of castiel so much, he made cas up to look like him for the day.

**_"smile!"_** donna's cheery voice claimed, waving her hands around behind dean. 

gabriel cracked a laugh when pumpkins on springs were pushed down on dean's beanie. when the boy shook his head gently, the pumpkins wobbled around, causing the three shurley brothers to lean in on each-other to laugh.

dean's black and orange fingernails snapped another photo.

**_~~~~_**  
the sound of old halloween music woke castiel around noon on october first.

upon sleepily stumbling out, he found jody and dean putting even more halloween decorations up. jody was putting weird looking spider web shit up with tacks, while dean held a small cardboard box, one of the witch hats from the shoot on his head.

_"there's more?"_ cas asked, tired eyes wide as he looked around. the spiderweb stuff was nearly covering every wall, purple and orange lights slowly changed as they hung up under the stuff. spooky themed table cloths were out, glitter coated plastic pumpkins sat on almost every surface. 

_"dude ... its halloween ... in our house"_ dean said slowly, his smile growing with each word. his freckled cheeks had pumpkins painted on them, with messy black eyeliner circling his green eyes. castiel softly laughed, leaning down to kiss him.

"what can i do?" he murmured, bending awkwardly to snuggle into his two inches short boyfriends neck. dean snuggled in too, pulling out massive, fat rubber spiders from the box.

**_"ew, fuck!"_** cas swore, backing up from dean **_"bleugh!" _**

jody started to laugh as cas wiped down his arms, shivering lightly. dean put down the spiders, holding cas' hand in his. _"it's okay, i wont take them out if -"_

the front door opened when dean was about to say something else, donna rushed in with a paper flying in her hand. **_"jodes, de, c'mere!_**" the two boys shared a short look before cas gently pushed dean towards donna, helping jody down off the ladder. he looked down at the rubber spiders, cringing to himself.

he felt bile raise the second the tip of his finger poked into the rubber. _fuckin spiders, man. just had to be spiders. big, rubber, ugly looking spiders._ castiel stood up straight, wiping his hands on his wrinkled pajama shirt, swallowing down a gag that had his stomach rolling.

_"your brother doesnt like spiders either. did ... did something happen?"_ dean whispered, now standing beside cas, his hands wrapping around cas' left bicep. he dared to look over at boyfriend, seeing the concern and love dean always held. always love and concern, never pity. cas had to look back at the spider.

"for gabriel its just a silly fear, but ... but for me .." _it's because i went to hell for you, and when i woke up in a coffin six feet under, i had spider bites all over me, and no matter how hard i try, i cant scrub the scars or the feeling away_ \- but cas' voice died before he uttered any of those words.

but dean understood, his thumb brushed over a small round dark scar on cas' arm. _"i wont put them up._ we can even change them out for something else, like ... snakes, or ghosts .. or anything. _we have spiders, cuz i dont do rats" _

castiel's face cracked a small smile, and he risked a look over at dean again. their eyes met, no hurt was found. _"nah, put em up. in fact, let me get dressed - we're going to the store to buy even more"_

dean quietly laughed, "you sure?"

cas' eyes shifted, his face going a light red shade. _"just ... warn me, or remind me, when i walk in here?"_

they strolled through the grocery store, dean had three very full bags filled with mini bags of chips in arm, castiel followed with a large box of assorted candy bars in hand. dean still wore the witch hat, his ripped jeans trailed behind his dirty winter work shoes. cas stayed back a little, trying hard to not step on the trails and trip both of them.

"uh, hey. i never asked - what was that paper donna had earlier?" 

dean looked over his left shoulder, laughing to himself after. _"the annual sioux falls candy walk!"_ he spun around the end of the aisle, walking down the next, castiel stayed quiet behind him.

_"im new in town, still, i guess."_

"didyaknow - there are more small business, owned by locals in the town of sioux falls, than there are houses?" 

castiel looked shocked at the town history fact. he made a face, which cause dean to smirk._ "mmhmm, so the annual candy walk is for businesses to hand out candy, instead of families. everyone does it here. so all the trick or treaters walk around town and get candy!"_

"thats ... _smart?"_ cas tried, he was rather impressed again. he followed another turn in their path, pushing the box up in his hands when they began to slip with sweat.

"im still surprised we even have trick or treaters, sioux falls seems to be getting smaller and smaller every year" dean said, taking another bag of candy off the shelf, and making his way to the front of the grocery store.

_"almost completely off the map ..."_ cas mumbled, suddenly understanding why the mixed hunter family was always so safe here.

_"halloween night, candy galore, great music playing all night, dressed to the nines ... _**_hells yeah!"_** dean grinned.

castiel smiled back, halloween was 30 days away, and he was getting closer to loving it more and more.

"sounds great"

**_~~~~_**  
just like the beginning of the month, castiel was tired. he'd been on a hunt with chuck and lucifer, gabriel stayed back to hang out with all the candy in sioux falls, and _damnit if cas wasnt jealous of that._

he was sat on the couch, spotting a nasty bruise that wrapped around his back to his gut, seemingly burning his insides anytime he tried to move. he grumbled as he shifted the pillow behind him, nearly biting his lip off as it hurt like a bastard to do so.

_"of course, no worries there"_ dean's soft voice pulled cas' tired eyes half open. the bowlegged boy paced the floor, dirty jeans and halloween shirt on._ he was on the phone with someone._

_"yeah he's here"_ was the reply from dean, eyes turning a little wicked as he smirked. cas peeled open his eyes, squinting when small flashing lights assaulted him.

the phone was held in front of him, he noticed that. he also felt dean standing in front of his propped up feet. "you're on speaker, aunt ro"

** _"hello tweety-pie! _ ** _im sorry to hear you got hurt!"_

cas tried to laugh, he really did. having never met dean's mysterious_ 'aunt rowena'_ before in his life, but having talked to her many times on the phone - _he learned to love being called "tweety-pie" in a thick scottish accent._

they murmured away to each-other, while dean ran around the farmhouse quietly, tossing different clothes and props around. when the call ended, cas slumped forward to put the cell on the table in front of him, growling when his body fought back.

**_"jesus, cas. no moving!"_** dean spat, shaking his head, helping his boyfriend lean back. his shirtless body caught cas off guard, dean was hardly ever without a shirt. his hand touched dean's chest before he could pull away.

he moved onto his back, eyes already slipping closed. dean quickly covered him up, kissing his forehead, but cas held onto his wrist before he left. "where ... ya goin?"

dean smiled lazily, kissing his nose gently. "gotta finish getting dressed for the candy walk, then i leave for the station. dad's gunna check in on you before he heads to town to join us, okay? our cells will all be on, call if you need" 

they shared another kiss before dean was up and moving again. he loaded up the impala with everything and cas slipped in and out of it the entire time. he had to wonder though, dean loved halloween, so it make sense dean seemed a little supernatural ... but there were some things cas just couldnt explain yet. 

he felt bad for missing the candy walk, he felt like he let dean down, so when bobby came to check in on him before he left, _castiel was up stumbling around in unzipped jeans. bobby cursed at him in perfect bobby fashion, helped with a shirt and drove down to the station._

the excitement and happiness that pierced through green eyes into tired blue ones was just what castiel needed. _dean, who was dressed as luke danes, hugged cas the best he could, trying not to hurt his boyfriend anymore than he was._ with the music playing around them and the spooky-ness of dean's favourite day of the year, _it was so them._

_october 31st was the day castiel just knew. and while he was hurt, he still tucked dean into bed that night, and whispered to fast asleep favourite person, that yes ... one day castiel novak shurley would marry the love of his life dean john winchester._

**_~~~~_**  
it was barely sunrise on november first and castiel woke up on the couch with gabriel sitting on the floor in front of him, staring. 

_"um, hello?"_ cas tried, raising his eyebrow at his older brother.

_"do you know where dean is?"_ gabe asked, his teeth and tongue tinted a sick greenish yellow colour from a fruit-roll up, that still hung half eaten from his mouth. 

"gabriel, i told you not to wake him. dean is in town" chuck's voice filled castiel in, their father walking up behind his middle son to get him up and away from cas. lucifer came in the front door, pushing his lighter into his pocket and kicking off his shoes. snow fell from the boots and his hair. 

chuck sat on the edge of the coffee table across from cas, holding a folded paper in his hands. "everyone is in town right now. but dean left a note for you." he explained, checking his son's brusied middle. cas grumbled, rubbing his eyes.

"read it to me, please?" he whined quietly, he was over feeling like shit after hunts. it was bullshit!

_"today is day of the dead, we'll be in town for the day, meet us at rosie's for supper at 6. love, dean"_ chuck read, smiling at the scribbled writing.

lucifer hummed, nodding over to his father and brothers. "didnt know they celebrated that, then again, dean is full'a surprises"

castiel slept for most of the day, gabriel watched tv and lucifer and chuck, after getting a call from bobby, had started to take down the coated farmhouse of halloween. donna and bobby showed up to help soon after.

"dont need'ta take down ever'thing! we got til' before t'ha 11th!" donna smiled, putting a rubber spider in the box lucifer was holding.

"the 11th?" gabe questioned.

_"mm, remembrance day."_ donna replied.

"oh" 

that night around six, the shurley boys, chuck, donna and bobby were arriving at rosie's for supper. donna helped cas walk, even with all the sleep he had -_ it was damn hard to move still._ dean took over for his mama, helping his boyfriend through supper, while laughing and joking with the family. 

but something was off, nobody's smile really felt real, or maybe didnt even look real. they were all off by small things. but it was all explained when the plates were washed, the diner was closed up for the night and everyone walked across to the cemetery.

"alright, who needs a lighter, or some matches?" rosie asked, jody and donna holding bags of small candles for each person to take. gabe took some matches with confusion, cas stayed close to dean. 

_"you put a lit candle on each grave, maybe two or more on a baby grave"_ dean said softly, lighting up a candle and placing it on the headstone closest to him. lucifer pulled his lighter next, doing the same. everyone followed soon after.

"so, this is what you do every halloween?" gabriel asked, wandering behind cas and dean as they stopped at a stone to light a candle. dean hummed quietly, castiel pulling out another candle for him. 

_"nine times out of ten, these stones are so old, theres no family left to remember them. they were people once, maybe not hunters like us, but they were real people. everyone should be remembered, no matter what. its sad to think, but for at least a few days in the year, they're alive and well. even if its just me remembering them."_

castiel and gabriel watched dean kiss his fingertips, then touch the stone and lay the candle down. it was clear dean had done this many times before. it was something dean would continue to do, each and every year. 

"you're too good for this world" cas whispered at dean. 

"nah. im just me, yaknow?"

"you're dean winchester, lover of all things spooky, halloween, creepy, and it's all love"

"shut up, cas" dean teased, smile small but there.

"you re-invented a whole holiday for me, thats what you do."

_"dean is magic or somethin!"_ gabriel chimed in, grinning.

_"..... or somethin" dean smiled back._


	57. 🌼 no sins forgiven, hell spit me out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> REQUEST: FILLED !!
> 
> "memorial day, about how bobby shares stories about his friends he served with"
> 
> \- alright, so yes, remembrance day and memorial day are different things, i know, but im canadian-american, but i live in canada, we celebrate canadian holidays. and quite honestly i ended up changing the entire prompt, im so sorry 😅
> 
> but what i ended up with is something i quite like. its a little wonky because it was written, and re-written a few times over a few days. but i havent posted since halloween because remembrance day is so close after halloween i wanted to post the themed requests on the actual day. plus it gave me some wiggle room in figuring this out just right.
> 
> also, im so sorry castiel, but yall knew it was comin ... right? 
> 
> im down to six more requests, all holiday themed, im not sure ill post them on the actual holidays like ive done these past two requests but maybe, if people like that? i dunno? anyways, i hope you enjoy.
> 
> happy remembrance day, lest we forget 🖤
> 
> warnings: breastfeeding, swearing, flashbacks, nightmares, ptsd, war talk.
> 
> words: 2, 922
> 
> posted and edited on november 11th 2020

_"i think you miss it, yaknow. that power. feeling all that blood pour down your hands and arms after gutting person after person. that smell doesnt go away either. we need you back down here castiel, dont you miss us?"_

_red and white flashed across his eyelids. yelling and cries for help echoed in his ears. his head started to ache again._

_"can you feel your heart racing? all the blood and excitement rushing to prove itself in you. your daddy shot you clean through the heart, castiel, can you feel your heart racing? ba-boom. ba-boom. ba-boom"_

_his chest felt tight suddenly, his throat closing up right after. he struggled for a breath, his hands shaking. the sound of laughing replaced the cries and shouting._

_"ba-boom, ba-boom .. BA-BOOM, BA-BOOM ... BA-BOOM"_

_he gasped hard, coughing, choking. more light flashed, blinding him for mere seconds. he felt his body struggle out from where he was sure he was laying down, a weight pushing him down. something squeezed around his heart, blood floated out past his lips._

_"BABOOMBABOOMBABOOMBABOOMBABOOMBABOOM"_

his forehead smacked the open kitchen sink pipe, the wrench slipped from his hand, hitting his cheek as he reached to pull at his shirt. his hand got stuck on the edge of the pipe, the sharp metal cutting his hand to ribbons as he squirmed out of the cupboard.

_ **"ARGH, MOTHERFUCKING SONUVABITCH"** _

bobby came running down the stairs, old books in hand, he'd been up nearly all night researching for some other hunters. his kitchen sink had been backed up for awhile and knowing castiel was pretty good with a few old pipes he had offered to pay his son-in-law for the work. _of course, cas turned down the money, he was just happy to help out._

_"jesus christ, boy"_ bobby muttered, slamming down the books and getting to his old knees as he helped castiel sit up. the boys right hand was ripped to shreds, bleeding heavily. his forehead had a nasty cut in a small circle, his body shaking, cold and pale. _his breathing was still too fast, chest too tight, heart pounding too hard._

the aged hunter grabbed the spare washing rags from the sink, folding and wrapping them tightly against cas' bloody hand. he wiped the blood from his cut forehead with another before pulling the shaking young man to his chest. castiel's left hand shook, jerking around on bobby's thigh as if boneless, all control was out of his body.

_"poor baby ... you gunna cry? aw, castiel, dont cry, its only death. we all die sometimes, its just that you're gunna die again. we need you back, we miss you. you were the best we ever had"_

bobby held castiel closer as the boy shuddered, shivering even harder, if possible. the tears came as no surprise, his breathing hitching, aching. his dark hair was buried against the older mans neck, his voice breaking as he yelled for them to get out.

the downfall had started just after cas and dean got married, when he told everyone about hell. everyone but dean knew _why_ he went, _and it was going to stay that way._ castiel just didnt have the heart to tell dean he went to hell because he loved him. because chuck told him if he didnt, dean would die. _he died for dean, went to hell for dean._

after he had gotten out, he was quiet. he didnt sleep much, twitched every now and then, his hands shook as he drove or wrote. it had taken almost five weeks for him to relax in his older brothers hold long enough to get a haircut. but once they got back to sioux falls, everything went back to normal, _as if the boy didnt go to hell and back._

lucifer had been the most honest, flat-out told bobby that his kid brother had ptsd and refused to believe it. he said cas was playing strong and normal for dean. and bobby had to admit, the kid was good at acting, because as time went on it was like it never happened at all. 

_when dean first got pregnant, castiel refused any and all hunts._ he was more on edge, his bright blues adopted a much more darker colour. there was a twinkle in them when he had dean wrapped up, tucked against him, his arms protecting his favourite person. 

and it wasnt as if cas didnt love his son, the second he was born. he held him, carried him, hugged him, snuggled with him - but _sometimes_ if he cried, or wailed, castiel would flinch. his eyes would go dark, the twinkle in them returning when dean got him quiet. _at first bobby had thought he was possessed, but it wasnt that simple. _

the sharp knock on the backdoor got the aged hunter to his feet. a wide-eyed sick looking dean, carrying a seven month old and a duffel, was what greeted bobby's tired face. he pulled dean in, guiding the two to where cas had passed out on the couch. dean paced the floor, feeding his son while he gnawed on his lip, waiting for bobby to change out of his bloody shirt and vest upstairs.

quickly the man returned, taking his grandson from his son. _dean never spoke a word, gently pushing his fingers down on his husbands cut forehead, then the bruised cheek to heal them. soft purple light with soft whispers made the passed out boy look like new._ deans hands ghosted over the ripped up hand, taking a little more power to heal just right. small cracks were heard as finger bones were reset, yet castiel just twitched in his sleep, his eyelids moving lazily.

"yaknow, that Remembrance Day service, i take ya too every year?"

dean had taken off cas' bloody shirt, holding it in his hands as he bunched it up to throw in the duffel. his eyes lifted to the sound of bobby's voice, who was rocking his grandson on his chest. dean hummed before replying.

"couldnt go last year" he looked at his sons sleeping face, before looking back at his husband.

"see if i aint able to pull some strings on such short notice, get 'im on th'a list"

dean hummed softly, hands busy putting cas in his sleeping shirt. he sighed tired, looking back to his father again. bobby and dean stared at each-other for a few minutes, before the young witch nodded. 

_it was something they had to try._

_**~~~~**_  
november 11th morning found the sky a thick black colour, little wispy clouds and stars dancing across. it had snowed even more overnight, meaning bobby needed to pull his snowblower out. _being snowed in was never fun._

it had taken a few days time, but bobby had done it. the entire family knew, except for castiel, and dean could only hope it would be the right move. but he figured it would be, maybe even help cas see the light a little. 

they had stayed over at bobby's place overnight, just like at easter time. they would get ready, have a quick breakfast, and meet the rest of the family at the hall in town. being in a small space with so many people had dean on edge, but he had castiel to look out for, and he knew he'd be okay. _cas looked out for dean, always, so dean looked out for castiel, always._

he'd been laughing and joking a lot more the last few days, been his usual self again, but at night he'd snuggle up to dean, wrap his arms protectively around him and go quiet. currently thats how they were laying in bed, dean on his back, propped up slightly with their pillows. cas' head buried in dean's neck, his forehead and ratty bedhead ticked dean's cheek. their son was on dean's chest, nursing and slowly blinking at cas.

_it was sad to think that dean had been right, in the fact that bobby owen's blue eye had gotten light and fogged over because he'd gone blind on the one side. after all that chuck had done to the two of them, it was lucky that was the only damage done, as lucifer had pointed out. claiming it was just sad it had to be him, and not one of them._

_"we need to get up soon"_ dean whispered, his fingers tickling bobby owen's toes lightly. he felt cas smile simply when the baby squirmed, not wanting to be disturbed from his breakfast.

_"de, i .. i know, that dad, he .. he plans for this, its his holiday ... b-but"_ castiel's deep heavy voice broke the quietness that with them. 

_"its okay. its the service and lunch at the diner, just like always. but its perfectly alright if you cant do either, truly. i'll be right beside you the entire time. i .. im just .. so, so damn sorry it was because of me, that it happened, cas"_

when dean had given everyone the wrong information about chuck that rainy night in march, it had scared castiel half to death, that even jody asked if he was having hell flashbacks._ it had broken every wall cas had, and he could no longer pretend to be sane after hell, not with dean missing he couldnt._ it triggered every single horrid thing he did for his time served in hell.

castiel shook his head, laying his hand on dean's bare stomach slowly rubbing it, letting his fingers follow the thick scar. _"think it was s'pposed t'a happen. hadda be real sometime, if not for you, n him ... maybe even me"_

the witch kissed his husbands forehead, petting the bedhead down with his empty right hand._ "we're both right here, always, cas. you hear me? always."_ he whispered, smiling when his favourite blue eyes looked up, before their lips met.

bobby knocked on the door sometime later, announcing he was leaving something on a hanger on the door, before returning to his own room. dean got everyone out of bed, sending castiel to the bathroom for a shower, while he got himself cleaned up. he got his clean black jeans and white dress shirt on, leaving his black tie until after breakfast. 

bobby owen was dressed in a warm black one piece, dean tickling his belly as he did up the buttons. cas returned wrapped in a towel, smiling softly at the laughter. he'd brushed his teeth, and shaved, and sat on the bed waiting for dean to finish doing those things for himself. _he smiled a little more when their son happily sighed when he held him. the seven month old sucked on his thumb, his chubby cheek pressed up against the bullet wound on his chest, right where his heart is._

dean entered the room, comb in hand, stepping close to castiel and fixing the rats nest that really could never be fixed. cas wrapped his right arm around dean's waist, burying his face in the sweet, warm honey smell that was dean. the comb was replaced with long slender fingers, neatly polished nails danced along his wet scalp. 

_"i love you"_ cas murmured, inhaling hard as he pulled dean closer.

_"i love you, too"_ dean murmured back.

he got castiel dressed after. they shared a quick breakfast with bobby, knowing they'd be having a big home cooked lunch at rosie's after the 11 AM service. they drove in bobby's old pickup, shoulders touching and hands hitting the dash when a good song came on the radio.

_the hall was already packed, but jody, donna, rosie, rowena, charlie, mrs boyce, lucifer and gabe were waiting for them. charlie, who had come to town for this tackled cas into a tight hug and refused to let go until they had sat down. everyone in town knew them, smiling and waving, sometimes stopping to talk to them in their row. the service began, they had their minutes of silence, dean covered bobby owen's ears when the 21 gun salute went off._

and suddenly, the family's surprise was nearing. every year the Remembrance Day service honoured their veterans, calling them up to pin a poppy over their hearts and to take a photo to frame in city hall. _bobby had been honoured every year, for his time in the war, but this year it wasnt just going to be bobby going up there. _

another veteran was reading the names, donna reached over and took bobby owen from dean, just in case dean needed to go. jody was taking photos with the camera, just like every year because it was special.

_"robert steven singer, for time served in vietnam."_

bobby got up, fixed his suit jacket and walked down the middle of the hall, stopping near the front to get his poppy pinned on. the family was smiling, clapping for him. the town was also clapping, grinning at gabe who stood up to clap louder. a few names were called next, and dean shifted in his seat, grasping castiels hand in his.

_"we have the honour, of honouring a new veteran this year, another man the town of sioux falls can call a hero. robert singer's son-in-law, castiel novak shurley, for time served."_

the town folk clapped again, gabe and luce turning to look at their kid brother. cas paled, eyes going wide as he whipped his head around to dean._ "n-no, but i-im not"_

dean smiled, squeezing cas' hand._ "yes, you are. its nothing you dont deserve, castiel."_

_"de, i .. i cant. i .."_

the boy snuck a small kiss, touching his husbands face. _"c'mon, its gunna be okay. i'll be with you. you can do this."_

the town still clapped, although everyone was looking around, waiting for someone to walk up to receive the poppy pin. the clapping got louder when dean helped cas to his feet, holding on to his waist and guiding him to the front of the hall. _bobby smiled proudly watching the boys walk together._ cas swallowed thickly, legs feeling like jello as he got closer. _but nobody said a word, nobody whispered when he stumbled by with his husband, nobody gave him a disgusted look when he nervously kissed dean._

_"castiel novak shurley, for time served"_ the man repeated, shaking hands with castiel, handing the pin to bobby. castiel was sure he would faint, and that his palms were sweaty when he shook the other mans hand, but the proud look on bobby's face as he pinned the poppy on his white dress shirt and pulled him into a hug shook all the doubt away. 

after another twenty minutes of the hour long service, it ended, and everyone shuffled out. the family stayed behind, letting everyone go before them as to not get run over. _donna was standing with rosie, rowena, charlie and gabriel, which made lucifer laugh at the two blondes in a group of redheads. jody took photos of bobby and his two boys, beaming with pride over them. _

one of bobby's old war time buddies walked over, talking with him when lucifer walked over to dean and cas. _"you look good little brother. proud of you"_

cas smiled sadly, hugging him quickly, shying back to deans side after. "jodes, n donna are gunna stay here with yall, but the rest of us are gunna walk over to the diner, meet ya there in maybe 15?"

dean nodded, handing the baby bag to charlie and letting aunt rowena bounce his son. he and cas watched lucifer guide mrs boyce out of the hall, gabe running behind rowena and charlie. rosie leading their way. jody and donna came up behind them, patting cas on the back. bobby's friend came over next, reaching out to shake hands with everyone.

"castiel, was it? nice to meet ya, real honour. was weary on hearin you're this old geezer's son-in-law but ya look good" the man joked, cas smiled awkwardly, laughing quietly.

_"where'd ya serve?"_ he asked. cas swallowed again, nodding gently before replying honestly.

_"hell"_

the man laughed, dean held onto castiel. "didnt we all? ha, well i should get goin, nice meeting ya again, there castiel"

jody laughed quietly, bobby walking away with the man after. her and donna shared a look with dean, walking ahead of them as they all left the hall together. cas and dean swung hands as they made their way through the sticky, sloppy winter snow.

_"that was ... interesting"_ castiel mumbled, his neatly fixed hair now ruined by the light wind. dean laughed, humming.

"but it was nice?"

cas hummed, his face going serious as he went deep into thought._ "well, im no hero, not like those real war veterans that went up. but ... yeah, it was nice to know my family views me as a solider like that"_

_"a hero like that"_ dean quickly corrected, _"just because you get wounded in battle, doesnt stop making you a solider. you fought a war in hell, you went to war and hell, cas. and you came back alive. that makes you a war hero"_

"does it?" the blue eyed boy asked.

_"to us, it does. you're special, and im always gunna love you."_ dean whispered. jody and donna entered the diner, leaving the two boys on the steps outside the front doors.

_"always?"_

_"always."_

_cas nodded, leaning in for a kiss._

_"Remembrance Day is to remember our fallen, but its also to honour those who survived, just like you."_


	58. 🌼 better than that, after all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooof ... so, howdy !!
> 
> again, long time no see. i AM trying to get better about this again, but sometimes life is hard 😅 
> 
> writing with a new app on a new tablet is a lot easier, but its also quite hard to still get used too ... but i did however get some long lost files !! so i found this half finished, and well ... its a bit of a future fic piece, it jumps ahead quite a few years after bobby owen is born, but i kinda loved how jumbled and weird this is. 
> 
> and damn, someone needs to babysit poor gabriel 😂 
> 
> so anyways. im back down to abou six requests left, so i would say requests are back open !! feel free to request away if youd like !! im finally feeling in a good spot to post maybe a chapter or two a week if i get lucky. im loving my longer pieces but they take much longer to get in correct order and write and edit out. but i feel much more proud of those !!
> 
> i hope yall enjoy and ill be seeing yall !!
> 
> warnings: swearing, light birth talk, weight talk, death mention.
> 
> words: 2,108.
> 
> posted and edited on november 24th 2020

the past few days had been crazy, and bobby's house had the mess to prove it. the mess that already made up the old house was added too dramatically with how busy the hunting career had been as of late.

dean and cas had stayed overnight the past few nights to help out, gabriel and lucifer out on their own hunt, and jody and donna watching over the boys at the farmhouse. bobby sat behind at his desk in front of the fireplace, coffee cup on his alarm-clock, stack of old books layed out everywhere. he was currently reading up to help garth on his newest hunt. 

castiel sat at the table in the kitchen, typing away on bobby's ancient desktop, his hunting journal and dean's research journal beside the keyboard. he was updating old information and also helping bobby. dean sat in his favourite wheely chair right where the sliding doors were, between the kitchen and living-room. he had his feet up on the old box tv, a book about dragons in hand.

_**"dragon penis!"**_ dean grinned. both men looked away from their research.

_"excuse me?"_ castiel prompted.

"the spell i was working on yesterday, _it never occurred to me._ _**dragon penis!** hey - dad,_ do you have any of the blood and mushrooms left over?" dean babbled, spinning in his chair to face bobby. the aged man nodded, smiling tiredly at his son, who slapped the book shut and made a mad dash for the basement.

normally, dean only practiced his witchcraft when it was needed. _during hunts it was completely off limits, far too at risk to suddenly show off the bright purples and hex bags to be safe._ he put together bags to aid in hunts or everyday life, nothing too fancy but enough to remain a powerful witch. _but of course, if anything dared to threaten his family or his three sons, d_ean would glare his shiny purple death glare, break a few objects with his mind and scare people shitless.

_"do i even wanna know?"_ cas asked, hand lifting from the keyboard to point towards the stairs that dean was running down. bobby shrugged, smug smirk in place. one of the phones in the long line of labeled phones on the kitchen wall began to ring. castiel sighed, picking up the ringing device, clearing his throat before he answered.

_"kripke, fbi."_

_ **"HAHAHAHA SUCCESS!"** _

dean ran up the stairs, cas huddled in on himself, hugging the phone tighter between his shoulder and ear as he tried to remain professional. the floppy bleached haired witch ran into the living-room once again, a large red rock glowing in his hand. he held it out to his dad, bobby eyed it curiously.

"turns out the bat wing wasnt mixing well with the spell-work, i traded the bat wing for the dragon penis and it works! plus, it mixes really well with the frog dust!" dean grinned wider, eyes shining with glee and happiness.

bobby took the rock from his son, holding it up in the dim light of early afternoon shining in, eyeing up the etched spell-work and hand-painted devils trap. _"my son, the witch .."_ he huffed with a light smile. dean smiled back, leaning down on his elbows.

"toss the rock, say the_ 'magic words',_ sucks the demon right outta the meat suit ... save the person. damn, so glad i looked up how to change that!"

_"gabriel - we've been speaking for at least three solid minutes. its me the fbi, not the real fbi ..."_ castiel explained, leaning back with his eyes staring at the ceiling tiredly. both dean and bobby looked at him.

_"oh my god - how the hell are you still alive, big brother?"_ the phone got hung up, and cas' face met his hands, embarrassed most of all. 

"still need the rock?" dean asked, smiling sadly at his husband. cas grumbled, washing his hands down his face, standing up to stretch. _"i'll be back"_ the witch announced, wrapping the rock in a tissue, pushing it down into his jean pocket, standing near his chair and snapped his fingers.

cas waved the purple smoke away as he made his way to the couch in the living-room, walking right where dean had just been. _"i hate my brothers"_ he bitched, rolling his tired blues. bobby gave a small chuckle. the purple smoke reappeared with dean, himself, now sitting back in the wheely desk chair.

_"so, fun story. lucifer was singing the dawson's creek theme song in the shower, and gabriel burnt his finger on the microwave while cooking a pop-tart. turns out he was just trying to phone us here, but mis-dialed and phoned the fbi line. he freaked thinking it was the real fbi and not, you, the fbi" _

amused chuckles exited from bobby, while castiel groaned, tossing himself backwards to sigh. the doorbell echoed in the house, making all three of them to look around at one another. bobby slowly stood, making quick eye contact with dean and the shotgun beside the other set of sliding doors.

the doorbell echoed again. the young witch and hunter held their breath. bobby stared out the peephole, suddenly pulling away, checked his breath and clothes, double checked even. dean's eyebrows lowered themselves, face squishing up as he squinted at his fathers actions.

_a female voice made dean and castiel snap to action and wildly gasp. _

dean leaned back in his chair, rolling it backwards until he nearly hit the wall. with bobby's back in the way, he closed his eyes, opening them again slowly. his soft purple glow lit up the floorboards gently, the area of purple disappeared as he blinked, suddenly going away before he spoke. 

"short, blonde ... ive seen her before ... think it may be marcy"

"the new neighbour? from down the road?" castiel questioned, leaning forward, feet planted on the floor with his elbows on his knees. dean turned, eyes locked on his husband, mouth opened ready to reply in a hushed whisper.

_ **"AND I JUST CAN'T SEEM TO GET ENOUGH, I JUST CAN'T ENOUGH, I JUST CAN'T ENOUGH-"** _

_"oh fuck"_ cas spat lowly, twisting in his seat to grab his cell. dean looked utterly horrified. he jumped to his feet, just as cas did, their heads nearly crashing together and their hands dug in cas' tight jeans pockets for the blaring cell phone.

**_"jesus christ!"_ **dean whispered-yelled. the cell, now in cas death grip, had its screen on, still ringing before it suddenly stopped.

_**"GUUUUUUYS, THE ROCK ISNT WORKING! WE NEED YOU"**_ gabriel yelled over the device, muffled by castiel's palm. both boys paled and stared at it.

**_"you answered it!"_** cas growled, glaring across at his husband.

_**"you have it on speaker!"**_ dean growled back. feeling more eyes on them, he turned to where bobby was watching them, eyebrow raised. a short, blonde female stood outside, with a pan of some-sort in her hands. 

he grinned awkwardly, blushing hard before he strolled calmly over to the front door._ "hi. i'm dean, bobby's son"_ he extended his hand, his right shoulder bumping the wall as he was squished between it and bobby. _he knew he looked nothing like bobby, but when asked, or just in everyday conversations with town folk, dean always said he was bobby's son. if people figured he was karen and bobby's only child, so be it._

he was _however_, still shy around people. _and super awkward._ it was a little easier now than when he was younger, but now instead of being judged for being shy, or dirty looking, people judged his size. _dean didnt really care_, he was 6'3, he had birthed two babies and had adopted a third, _and let's face it, he ate well, because food was fantastic. so, he was chubby, he was happy, happiest he'd ever been, and castiel loved him all the more._

the lady's eyes took in his denim clad bowlegs, the firm-fitting classic car shirt, his painted nails, the dozens of rings, bracelets and his necklace with the little charms on it, his freckled arms and hands, his chubby freckled cheeks, his green eyes, his long lashes. _dean cleared his throat awkwardly._

_**"OH! hi, there!** i'm marcy, i live down the road. you're the boy i see walking on the road here all the time, right? and ... oh, um ... that other really tall boy with black hair! and sometimes you have three little ones with you, right?"_ marcy grinned, her face nearly breaking. dean chuckled softly.

_"u-uh yeah .. guess ya do, heh. um,_ _well_ that would be my husband, castiel. _and, uh,_ our sons. bobby, south and the redhead would be lucas" he explained, laying a hand on his father's shoulder. marcy grinned wider, if possible, before handing over the pan in her hands.

bobby and dean eyed it in dean's hands.

_"my famous ginger peach cobbler. seriously take a whiff, i'm a genius"_

dean held it up, both he and bobby took a deep inhale, both closing their eyes and groaning at the amazing smell the dish had. marcy let out a cheery laugh, clapping her hands together, bouncing in her spot. she wished them well after a few more minutes, waving as she walked down the broken up front path.

_ **~~~~** _

later that night found castiel asleep on the couch, still nursing a beer. dean sat backwards in his wheely chair, facing bobby, who in return was back behind his desk. nighttime had come, dusty old books gave off an orange tone from the burning candles around the desk and stacks of books around them.

_"are you gunna ask marcy out?"_ dean whispered, flipping a page in his book. the fireplace crackled as bobby looked across at his son.

_"dean"_ he bit out.

_"dad ... when i became a witch, i just knew how to heal people ... it's been years and im nearly as powerful as aunt rowena ... i can read minds, see souls, speak to souls, raise the dead, i can read emotions and feelings ... you cant lie to me!" _

_"dean ..."_ bobby tried again. dean closed his book and leaned in, cutting the older man off completely.

_"no, listen ... i ... i know after aunt karen .."_ he waved his hand, shaking his head slightly._ "but marcy clearly likes you and i can tell you like her a little ... it doesnt have to be a date. life is too short, and we may live forever, but c'mon ... you deserve something nice in your life. you dont have to get married, you dont have to go on dates ... you can have coffee, you can go for walks, maybe have some movie nights ..."_

bobby looked down at his book, closing it like dean's while listening.

_"hunting is a hard life, i know. and if i could change that, i would in a heartbeat. and if i could bring back aunt karen, dad, you know i would, no doubt. but i cant. its not possible. a demon deal, yes. a witch just doesnt have pull, no matter how powerful, and living ten years is no way to do anything. i .. i see aunt karen all the time ... hell, i see uncle rufus more than i figured i would" _

"when's th'a last time ya saw karen, boy?"

dean fell silent, his thumbs twirling around before he sighed. _"this morning .. she ... she said she had a gift for you. it was someone you had seen before, and that i'd meet them today, that they'd be bringing a dish of love as an offering"_

_"....peach cobbler"_ the older man mumbled.

_"peach cobbler"_ dean whispered. _"you dont need to die to be happy, dad. aunt karen gifted this strange life we have ... marcy is just a little cherry on top, yaknow? you deserve a nice partner, if you want one ..."_

castiel snored hard from the couch, rolling over and finally knocking his bottle to the side. dean smiled lightly, making his way over and picking it up before the nearly empty bottle spilled anywhere. bobby watched the love that was taking place in the act of his son unfolding a blanket and covering up cas, kissing the tip of strong nose longingly.

karen singer stood in the doorway, smiling at her little family she had gotten to know over time. they were going to be okay, they always would be. angels werent watching over them, spirits were. good thing a young witch knew how to speak to them.

_Yeah, I've got a history, I know you do too_

_What the hell would we be without what we've been through_

_And I don't give a damn about the mud on your boots_

_I just want you_


	59. 🌼 the mad joker is beyond wild

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> REQUEST: FILLED !!
> 
> "could you do a chapter on all the fun dean and his happy family get up to on april fools day?"
> 
> HAPPY DECEMBER 3RD !! okay, so it's the fourth .. but i did try really hard for yesterday !! ive been so damn busy with business work and now running a shop ... but here we are, all is well !!
> 
> december 3rd marks this little verse being 12 months old. next month, in the new year, this verse will be a whole year old !! how crazy is that, i cant even believe it !! we're almost at 60 chapters and guess what? WE JUST BROKE 10K READS !! PARTY PARTY PARTY !!
> 
> im so overwhelmed with the amount of love and fun this verse has brought, im beyond thankful for all the requests, feedback, supporting comments, etc, etc, etc. even with 2020 being so fuckin weird, this verse has been a secret little happy place.
> 
> so, to celebrate chapter 59 {ohmygosh !!} and 12 months, i filled the aprils fools day request !! im now back down to about five requests again, so i would say REQUESTS ARE BACK OPEN !!
> 
> this is heavily, heavily based on the MASH episode "The Joker Is Wild" mostly because i needed a hand in coming up with actual funny things to use as pranks. some have been changed just a touch but most are the same :)
> 
> i hope yall enjoy !! i know i did while writing this, even though it took several days with lots of insomnia and sleeping in to get here 😂
> 
> warnings: swearing, depression & ptsd mention, a dead snake, witchcraft, and thats about it? mostly just swearing and yelling i think !!
> 
> words: 4,345
> 
> posted on december 4th, 2020  
edited on december 5th, 2020

late march found the southern states in an easy, laid back sorta way, weather wise. the motel windows were left open just a few inches, the salt line thick on the cracked wood. winter was finally leaving up north, but down south, spring was already here.

_"breakfast is here!"_ dean called out, juggling two paper bags, the motel keys, the impala keys and a tray of four drinks. he gently kicked the old door closed behind himself, cringing at the creaks it made, before trying to push the salt line back in place.

"oh shit, lemme help ya" charlie replied, quickly jumping up from the crappy plastic motel chair at the small table. dean murmured his thanks, handing her the tray while he pocketed the keys. the two of them set everything on the counter, beginning to unpack everything.

gabriel came strolling into the room, his toothbrush still hanging out of his mouth. charlie and dean were talking to one another, unaware of the new person in the room. the shower continued to run in the bathroom, the door wide open.

_"honestly, i cant believe you talked me into helping with a hunt after ive had six kids"_ dean pointed out, crunching up a napkin under his paper cup. 

charlie grinned back, uncapping her own cup to toss some cream in her coffee. _"ah c'mon cutie, you needed to do some monster research, that new baby of yours needed some daddy cas time! plus, the triplets were so excited!"_

the witch shook his head, sipping at his hot coca. charlie grinned wider, spinning around only to be faced with gabriel standing in the middle of the room. dean sighed tiredly, turning around after her.

_"i wasnt aware today was dress like an idjit day"_ dean's inner bobby made itself well known.

gabriel, toothbrush now in hand, was wearing the most _colourful_ as well as _most ugly_ pair of poorly sewn up pants in all of history. his shirt was tucked into them, sewn patches of different colours fixed up the holes the ratty clothing piece had. the large bow-tie, top hat and large ugly red clown shoes tore away the blinding mess the outfit was.

_**"april fools day is comin fast!"** _he announced, digging in his pocket before producing a large red ball that got stuck on the end of his nose.

_"oh no"_ dean muttered darkly.

next, gabriel pulled a small silver horn from his duffel, trading the toothbrush for it. **_"oh yes, deanie weenie!"_**

charlie had started to laugh, clapping as gabriel did a small performance. "he _IS_ the trickster, yaknow" she teased. dean grumbled, taking a bite from his breakfast burrito while rolling his eyes. charlie bumped against him, trying to make her taller friend give the smallest of smiles at gabriel's playful fun.

"big guy doesnt like april fools, _never has_, so i take it upon myself to play the biggest joke of all on him, _every. single. year."_ gabriel smirked, jabbing his thumbs towards the bathroom door as his eyes sparkled with a sort-of evil master of pranks kinda glee only he could make possible.

_"lucifer doesnt like april fools?"_ charlie questioned in a whisper, a smirk growing to almost match the shurley boy. _"neither does castiel"_ dean replied in a hushed tone, as if lucifer could suddenly hear them over the sound of his shower.

gabriel took a few steps closer, his heavy clown shoes squeaking on the floor. "cuz ya gotta plan every little prank perfectly. and i think i got it mastered this year, but i need the entire family's help ..."

dean quickly shook his head, waving his hands and his breakfast in front of gabe's face. _"oh no ... no, no, no._ i told you i hate getting pranked, i dont mind playing them on people but if anyone gets hurts its too far._ plus, if it triggers lucifers depression or castiels PTSD you are a very dead bastard"_

charlie had to agree with that. "dont forget there's eight kids at home, one being a new baby."

"and bobby owen's birthday is on the 4th._ i swear to anything moving upstairs, gabe, if you ruin anything ..."_

_"i cant believe his birthday is so soon! my nephew is getting so big already, seems like yesterday he was born, and now you have like a whole day care going!"_

_"i know, its crazy!"_

_**"UM HELLO!"**_ gabriel shouted, pushing charlie and dean apart. "trust me with this, i got everything under control here"

both charlie and dean stared at him, their faces making the same doubtful but thoughtful expression. it was actually sorta creepy how much alike the two of them were in different ways. from the second they met, their bond only seemed to grow stronger and stronger. with those in the room together, the game was over for everyone.

"fine" charlie nodded.

_"im watchin you shurley ... i know where you live"_ dean threatened with a light glare.

_ **~~~~** _

after a two day journey the four hunters rolled up to the larger but still warm, and cozy farmhouse everybody called home. it was march 31st, and gabriel had the plan to get the entire family together to explain his plan without lucifer finding out.

jody welcomed them in, continuing her job of setting the table while donna got supper all plated. castiel smiled as dean hung up the impala keys, dumping his duffel on the floor, walking right into a comforting hug and a deep kiss. _it was rare dean left home for a hunt after the triplets were born, even more rare after jack had been born nearly a year ago, so coming home felt like the best treat of all._

"so, tomorrow is april fools day ..." gabriel tested the waters after supper. 

_"drop dead"_ lucifer spat, climbing over the loveseat and crossing his arms as he sunk in.

"aw c'mon big bro, let's make a bet!" gabe smirked wildly, causing nearly everyone else to lean in slightly. if lucifer didnt take the bait, the plan wouldnt work.

the oldest brother was headstrong, had to give him some credit on that front._ "no!_ none of our bets ever work out, ever!"

gabe pouted, getting in his older brothers face as he began to whine,_ "pleaaaaaseee? i promise it wont be baaaaad! pleaaaaassseee? please, please, please?"_

he cracked open an eye, glaring at his kid brother. gabe beamed at the little bit of attention. _"i bet i can prank everyone here tomorrow, without anybody knowing until its too late .... including you"_

_**"thats the fuckin bet?"** _lucifer growled. _"fuck that shit, it's on ya bastard, you wont be pranking me"_

_ **"the game, lucifer, is on!"** _

_ **~~~~** _

the next morning was busy. crazy busy. and lucifer had slept through it all on the loveseat. 

that wasnt part of the plan, it was just happy accident that ended up working in everyones favour. all the pranks were planned out to perfection, everyone knew their act and what they were to do, that all the pranks were to not trigger anything to anybody and that the big joke was set for the end of the day for lucifer.

before jody and donna's six a.m. alarm off dean and castiel were up and helping getting the kids packed up for their day trip over to mrs boyce's place. she had invited them over a few days ago to spent the day, and it made sense for them to go now, seeing how the pranks would be flying for the full 12 hours of daylight.

with six of the eight kids ready to go dean backed the family tahoe out and loaded them all in, while castiel stayed back with their oldest son and the baby. even though it was so damn early, all the kids were beyond excited to spend the day with their god-mama. bobby owen wanted to stay home now that dean was back home, as he was the biggest mama's boy and dean's biggest fan, next to cas.

_the second the large black tahoe pulled back into the garage, all hell broke loose._

everyones alarm was shut off before it beeped and woke lucifer. charlie, who had slept on the pullout couch, across from lucifer quietly got up from bed, ready to begin her morning performance, while everybody else got in their places. jody and donna in their room, cas and dean, bobby owen and baby jack all snuggled up in their room, and gabriel stood smugly in the kitchen, nursing a cup of hot coffee.

"so, we're just '_fake pranking_' to get uncle luce?" bobby owen whispered, holding his baby brother closer under his chin. dean smiled warmly, holding both of the boys in a warm hug.

_"only because your crazy uncle gabriel is probably borderline psychopath"_ castiel grinned, nodding towards the bedroom door while he gathered up his bathrobe, tossing it over his wrinkled sleep clothes.

dean snorted "hey wait, when we were in boston two weeks ago for st paddy's day ... you think he had this all planned already?"

castiel raised an eyebrow, "knowing gabe, he probably this all planned since last april fools"

their quiet laughing was cut short by charlie's loud shouting. a quick counting to the number four had the rest of the farmhouse ripping open their bedroom doors and running towards a manic charlie, beating the pullout with her large iron hunting stick.

lucifer, bug eyed and barely awake backed away from the scene when charlie hooked the now dead snake on the end of the stick. she glared at gabriel, who couldnt resist a loud chuckle or two.

_ **"YOU! YOU SLIMY LITTLE ASSHOLE!** _

she stomped over to the front door, winging the dead snake out onto the small front lawn._** "I'LL GET YOU GABRIEL JAMIE SHURLEY, IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO" **_

_"i cant believe you did that!"_ castiel gasped, his hand resting in his oldest sons hair by his hip.

_"you are a very sick man, gabe"_ dean said shaking his head, reaching out to hug charlie.

_**"YOU PUT A MOTHERFUCKING SNAKE IN A BED WITH A SLEEPING PERSON IN IT, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU"**_ lucifer shouted, his messy bedhead almost falling out as he gripped at it in fistfuls.

gabriel officially burst out laughing then, nearly dumping his cup of coffee all over. bend at the waist, bust a gut laughter echoing thru the house. _"now that was funny!"_ he cheered.

"it appears april fools day has begun, which is our sign to get ready for the day" jody announced, rolling up her long sleeved sleep shirt and walked back towards the master bedroom. donna nodded with a slight grimace, _"i'll be brushin mah teeth now, be careful, ya hear?"_

castiel shook his head, walking past his husband with their kids, putting them in a kitchen chair and moving to the kitchen to start breakfast. dean helped charlie to calm down before meeting cas in the kitchen. gabriel, who had stopped laughing enough to breathe again grinned over his coffee cup.

"but was it a sexy chick snake?" he teased.

both lucifer and charlie threw pillows at full force at him. 

dean and castiel cooked side by side, jody stepping out in dirty jeans and a loose shirt on. lucifer sat on the loveseat, back turned to everyone as he watched tv. charlie was colouring with the boys.

_ **"OH MY GOD, THAT IS DISGUSTIN"** _

the family looked up, all going wide eyed at the shout that came from the bathroom. jody and dean were the fastest in running to the bathroom, where it had been donna shouting from. charlie stayed with the boys, gabriel calmly walked behind cas and lucifer as they ran to the open door.

_"that aint toothpaste!"_ donna gasped, spitting the white foam from her mouth as she coughed. jody gently patted her on the back, quickly filling up the plastic cup always kept by the sink, with fresh cold water and letting her wife sip from it. 

dean raised an eyebrow at the small toothpaste tube, snatching it up and raising it near his nostril. castiel's eyebrows meet one another, confused sets of eyes were all on the young witch. his nose wrinkled up, gently dipping the tip of his long right middle finger in the foam before touching it to his tongue.

_"thats dads shaving cream"_ dean realized. castiel's mouth dropped open.

_**"ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS"**_ lucifer spun around to gabriel, anger bubbling up in him for charlie and now donna. gabe shrugged with a light smirk.

_"two down, four to go"_

** _~~~~_ **

breakfast had gone ... _well?_ no pranks had been played, lucifer was eyeballing everything though. but then again, so were cas, dean and jody. the only thing about getting pranked was that you could relax more, you had no reason to still be on edge, you got busted after-all.

most of the snow had melted so after breakfast was finished, castiel and bobby owen ran out to the big backyard to play catch for awhile. dean and lucifer joined them outside soon enough, with uncle luce snuggling in with jack and dean tossing a few rounds with his husband and oldest son.

_"mama-san, when you werent a hunter ... what did you wanna be?" _

dean turned to his son, smiling at the handmade eye-patch he had made, and then painted for his son. he thought about the question, before tossing the ball to castiel, who tossed it back to bobby owen to catch once more. 

_"thats tough_. i was, more or less, born into the hunter life, actually. i wasnt allowed much school, so i had to learn when i was older, so i guess if i got the chance, id maybe be an artist. or, maybe a researcher for something"

the boy nodded, tossing his baseball to dean. _"what about you pop?"_

castiel smiled, "it was different for us. we were older when we became hunters, we went to school. but i remember, i wanted to be a writer. it made sense to me, i loved books and short stories, poems, things like that."

the ball was tossed from dean to castiel._ "uncle luce?"_

lucifer looked up from the nearly one year old on his lap. "me? oh heh ..." he shook his head sadly, shrugging his shoulders, "i wanted to be a rockstar ..."

"really?" dean smiled, "a rockstar? thats badass" the witch laughed.

lucifer was about to reply with a smile on his face when another shout came from inside the farmhouse, _**"GABRIEL, YOU SICK LITTLE TRICKSTER!"**_

dean took off running, nearly slipping and falling on his face on the amount of ice that remained on the porch steps, swinging the back door wide open. charlie was standing in front of the closed bathroom door, donna and jody's voices in the bathroom.

"what happened?" he asked, panting slightly. he reached over after stepping into the house, tapping on the door, _"mom, is everything okay?"_

charlie glared over at gabriel's cheeky little face, castiel and lucifer looking confuses upon entry of the back door. lucifer leaned against the broom closet door, squinting at his brother._ "what did you do now?"_

jody opened the bathroom door, looking flustered and tugging a towel further up her chest. dean pulled her into his arms, protecting her quickly. "mom? what happened?" donna stepped into view, holding up jody's red robe that was bundled up on the sink.

_"i should arrest you"_ she said calmly to gabriel, who smirked in return. cas and luce shared a look, both of them looking over at dean and jody afterwards. 

_"i was going for a shower, changed in the bedroom like always. donna needed me in the kitchen ... i couldnt quite understand the little giggles i could hear, but suddenly i realized my robe was a lot more breezy than i remembered."_ jody explained, taking the robe from donna and shaking it out in full.

sure enough, there was a large section cut out in the back that wouldve matched up with jody's back end perfectly if she were wearing it. 

_**"JESUS CHRIST, YOU DONT DO THAT STUPID ASS CHILDISH SHIT TO OUR MOTHER"**_ lucifer nearly roared, smacking gabe upside the head. _**"I CANT EVEN BELIEVE YOU"**_ he grabbed gabe by the ear, and proceeded to pull him out the back door along with himself.

everyone looked at one another before bobby owen, now holding his baby brother again, whispered up at castiel, _"pop ... that wasnt s'ppose' to happen, right?"_

castiel quietly laughed, shaking his head._ "no, but ... i dont see anyone going to stop him"_

_**~~~~**_  
there were two more pranks left, but so low level it wouldnt cause harm nor make such a large show as the earlier pranks so perfectly planned. but it seemed like gabriel's plan was working because what he wanted to happen, _was in fact, happening._

the day, pranks aside had started to cloud over, as early spring tended to do. the boys had gone for a walk, with lucifer becoming more on edge as the day progressed. refusing to hold hands, or even carry or push baby jack, never standing too close or too far away. he was usually on edge, _he was a hunter first,_ but this is was a fun kind of edge.

_castiel fell victim next._

the family remained in their pajamas for a lazy friday to themselves. dean made bobby owen's favourite soup, warming the farmhouse up wonderfully in the early spring. the couch was still pulled out in its bed-form, the coffee table pushed against the end lf it, the loveseat pushed up against that. everyone sat together huddled up, watching old movies.

cas set down his spoon, clearing his throat before coughing into his closed fist.

everyone turned away from the screen when cas coughed harder, trying to catch his breath. dean set down his bowl, shifting around to pat his husband on the back, _"jesus, cas ..."_

_"im .. im good ... spice .."_

_"spice? i didnt add any! ... just the usual pepper and garlic!"_ dean stressed, eyes flashing purple as his hand ghosted over castiel's forehead to heal him. cas gasped for air, clutching at his throat as he finally gained some air intake, coughing roughly afterwards. jody handed him a glass of water that he accepted gracefully, gulping it down fast.

_"holy shit"_ he whispered, panting. his face had gone red, the tips of his ears nearly burning. bobby owen crawled over, sitting on his fathers lap to protect him once he could breathe again. dean took a hold of the bowl, tilting it to peer inside, swirling the spoon in the remains.

_"well sonuvabitch_, with that amount of goddamn pepper seasoning and actual peppers in this im surprised you're still alive"

lucifer slapped gabe upside the head when the middle brother began to cackle. "real nice ... do you realize you couldda killed him?" 

gabriel looked even more smug, cheeks their own red with happiness. "naaah, c'mon now, cassie's strong! lil spice of life never hurt anyone!"

_ **~~~~**_

dean was the last trick of the day, and gabriel had waited all day to pull it.

the night had washed over the world, supper had been cleaned up long ago. bobby owen had gone to bed an hour ago, charlie nearly asleep on the pullout once more. it was nearing 11 p.m., which meant april fools would be over and lucifer could say he finally won one of his brothers stupid bets. _that is, if he didnt fall victim in the next few hours._

"hey, babyboy, c'mere please, when ya can"

dean turned from where he was standing behind the loveseat, castiel was in the kitchen with spell-book in hand. a large metal bowl sat on the island in front of him, small glass bottles with different powders, liquids and objects filling them. a pink satin cloth lay under everything, with dean's heavy handcrafted, hand-painted witchcraft box set to the side.

_"this is wrong, isnt it?"_

castiel didnt practice witchcraft, but after watching dean do so for so many years, he could honestly say he knew a few small tricks at this point. it made sense, after all. his husband was a witch and a hunter! dean leaned over, his left index finger trailing down the print. the old paper crinkled with the movement.

"good eye, this is _very wrong_. what book is this?"

_"i had it in the trunk forever, but i figure if some of the spells were helpful we could add em to your spell-book."_ cas explained. researching for hunts was the simple part of the job, when it actually used to be the worst. dean was special in every-way, because not only were you hunting with experienced hunters,_ you had dean._

_dean, the witch, dean. dean, the nerd, dean._ dean, who had read every book in bobby's library and put together his own research journal, bursting at the seams with knowledge on all things that went bump in the night. dean, who had his own spell-book, put together much like his research journal, with the smallest of details all mashed up to make hard to read spells.

"huh. well, first i'd say trade the lover's kiss for some moon dust. if you have a big main piece like that, the smaller things only add to it. each piece is important, but every spell's backbone is at least one major player piece"

cas smiled, doing as told. his fingers pulled bottles to the front, dumping a handful of each thing dean had corrected from the book. all was going well until dean said the spell. _suddenly a loud popping sound echoed across the house, and purple smoke filled the air._ donna rushed around the island.

purple goo clung to dean's face, neck, and hair. he filled an empty jar with water to toss out the burning spell left in the bowl, coughing as the smell of burning spell-work hung in the air. the family turned to at what had happened. donna helped her son blow away smoke.

"where's cas?" she asked, raising her eyebrow when the smoke cleared enough to see that they were now the only two standing there.

"what?" dean spun to his left, and sure enough castiel was nowhere in sight. dean spun back around, knocking over bottles in his haste to re-read the page and double check all the glass bottles. purple goo dripped off the tip of his nose, his long hair falling into his eyes as it dripped with goo itself. jody stepped over with napkins, wiping it away.

charlie looked confused, stepping around the mess to eye the new small houseplant that sat on the counter where cas had once been. the leaves a dark black colour, the pot an icy blue colour. and suddenly her heart sank, her hand reaching out to touch it.

_**"dont touch my leaves!"**_ it screeched, the plant shivering as it curled up on itself. charlie gasped, jumping backwards. "holy crap! cas, is that you?"

"i ... i think so?"

_"cas, you're a houseplant!"_ charlie replied, gently picking the blue pot up and holding it closer to her face.

"i do believe i am ... i sure i wasnt, but i do believe i am"

_**"GABRIEL, WHAT DID YOU DO?"** _lucifer cried for the millionth time today. gabe just shrugged, smirking around the large cherry lollipop he was sucking on.

_"gabe ... never touch my witchcraft, **EVER. DO YOU I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?!"**_ dean shouted, his eyes glaring a burning bright purple, the few glasses sitting around the two shurley brothers broke with how loud and angry the witch was becoming.

_**"YOU REPLACED MOON DUST WITH SILLY PUTTY AND NOW IM NOT SURE I CAN FIX THIS"**_ cupboards banged loudly, drawers slammed themselves, ears rang. oh yes, dean could be a very angry witch given the chance. gabriel had enough fear to at least shrink down in size under a blanket.

_five down. one to go._

**~~~~**

morning had broke over sioux falls with no bumps in the road. in fact, you could it was just a normal, beautiful spring day in south dakota. jody and donna were up at six with their alarms. by 6:30, the family, aside from bobby owen were awake and having breakfast.

"lucifer, did you get any sleep?* jody asked softly, petting the boys hair. 

while gabriel had spend most of the day before with a shit eating smug smirk plastered on his face, this morning the role had been switched, and now lucifer was wearing it. dean noticed it first, smirking to himself at how all the shurley brothers tended to look exactly the same with a smirk on their face.

_"not very well, but i cant complain. i finally won a bet against my dear, sweet little brother, here" _

all eyes were on gabriel now, who in return smirked back at lucifer. _"oh, really?"_

_"oh, very._ the bet was clear, you prank every single one of us .. which you did ... except for me. there by making me the winner of this childish bet."

_"ah!"_ charlie grinned, setting down her waffles. "but did you _actually_ see the snake _alive_ in my bed?"

lucifer looked at her strangely.

"did you _actually_ taste my toothpaste?" donna asked, sipping at her coffee.

"did you _actually_ see my rear end?" jody added, sipping at her own coffee.

"did you _actually_ taste my soup?" castiel murmured, slurping on his cereal spoon.

"do you _actually_ know enough spell-work to know if it was changed? did you _actually_ see castiel turn into a houseplant?"

_"that's two pranks on castiel"_ lucifer argued.

"i kinda thought so too, but since it was spell work i figure it justified as a prank on dean too, _they're basically the same person"_ gabriel smiled.

lucifer narrowed his eyes in on him. 

_"the best joke of all, bro ... was that the joke that never came at all"_

_**"i fuckin hate april fools day!"**_ lucifer got up from the table as the family laughed, tossing himself on the pullout for some more sleep.

_"it's soooo on for next year now, broheim!"_

_ **"DONT CALL ME BROHEIM, ASSHOLE"** _


	60. 🌸 finding beauty in all the small things - such as black eyes, broken noses and no front teeth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PROMPT: a small town where nearly everybody knows everybody and one of your otp's friends is excited about something, and by accident breaks one person of your otp's nose. so the other person takes them to the hospital and they bond over weird clothes, or the injury's or something.
> 
> \- chapter 60 !! oh my CHUCK !! 
> 
> okay, so i tried getting this posted sooner but real life has been a real btich, but i got a much more fun chapter hopefully coming out near christmas for yall. i wanted to wait but i just wanted to fill this goofy prompt.
> 
> i have a lot of fun prompts i love reading in other things, so i thought some would be fun to write for this verse, whatcha think? this isnt very well written, i did it over a few days while being very tired and very busy. but here we are. chapter 60 !!
> 
> gotta love that ugly meeting ... again, someone please babysit gabriel !!
> 
> friendly reminder: requests are open :)
> 
> warning: smoking, swearing, punching by accident, lots of blood.  
words: 1, 554
> 
> posted and edited on december 15th 2020

_college wasnt all it cracked up to be, and castiel was pretty sure he was going to murder his two older brothers before the year was over._

the shurley brothers were from a small town, but that small town had a college that thousands of kids came to each new year. with nearly every class being available to whatever career path you'd choosen. yet, the town could only ever afford to build one huge apartment on the edge of town, next to the college and that was it. all the kids either left and never returned, or joined a few willing townfolk families during the year.

luckily, the brothers had grown up here and after their parents passed away, had gotten the house. but the bad part was all three of them worked a job or two everyday while also trying to keep up with their classes, just to pay the bills on such a large family house. it all workes out well for them, though. they all had their own shifts and would always be done on time.

lucifer was the oldest brother, who took early morning music classes, and worked at the pawn shop down on main street. gabriel, the middle brother, took a business class to help out with his work at the local diner. and castiel, the youngest brother, who took beauty classes, worked two jobs, one at the post office and the other at the hair salon.

_"i dont get it! i mean, i could totally understand that if joey just told dawson in season one! but then jen was also there!"_ gabriel cried, swinging his hands above his hand and out beside him as he spoke.

_"gabriel. it's a fucking tv show. let it go"_ lucifer said, pushing his brothers hands down before he pulled out a cigarette to light up.

_"you guys were the ones who told me to binge watch dawson's creek again! it's not my fault i forgot how much i hated joey, jen and sometimes dawson!"_ gabe's hands flew outwards again, nearly hitting a girl who sped by in her heels, trying to reach the front door of the college.

_"sorry"_ castiel called out, awkwardly waving at her, pushing his brothers hands down again. "look, we told you to relax, what you watch again is not our problem"

gabriel pouted, crossing his arms against his chest, which caused lucifer to lowly chuckle around his smoke. the late january wind picked up, a few stray snowflakes flew to the ground around the three boys. thanking their lucky stars it was friday, and that they could all enjoy a peaceful, school and work free saturday.

lucifer checked his phone, removing his smoke from between his lips. "you guys hungry? nearly lunch, now" 

"sure" cas replied, taking his phone out next. lucifer continued smoking, looking up at the white, clouded over sky. gabe looked between them, all three boys quiet before he made his next move.

_"i'm sorry, but did you even see the detention episode? like, i'm sorry but that dawson fight with pacey was just sad. i get it, it happens! **but for dawson to break pacey's nose! WITH A BASKETBALL!** you couldda done better with fists!"_

gabe's hands were made into fists, turning his body slightly to his left side as he did so_. "like, c'mon now! ive been lucifer fight better, and i know its just a tv show, but surely fists would outbeat a basketball?! right?! but it was kinda cool. just like, **BAM! BAM BAM BAM! WHAM! BOOYAH!"**_

** _"SON'NUHBI'CH"_ **

** _"OW!"_ **

both castiel and lucifer spun around, eyes wide and mouths slightly hanging open. gabriel stood over a crumpled body, holding his right hand with his left. his knuckles growing to a red shade. lucifer tossed his smoke out, grabbing a hold of gabe's hands as cas got to the ground.

the boy was curled up on himself, his hands holding his face, thick blood gushing out between his fingers. his books and papers had been thrown around as he fell. cas pulled his flannel off, stuffing it into a ball to put under the boys head. gabriel was babbling to lucifer as cas tried to pull the kids hands away from his face.

"how .. fuckin hard did you hit em?" luce questioned, trying to see what castiel was doing. gabriel hid behind his older brother, chewing on his lip_ "i was just joking ... i didnt .... i didnt ..."_

_"hey, kid .. kid, can ya hear me?"_ castiel asked, beginning to cake with blood. the boys eyes were still squeezed tightly shut, his body uncurling itself slowly. the way his bloody hands were clutching at his nose it was nearly impossible to recognize his features and tell who he was, "what's your name, kid?"

_"...d-d-dean"_

"dean? alright, dean, i'm castiel. what's your last name?"

_" win'hes'er"_

castiel's face paled. "dean winchester? as in .... sheriff jody mill's nephew dean winchester?"

no reply came, just shallow breathing. lucifer got down to his knees beside his kid brother, gabriel remained standing on the lookout, nervously sucking on a lollipop. "fuck, cassie. he's losing too much blood, hospital - _**NOW"**_

_**~~~~**_  
two hours. it had been two long hours, standing in this shitty little room, waiting for a doctor to show up.

castiel sighed, cracking his jaw to allow a large yawn, arching his back and crossing his arms over his chest. dean, whose bleeding had stopped, finally, sat on the paper covered table. his hands and face were still plastered with blood, his mouth, chin and neck were enough to make even a vampire a bit afraid. maybe.

they hadnt said a word to one another in the two hours they had shared this space together, but then again, castiel was older than dean and even though they had seen one another around town, _they werent ... anything to eachother. there was something strange with the kid, as far as cas could tell. he was quiet to say the least._

the door opened, and dean sat up straighter. it was then castiel noticed the bloody, hole filled and wrinkled _"peyton and rachel"_ shirt dean was sporting.

"au't 'onna" the boy murmured. 

"heya there squirt! aunt jodes is gun'a been here soon. sorry imma late." donna smiled, making eye contact with castiel across the room before turning back to dean,_ "ya wanna ... tell me why ya're lookin so rough? ya scarin me, kiddo"_

_"because my idiot older brother gets overly excited about everything, and while explaining a tv show he punched dean in the face, by accident."_ castiel blurted, uncrossing his legs and stepping forward.

dean nodded slowly when donna looked down at him, then back to cas. "well, thank ya for bringin our boy in" she held her hand out for him to take. cas accepted the shake, returning the favour._ "no problem, ma'am"_

a doctor showed up soon enough afterwards, taking another hour to question every detail more than a few times. by 4 that afternoon dean was being released and was allowed to return home. donna had to run back to the station around 3, which left castiel remaining in the room.

under the thick layers of dried blood, cas had been surprised to find ever so soft features on dean winchesters face, currently coloured with dark brusies. his green eyes were shiny, surrounded by pure black bruises, purple patches running down his cheeks. the white bandages across his now crooked nose covered most of the black abiss across gentle freckles and tan skin.

"sorry my brother broke your nose" castiel mumbled, taking dean's arm to walk him out the front doors of the hospital.

"sor'y i 'uined your 'ay" dean smiled, his cheeks straining to rise up with the pain he must have felt. cas cringed back before quietly laughing.

"i'm .. i'm sorry, i just .. i gotta ask ..." cas stopped, waving his right fingers around his mouth. _in the half a day spent with the quiet winchester boy, he could not figure out what the hell was up with his speech or why it was so strange. having your nose busted messed with that, he wasnt stupid, but slurring on the same sounds or just not saying them wast part of the deal._

"oh" 

the two stared at eachother before dean grinned as wide as he could. castiel's mouth hung open in shock. _sure enough, dean winchester was missing his two front teeth, and a few of the bottom ones to boot._

"holy shit"

"yeah, i get 'hat a 'ot" dean laughed, the sound coming back wheezey and stuffy.

"long story?" 

"... 'e'y" 

_"alright then" cas laughed. "so, aside from gabriel breaking your nose over him acting out dawson's creek scenes, and you getting blood all over a one tree hill shirt, and having no front teeth ... is there anything else i should know about you?"_

_dean hummed in thought, smiling up at his new friend. "i 'ike a't, dannee' ha'r'is, burgers, 'ries, an' to'ay is my 20' bir'h'ay"_

_castiel turned to look down at him, rounding a corner onto main street. "well, since im also a crazy danneel harris fan, and i owe ya for bustin your nose. lemme treat ya to a birthday burger"_

_dean laughed, causing castiel to laugh back._

_"dont tell gabriel, but i watch one tree hill and dawson's creek without him"_


	61. 🌼 deck the farmhouse with christmas cheer, impala la la la

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> REQUEST: FILLED !!  
"christmas - one where the whole family gets ready for and celebrates christmas and eats too much food and tears open a mountain of presents"
> 
> MERRY CHRISTMAS !! HAPPY HOLIDAYS !!
> 
> yes, yes, i took a small break from posting between the last piece and this one to write this .. its not exactly the prompt/request until the very end but i watched some supernatural episodes that sorta gave me inspiration in different areas and i REALLY wanted to add them to this for some reason. it just sorta works to me.
> 
> christmas is my least favourite time of year, i really hate it, but i didnt want to convey that too much in this. instead i did this - you have shit christmases with people you dont like, only to be rewarded with dozens of good christmases with people you love. it works out in every way, i feel.
> 
> so yes, this is a bit trippy, and dean finally gets to meet/see someone he's never seen before, only to find out they're exactly what he's always feared. AND two people finally find eachother after years apart ...
> 
> now, i'm off to enjoy the rest of the day with my family, and i hope you do the same. merry christmas yall, so much love xXx
> 
> words: 5, 362  
warnings: swearing as always, blood, weight jokes, weight talk (all in good fun, though. dean would kick their ass if isnt a joke), assholes, one slur towards dean, light drinking, light smoking, death mention and birth talk. i think thats it ?
> 
> posted on december 25th, 2020.

_"do you remember your first christmas?"_ cas whispered into the dark bedroom.

dean's long eyelashes fluttered against his neck, his nose buried deep against hot bare skin._ "what do you mean?"_ he replied.

the christmas lights softly flickered, changing colour slowly. dean snuggled in closer. cas' bare upper body was flat against the mattress, dean's bare legs tangled with cas' fuzzy flannel covered ones. the witch was nearing a much needed sleep, castiel's right arm cradled him close to his chest, while his left hand was under his pajama shirt, rubbing lazy and steady circles on dean's stretchmark and scar covered tummy.

it was the very early hours of chirstmas eve, before anyone was supposed to be up, but because of how the family celebrated the holiday, gabriel and lucifer would be showing up soon enough. judging by the weird noises and hushed sounds coming from the livingroom already though, castiel would bet either some of the kids stayed up to see santa, or that his idiot older brothers were already here.

_"christmas in kansas"_ cas finished his earlier thought.

the body on top of him shifted._ "mm .. i have photos .. of, of her pregnant with me. but john tore the face out of every single one. then i just have photos of our christmases."_ deans voice got heavier and heavier as he got closer to peacefully falling to sleep on his husband.

a crash from the livingroom made castiel flinch, rocking dean's body enough to open his eyes too much. _"i hate them."_ he muttered darkly. cas huffed a laugh.

both of them were out of their comfy bed and made their way to the cozy farmhouse livingroom.

_**~~~~**_  
a small childs giggling, and a womans soft voice is what woke dean, first. the blinding white light, being replaced with some sort of blue-green wallpaper, was second.

he rubbed at his face, squinting at his hands, slowly sitting up. nothing was too clear yet, but he found himself barefooted, his dirty and ripped work jeans on. with a confused huff, and some more confused squinting, he also found himself in his black _"what would macgyver do?"_ shirt, his red flannel covering it. with a turn of his head, found his snapback on backwards.

its exactly what he had been wearing the day before, wrapping gifts with the family. more grunts and moving were heard around him.

castiel was to dean's left, also wearing his snapback on backwards. his long sleeved blue shirt was rolled up on his arms, his jeans were held up with his black belt and a horribly tacky christmas buckle gabriel had gotten him. his black socks were covered in cat fur.

lucifer and gabriel were to their right. lucifer had gotten glitter all over his shirt, so he had been wearing dean's martha wainwright shirt, and his favourite pair of his black skinny jeans. the jeans, as well as his socks were also covered in cat fur. gabriel was in one of his ugly christmas sweaters, a bright pink colour, that _really_ didnt match his lime green sweatpants. he was barefoot, like dean.

just like dean, the brothers were in what they had been wearing the day before.

the child giggling got louder, music broke the cloud over them. it was still hard to place, but it sounded like christmas music of some kind. the four boys stared at one another, before they finally reached out to touch the other. they fell in on eachother in relief when they found themselves to be real.

"are we ... dead?" lucifer asked, raising an eyebrow. dean's body got stiff, his eyes glaring his bright purple glow for a brief second, before returning. castiel held onto his arm, frowning with worry.

"not dead, just ... i think we're having the same kinda dream at the same time." dean explained, accepting castiel's help to stand up. the other brothers followed the two. _"so ... where are we?"_ gabe asked, waving his hands through the whiteness that surrounded them.

the boys waved thru the white light, the wallpaper became clearer, as did the music. a hardwood floor came into view, a nicely furnished livingroom sat in front of them, a massive christmas tree was in the corner, the top of the star just an inch or two away from the ceiling. a small boy, wearing jeans and an auto shop shirt, with a messy mop of dark brown hair, came running in the room, his face red with laughter.

_**"sam, get back here!"**_ a booming voice called out. the boy giggled harder, taking off running when a much taller man ran in, smiling at the boy before chasing after him. dean swallowed thickly, face going a lighter shade than usual. _"that ...that ... that was .. that"_

_**"that was john and sam!"**_ gabriel and lucifer spat. both of them glared at the figures as they ran back into the room, exiting it just as fast again. upon the third game of chase, they stopped in front of the four hunters, playing with a large box full of toys that was tucked away behind an arm chair.

castiel started to look around, opening drawers and cupboards around the room. "uh .. maybe, look around. see if you can find anything that looks like anything you remember"

_"cas ... this is deans head. not ours. why the fuck would anything of ours be here?"_ lucifer asked, looking around to help out just the same though. dean was frozen in place, watching the young sam and john on the floor.

gabriel stood next to dean, holding onto the witch's arm. _"that might be the key, remember when we got stuck in tv land, we had to play our roles? well, i think we gotta play thru our memories here."_

"boys? lunch is ready" the womans voice was soft, but clear and gentle. dean tensed up, and the two shurley brothers froze just like dean had before. _"no ...no, please no"_ he whispered out. gabe held onto his arm, tugging on his rolled flannel to let him know he was there.

mary winchester stepped into the door frame of the livingroom. her long blonde hair perfectly tied up, without a hair out of place, makeup done in light blues and whites, her lips a shiny pink tone. her earrings and necklace were small pearls. her nails were long but painted, her rings seemed almost too large for her hands. a short, dark blue, open back dress hugged her body, and her very pregnant middle as if it was always made too.

_"n-no ... no, n-no, no"_

"mommy, mommy, mommy!" sammy grinned his little toothless grin. castiel and lucifer snapped back to what was happening and got back to digging through everything they could find. after a small punch to his back, gabe joined in the search.

_"i wont let anything bad happen to you boys. daddy, mommy and angels are watching over you two. you and your baby brother are going to grow up into big, handsome men, and marry beautiful women, and have your own families someday."_

dean took a step forward, tears on the edge of spilling down his full freckled cheeks. _"shut up, please, just shut up"_

mary broke the veil between the dream and where dean was standing. she smiled so sweetly, walking over to him and cupping his cheeks with her hands, tears forming in her own eyes. her eyes bore into deans, her smile going even wider._ "my babyboy ..."_

he ripped her hand from his face, backing away from her until his back hit cas'._ "you dont get to call me that. i ... i hate you. you lied to me before i was even born. you think this is happiness? your husband and son are serial killers! they beat me until i nearly died! i never knew what you looked like until now .... **i hate you!"**_

_**"holy shit i remember this!"**_ lucifer grinned, holding up a christmas postcard. the room started to shake, and the four hunters held onto eachother, the figures in the dream veil continued on with their life as if nothing was happening.

_ **~~~~** _

castiel hit the ground first, dean and lucifer falling on their sides awkwardly and gabriel landed face first on castiel where it hurt the most. he shoved gabe off, pulling his knees to his chest as he groaned through the pain.

"good thing youre done havin kids" luce joked, patting cas' hip as he got up. the room around them was a warming red-orange tone. no wallpaper was found, just a nicely painted livingroom area, with white trim and dark furniture. christmas lights could be seen from outside in the snow, the room's lights were off with the lights from the tree and kitchen lighting the area up well.

_"i felt like that place was bad touching me everywhere"_ dean shuttered, wiping his face while trying to regain control of himself. castiel sat up slowly, holding his hands over his waist as he did so. lucifer hummed, helping him to his feet.

"where are we now?" the witch asked

"that postcard i found, we had it at home in boston. it hung on the string of cards mom always put up every year" lucifer explained.

a baby crying, with a tired looking woman shushing near its ear was forming in the room in front of them. christmas music filled the empty room next, children laughing next. _"our last family chirstmas ... mom had hannah on christmas day."_ castiel whispered, nodding towards the figures.

abaddon smiled tiredly from the floor, pillows and blankets bundled up around her naked body. her hair was poorly tied up, no makeup to be found on her face. a sleeping newborn at her chest, face red but calm as she shushed and swayed. chuck walked in, handing his wife a glass of water. they talked lowly, kissing after.

_**"killer"**_ lucifer muttered darkly.

three boys came running in, chasing one another around the room, staying away from their mother._ "stop eating all the cookies, gabe!"_ a younger castiel called out. a younger lucifer followed with a tray in hand, _"cas, get him!"_

"you guys were adorable" dean laughed. 8 year old castiel turned, breaking the veil as mary had done before, looking up at dean. 9 year old gabe, and 10 year old lucifer did the same. except, they smiled at their older selves, waving at them with cheerful smiles.

_"merry christmas"_ little gabriel whispered, handing the last homemade cookie to dean. the witch smiled sadly, but refused to take it. he instead crouched down to the boy, _"why dont you give it to your mom, and new baby sister?"_

with that the boys back out of the veil, and ran over to their mother. chuck held cas and gabe on his lap, lucifer sat next to abaddon, his hand touching newborn hannah's bare toes. dean smiled at them,_ "they're beautiful"_ he murmured.

_"yeah, they were"_ lucifer murmured back, wrapping his left arm around dean's shoulder, then sliding up to his neck. "i miss em ... a fuckin lot, i miss em. but, i got your weird ass children" dean laughed at that, nodding in agreement. castiel stood next to them, pointing out to the room they were in.

"anyone find anything yet?"

"oh right" gabriel piped up. the four of them got to work searching through the place. after nothing was found in the livingroom, dean stepped into the kitchen, opening the fridge and lowering himself to look inside it.

_"whoa, i havent seen this in ages"_ he gasped.

the room spun around again, crashing down with some dirt flying up onto their feet.

_ **~~~~** _

the motel room was cold, the tiles were moldy, barely holding on to what they were supposed to. the carpet was pulled up in places, newspaper and tape covered most of it under the three legged motel table. a broken beer bottle was shattered near the mess, a liquid was soaking up in the papers, the smell overwhelming.

the shurley brothers dusted themselves off from the fall, finding dean standing over the fridge just as he been before the new change. "so, this is where?" castiel asked, looking around the dingy room. wallpaper was in different patches, water flowing down the wall under and above pieces. the two beds were pulled apart, the sheets on the floor and the other ripped up.

_"welcome to upstate washington. i was 14, this was my last christmas with john and sam"_ dean said, closing the broken down fridge with an orange object in hand.

_"is that blood?"_ gabriel asked, pointing to a stain that was growing darker by the minute. a harsh wind blew outside, and the three brothers shivered as it blew in from the broken window and in from under the door. the latch was also broken, so the door opened slightly with the hard wind. it was a pretty rundown crappy motel to say the least.

_"blood? ... where is everybody then? what ... "_ lucifer trailed off, when the engine of the impala roared up outside. cas made his way over to dean, shrugging over to the door. the witch shook his head. _"they come in but dont find me"_

gabriel hid behind lucifer when the motel room door bashed into the wall, making the doorknob hole much larger. a teenaged sam was laughing to high heaven, his eyes glassed over, his body falling in on itself as he walked. john followed, a lot more composed than his oldest son, but eyes just as glassed over. they reeked and the smell added to the already overwhelming booze smell.

"ugh, fuck" lucifer gagged slightly, turning his face away from the figures walking in, but it didnt help much.

_"merry fuckin christmas, huh?"_ castiel swore, looking at dean, who had sat down on the counter. he hummed, watching the two figures dig in their duffels. he held the orange object just a little tighter, playing with his rings as he waited.

sam stumbled over his feet, crashing into john's back with a laugh. "wai' wai' whe'e .. heh, heh, hahaha, whe'e the lil' slut?" he laughed harder, gripping onto the leather jacket john hardly took off. john laughed, patting the teenager on the head like a dog, "not sure. lets find another instead, huh? give 'im a break today, _its christmas after all"_

gabriel left lucifer's back, jogging over to dean and smashing him into a tight hug. _the words were never said, but everyone in the room understood. john and sam were assholes, and it was a good thing dean got away when he did._ the motel door slammed shut and lucifer cringed when part of the ceiling crashed down in small pieces.

dean pulled away from gabriel, leaning down and opening the cupboard under the counter he had just been sitting on. the boys stayed quiet as dean whispered something softly, handing the orange object over and backing away from the small space.

"you're claustrophobic ..." gabe whispered. dean nodded, replying "but if i needed a safe hiding space i sucked it up"

a bleeding and bruised up, skinny, and short 14 year old dean crawled out of the cupboard, sketchbook getting tugged out with him. the orange object older dean had given him from the fridge was a small cup, which was filled with what looked like cold milk. _castiel had to look away when the younger dean looked up at him through the veil._ his right eye was completely shut, weeping from how hard the blow had been. a cut running from his eyebrow to below his eye was bleeding slowly, dripping down to his cheek and neck.

"jesus christ" lucifer muttered, looking away too.

_"lets ... just try to find the new thing, please?"_ dean pleaded, moving from his younger self and beginning to search around the room, avoiding the scenes of different crimes from his past. lucifer agreed quickly, searching with him. gabriel looked around too, heading into the bathroom for fun. castiel watched younger dean, sadly. that was the same dean he met all those years ago. his dean was so much different.

**_"heeeeey! i love this thing!"_** gabriel called out, causing the room to spin.

_ **~~~~** _

this motel wasnt at all like the one they'd just come from, _everything was intact._ the walls a light, happy yellow tone, painted. the couches were dark, with visibly no damage to them. the two beds were made, the night stand in between held a nice lamp, alarmclock and a glass.

four duffels sat on the four chairs in the small, but nice and clean kitchen area. the windows had curtains that were drawn over them, the door locked with a salt trail on the floor in front. empty shotgun shells were on the counter, a box with full ones and gun powder were close by.

_"upstate new york, i was 16 ... i .. i remember this because uncle crowley surprised us. he even left boston, which is why this sticks out to me."_ castiel gaped, turning around in the motel room to study the place.

_"and this is the fun toothbrush cap luci got me!"_ gabriel bounced out of the bathroom, holding a pink toothbrush with a candy bar cap on it. _"i love it!"_ he grinned.

the figures started to appear, all sitting on the couches and floor by the small black and white, box tv. a crappy looking bare christmas tree was atop the tv, with just a shoelace wrapped around it, acting as a christmas bow. some newspaper wrapped gifts were on the floor, some already unwrapped and opened.

chuck and castiel were on the couch, chuck had a wrapped box in hand while cas held a card in his. gabriel and lucifer were on the floor across the table, lucifer also holding a wrapped odd shaped box while gabriel held a small half unwrapped box.

"this aint a fuckin bad christmas memory though, so what the hell?" lucifer pointed out, watching their younger selves through the veil. they smiled and laughed, continuing with unwrapping their few gifts.

_"maybe thats what this is. showing us a few of our bad christmases before a few good ones for us to truly enjoy tomorrow's christmas"_ dean said, shrugging as his brain started to process the information they'd been given. or what little of it they did have.

"should we be looking for something?" cas asked, confused.

a knock on the motel door got chuck to his feet and the boys to stay quiet. lucifer reached behind him, telling dean he was reaching for either his gun or knife he always carried.

_"no, wait"_ gabe whispered, leaning over his brothers and dean, watching their figures get ready to fight.

chuck opened the door, laughing before uncle crowley entered the motel room, dressed as santa, beard and all, carrying a sack of gifts behind him. the boys all lit up, laughing hard, running over to him. gabriel refused to let go as lucifer helped with the sack. chuck thanked him quietly, taking his middle son and letting crowley sit down.

"crowley dressed as santa?" dean laughed, smiling wide. _"wouldnt have guessed that, never in a million years"_

"it was great. he said they had great christmases back home, but then something happened to his mother, and a few years later he left for boston. he doesnt really like christmas because of that, but, man this was great." cas explained.

the room started to shake, yet everyone in the veil remained the same. just like before.

**_"we didnt find anything!"_** gabriel cried, reaching out for lucifer.

**_"what the fuck do we do?"_** lucifer spat, grabbing onto cas and dean.

** _~~~~_ **

_the farmhouse smelled like christmas._ 16 year old dean was helping jody clean up after dinner, boddy and donna were crashed out in the livingroom. a huge tree was next to the record player, some vintage christmas songs playing from it. lights danced across the room, lighting up the place. daphne was walking around, tossing a new cat toy in the air.

castiel growled, trying to sit up from the last fall. his hands roamed the hardwood floor,_ "this .. this is home. this is the farm_" he gasped with cheer.

"whoa" gabriel mumbled.

a skinny, but growing dean walked with jody into the livingroom. his ugly christmas sweater matched with donna's as he joined her in the lazy-boy chair she was in. he sat on her lap, snuggling in. jody kissed their heads, wrapping them up in a blanket and joined bobby on the couch.

_"you havent looked like that in a long time"_ gabriel said, dusting himself off.

_"what, skinny?"_ dean joked, shaking his head.

_"ultra bleach blonde with a wanna-be macgyver hair-do"_ lucifer joked back, grinning slightly.

dean looked down at his macgyver shirt, raising an eyebrow at lucifer. _"that was also before i birthed 6 kids"_ he grinned back.

_"alright, alright, we get it. dean has short hair, still bleached and is heavier now. but i love him all the same"_ castiel sidetracked everyone, leaning down to kiss dean. lucifer fake gagged as he always did, while gabriel just laughed at him.

the christmas music stopped, being replaced by jody before returning on the other side of the record. jody handed bobby a glass with whiskey in it, her own in her hand. the tv flickered in time with the lights around them, stopping after two times.

"out like'a light" bobby chuckled, nodding over to dean and donna sleeping in the chair.

"it's good to see em eat like that. makes me smile." jody replied, sipping from her drink. dean shifted on donna's lap, gently sucking on his thumb as he got more comfortable. castiel smiled at the younger dean.

"wake em 'fore midnight?" bobby checked his watch, taking a sip from his glass after.

_"always"_ jody smiled.

gabriel stepped into the scene, nodding down at the stack of gifts under the tree. "so, this is where it started!" he laughed.

"the midnight tradition? actually it was my first christmas here at 15, but yes" dean smiled, laughing softly as he also stepped into the scene, entering the veil and watching his mom and dad.

"so, this isnt a bad christmas memory either" cas entered next, squinting at the tree. lucifer stayed behind looking from where he was standing.

"we did have .. weird christmases here._ not bad, just weird"_ dean said, smiling at daphne as she rolled in some catnip his younger self had put down for her. the old gal purred wildly as she rolled over it again.

"like, when you were the cave for lil bobby? when the world was ending?" gabriel asked

_"yes gabriel, when dean was pregnant the first time"_ castiel rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest as he looked at his older brother.

"that was one was weird, yeah." dean laughed.

"well, and when you almost died birthing the triplets on christmas day a few years ago" castiel pointed out, shaking his head.

dean shivered, gulping as it was brought up again. _"not bad ... just weird"_ he repeated himself, shaking slightly.

"what is goin on then?" gabe tried asking again, he did in almost every spot this journey had them on. if anyone knew, they wouldve told him, but the fact of the matter was, was that, nobody knew for sure. _it wasnt the weirdest thing to happen to them, but at least tv land had been a hell of a lot more fun than this._

"i dont ... know" dean confessed, shaking his head as cas did once more. he glared at the ceiling, trying to think.

the room shook and suddenly everything went black.

_ **~~~~** _

the four boys woke up together, groaning as limbs hit other limbs awkwardly. sunlight was shining through the window behind the couch in the livingroom, the christmas lights were on, as was the tv, judging by the noises.

"where are we?" gabriel grumbled, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. little kid giggles were heard as he opened his eyes slightly.

all 8 kids were sitting in front of them on the loveseat, table and beanbag chair. cereal bowls on their laps, pajamas covered them with a few blankets spread out, and all of them watching early morning cartoons. jody walked over from the kitchen.

"well after the four of you finished talking to santa last night, i pulled out the couch bed for yall because it seemed everyone was too tired to walk back home" she smiled.

that made sense. the four of them were piled strangely together on the pullout in the livingroom. dean sat up next, rubbing at his face._ "oh right ... santa came by, dropped off all those things under the tree"_

that was no lie, the boys had filled under the tree so well, presents were all over the damn place. but with a big family like they had, plus five or more gifts for the 'adults' of the household, _christmas was fuckin epic to say the least._ christmas was also the triplets birthday, so even more was added every year, but all 8 kids got about the same amount of gifts so nobody was singled out there.

"were we all good, mama-san?" one of the triplets piped up.

dean grinned tiredly, "i think so, santa didnt say much"

"but remember santa stops by here first, its only christmas eve morning! he has to get ready for everybody else around the world" castiel added, now much more awake and smiling at his kids.

because of how the family stuck to their christmas traditions, they said because everyone was so good all year that santa stopped by the day before to deliver their presents. but nobody but the four hunters knew, was that santa really was real. dean was a witch, of course he debunked rumors, santa was a rather cool dude. 

"everyone wash up now, it snowed last night - lets go have fun outside" jody clapped her hands, and all eight kids took off running to the kitchen to drop off their empty bowls. dean laughed as gabriel and lucifer ran to the bathroom to help out.

the family were outside playing in the fresh snow, making forts, having snowball fights and creating snow creatures when some of the family showed up. aunt rowena and charlie showed up together, bringing their own bundles of gifts for everyone. rosie arrived with her father and mrs boyce from town, bringing extra food and gifts. bobby was last but only because of the amount of gifts he had was too much for just one trip.

_"dad is ... insane"_ castiel laughed to dean when bobby was hauling his fourth full bag in.

_"dad is proud to be grandpa"_ dean laughed back.

donna showed up after her short shift was done at work, her and jody telling dean and castiel they'd gotten a call from someone they knew that would be showing up later if they could. it was odd but they didnt pay too much into it.

after a few hours of outside fun, the family all came inside for lunch, nap time for the kids and some catching up for the adults. christmas movies and popcorn was always before dinner, with dean, jody, rosie and castiel leaving every few minutes to finish cooking up dinner. the house always smelled the best at christmas. turkey, chicken, ham, stuffing ... food smells traveled for miles, dean was sure of it.

the table was set up, plastic plates just for safety since the kids were still pretty little, the food was set out just as the credits rolled on the latest christmas movie. the shurley boys helped the kids to the table, making noises and flying them around as they did so. laughter and chatter filled the room over the soft christmas music from the record player. it was perfect.

jody said grace and soon food was all over the place. old stories were told, laughter was hurting sides and only one drink was spilled, but of course that was gabriel getting excited over a story he was telling.

after dinner, food coma naps were had. _cas snuck a photo of donna and dean, snuggled together in the lazy-boy chair, just like every year, no matter what. castiel had photos from every year since they joined this crazy families holidays. the small things like this mattered most, as dean would always say before gifts were handed out._ mostly everyone woke up before midnight, and to fill those few hours left they played trivias, danced the night away and drank lightly.

when midnight struck, glasses were clinked, merry christmases were said by all, happy birthday was sang to the triplets and soon enough someone was crowned santa for the year. this time, it was lucifer.

"are you serious, right now?" lucifer pouted, the santa hat slid down to his eyebrows, his hair falling in his eyes. castiel laughed. "c'mon big brother!" he cheered. it took some time, but soon everyone had massive piles of gifts just waiting for them to be opened.

_"mama-san"_ bobby owen whispered up at dean as he sat in his lap._ "are you gunna talk like last year?"_ he asked softly, hugging his apple juice cup to his chest. dean smiled lightly "you want me too?" his son nodded. so dean held up his glass, everyone, including their kids, followed.

_"i .. i guess i have a toast every year. and i dont think i ever say what i want too, or i cant express what id like, but the meaning stays the same."_ he paused, inhaling slowly. _"life hasnt been easy, it .. it wasnt easy for a long time, and yet, i still manage to find myself here. somehow, in the madness, i found people who cared for me, who took me in and raised me as their own, who still to this day, are the craziest bunch of people i know"_

everyone had a soft laugh at that.

_"i managed to find someone i love with every fiber of my being, someone who cares for me, who loves me for me, and for someone who had always forgiven me for the mistakes i make when trying to do the right thing. someone who .... who i was lucky enough to marry, and have 8 beautiful, talented, kind and caring kids with. who, probably gave them all the good genes and left me trying to figure why they're all taller and better looking than myself"_

castiel shared a louder laugh with dean, leaning over to kiss him before continued.

_"so, in this madness, surrounded by all the people i love, and will continue to love forever, i just wanna say thank you. thank you for loving me back, for giving me all of this, and more. for being yourselves and caring so much more than you ever needed too. christmas is not in the gifts we are about to open, christmas is not in the money spent getting them, or in the careful wrapping and decorating. christmas is in the heart, in the family you spend it with, in the small things and memories you make, in the unplanned mess of life ... and thats were im most happy. thank yall, merry christmas"_

the room was quiet, before glasses were reclinked together and small laughter was beginning again. the doorbell rang before the first gift was opened. with a confused glance at one another, castiel left from beside dean, and went to open the door. the excited shouting was soon explained.

_**"SANTA!"**_ the kids, and gabriel shouted, running over nearly every present and dean trying to get to the door.

_"uncle crowley left boston ...."_ lucifer said stunned. castiel nodded with a shocked but excited face. dean smiled, helping him to sit down on the floor beside him.

_"crowley?"_ rowena asked, swirling her drink.

lucifer looked up, getting ready to explain when the kids came back to their seats, and crowley stepped forward with his sack of gifts. as if this family needed more gifts in this house. he made eye contact with rowena and everyone stopped moving for a few minutes.

_"... fergus?"_ rowena gasped

_"mother?"_ crowley replied.

_dean and castiel turned to the other, mouths hanging open. both looked nearly as shocked as everyone else. crowley and rowena hugged, and sure enough the tears were back. lucifer and gabe crawled over to cas and dean._

_"did you know ...?" gabe whispered to dean, who shook his head._

_"you performed a christmas miracle with no witchy-doo" lucifer smiled, hugging dean._

_he shared a look with castiel, laughing with the brothers._

** _"merry fudgin christmas!"_ **


	62. 🌸 DESTIEL BURNS THE PANCAKES - Dean and Cas Play: Sims 4 #36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY - oh and happy new year too 🎉
> 
> yes, thats right, this verse is an entire year old. how damn crazy is that?! im over the damn moon. a whole year ago i posted the first piece in this strange little world and its grown from there. damn, its just too awesome, someone pinch me for sure dude !!
> 
> over 100K words written, 61 chapters written, over 10K reads, over 300 comments, almost 200 kudos, and 36 bookmarks ... jesus .. i cant believe it yall ... do you how special this is? what an honour it is? yall fuckin crazy and i love writing random shit for these crazy ass fun people !!
> 
> onto the piece - its pretty fun, and was fun and rather hard to write. now i was planning on writing something sort of fun for this verse for today, but im also super, super proud of all the au's within the au ive done. so yes, i present yet another au inside the au. sorry if that aint your thing, but hey - after a year, sometimes ideas are damn hard to come up with.
> 
> i present dean and cas as dan and phil. ive been watching dan and phil for .. basically ever, and i LOOOOOVE their sims 4 series, so i took a hold of one of my favourite insane episodes, changed a few things, and BOOM, HERE WE IS YALL
> 
> im super happy with this piece, its gunna make me laugh for awhile now too. i just cant believe i get to post this on the one year anniversary ... i also say i'll be in shock for the next little while too 😂
> 
> so yall, happy anniversary !! i hope you enjoy this weird little piece !! im also back down to a request or two so REQUESTS ARE OPEN AND WELCOMED AT ANY TIME !! no judgement in asking for whatever you'd like 😃
> 
> im off now, im far too happy to be so wide awake hahaha, i need sleep !!
> 
> warnings: swearing, name calling (sorta), fire (sorta) and major spoilers for dan and phil play the sims 4 youtube series.
> 
> oh and if you're wondering, castiel is dan, and dean is phil. because its just super fitting, i think.
> 
> words: 6, 680.
> 
> posted and edited on january 3rd, 2021 🎉  
happy one year anniversary someday soon verse 🎉
> 
> much love yall 🖤

castiel leaned against the door-frame to their filming/computer room/office, smiling as dean was giggling away with his mom, jody. it might be a bit odd that they were this young, engaged and yet still lived in the farmhouse with dean's two moms, but it really did add to just how weird they were.

and the fans ate that shit up like no tomorrow.

"everythings set up, babyboy" castiel murmured, waving his tattooed hand from the door. dean spun around, smiling his perfect crooked smile, his white teeth mixing in with his tanned skin and freckles.

"i'm comin!" dean squealed, basically. cas shook his head fondly, entering their room again. he sat down in his worn down leather chair, making sure his hair and shirt were in order. but even if wasnt, the fans would probably freak out. they did always comment how castiel's usual _"i look like i just had sex"_ look was like their kink_ ... or something like that._

you see, dean and castiel were youtubers. _correction, it was mostly dean._ he loved to film pretty much everything they did, and because castiel was just always hanging around, he joined in. and the fans went absolutely crazy when they found out that these two nerds were dating, and just recently got engaged. they were both nerds, loving all things pop culture, and nearly everything in between.

they were different, but they completed each-other. castiel was the _"im tough on the outside but im a total nerd on the inside"_ type and dean was the ultimate _"im the small childlike boy who loves flowers and i like to think im tough"_ type. cas had messy hair, tattoos all down his arms, across his chest and on his hands. his lip, nose and eyebrow were pierced. today he sported no eyeliner, just a few of his bracelets, rings and a grey sweater.

dean bounced into the room, shutting the door behind him and sitting in his own worn down leather chair to cas' left. his soft curly light brown hair was a mess, with a handmade flower crown placed within. freckles danced across tanned skin with a huge flower patch drawn along his nose and cheeks. his pastel red shirt added the colour castiel was lacking.

"ready?" castiel murmured, his hand gently placed on the mouse. dean nodded, and cas began counting down from 5.

_"HELLO supernaturally expensive toilets!"_ dean grinned, waving his hands in front of cas' face.

cas just snapped his fingers and greeted a small, "hi" as dean laughed.

"welcome back to the sims!"

"wow .. i mean ... there wasnt anything better youve couldve been called" castiel laughed awkwardly, shaking his head at dean with a smile on his face. dean quietly laughed, before continuing _"if you dont know what im talking about, you may possibly want to watch our last video on the sims, it was so strange!"_

cas laughed back, "yeah .. alright. so, destiel created a ray gun, last episode, meaning he now has the power to transform things. which ... i still say is beaming on the edge of ripping apart this entire universe!"

"the simray! its just super cool, and i cant wait to see what else we can do with it later on too" dean corrected cas gently, while also adding his own thoughts on the matter. this was how they worked together, and neither minded.

"if you remember, we had that big stuffed dragon, named drago, _who used to close his eyes .. which was super creepy and used to spy on the family,** BUT** we turned him into a toilet. sold him. and** NOW WE GOT THIS BLUE ONE!"**_ cas cheered, snapping his fingers and pointing to the screen. later in editing they'd add the game play to the screen while this was said.

the tattooed middle finger rolled the game camera in closer, the two boys themselves moving closer to the screen._ "i swear to god, de ..."_

"this one looks a lot less evil" dean shrugged, leaning back in his chair. castiel followed.

"alright, so we agreed -_** YOU"**_ cas pointed his finger at dean, _"do_ **_NOT_** get to ruin the game by running around transforming everything"

_**"BAH-BAH-BAH-WAIT, WAIT"**_ dean expressed, holding his hands up in a defense pose to the camera. _"i have an idea"_

_"oh god"_ cas grumbled, pulling a quick face to the side.

"at the start of each episode of the sims, we can just transform _**ONE OBJECT** _in the house... "

"what, like .. our daily allowance?" cas laughed, dean nodded with glee. _"lets do it, lets do it, **LETS DO IT NOW!"**_

cas continued to laugh, shaking his head but moving around the ever growing family house they had made for their sims over their time of playing the game. they waited for their main sim, a combo of them made into one, to get out of bed, and wander his way into his living-room area. dean squealed softly as they zoomed around the room looking for the one perfect object to transform for the first time.

"i'm so excited about this!" he giggled, covering his mouth with his hands, his painted nails and engagement ring shining under the light they had behind the desktop.

_"what about the cock?"_ castiel teased, waving the mouse over the rooster statue on the floor, next to their pig statue, next to the small purple bar they owned. _"NO - WE LIKE THE COCK!"_ dean wheezed out, his laughter was breaking his voice, as it usually did.

_"we like the cock ..."_ castiel mumbled, looking up at the camera under his eyelashes as dean leaned down in front of him to look at the screen closer. "what about that stupid bucket in front of the bar? it looks weird sitting there in the corner, theres nothing there ...." he expressed, looking up at his boyfriend.

"na-nah, nooo, that was a _ROMANTIC REWARD!"_ cas cried, squinting across at his shorter boyfriend. dean pulled a whiny face, sticking his tongue out after he spoke _"IT'S ON THE FLOOR!"_

"that was a romantic memory of - yaknow what, these scented candles" castiel lowered his eyes, voice going quite serious as he opened build/buy mode. dean raised an eyebrow as the candles were moved down in front of the tv by the front door. _"fuck these scented candles ..."_ the table looked more bare but if they got something good from the candles, it could always go back.

their sim walked closer to the candles after cas let go of the mouse, the two boys waited, laughing quietly as dean got more antsy, bouncing in his seat as it got closer to happening. _"i'm so excited, **AGGHHHH"**_

castiel could only laugh, shaking his head as dean curled his fingers up against his mouth, eyes shining and giggling his heart out. that's just who dean was, and cas loved him dearly for it.

"OH BUT WAIT - we cant ... the thing is, we cant sell it."

_"no, we can sell it"_ cas tried, his pierced brow rose to his hairline.

"no, no, we gotta keep it! thats the point of this, then we can just always transform that one thing, yaknow?"

_**"OH FOR GOD SAKE, DEAN!"** _cas hid behind his hand for a split second, just as their main sim pulled out his ray-gun. a beam of yellow-ish white light hit the candles on the floor, dean and cas leaned closer. dean giggled into his cupped hands, smiling behind them as it happened. the beam left, and their sim stood still, his mood changing after.

dean removed his hands, laughing at the new object as it layed on the floor. "WHAT IS THAT?" castiel began laughing harder, zooming in closer to read the description that popped up over nearly everything. "what the he- A BOOK?"

"out of everything in the game!" the short, arty boy squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head with a few hiccups of laughter following. **_"WE PAID FOR THOSE SCENTED CANDLES!_** wait, how much can we sell the book for?" cas grumbled, pulling the book down to the sell button.

"no we cant sell it, we agreed!" dean gasped, smiling as cas pulled it back and set back down. "OH FOR THE LOVE OF-"

"at least its a writing book ... you need that on twitter" dean teased cas, smirking.

"i do .. dont i" cas shook his head, his dozens of misspelled tweets suddenly floating into his mind, the big joke of him always deleting his tweets seconds after posting them because of a spelling error was the new thing happening to them on their social media.

the door opened slightly as jody poked her head in, castiel was the first to notice, his eyes looking up to the camera before turning around. _"hey, mom"_ dean turned around quickly at that, a soft_ "mommy"_ passing his lips.

"sorry, i just brought lunch in before i leave to pick up mama" jody smiled warmly, entering the room with two hugely stacked sandwiches, soda cans tipped against them on their sides, and two small bags of chips under the plate. she handed them the plates, the chip bag going on the desk next to the mouse and keyboard.

"mm, thanks mom" castiel grinned, popping open his soda and wrapping his arms around her as he leaned back in his chair, tipping it back as he did. dean smiled at them "thank you" he smiled. jody hummed at them, leaning down to kiss cas' forehead, then dean's cheek before she left the room, shutting the door behind her. the boys waited for the front door to be closed before continuing with their filming.

"wow, okay, so i wonder what that book will get turned into next episode" cas teased, shaking his head at the book that was now moved behind the bar.

"a rocket ship" dean guessed with a small laugh.

"its actually sorta a shame, cuz like i bet you could create some massive damage with the sim-ray but we cant -"

** _"oh .. oh, oh OH OH OH OH"_ **

"destroy the life we've built here with the family" cas finished, looking at dean as he held his hands out flat, the cogs working overtime in his brain as a new idea formed.

"i've got a really big idea" he whispered, a sort of evil looking grin appearing across his face. castiel backed away a few inches, a small smirk pulling at his face as he looked over at dean. _"im scared, and disturbed and i dont think i wanna know, de"_

"we cant transform anything in this house because it would ruin everything, right?"

"well _DUH_. i just said" cas wheezed.

"but ... what if we went over to someone elses house ...." dean grinned evilly, rubbing his hands together, eyes going wide while looking at cas. cas looked at the camera confused, _"someone else? who are you thinking?"_ he asked, turning to dean.

_**"BOB AND ELIZA'S"**_ dean smiled, flapping his hands out just as cas' eyes went wide in their own right. he gasped, turning away as he tried grasping at what dean had just said. of course thats what dean had said. eliza pancakes was a series long story line turned joke during the entire time they'd been playing this game, and if there was anybody dean loved to tease more, it was them.

"it'll be so much fun!" he clapped, bouncing in his seat again.

_ **"ARE YOU KIDDING ME? YOU WANT TO GO OVER TO THE PANCAKES HOUSE AND JUST START ZAPPING THINGS WITH A RAY-GUN? YOU HAVE SPENT TOO MUCH TIME AROUND MY OLDER BROTHER, YOU LITTLE TRICKSTER"** _

dean bounced more, giggling at castiel's frantic yelling. "yes" he said darkly, looking cas right in the face. "we might improve their lives, how do you know"

_**"WHAT HAS ELIZA DONE TO YOU, OTHER THAN STALK US AND A BUNCH OF OTHER STUFF"**_ cas shook his head, squinting down at the screen as dean looked up at the camera. it was coming, whatever it was, it was going to happen, even if cas didnt like it. dean was quite the influence when he wanted to be.

_"i mean, its payback, and like, she could end up with a crystal bath or something and we'll just be super jealous, yaknow?"_

_"totally"_ cas' voice dripped with sarcasm. _"fine, let's all have some breakfast, then go over and destroy the pancake's lives"_

dean cackled, shaking his fists. the power getting to him in the best way possible. it was payback time, and if cas' two older brothers had taught him anything, it was that payback had to be prepared as carefully as he planted his garden every year. those boys were onto something there, he figured. and yes, payback on the sims was the only payback dean would ever raised in his life, and plus it was a video game, sue him if he wanted to have some fun.

a small menu popped up on the screen that castiel hummed at, causing dean look over at it. "well, i think we wanna sent them all to work for a day before we ruin the pancakes house and domestic bliss, but we have never seen dab with a nanny ... we do sent him to daycare. it's ten per hour so it may end up like 150 or something"

"oh my god we need to hire a nanny! and we have 2 thousand so its fine" dean pointed to the money bar near the bottom of the screen, shrugging to cas quickly. their main sim had gotten married and had a son in past episodes, so learning about new things they could do with their ... grandson? was always exciting and a total adventure as far as dean was concerned by it.

it took about two seconds after castiel shrugged and clicked the button that a new sim entered the house after destiel and his wife left. dean's eyes bugged out, leaning back down to take a lot. _"OH MY GOD SHE'S IN THE HOUSE"_ cas spat, moving the mouse around to get a full look at the elderly woman sim walking through the house. she was dressed in sneakers, black jeans and a multicoloured knitted cat vest over top of a long sleeved red shirt.

_**"THAT ... IS THE MOST FUCKIN EPIC SWEATER"**_ cas burst out laughing, following the nanny as she grabbed up some spare toys laying on the bar. dean burst out laughing next, _"I WANT TO TAKE HER SWEATER OFF .... in a friendly way"_ he went quiet after he had realized what he'd said.

cas snorted, giving his boyfriend a look _"dean, jesus christ - DONT FLIRT WITH THE NANNY"_ dean's giggles rewarded the comment. dab, their sim's son came wondering out from his room, the nanny following as she cleaned the place. "dab's just like _"whoa fams, whered ya go? who dis crazy lady? help, help"_" cas said, nodding along with the small toddler.

"i dont fully trust her but i think its okay?" dean replied, his eyebrows telling more to the story that was building within him. "she's got like a weird vibe goin on, yaknow? the chucks, with the crazy cat lady sweater? uh, i mean ... alright" cas wheezed a laugh, making a face to go with the statement.

both boys started to laugh as the nanny began speaking to dab, laughing even more as dab continued to dance and completely ignore the new person in the house. the music was turned low but knowing their sims, and knowing how destiel was part cas, it would probably be classic rock. that was cas' favourite, and while dean liked classic rock, he favoured old folk tunes just a touch more. _"dab's doing full on squats right now, he's gunna have buns of steel"_ cas mimicked the action their toddler was doing, causing dean to laugh once more.

a work place dilemma came up, as it often did, but this time not for destiel, but for his wife, tabitha. after discussing this over several episodes before hand both of them agreed on one button, earning a small work performance boost for the sim. it was something dean was happy for, as she earned more money than destiel at the beginning, but now with his new job they were about as equal as they could get with two different jobs.

_it sort of reminded dean of him and castiel's real life, and how much their weird game of sims had sorta followed their own journey. when they'd first met a few years ago, dean who was 12 at the time had been working at the farmer's market - and still worked there now. castiel, who'd been 14 was new in town with his two older brothers, gabriel who was 15 and lucifer who was 16. cas gained dozens of odd jobs around their small town, and never really settled down. when they began their game of the sims, dean was 15 and destiel worked odd jobs until they picked the perfect one._

_they built the farmhouse as close as they could on the game because thats what felt most like home, but as the game and characters grew, the house changed a lot. the real life farm house never changed. a year after beginning their game, dean and castiel began dating in real life, and it was announced when their sim got a girlfriend. the fans went crazy, stating they always knew and that it was about time. castiel proposed when he was 19, just shy of dean's 17th birthday, and soon after their sim got engaged and married._

_now, dean was 18, and castiel was a month out of turning 20. the hot july summer was perfect to be outside, and they would run out after this video was done filming to play in their kiddie pool like usual. the wedding was planned for october, in the fall time, just like they met. and while dean still worked at the farmers market and cas still worked odd jobs to help support his family, the sims would be something they'd always fall back on. the game was building as their relationship did over the years, and it was simply exciting._

"oh no he's sad" castiel softly laughed, pulling dean out of his small daydream. "he doesnt want to keep dancing?" he asked, face twisting up in confusion. dean laughed "the rhythm is too strong for him! that classic rock is too much" he laughed.

"then stop dancing you fucking weirdo, what the hell!" cas swore, zooming out to view both sims. dean hummed, resting his cheek on cas' shoulder, finally stealing a sip from his soda can, while cas drank from his own.

"so, how can dab interact with this crazy cat lady?" dean asked. the menu of options popped up when the mouse was clicked, their eyes searching the different white bars around the nanny sim._ "oooh, 'bubbles'!"_ dean smiled, reading one of them. "what the hell is _'up'_" cas questioned next.

"i'm not sure ... i'm excited by _'bubbles'_ though" dean smiled, holding one hand up to his bottom lip. "what the hell, fine" cas laughed. they watched as the elder sim picked up the toddler sim, walking into the large bathroom, and settling him down in the tub, that was now filled to the brim with bubbles.

"oh, it's a bubble bath!" dean grinned.

"i mean c'mon, that is the most pure expression of joy right there" cas smiled, laughing the toddler enjoy the bubble bath the nanny was giving him. "but she's also sorta like, _'this is a gucci sweater, you little twerp ..'_ and i just gotta say, she should be paying us for the blessing that is, washing dab's hair"

dean laughed, nodding and resting his cheek further onto cas' shoulder. the july heat was really sinking in deep today. "now he's playful ... from bubble fun" cas laughed, the mouse moving over the small moodlets on the sim. _"i can relate, i dunno about you"_

the toddler sim was placed on the ground, in his outfit two and started to toddle his way out of the bathroom when castiel stopped him, "okay, what the hell is _'up'_" he asked, dean snickered, his eyes watching as the button was clicked, and the toddler made his way to the nanny.

_"up, woman, up"_ dean muttered, just as the toddler made grabby hands. cas snorted a laugh.

"dab's like _'lady i love you' and she's like 'mm yes, i love making money'_" dean's body shook with laughter at the different voices castiel always gave the many characters their game had. it was one of his secret talents, and not to mention always so on point and funny. but if you were to ask castiel, he'd always say he was never funny._ gabriel was the funny one, not him._

a glitch in the game caused dab to be picked up through the nanny. it was one that often happened but it just looked so strange, every single time. _**"OH MY GOD HE JUST WENT THROUGH HER"**_ cas yelled, covering his eyes. dean's horrified face hid in cas' chest for at least a full minute. _**"HE'S GOT HIS LITTLE BOY HAND ON HER TIT"**_ their laughter blacked out the glitch as if it never happened.

"i love that there's a mean option. we can .. _tell to go away or hit"_ castiel grinned, knocking his shoulder against dean's smaller frame.

_"set her on fire"_ dean teased, looking over at cas. they stared at each-other for less than one second before dean said _"hit her"_ in a dark tone. they burst out laughing again when cas hit the button before the request even left dean's mouth.

the nanny stomped out of the house into the backyard area they had after, which made castiel laugh so hard he flung backwards in his seat to cackle at the scene. dean hid his mouth behind his hands still, laughing aft how dab was still so playful, like nothing happened there.

"OOH, tabby's home, tabby's home with how much money?" dean sang, cas moved the camera, getting ready to look at their sims wife when he saw a new sim standing at the front door. _"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?"_ he spat, making an annoyed face as he often did when random sims appeared at the front door.

"well um lady, 'ask to leave' because i dont want you here." cas said, moving tabitha to the button he clicked. _"hey hey you're a hoe, get off my lawn"_ he sang, making dean laugh. tabitha moved to inside the house, getting her son from his highchair. the front door slammed shut, which made dean laugh harder.

"why is the babysitter still here when she's home then?" he asked, pointing at the screen for cas to look at the nanny. cas hummed, looking through the dozens of buttons before finally clicking the dismiss button and leaning back to stretch out his back. hey, he was 6'5, his back hurt during these long video sessions, but he'd do anything for dean at anytime.

"DESTIEL'S HOME" dean clapped, excitement growing. soon enough the pancakes would have transformed objects all over their home. and dean was bouncing in his chair with the excitement.

"dab's talking about dragons" cas pointed out, suddenly getting his own idea "does it look at him during the night?" dean teased just as cas was moving through the house looking for the new dragon in the toddler's room. he gasped, starting to smack his hands roughly against the desk when it was discovered that the stuffed animal had his eyes closed, just like the other one had been doing.

"it's also alive!" dean gasped, moving away as cas flung his arms around**_ "WHO'S SELLING THESE TOYS? WHAT THE FUCK, SERIOUSLY"_**

"right ... right, okay is it time?_ ACTION STATIONS EVERYONE"_ dean clapped, getting more than ready to destroy some happy paradise in the game. cas patted his shoulder, trying to calm him before they did anything. he also checked in on their sims needs before they left. "destiel's at critical fun, so i do believe he needs to give us a little twerk before we leave"

after a few hours of fast dancing, tabitha and dab were put in bed, the fun began. "bob isnt home" cas said, hovering over the pancake house in the world view. dean hummed confused, "did he die?" cas snorted at that.

destiel was walking up the front steps to the house, cas already on edge by the whole thing about to happen. he looked down at the small fountain that rested in the front yard. _**"TRANSFORM"**_ dean squealed, laughing hard. _"whoa, let us get in before anything"_ cas calmed him down, holding onto his boyfriend's wrist as they walked the front door open and their sim walk in.

"they have the expensive furniture .. _WHAT DO BOB AND ELIZA DO?"_ cas growled, taking a swing around the house, dean shrugged. the house was big, bigger than their own built one, but it was also empty, like a show-house, not a lived in house. and those were two different things, if you were to ask dean. although, castiel felt the same. heading upstairs, they found eliza in the bathroom on her phone, and bob in is room on the computer.

"bob _is_ home ... just always browsing some dirty websites" cas teased, moving on over to eliza. "i think we should ask their careers, just cuz we're here" dean said, pointing to both of them. cas followed, waiting and watching as destiel moved up the stairs and into the bathroom where eliza was standing.

_"ooooooh"_ both boys went when a small menu dropped down, saying that eliza was unemployed. meaning, bob was the real money maker in the house. "that makes sense" cas mumbled. "i wonder why, though?" dean pondered, snuggling closer to cas' shoulder.

_"so bob .. please tell me why you have so much money"_ castiel asked. their sim shook hands with him before they also moved into the bathroom with eliza and began to talk to both of them. "he's a chef? BLOODY HELL" he spat out, looking than confused at the new intel. it didnt make too much sense, but hey, it was just a video game afterall.

"since ya'll are having a fun time lookin at yourselves in the mirror, how about we just _**TRANSFORM IT - YEAH, LOOK WHAT I DO AT WORK DUDES"**_ castiel got the evil bug from dean, taking the first step in dean's master plan. dean bounced, clapping his hands wildly with glee. destiel pulled the sim-ray out and the beam of light transformed the mirror into a much more cheap looking one.

_**"OH OH BOB DOESNT LIKE IT"**_ castiel's squeal like laughter boomed out as bob started to yell at destiel, eliza coming after him when bob was finished. "we just straight up downgraded that mirror, yaknow"

_**"MORE THINGS, MORE THINGS"**_ dean clapped, his grin almost breaking his face. _**"DO THEIR BED, THE BED, THE BED"**_

_"we pissed off bob ..."_ cas gaped slightly, shocked in a weird way. bob wasn't really their problem, it was mostly eliza, so it was sort of super funny that bob took such an issue to them.

_"good"_ dean giggled lightly. "i just wanna give him a brisk shower, we never had one before we left" cas waved his hands, getting their sim into the shower after both bob and eliza left the room. bob came running back in to yell at him once more. "A SHOWER?" dean gasped, eyes going wide. "look, its fine, we know each-other"

_**"TRANSFORM THE BED"**_ dean squealed once destiel was out of the shower, castiel laughed moving the camera around to find the large pink bedroom. they both looked a bit shocked to find eliza in the bed as cas clicked down on the transform button. _**"WITH ELIZA IN IT"**_

castiel wheezed out a laugh, holding onto his chest as he laughed harder._** "OH MY GOD, WHY DEAN, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS, WHAT IF THEY ACTUALLY START TO DISLIKE US"**_

before dean could reply the office door was knocked on, this time donna poked her head in._ "hi-ya's"_ she smiled. _"mama! come, you gotta see this!"_ dean waved her over, jody stopped in the doorway to smile fondly at them, cas waved in after. soon donna and jody where behind cas and dean as they were about to finish up their whole plan for the episode and stop filming.

"oh my god, no bob's thinking about going to bed, _**DON'T COME IN, DON'T COME IN"** _castiel cringed. bob entered the bedroom, eliza slipped out of bed just as destiel stepped into the room. "oh sweet shit, it's happening" he swore. dean bounced "it could be something good!"

the beam of light hit the bed, and jody leaned over castiel's other shoulder to laugh. _**"A TREADMILL"**_ castiel flew backwards laughing so hard his face burned red. dean laughed just as hard but not as loud, donna played with his hair, laughing nearly as loud as castiel was.

"that's awesome! and see, look! bob likes to work out, so it's all good!" dean pointed out, laughing as he flung his hand out to the screen.

"i love that bob is freakin out, and that eliza just doesn't care" cas announced, laughing as he went on to the marble bust sitting on the dresser and clicking the transform button. "a marble bust?" jody asked, softly laughing at the object.

"OH NO, bob asked us to leave!" dean laughed, castiel gasping when he yelled, and destiel began to leave. "no, bob its okay, we're not leaving. we'll just cancel the leaving" he said, cancelling the action, looking confused when destiel continued to walk down the stairs towards the front door. _**"NO DESTIEL TURN BACK AROUND"**_ dean squealed.

"c'mon now" donna cheered on. the sim stopped, and turned back around, walking back up the stairs to transform the bust just as castiel had pushed before. _**"FUCK THIS! OH MY GOD"** _dean burst out laughing, his hands cupping his mouth "YES" he cheered. both boys held their breath as the sim re-entered the pink bedroom. _**"SCREW YOU BOB, AND YOUR MARBLE BUSTS"**_ cas growled, grinning wildly.

the bust became a small old time box tv, to which the four people laughing started to laugh. "an old school tv" jody laughed, nodding in approval. "dude, we're adding to your shitty lives" castiel laughed. the camera moved out, finding bob in his room, in his bed with eliza coming towards the pink bedroom that destiel was still in, claiming that he was hungry.

"bob ... he just went to sleep, he's over this all. he actually looks like he's just like _'ah the sweet release'_ and i cant blame him" castiel zoomed in, coping the action that the sim was doing in bed. _"i think we should leave now"_

_**"NO TRANSFORM THE OTHER BED"**_ dean yelled, clapping his hands once more. _**"WITH BOB IN IT"**_

eliza walked into the room and began to yell at destiel, which sent castiel's arms flying into the air "LOOK NOW SHE DOESNT LIKE US" that surely wasnt supposed to happen but it was funny either way, dean's payback plan was working. maybe a little too well, but it was working.

_"okay, okay de ... how far are we going to take this? we've destroyed their mirror, their bed, their marble bust, quite possibly their marriage"_ castiel leaned back, lifting his hands from the keyboard and mouse in defense, as if he wasnt going to click whatever dean wanted.

_"were they ever happy together?_" jody sided with dean, having watched and kept up with their weird game of sims since the series started way back when. castiel laughed with donna on that one.

"look, just their bed and we can go" dean smiled, closing his eyes and holding out his hand.

_"dean, you're bad"_ castiel replied, grinning over at him.

"just their bed" dean added with a soft laugh. "please"

"dean, we'll miss her, if she goes, yaknow that right? she may stalk us but you'll miss her, are you sure about this"

the dark mumble of _"yes"_ returned, prompting castiel to roll his eyes and shoulders, squinting down at the screen and pressing the transform button on the last remaining bed in the pancake's house. "BUT THEN THEY WONT HAVE A BED"

"well ..." dean shrugged.

"IN THIS ENTIRE GAME - WHATS GUNNA HAPPEN IF THEY DONT HAVE A BED?"

"they might die, but ..." dean's voice died off, another shrug replacing it.

"dean, we're doing it"

"oh no"

"dean ... dean, we're doing it"

jody and donna leaned closer, preparing themselves much like castiel had done when this whole thing started. dean just covered his mouth and nose with his hands, like he'd done for most of the video, holding his breath as destiel walked into the second bedroom.

"oh my god no they were both in bed together, oh my god ..." castiel spared a quick look at dean, "we are going to have to get the fuck out of here, and fast when this is over"

dean leaned closer to castiel, his breath getting caught in his throat as the camera zoomed in closer and closer. eliza left the room as bob began to yell, the beam of light hit the bed. castiel bit down on his bottom lip, both the boys leaning closer together. the beam left, the bed didnt become anything else as quickly as the other objects had.

small flames started to built right in the middle of the bed, all four of the people backed up with a sharp gasp.

_**"OH NO"**_ dean cried.

_**"OH SHIT, FUCK, BOB IS YELLING. OH GOD WHATTA WE DO WHATT WE DO WHATTA WE DO"**_ castiel cried louder. bob pulled out the fire extinguisher, blowing out the flames, eliza bounced around the room, shouting about the fire while destiel simply just ran down the stairs and out of the house.

**_"DESTIEL GET BACK HERE, WHERE ARE YOU GOING"_** cas yelled

_**"CALL THE FIREFIGHTERS"** _dean shouted, pushing on cas' arm _**"QUICK"**_

when destiel stepped outside onto the sidewalk, castiel lost his shit and started to laugh the hardest he'd done all day _**"DESTIEL IS JUST GONE, HE'S OVER THIS, HE'S JUST OUTTIE"**_

_**"I DONT WANT THEM TO DIE - OH, OH, OH ITS OUT"**_ dean waved, castiel took charge and moved the camera back up to the bedroom. both the boys covered their mouths in horror and shock, eyes bugging out as the now ruined and charred bed remained in the once beautiful beds place. bob standing over it like nothing happened.

jody and donna huffed some laughter. "i feel so bad ...... is ... is this what happens when you have this much power?" dean whispered, giggling along with castiel's loud cackles. "i didnt know that could happen!" he sassed after, mouth hanging open. cas zoomed closer to bob, cackling quieter but still just as hard.

"shit what if that happens when we do our daily transform ... although, still kinda worth it" castiel tried, shrugging with an amused smile crossing his face. "oh my god" dean gaped.

"i think we just learned what happens when you take things too far" cas hummed, dean leaned closer with a hum of his own, "they dont have a bed now, do they?" cas shook his head "i dont even think the bed is an object anymore"

the camera moved down to eliza walking down the steps to the front door, and castiel's soft laughing took place "i like that eliza still sorta likes us" he laughed, making dean, jody and donna join in. his laugh had always done that, but that's how castiel was.

_"i dunno bout yall, but i think we need to get the fuck outta here"_ castiel announced, hands waving out before holding the mouse and moving over as a new action was added to the side bar. _"he wants to .._ **_MAKE SPAGHETTI, NO DESTIEL, THEY DONT WANT YOU TO - LOOK ELIZA'S CRYING"_**

everyone started to cringe and laugh as eliza stood where destiel had just been, fat tears dripping to the ground as she sobbed. _**"OH MY GOD JUST FUCKING LEAVE, LEAVE, LEAVE, LEAVE"**_ cas cried zooming out to hit the travel button and return home. everyone gasped for air as it happened, needing the air to calm down and to regain it from laughing as hard as they had been.

_"i feel like that was a mistake"_ dean mumbled, giggling slightly. _"i think the power got to my brain, and im not going to do that again. we need to be nice to eliza"_ castiel leaned close to dean, glaring at him with a slight pout as dean fiddled with his fingers in a light shame movement.

_"you're bad, dean"_

_"i dunno what happened to me"_ he said, smiling softly. cas simply rolled his eyes, giving him a gentle kiss before they returned to destiel, now standing in front of his house. "well, there we go"

donna grinned, "quite the adventure"

destiel cralwed into bed while the four of them watched tabitha walk into the bathroom to scoop up their son, dab. "yes, help your child" cas muttered, shaking his head. the toddler made his way into his bedroom on his own, hugging the big stuffed dragon castiel had a problem with. everyone cooed at him.

"thats cute, while also super disturbing and distressing" he said, cringing at it. "alright tabby, help your child to bed, please" the glitch from before was back, better than ever, because soon enough tabitha took a hold of dab and pulled the toddler through her body, making donna cackle out a laugh.

_"that was super weird"_ dean mumbled, covering his eyes.

_ **"SHE FUCKIN SCOOPED HIM THROUGH HER ASS, WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING ANYMORE"** _

"i think we should end this episode here ..." dean said, laughing at cas' freaked out face.

"agreed" jody smiled.

"i think in the next episode we should keep inventing things, as well as continue to play with the sim-ray and transforming even more things. just not go as far, because it was actually super fun!"

_"yes, but i also think we learned our lesson, and maybe not risk fire in our own home"_ cas pointed out, shifting in his seat to look at dean better. dean smiled more into the camera, waving his hands to the camera _"so i hope you enjoyed, i'm sure we'll be back sooner than ever because i do seriously miss this when we're gone for a long while!"_

castiel laughed again, sighing with a fond look at his boyfriend.

_"it's also a super awesome hot summer day, so im pretty sure we're off to go hang outside, right?_" dean turned to look up at donna, who returned the smile "fix up the garden" dean smiled harder, _"YEEEES"_

_"wrap it up"_ cas reminded him, making dean face the camera one last time. _"okay, so we're off. i've been dean"_ he smiled.

_"castiel"_ cas mumbled with a light smile, and a light salute.

_"and mom and mama joined in!"_ dean beamed, jody and donna leaning down to wave at the camera.

_"GOOD-BYE"_ dean covered the camera with both hands.

_a few hours later the nearly finished edited video sat open on castiel's laptop, him almost fast asleep in the hammock outside between two of the large trees in the farm's huge backyard. dean leaned over him, planting a small kiss on his lips._

_cas cracked open an eye after, smiling warmly at his boyfriend, who was wearing his favourite floppy sunhat. "what was that for?"_

_"i just feel like i havent kissed you in a year, and that i love you" dean smiled._

_a tired laugh sounded out, "we've kissed a lot over our years, and i love you too"_

_"in a year from now?" dean asked_

_"even more"_

_"you said that last year too"_

_"because its true" castiel held dean's freckled face between his large, warm hands._

_their lips met in the perfect kiss that was all them._


	63. 🌸 hey, everything's alright tonight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *waves awkwardly* um ... hey.
> 
> so, yeah. im here. i know, i havent posted in forever. but thats what happens when life gets in the way, inspiration is lacking like crazy and that leaves you with this weird ass shit. 
> 
> this doesnt even fit in this verse, and i suppose is another au within the au like i usually do when im lacking an inspration. but im quite fond of this idea. if yall like it, tell me and i may bring it back for a few more pieces. just for fun, yaknow?
> 
> friendly reminder that requests are open and very much needed at the moment !! back down to compeletely nothing at all and it sucks !! i love this verse and dont want to give it up but its super damn hard when theres nothing happening ...
> 
> well, anyways !! i hope yall enjoy this hot mess of weird.
> 
> warnings: hippies, stoners, swearing and thats it?  
words: 1, 673
> 
> posted on jan 23rd, 2021  
NOT EDITED !!

seattle , washington was beautiful. a perfect place for aspiring artists, musicians, writers and wayward folks alike. it rained, and rained, and rained, _and rained for days._ besides the rain, the cold was bitter and the sun was hot. it was the wonderful mix of weather in all areas that drove people there.

but how the shurley brothers and their crazy friends ended up there remained a mystery. it was often said they moved there for college, or possibly ran away together to be lovers, but it was never said from any of their mouths if those rumours were true.

the oldest brother, lucifer was a musician who worked in a music shop just down the block from their small crappy apartment. the middle brother, gabriel, was in school for film. and castiel, _well ... castiel was another story._ he'd joined his brothers for college but never ended up applying and just kinda hung around the music/coffee shop lucifer worked in.

their neighbours, possibly even crazier than them, were their best friends. anael, who worked with lucifer was castiel's bestest friend. the two of them would sneak into the break room in the back and smoke to high heaven, giggling and making love beads to sell. ruby, anael's girlfriend was a total punk like lucifer, and was also in his band. she didnt work in the shop but was always hanging out there, just to drag anael's stoned self back home at night. 

_it was strange, how well the five of them fit together so well, but they did._ it was always more exciting when dean winchester singer rolled into town too. he was castiel's boyfriend, although he remained in texas on his family's ranch. but he made a point to drive up and bring everyone back to texas on breaks, or just stayed for a week in seattle to visit.

today was friday, the last day of classes before a long summer break, and everyone was on their toes. dean had gotten to the apartments a few hours earlier and was fixing up things in need of repair. _as he always did, as none of the shurley brothers were that handy. but 6'3, bowlegged, big ol' texas boy dean winchester singer was handy as hell._

"could ya, i dunno, explain how this goddamn sink got this busted?" dean's thick texas accent flowed out from under the kitchen sink. his muscled body laying down in the cupboard underneath as his skilled hands worked their magic. lucifer snorted from where he was standing across from his younger friend, reading a magazine. "cuz your stoner, hippie boyfriend flushed some shit down there or somethin" he replied.

dean pulled himself out to squint at the oldest brother, raising his eyebrow up. he sighed, laying back down. "alright turn it on"

when he failed to hear any water moving thru the pipe, he growled under his breath. "turn it off" he muttered, jiggling the bolt around the other way, "turn it on now" _yet nothing happened again._ "turn it off"

after a few more tries, dean caught on finally, pulling himself out from the cupboard and watching as lucifer continued to read. he looked at peace, but completely unaware that dean was even speaking. _"turn it back on"_ dean said calmly, his bitch face in place as he watched lucifer._ "turn it off"_

the front door swung open, a loud thump echoed out afterwards._** "I SAW THAT 67 CHEVY IMPALA, IS MY FAVOURITE COWBOY HERE?!?"**_ gabriel's high pitched squealing made dean chuckle lowly. standing up, he dusted his hands on his dirty work jeans and stood in the doorway of the small rundown kitchen area. gabe bounced down the open livingroom area, opening his arms widely as he met dean in the doorway. 

_"thought your favourite cowboy was chuck norris"_ dean said, hugging gabe tightly. gabriel laughed into dean's warm chest, pulling back enough to reply, _"nah, cant be now. they remade walker, texas ranger with some other dude. people wont know how badass chuck was on that show anymore"_

dean huffed a small laugh, giving his lopsided smile to gabe, "fair enough"

"how was school?" lucifer asked, folding his magazine up, crossing his arms and standing behind dean. gabe sighed, shrugging out of the hug. "glad its over, got my test papers back and all that jazz" luce nodded, "got everything packed?" 

"is everyone comin back with me?" dean asked, slightly cringing "shouldda figured i'd be needin mah daddy's big ass truck ..." _the impala would fit all six people, but not their bags that were large enough to last the entire summer break_. lucifer shook his head, "nah. me and rubes got a show this weekend, we're hangin back."

as if on demand, ruby came strolling into the apartment, chewing bubblegum loudly, and glaring at the left open door. her thick raven black hair was tied up high and neat, pulled into a tidy braid with her purple and red ribbons. her ripped fishnets were showing her leg tattoos off, dirty and heavy combat boots grounded out. the sound almost as loud as her jacket pins and zippers clinking togethee, also battling the loud popping of her bubblegum bubbles against her tongue piercing.

_"howdy there winchester"_ the short punk girl smirked, twisting her gum around a slender finger, successfully avoiding her neatly polished black short fingernails.

_"ru"_ the texas cowboy tipped his head. 

only dean's friends were allowed to call him by his middle name as a joke, or nickname. _otherwise, that was just for his mama when he forgot a chore or two. and boy, his mama was scary when she was worked up, or angry._ winchester was his father's favourite gun, holding several personal meanings to the aged ranch owner, so it filled dean with a strange sense of pride he could carry on that meaning with him. _being jody and bobby's only child also held a lot of it too. _

the small punk girl snapped her gum once more, prompting dean to snap his fingers towards gabriel, "reminds me, mama packed a lil somethin for ya. _got it in tha' car waitin" _

gabriel grinned his wicked little smile and ran down towards the end open livingroom area, running towards his room next to the bathroom. dean reentered the kitchen, gathering up his tools in his metal box and his cowboy hat. talking was muffled even with the thin walls between them, but once dean stepped into the doorway again, toolbox in hand was when the last two entered the shitty apartment.

castiel and anael were leaning against each other, snickering in their ears and giggling louder after not so hushed whispers were heard. anael's fire red/orange hair was a tangled mess, her face was free of makeup, her colourful long dress was covered by a poncho. handmade lovebeads were dangling towards her knees, wrists covered in bracelets and fingers coated in rings. between her fingers on her left hand was a small burning doobie.

cas was wearing his highschool football jersey, the croptop hanging off his shoulders, muscles thick but coloured with tattoos. his pants were ripped and shaggy looking, his bedhead ratty and covering most of his eyebrows and shoulders. both he and anael were barefooted, feet dirty from walking the streets.

_"h-h-eeeeeyy, texas!"_ anael giggled, stumbling off of cas towards ruby to meet dean. ruby held onto her taller girlfriend, rolling her eyes. "her shit's in the hall, case you're wonderin" the texas ranch boy gave a short laugh, holding gabe to his right side when his friend bounced in, his bag packed and ready to go.

_"why the fuck dont you move to california, for fuck sake_" lucifer spat, tossing cas' bags to the floor in front of his heavily stoned younger brother. castiel just laughed in return. _"babyboy"_ he mumbled out, eyelids barely open as he grinned at dean, who just shook his head fondly at his boyfriend.

_"yall know the rules now"_ dean said, making his way to the front door.

_"no smoking in the car, driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole, rest stops are for emergancies only unless we're stopping for gas, and if you eat in the car - all wrappers and cups must be thrown back into the bag until next stop"_ gabriel rattled off, swinging his bag to his shoulder and following behind dean.

"gunna make a texas boy outta you yet" dean laughed over his left side, grabbing a hold of his stoned boyfriend and gently pushing him through the door. ruby followed gabe, anael and their bags picked up in the hall, lucifer shut the apartment door last. 

the toolbox was placed in the trunk along with gabe's bag and dean's small travel duffle he'd brought along. "so you'll be gettin about a day start on us, but we'll be fast getting to ya" ruby said, shoving the two stoners in the backseat, the giggling making passers by stare at the weird show of weird people in the pack. "awesome!" gabe grinned.

"see ya around, texas. careful of those two" lucifer snorted, nodding to the back where anael and cas were already passed out on eachother.

"course" dean's thick accent seemed to smile with him.

_"oh, did i tell ya? rubes and i couldnt find em one night, found em stoned, sorta drunk playing cards in the hallway later ... they're so fuckin weird" _

ruby hummed, "yeah but we love em"

_**"LETS GOOOOO"** _gabriel whined from the passenger side, pouting at his friends and brother.

_"seattle to singer ranch in austin, texas" ruby waved, quickly hugging dean, stepping back when the driver side door swung open for the bowlegged driver to get in._

_"stay safe, have a good trip" lucifer patted the hood of the car._

_"with hippies, a cowboy and a candy stealing tricker in an impala, what could go wrong?" dean teased, roaring his baby to life, waving as he pulled out into the traffic._

_"i hate them" lucifer laughed fondly, follwing his friend back into the building._


	64. 🥀 but between sex and death, and tryin' to keep the kitchen clean : the sad boys club pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi. my name is [insert name]
> 
> \- 😅 sorry, that needed to be done sooner or later. anyways, yes, hello there. im ….. well im here. i know, i know its been forever, i know. i swear, i havent forgotten yall, nor do i ever wanna give up this verse but with no requests coming in, and having used all my ideas right at the start - thinking of these pieces is quite hard. being uninspired is no fun.
> 
> but this ... oh yes, this. im proud of this mess. i felt like the sad boys club needed a bit of an update since october, and how things have changed a little. not a lot, but a little.
> 
> this is also super gay, as i draw a ton of attention to my endless love for my beloved rufus wainwright, and how the Poses album gives me sad, gay, new york feels .... this is also based a little on what my kid brother and i talk about for hours at a time. i wont say much on that because i feel like its sorta touched upon in this piece. i think you'll figure it all out, so dont worry.
> 
> if anything, im thanking my insomnia and depression for playing rufus wainwright all night for days upon days and creating this mess. 
> 
> remember - requests are open, i'll try to be back sooner, no promises but i'm trying. real life is a real bitch. and enjoy !!
> 
> warnings: swearing, self harm mention, scars, depression talk, trans character, asexual character, just bashing on toxic family members, lucifer smokes, just reminding yall. should be it.
> 
> words: 3,638
> 
> posted & edited on Feb 12 2021

_the soundtrack for the night was rufus wainwright. nothing could capture mixed creativity and depression quite like he could. there was simply a song for every emotion._

winter had blown in just after halloween, it had been late this year, and had been the most mild one any of the boys could remember. coldness had scooped that up recently and ruined it, leaving the indoors to be favoured. which is why nearly everything in the livingroom was moved out of the way for the large four person tent that was pitched in the middle of the room. 

nobody was in the farmhouse tonight, except the four boys in the safety of their tent.

along with the needle scratching its way thru the _WANT_ album, was castiel's soothing guitar strumming in time with each tune. gabriel's ukulele was also being strummed, _not in time_, but when each new string was tuned to the way he liked. lucifer had set his banjo to the side for the night, opting to dig thru the record box.

the tent's top was a mesh panel, showing the fairy light shining in that gabe plugged in and set on it earlier. it was quiet, and peaceful. the lights looked more beautiful from the outside_, if possible, it was a smart idea._ they seemed to create a halo around castiel's messy hair, framing his features as he sung and played his old beat up acoustic.

_WANT_ stopped playing after_ "hometown waltz"_ was over, _Poses_ started to play next, causing dean to hum pleasantly. 

castiel was to the left of the tent's zipped door like flap. his hippie like clothes were traded for his bare chest and ripped blue jeans. _his hunting jeans, caked in different blood stains that could never be washed out._ his bullet wound over his heart peaked out from over his guitar, almost mocking everyone who looked at it, _that castiel was a broken boy. _

lucifer was on the right, bundled in all black, and barefoot like his youngest brother. his dirty blonde hair was greasy, hanging in front of his dull eyes. his hands shook as he had replaced the record, telling every soul that he needed a cigarette, and _soon_. the scars that covered him could not be seen, but the second he raised his long sleeves, the world would know.

dean layed between them, right now the middle of the tent, on his stomach, head pillowed on castiel's flannel. his sketchbook under the flannel, his right hand twirling the cold metal of his mechanical pencil. _the paper was blank, which is why the flannel was covering it. haunting the green eyed boy with its need to be filled and full of meaning. his mind screaming at him, nearly pushing the music out, making his ears ring._ his jeans and tight shirt felt like they could strangle him, and he didn't know if he'd let them. feel them pull his heart in five different ways and not do a thing to stop them. his scars ran deeper than the few marking his skin.

gabriel layed on top of his bowlegged friend. his back pressed against dean's. his head and long, shaggy mop of golden hair pooled out around his ears and dean's shoulder blades. _he could be shirtless, he knows, and have none of the boys mutter a thing, but his favourite shirt covered his chest scars._ they itched where he could feel them. surgery wasn't that long ago, and while he felt brand new, he wasn't out of the woods yet. his ukulele rested on his stomach, his nimble fingers tuning the strings as he played a chord or two. he'd soon stop, and listen to their records.

castiel set his acoustic to the side, picking up his phone after. a few missed texts from dad, and a call from charlie. he sighed. _"it's almost midnight"_ he murmured, setting the object down. hands wiped his jean clad thighs, taking a hold of a book and resting in his lap. 

"no judgement?" gabriel asked, shifting along dean's back to prop his instrument along the tent wall. 

"no need. kinda figure when it's just us, it's always gunna be no judgement, we just know us." dean murmured back, nuzzling his face into his boyfriends musky flannel. 

_"added 'nother 20 the jar today"_ lucifer grumbled, cracking his knuckles and shifting in his seat. it was too cold for a smoke outside, but he'd had to risk it soon. being twitchy was no help, or just plain annoying for too long.

"how much is that now?" gabriel questioned, unwrapping some kisses from their chocolate prison wrapping.

"almost 2 grand" castiel mumbled, rough fingertips gently touching wrinkled paper, flipping the page when it was done. "i think, anyways. havent counted it all in a while"

"you're the only cool guy who's good at math, bro" gabe joked, shaking his head. dean huffed a small laugh, adding a quiet _"nerd"_ to gabriel's statement. 

_they made a jar._ it had started off as dean's jar, but when the plan was made for them all to start saving money for a never ending trip, they all started to shove their saved money in the jar. it_ wasnt much but when you were home alone as much as each boy was, stealing some 50's or 100's from time to time wasnt that hard._ jobs could be had from all of them, but getting away was too important. plus life had to have big plans for them,_ it just had to._

with some grumbles between them, lucifer unzipped the tent and left for a smoke. castiel changed the record for the one nearly six minute french track he played the most while lucifer was out. he sang along in his pefrect and well practiced french tongue. _his pitches were off, and he couldn't hold his air as well as rufus could, but it was still beautiful._ lucifer returned just as the last piano notes were played.

_"Les Feux D'Artifice T'Appellent"_ castiel murmured, humming softly as the record was taken off the player.

_"the fireworks call out to you"_ dean translated, lifting his head to push the flannel out of the way and stare down at his blank paper. 

_"the fireworks are calling out to you, the colours in the sky, explode over the city"_ gabriel quoted the lyrics like a poem. the boys did this from time to time while alone, finish listening to a song then repeat their favourite lines in their hushed voices, as if something out there could hear them.

_"and love isn't awaited anymore"_ lucifer added. castiel played the song so much that everyone knew both the french and english version. it was castiel's favourite song of rufus'. the funny thing was that all the boys had a favourite song, and none of them were on the same album, _so during times like these, every rufus wainwright album was played. in full. for hours on end._

"french is lost on me" dean murmured, his eyelids felt heavy, eyelashes brushing on his dusting of freckles on his cheeks when he did blink. "hadda learn it for school one year. did what i hadda do, then just ... gave it up i guess"

gabe frowned, "but you're better at other things. art, most of all. you have an intrest in language, right? math and language are castiel's better things. he also makes art, but with words and numbers"

lucifer hummed, replacing side A of _Poses_ on the player._ "he's getting smarter - that actually made sense"_. the boys shared a laugh as the album started to play over. "dean, you are simply the subject of _'The Art Teacher_' by rufus"

cas hummed with a light smile, picking his guitar back up, his book now back on the blanket that was covering the bottom of the tent. more soothing strumming mixed in with overplayed vinyl.

_"i miss writing"_ gabriel whispered. if he held his breath for a few seconds he could feel dean's breathing under him. it was like the waves of the ocean, crashing onto the beach. it was a pulling force to ground him, just like when he slept on lucifer at night and listened to his heart pump blood. _it was making him aware of his own aching chest._

"you write all the time, though" lucifer pointed out. the other two were dead silent. _"yeah, but i scrap them. it's not ... not that i don't like them, just .... lacking in the muse and inspiration i need in order to create" _he rattled off.

_"an artist does not need a muse or inspiration to create, they simply just need to create in order to have their voices heard"_ cas quoted from a book he'd read forever ago. a single chord was played as if to finish his point.

_"i've never felt more inspired"_ dean whispered. the tone spoiled the statement, like it shouldve been said with such a smile that brought the sun to earth. yet it was said with a drawn face, with eyes swimming in pain and an entire universe of stars wanting to reach the milky-way,_ yet unable to just grab a hold._

both gabe and luce made a confused face, their eyebrow arching up. _an inspired dean was much like a rooster. running around, the medium of choice for the day trailing behind him_. his eyes sparkled with the unsung joy of what he was making and putting out into the world from his fingertips. music would be playing loud, and cheery, he'd be lost in his own little world for hours upon hours, never moving unless need be. that had just been a few days ago, and suddenly stopped with a piercing scream.

_"and yet - whatever i do, whatever i make, is just never good enough. it, well it might be, but it's like she's controlling everything i make in a way"_ dean muttered, eyes going slightly darker as he spoke. _"i used'ta think bein a big mama's boy wasn't all that bad - and it .. it ain't, really. but .. i, i call all yall t'a fuck off when it comes t'a my art, all 'cept her"_

_"control is a tricky foe"_ lucifer grumbled, making a face afterwards. _"such as, when one has had to raise themselves from a young age, and cannot control things now, like they could before, they control other's smaller subjects."_

gabriel snorted, turning to look at his older brother, "oh yeah. i forgot. cassie is the math and language nerd, dean's the artist, and you're the mental dude" 

castiel laughed a little, "you mean he's the psychologist?"

"yeah that, whatever the hell that is" gabe grinned. 

_"bullshit"_ dean muttered lowly, _"it's bullshit. i've been doing half my life, i know what i can do. it may not always turn out fucking fantastic, and i'll always listen to her ideas and whatnot - but just ... fuck off"_

_"your art is your art. you think rufus wainwright ever listened to people when they told him to change?"_ gabriel added to the conversation, patting dean's hip from where he was still laying on top of him.

"are you gunna change that thing your mom told you to change?" cas asked, looking down at his boyfriend's blank sketchbook page with a soft frown. dean's face smashed down into it, his nose bending strangely as he did so, "have'ta. no way out of it"

_this was a new reoccurring theme in dean's life as he grew as an artist. _he tried his best and his hardest _always_ \- that's what you did when you're trying to make it a full time job. but there was always the wrath of his mom breathing down his neck. he knew she cared, and loved his work no matter what, but there were just sometimes where her comments just irked him, _they itched and clawed away until he broke down._ tonight, it was his new commissions. she'd told him to change one already, which hurt him, but he did. yesterday had started off well, and had gotten worse, and it was proven by the second he was up for the day. she flew off the handle, telling him the last piece he'd done was too busy and detailed for such a small thing. it was a commission, and he knew he'd have to fix it, she always knew better, _but there was a part of his brain screaming at him to throw it all at her and telling her to fix it then. since his work would never be good enough for her._ he knew it was busy, he liked it though, and he knew she was right that for a gift - it needed to be clearer, _but ... fuck, man. it was his art, not hers._

_"we need santa cruz"_ cas whispered, his hand reaching out to twirl strands of dean's bedhead he hadn't fixed. dean's face ghosted a smile before it slipped away. 

_"or texas"_ lucifer whispered, rolling his shoulders before digging in his jean pockets. 

_california or texas. that was the gig. life can go one of two ways. dean was tired._ santa cruz was the dream, it had always been the dream. to live life like hippies, to enjoy that warm sunshine tanning your skin and healing your soul. to smell that ocean breeze, to create art and smile so hard your face hurts. but that only worked if art was selling. which it was not. _never bust your ass off, only for people to hold up the second half of the whole gig. it hurt like nothing else ever could. people were useless. _

texas was an okay plan. something that was more stable, and honest work. _it hurt more because that first dream was always what came to the mind first._ dean had given up things that disappointed his mother to be an artist - like quitting school - which made the texas plan so much harder. _he had rebelled for his art many times, yet he just couldnt get her voice out of his head._ he liked the texas plan, but he ached and cried for the beauty of santa cruz more often than not.

_"life fucking sucks"_ dean whispered sadly into the white paper. he wanted to rip it to shreds. let his anger out, feel his blood boil under his skin, let that rage run into the wild. to cry and scream until it stopped hurting. but the fear that wouldnt let go would be there until it really did go would always drag him back down into the muddy pits he was buried in. 

"dad isnt much better" gabriel mused, twisting his tongue around his chocolate covered teeth, making no sounds as he so. lucifer grunted, shaking his head "what the fuck is up with parents controlling things we can control because we are mature adults?"

_"we were never kids, and yes, while we've all made mistakes over time like anybody else, we are mature, well thinking young adults who know what we want_" gabriel murmured, sighing sadly afterwards. "unless of course, you have our parents"

"gabriel wants to change his name legally to gabriel. the problem is that chuck is letting him change his first and middle, not his last." lucifer filled in the rest for dean.

_dean made a face._

"because yaknow, the last name is too much. that'll follow him for the rest of his life, he might fall out of love with it if he changes it now, while he's still young" castiel rambled on, glaring at his guitar neck.

dean snorted. _"fucking stupid"_

_"i know you don't wanna change it twice, but you could change your first and middle now. then after our trip, and we move, you could change your last and he'd never have to know"_ lucifer added in, shaking his favourite black nail polish bottle. 

gabe sighed, sinking deeper into the dean mattress he was loving, "yeah. is gunna suck to change everything over, harder maybe, but ... yeah, might be what the fuck i gotta do"

_"happiness is overrated gabriel"_ castiel replied, leaning over his guitar to flip thru his books pages again. dean groaned at the statement. _"because depression, hiding in a tent and playing rufus wainwright all night is such a beautiful thing"_

_"this is a fucking paradise we're living in, can't you see?"_ lucifer grumbled out sarcastically, painting his left pinkie and moving towards his thumb in order.

"we're all so different, yet the same when it comes to family problems, depression and our love for rufus" gabe laughed lightly. dean and cas shared a huffy laugh, lucifer shook his newly painted hand. _"if this were the Sanders Sides, we wouldnt be swearing, or listening to music. we'd be colourful and talking cartoons."_ he said, painting his right pinkie next.

"that makes you Logan ... you're the logic side of our brains" gabe started, "which then would make me, well Patton i suppose, dean is for sure Princey, but _less_ gay"

_"thank you"_ dean muttered. 

_"i'm anxiety."_ castiel figured out. _"..... yeah, fitting"_

when lucifer was done his hands, castiel moved his hobbies to the side and got his nails done. side B of _Poses_ played softly, more clearly as the talking had stopped for awhile. everyone knew what song each of them needed to play when things got this dark, which is probably why they always had their no judgement circles at night, around midnight. night time was dark, and so were they. in the safety of their own selves. _they never talked when anyone was home, someone could overhear them, and the whole point of the circle would be in shambles. _

gabriel had rolled over, his stomach now on dean's spine, his head tucked against dean's shoulder. he paged thru castiel's book, reading some of the poems to the boys when their nails were drying. _his french wasnt nearly as good as castiel's was, but the fact he was trying and could speak most of what the poems were was impressive. Release The Stars_ was taken from the record box, and played from as dean's nails were being painted, the soft tones were a welcoming sound. time passed but no one was really too caring about it.

cas' phone buzzing and the screen flashing pulled them back. it was nearing one in the morning, and the text was from chuck, asking him where he and his brothers were. they never said they were over at dean's place, since nobody was home. another reason to come over was so dean didn't focus on his art, and never did bother to fix the artwork just yet. _he would, but just not today. this morning had been enough bullshit for the day._

"your location on?" luce asked, nodding over to cas' phone. thumbs moving against the bright light before "_no_, and he can _fuck off_ cuz i aint replying either" was spat out. dean hummed, nodding slowly at the reply.

_"this place is killing us, let's leave on our trip"_ gabriel whispered. _"life sucks, and it's killing our souls. there's a whole world out there to have"_

_"i always said i'd never leave mom here the old lady who's losing her mind .... mom doesn't deserve that but .... i want my life"_ dean murmured, frowning at the subject.

_"new york can be our paris"_ gabe smiled against dean's ear, waving castiel's french poetry book. dean snorted _"you've listened to the Poses album far too much gabe"_

lucifer slipped the album back on for the third time that night, causing the other boys to happily sigh, closing their eyes and all getting lost in the same daydream they have each time the album plays.

_"all those dark clouds spitting all that rain down on the pavement_" lucifer shivered.

_"all those bright yellow cabs_" gabe grinned

_"new york in the fall time, gathering the leaves from the park, walking with our coffee cups"_ castiel shivered, a pure blissed out look on his features.

_"playing that album, while sitting in the chelsea hotel, before getting a huge new york breakfast and just walking the streets"_ dean murmured.

_"having a picnic under a huge tree in central park with the sun shining"_ cas smiled

"20 bucks says people assume me and gabe are a gay couple, since we hang around you two" lucifer snarked, laughing after.

"i'd bet more than 20" cas laughed back.

"like my asexual ass would be found with him, whenever" lucifer sassed.

"oh _please_, like my trans, bi ass would date you,_ if you weren't my brother"_ gabriel roasted.

and for the first time that night, dean actually smiled a real smile_. "let's do it. right now. nobody is here to stop us"_

_"really? like .. really, really?" gabriel gasped,_ the other boys eyes popped open at dean's first statement. 

dean nodded. the four of them looked at eachother, their cheeky grins grew in size as they zipped open the tent and all stormed out. _the record player, the rufus wainwright records and their blankets were packed into the car, along with the maps and cameras._ soon dean's full duffel of clothes and his backpack with his art things were tossed in his VW van. they left the farm house with no note, _as if dean simply had never been there before. or ever._ the trip took them into town, where the shurley brothers snuck in one by one to their bedrooms and packed their own duffels and bags.

_"i hear oregon is quite nice in the spring" castiel said, opening the huge stack of maps they'd collected since the plan was made. the jar of money hidden in the kitchen cupboard in the van behind the bucket seats holding the boys._

_"and away we go!" gabriel clapped excitedly._

_"look at us, unfollowing the rules" lucifer smiled._

_"we're out of the game" dean smiled back._


	65. update chapter

howdy yall

as most of you are aware with this verse, ive been lacking in the writing department. ive not written anything for a long time and when i do post its ... well, im not sure.

ive been out of new ideas for a long while, and requests have been very slim {meaning - i havent gotten a new one for quite a long time}

and while it pains me deeply to say, but i feel that we may be at the end of this verse ... maybe not forever, because i love this verse, and i really dont want to end it. but it hurts me that im unable to produce such stories as often as i did when this verse was fresh and new ....

im terribly sorry to each and everyone of yall who have enjoyed and i do hope this isnt goodbye. not yet anyways.

if you do have requests or ideas, please do send them. i dont want to stop, but the stream of ideas has mostly dried up for me ... 

thank yall for being here the year that this verse has been bouncing around. i love it all. 

xXx


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